Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
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Hi to everyone. I am back home for a couple of weeks to pamper my 94-year-old mother, who lives in a nursing home. We had a nice afternoon and now I'm sitting in my comfortable chair in the living room and enjoying a glass of Chardonnay.
Happy Wednesday.
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Joy of life seems to me to arise from a sense of being where one belongs. . . of being foursquare with the life we have chosen.All the discontented people I know are trying sedulously to be something they are not, to do something they cannot do. -David Grayson
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Joy of life seems to me to arise from a sense of being where one belongs. . . of being foursquare with the life we have chosen.All the discontented people I know are trying sedulously to be something they are not, to do something they cannot do. -David Grayson
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Carole -- give your Mom a hug from me. It is so great that you can SPEND some quality time in the middle of your Minn. summer life. I know it gives your sister a break, but you know --- these are times that you can't get back if you miss them so I think it is an almost perfect thing to do. You are a good daughter and you do the right things. Way too much time for regret is you don't.
I know your not thrilled with the weather right now. Ours is not so hot either --- or maybe I should say, way, way too hot. Better today temp wise but not much of a breeze. Morning chores included a car dusting so when I got back inside I was due for a wringing out. Well, this is a fairly typical July for us so nothing we haven't done before. So happy to have the new HVAC system. It is so much more efficient than the old outdoor heat pump. I know this unit is much newer and things have been made energy efficient but sometimes I wonder at how long I was "thrilled" with a very old and in-efficient system. I loved the fact that our unit sat outside and so we never heard it running ( unless you were outside and it engulfed the deck with an almost deafening noise ) and I became used to some cold spots and later to having to resort to I-heaters to pick up the slack.
We do hear the one we have now, but not too much. Also, the fan system is so much better that it runs a bit more often, but way less at one time. It just seems to do this and effortlessly keep up with the indoor temp you have selected -- and it never seems to have the chance for that temp. to change. The old system might vary by two or three degrees and so would run, and run to get 'caught' up again.
Hoping you all keep cool and have a really good day.
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My apologies -- the quote I used ended going in twice and then after I made the last entry and submitted it --- after a long while I got as whole page that said I had an application error. I'm putting it down to lots of outside heat and no Chardonnay.
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My younger (though not youngest!) sister is supposed to be coming today to spend a couple of nights here at my house. We will be spending time with our mother with plans to take her out to lunch tomorrow. Yesterday afternoon I pushed my mother around the nursing home visiting her friends in their rooms. One of them, Joy, is my age! She had gone home about six months ago after her therapy was finished but then she fell and broke her leg. Now she has decided to stay in the nursing home.
Yesterday she was working on her church bulletin. She still does it and e-mails it to a member who prints it out.
This afternoon is bingo. Time to eat some lunch and drive to the nursing home.
Happy Thursday to all.
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Lol Jackie- any New Yorker knows that's a Brooklyn accent Sandy was using about her in-laws. Very different from a Bronx one. It's funny, I am one of 4 children- my older brother and I had no accent, although many people thought my DH and I were from New England, and my sister and especially my youngest brother very definitely have the Bronx one. In fact, on his resume, he say he has no problem traveling if the job requires it, but he has a NYC accent and it goes wherever he does. Believe or not, he has gotten turned down for jobs because of the accent.
He is coming back, but first - I am close to painfree. It is amazing! I still have a little pain, but nowhere near what it was. The Dr says the pain level will decrease gradually, and by the time I have my third set of shots, I should be pain free for 6-8 months. I was feeling great, but my DIL is here from SC so the girls could visit with Daddy, and she spent several hours with me yesterday. We went out to lunch, and the baby fell asleep on the way back. I asked Anna if she could get the baby into the house without waking her-she said maybe, if the pack'n'play was ready, so when we pulled up, I ran inside to set it up. Way too heavy for me right now, plus I moved it to a different room. Oh boy, within an hour, I was in moderate pain. I took a muscle relaxer, but still felt it when I went to bed. I was so afraid I had knocked whatever is in the shots out of place. I woke up this morning, I realized that the nerve was inflamed, so I took some Advil, and while I have pretty much sat in the same place all day, when I do get up, there is no pain. My DD says I look totally different without the pain.
Now, for my brother. I guess things are not great at his son's house. He started talking about coming back, kind of feeling me out about it, and when I said "Come on down", he finally said his son and DIL were much calmer since he told them he was leaving again. The three of them are really nice, easygoing people. His son and DIL are trying to sell their house and look for a new one, plus the way the current house is laid out, all three bedrooms are off one small hallWay, which is a not a great set-up. I think it is harder for a FIL living with a DIL, as I also think it is harder for a MIL to live with her son & his Wife. His DIL is one of the sweetest people I have ever met and they get along great usually- I think it really just a case of being too cramped in this house. AnyWay, I am back on a traveling schedule. My brother will drive down on July 25th. We are flying to Atlanta on July 28th. He will rent a car and go back to NC for a concert he is going to there on Aug 6th. We probably would have driven, but I don't think my back can handle 11 hrs in he car. I will go to my DGS 's college orientation, then we will fly home on Aug 12th so I am home for my granddaughter's birthday on the 13th of Aug.
Thank you all for helping me thru another difficult time. BTW - one of the Dr's (they are all a big blur to me) said that the stenosis is probably due to the chemo. So as I've said before, "cancer is the gift that just keeps giving"
Anne
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My FIL was born near Van Cortlandt Park, grew up in Riverdale, and went to NYU for his BA & MA. My MIL was born in Hungary, grew up in Park Slope and went to HS in Manhattan. The only time my FIL ever lived in Brooklyn was the 1-1/2 yrs they lived with her parents in Park Slope, where Bob was born, before moving to Bellerose, Queens before Bob’s first birthday.
OTOH, neither Bob nor I ever had Brooklyn (nor even NYC) accents. Maybe that’s why we were exiled to Seattle the day after we got married...
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Deep within us all there is an amazing inner sanctuary of the soul, a holy place, a Divine Center, a speaking Voice. . . . Life from the Center is a life of unhurried peace and power. It is simple. It is serene. It is amazing. It is radiant. -T.R. Kelly
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The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur
when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy,
or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled
by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts
and start searching for different ways or truer answers.
M. Scott Peck0 -
Past two days have been so pretty. We are back in the no rain and fairly high temps. If the humidity stays lower we will be okay. Though the near forest we live in is a big challenge in Fall, it does help us in the mid to late summer heat. I love looking out and seeing different dotted with sun areas with shade all around. This does sometimes cause spots in our lawn to have growth well beyond what is surrounding it that mainly stays shaded. Sort of like the difference between cotton and corduroy.
Nothing much doing today. We had to get a new router last night. Our old one which I think was 11 or 12 yrs. old was just it seems losing the strength ( though we only use it for our two computers ) to function at a decent level all the time. Did hear some not so great news --- the guy ( and we have sought his judgement a lot before for any sort of electronic issues ) at Walmart said that the newer routers will likely only go 3 yrs. or so. They are better and easier to put together and cheaper. So, he said, no matter what you pay for these things don'[t expect it to have the long lasting abilities of the older ones.
Seemed a terrible blow but then thinking of what rental cost through our cable company we would be still ahead to buy a router ourselves. They charge $5.00 a month rental -- not bad, except that is $60.00 a yr. for a whole lot of years. Getting a router ( customer choice ) that fits our needs is less then $50.00 and will last at least 3 yrs.
I think most things nowadays are not made to last exactly -- and will have a shortened shelf life. Dh told me that my new dishwasher ( though I got it at a really good price ) will likely only make it for 7 yrs. My old one could still do the job ( with a little help here and there ) and it was 20 yrs. old at least. So, I'm convincing myself that with my great flexibility this doesn't bother me a bit. It does but will just add some woe and life is too great to get upset about building things that don't last. Ladies, at least we do.
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I hear you. My top-of-the-line LG French-door/bottom-freezer fridge is only 6 yrs old but slowly “losing it:" sometimes one of the crispers freezes stuff no matter how I set its or the fridge's controls; the icemaker leaks from its joint with the front door and on to the top of the freezer drawer, and the ice comes out of the tray in a solid block I must manually hack up into dispensable cubes. Natch, it's out of warranty and service calls have long wait times and high costs. But for $3K, I can't replace it yet unless it completely croaks and repairs would be more than half its replacement cost. The dishwasher, a German-made Miele, is just as old but will probably outlive me. Ditto our GE semi-pro range. Even our Krups toaster oven is still hanging in there at 10 yrs old—so I can't justify the cost of a spiffy new Breville. We're on our second gas-grill (hooked up to the natural-gas line), and its temp. gauge is dead (we use an IR thermometer) and igniter finicky (a $2 gooseneck Bic or even a fireplace match takes care of that). We could have bought larger, shinier and cheaper grills, but we don't want to deal with charcoal or propane.
Nice and dry today (had to water the tomatoes and got bitten on the hand by what looked like a mini-aphid). Storms tomorrow though.
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My clothes dryer, bought 2nd hand when we moved into this house 20 plus years ago, is making a shrill squeaking sound that indicates some malady. I wanted a new matching dryer when I bought a new washing machine a few years back but that seemed too impractical. I hope the dryer lasts through my 2-week stay. When we return home the first of October, we can deal with buying a new replacement.
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Whatever noble aims we may have, paths we may be on, or necessary efforts
we may make, our only real freedom is to awaken now, this very instant, to
the mystery and miracle of being, to the spacious awareness that we are.
It is only this immediate awakening to the deepest levels of ourselves, to the
conscious source that connects us all, that will enable us to experience and
manifest real harmony, intelligence, kindness, love, and compassion in our
lives and bring about the transformation in the world that we all wish for.
Dennis Lewis0 -
Fingers crossed Carole. Sounds like a bad belt but I always worry when things are pretty old -- that the first thing that breaks seems ( if you fix it ) to rapidly lead to the second issue arriving.
The last time I bought laundry appliances, I bought a matched pair. Kenmore front loading machines. The kicker is ( though not a bad thing ) that you have to leave the washer door slightly ajar after use. Water collects in the rubber seal around the door and mildews badly if you don't. I had Maytag before but Dh thought they were getting to the time they would start needing repairs. I would not have switched but their was an incredible ( for me anyway ) sale. So, I cleaned up the Maytag pair and sold them. They looked brand new but were 8 yrs. old --- about the age now of their replacements.
Dh built me a platform ( just the right size for me ) as the Kenmore pair actually needed pedestals if you want to use them well. As I'm tall -- that wasn't workable for me and the price for them was atrocious as well --- so Dh made me a wooden one, long enough to hold both washer and dryer and was about half the size of the store pedestals in height, --- and I can fold on top of the washer and dryer since my laundry is a hallway alcove.
Sticky today if the weather man is right. It was nice yesterday though. We are into heat --- and I think some of the nuts will start coming out of the trees. I'll have to start parking away from THAT tree now. Not fond of this time of yr. but mainly as it is what begins the process of our foliage starting to look dry and tired. For now though I'm enjoying green and lush.
Hope you all have a beautiful Sunday.
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I bought my washer two years ago -when we remodeled. It replaced a machine only 5 years old. Our first washer was a Whirlpool. We bought the set when we got married in 1979. H's uncle had a dealership and he gave us a discount as a wedding present. The washer lasted 25 years and it was used almost everyday. The dryer went almost 30 years. It didn't get used like the washer because I hung out whenever I could. The dryer I have now is maybe 8 years old. It gets used everyday like the washer because S washes his own clothes,usually after work. It is beginning to squeal, so I am thinking it may give up soon. I like large capacity machines because I do full loads and the new washer has a really deep tub. I am short and can't reach to the bottom to empty it. I asked H to get me a small step-stool so I could reach in, but he said I might fall in, so he bought me a pair of long handled barbeque tongs. They are perfect! I can reach into the tub and catch the clothes and pull them out piece by piece.
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Greatness is not found in possessions, power, position, or prestige. It is discovered in goodness, humility, service & character. -W Ward
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Greatness is not found in possessions, power, position, or prestige. It is discovered in goodness, humility, service & character. -W Ward
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When I downsized from a huge home to a one floor large home, but smaller then the one that house my 6 kids, husband myself.l....I bought a great all brick home that needed really tender loving care inside.....I got it for an amazing price and my sons gutted the entire place...wall to wall, floor to ceiling, down to the rafters........everything was brand new....heating, A/C, plumbing, electric, floors, windows, ceilings, walls all taken down and made a straight thru home....when i say everything was done, I mean everything....all fixtures, appliances, jacuzzi tub, marble bathrooms.....complete kitchen......I even have a tankless water heater that only heat water when you turn on the faucet and you neve run out of hot water.....all the bells and whistles............only thing I don't like is the front loading washer......like the "no agitator" feature, but none of the other nonsense that goes along with it.......the water collection in the front (which I always make sure I get dried out and leave the door open......plus not being able to add something afer it starts and you say "Damn I missed that).....but do like the fact it doesn't beat the hell out of your clothes......so there are "trade offs"......we wanted to stack them one over one, washer and dryer.............well my son said "Mom, let me see how high you can reach before we stacked them........I could not reach the dryer, even on a stool, which he said "no way in hell are you getting on a stool"...so they went side by side...........hate the washer.......hate a front loader, but I chose it.......my fault.......but that was my only one.....LOL0
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My new washer is coming Wednesday! It is a GE, and has the agitator.... I have had this Kenmore for 15 years, and the lid will not work right! Have to have the lid down for it to work...but somehow I have to prop it up, and then hold it down on the front corner to get it to work... I'm just DONE fooling around with that!!! DD has the Energy Saver or whatever you call it... no agitator...
Yes, I will probably have to reach the bottom with a "grabber"... but I use one for everything around here! Hah!
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Good for you Chevy. Even I have some issues with those new machines that have no agitators -- I can get to the clothes, but it is a stretch for me at 5'8 which is why I would no longer be able to have my custom pedestal in my laundry area. I have thought ( not sure what they are called ) of buying the bigger set of the kind that come permanently attached to each other --- an all in one unit. I would have to have a folding table built if I did that --- but I have pondered that for some time now. My mother ( in one of her mobile homes only had room for one of the all in one types --- and she liked it okay. Her second much larger mobile -- actually a modular, had room to be side by side. I think the biggest thing to her ( that way for most of us I'm sure ) was not to have to go to a laundromat.
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And I just moved our old washer out of the house!!! Disconnecting the hoses took the longest....! Then twisting and pulling with the 2-wheeler, out the damn door, I finally got it out on the damn patio!
I didn't want to ask DH for help when he gets back, because everything on him hurts.... he says! So I did it! Now I just have to clean up the floor, cupboard, and side of dryer! I'll spray it with that Lightning car cleaner! I'm so happy & relieved now!!! Geez, sometimes I amaze myself.... not to brag or anything.... but don't you just rather do something yourself instead of putting up with all the moaning & groaning???
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Yes !!!
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That's a tough one for me right now, Chevy. I have always been a "do it myself" on anything I could. Now between the lymphedema and the sciatica, I can't lift much more than a dinner plate. Thank God for my grandson that lives with me - he is almost 15 and never complains when I ask for help. The problem is I keep forgetting to ask, and/or I feel silly, like when I have to do laundry. I did laundry for 7 forever- now I can't manage carrying one hamper to the machine and back? But, I am learning the hard way- if I don't ask, I hurt.
I had my first physical therapy today. All stretches, most of which I handled pretty well. After the last exercise, I laid on my stomach and she massaged my lower back. Most of it was wonderful and I could have stayed there forever, but when she pressed on the area where the most pain is- WOW! That hurt. But afterwards she put an ice pack on me for about 15 minutes.
For the first time in a very long time, I got a bunch of things done yesterday. I emptied the dishwasher, folded my laundry and a bunch of other little things like that. It felt so good to take care of myself a little again. Today, I was out much of the day, at therapy, then I had to take money out of one bank and put it in another so I could pay my credit card bill from the graduation trip.
My grandson, as you know, will be starting college in a few weeks. He has received $13,000 in scholarships. Then he took out a student loan of $3000 (I think) and his parents took out a $12,000. loan. As far as I can figure, that is $28,000. But he still needs another $4000 for the meal plan- which my daughter was hinting that she will be asking metro pay. Just a few nights ago, we talked about my finances, and how expensive the kitchen and garage was, and how I could not take any more out of my IRA this year without paying big penalties, and there just isn't much left to take out. She was all agreeable and understanding. Last night, the big credit card bill from the graduation was suddenly money that Dad would have spent, just to see the whole family together, and he made sure the money was there for the "family." First off, Dad would never have paid for my youngest daughter and her three kids to fly up, as well as buying them clothes for the trip, and paying for food and movies, laser tag, etc. And secondly, that money was left to me, not "the family", which she kind of said, with the add on of "Dad would be so happy to see you enjoying the money." Again, no- he groused about every penny ever spent, and as crazy as I am about my grandson, I really don't see how paying for 3 meals a day for him adds anything to my quality of life. Of course, I don't want to see him starve, but what were they thinking when they took out the student loAns. And, they've known he was college bound from the time he was 3 and never planned a penny for it. I've already lent them over $5000 this year alone, part of which they are "paying back" by reducing the money I give them each month towards the cable bill. So I am essentially paying myself back. Plus I pay $400/mo for the car I bought there so I wouldn't be stuck at home all day up there, which my daughter uses daily when I'm not there.
I know that I have had a big part in creating this situation, but I also know I cannot continue to be her savings acct. I have lent them more money this year alonethan all the other kids combined and doubled since my DH passed away. Time to cut the apron strings- she's in her mid 40's.
Sounds good - just pray I can carry through.
RAnt over,
Anne
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Well I can' t get to the back of my front. loader with my "T-Rex length arms"........I almost have to get inside the damn thing, same for the dryer.......
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We have a pair of LG front-loaders on pedestals, and they seem to be doing well. We had a top-loading Maytag pair for 20 yrs, then replaced it with a Whirlpool top-loading pair that barely made it to five (just out-of-warranty) and had to be repaired twice.
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Anne, sure sounds like you are having some success with your back/sciatica issues and wow am I glad for you. I'm sure I mentioned that my high pain tolerance does not seem to include back pains. So, I do feel for your situation. I don't know but in my quotes it always indicates there is a reason for everything even if we don't figure it out. Maybe your reason for the "back" was so that you actually stop being the do all, be all person.
That might/would maybe also count for being the savings account and the one most counted on to dole out funds. I do think ( no matter how good an idea and how much it should happen ) that it is difficult sometimes when we are working ( ahem maybe being slightly used by ) with our children. The only thing that saved me was living far away from my children. After enough time had passed I realized that often they thought of me as a fixer for their issues. I also realized that for a length of time while I lived by my mom and dad --- that I often looked to them --- not so much for monetary help as thinking they would have the best solution for me. Sometimes they did help me with a couple of special items --- but the idea here is that when parents are around it is convenient to not only maybe ask for money but drag then into the arena for solutions as well. We want them to stand on their own feet, but we just aren't sometimes great about expecting it enough to insist that they do.
Hats off to anyone who has done that successfully. I do think there are times when maybe a parent should help out a bit. I also think discussing problems sometimes for solutions is okay too -- as long as it is the exception and not the rule because confidence is doing what you need to do on your own from start to finish.
You are a good mother Anne. I bet you will do fine with this.
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Hi Annie, Glad something helped the back! I never had back problems until about 2 months ago. Feel like I'm 95 after i get up from a chair or out of bed, Same thing with walking very far, more a stiff feeling than a pain. Lambert has had back trouble for years , now I know what he lives with. HAte to take too much celebrex, but it does help. Like they say, Getting old is such fun!
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Anne, Miss Manners once gave instructions on saying no. "No, I'm afraid that's just impossible." Don't offer reasons or excuses. It certainly sounds like a good line in this situation. Perhaps they could pay for his meal ticket in installments. They should be creative, not you. Good luck.
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Great answer Wrenn. It would be hard not to give reasons & excuses, but this really is the perfect answer.
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