Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
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Wren, that is a great answer. I have already gone over all the reasons I can't do it with her- maybe I should have said that first- but I sure can use it now when she asks again (or officially). The last call was to kind of to give me notice she would be asking. It reminds me off Supernanny, where she tells you to say "good night, sweetie, I love you" and when the child gets out of bed, you just say "bedtime" and after that, when they come out, you say nothing, just keep leading them back to bed. I've lent her money, explained that I cant do it this time, now I can say, "I'm sorry, it's just not possible". I will continue to help with small amounts as I can (groceries while I'm there, a pair of shoes for one of the boys, but BankMom is shutting down.
I feel bad letting it go on for so long, but even my DH had a hard time refusing her. I don't understand how the other four manage their financial lives without needing loans from us, and they can't. I guess it's a case of bad money management, because the two of them both have decent full time jobs. They're not using it on healthy food- Nancy can but does not cook during the week- she's too tired, so they live on frozen pizza, chicken nuggets, anything that can be cooked in a microwave. Like I said yesterday, both their vehicles are over 20 years old. Yet, she wants to replace her Suburban with another one, even though she is in it alone or with one of those he boys 99% of the time. It gets very low mpg because it is so large. And he would like another jeep, but this time with 4wheel drive so he could go "off road" exploring with it. And he also wants it to be vintage- no more than 5 yrs newer than what he has. He uses the car to get to work and back. They just don't seem to get it.
Heading to the airport in an hour to pick my son up. He drove his family home Fri and comes back today. We are very lucky- we have 2 simple routes to get there. One involves getting on a highway, which my son will probably use coming back, but the other is to leave our development at the north end, make a right, and drive about 20 minutes due east until you are on ramp to the airport.
HAve a great day, everyone
Anne
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"Don't let people pull you into their storm. Pull them into your peace."
-- Kimberly Jones0 -
I know a few families where the "kids" or at least one of them feels "entitled" to their folks money, in one form or another..... Or they just don't assume responsibility for their own actions and wants.... They know their folks will come through when they need something.... It's gotta be hard to say "no".... that you "can't do it"..... And somehow help them to stand on their own 2 feet.
It was different when we were kids.... How our folks didn't HAVE anything, and when we got married, or about to, we were on our own.... Never had a "new" car.... or one that we had to finance.... Oh ONE time, we had to borrow a little money from my Grandma, to buy a '51 Chevy.... our only car... She charged us 1% interest, and we paid it off! We had all second-hand furniture when we got married.... even used my Mom's old wringer washer. We found out to never "charge" anything....
If you were raised with just the bare necessities, you think you are in heaven, when you can afford to BUY anything! My in-laws had us sign for furniture for them when we first got married... Of course they didn't pay for the stuff.... They came after us, the co-signers.... They FINALLY paid it off, with THEIR money, instead of wasting it on alcohol and more new stuff!
My Brother's Son is still wandering from one place to another, never being responsible for anything he does, nor any of his kids!!! It's hard to say no, but someone, somehow has to take responsibility for their own lives...... and we all learn from it.
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Hi everyone....mammogram this morning.....its the one year thing, just surprised when they told me yesterday when I called to "pre-register, (hate waiting to be next to do the co-pay thing), so I do it over the phone with my credit card...so much easier then waiting to pay for it.....
However, the woman on the phone said "this is a routine diagnostic mammogram and an Ultrasound...I said "why an ultrasound"...she said "that is what the Dr. submitted.........the script was redone because "numb nuts" misplaced the one my Onc sent me home with 2 weeks ago......no clue what I did with it..won't be the first time I tossed something into the trash by mistake.....
So not sure why the ultrasound....I have not had one routinely ..ever....and I am 6 years out from my surgery...hope "stopping my letrozole has not come back to bite me in the ass".........ugh......
Hope you all are doing great.
As far as loaning money....have done it many times for my kids, but have always gotten every cent back...and as long as I had the means to do it, I did.....but like I always said to them......"if I say "yes I will loan you the money, that means I want every cent back..if I say "I will give you the money, you will never hear me ask for it"........and they knew that was the rule......I don't mind helping my kids.....but they know damn well what the word "Loan" means......and of course it all depends on what they need it for....there are always conditions....I know people say "you don't do things with strings attached"........I do...it better be a good reason why you need to borrow it, or the answer is "NO".......just saying.......and all of this.......is a lesson I learned from my mother........you loan, you want it back..........you give, you never mention it again........
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Don't you just dread that annual Mammogram? I know I do!
So Ducky.... You mean if I ask you for a million dollar loan, to maybe buy some shoes, that would be okay? Hah! Or even Watermelon and snacks? Those ARE necessities you know! And probably have that paid off within a year? Yes, pole-dancing is a pretty high-paying job....
That new washer is coming today... MAN, I hope it fits.... I'll measure the width AGAIN when they bring it... I don't think walls stretch too much...
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Chevy, if I had a million dollars honey, you bet your ass I would give you a loan....LMAO.........even for Watermelon and snacks....
I tried the Pole dancing....the men took a collection for me to get off the pole........LOL
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We can cultivate an inner solitude and silence that sets us free
from loneliness and fear. Loneliness is inner emptiness. Solitude
is inner fulfillment. Solitude is not first a place but a state of mind
and heart. There is a solitude of heart that can be maintained at
all times. Crowds or the lack of them have little to do with this inward
attentiveness. It is quite possible to be a desert hermit and never
experience solitude. But if we possess inward solitude we will not fear
being alone, for we know that we are not alone. Neither do we fear
being with others, for they do not control us. In the midst of noise
and confusion we are settled into a deep inner silence.
Teresa of Avila0 -
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You girls are way too funny. I guess though I can always say I know a couple of pole dancers. I don't think I have what it takes either. I did really enjoy dancing when I was a lot younger. I think I was just under being a little hyper. I ran most places I went or rode a bicycle at breakneck speed. Now I find I am not nearly as fast ( how could I be at almost 72 ) but I do know all my enthusiasm and energy are reserved for the morning hours. About 1:30 p.m. or so I start winding down. I can keep going for many hours yet, but it is minus the energy -- slower by far.
Hope your washer fits well Chevy. I do all right ( well usually ) on measurements for things like that --- even w/o actually measuring it by hand, but I have limited depth perception. I've been able to say many a time to Dh, I told you so, but when I mess up all those OTHER times pale in comparison. I pretty much quit doing it and now just go ahead and measure --- that way it saves me the negative emotions to being wrong. It is perfectly okay to be wrong and it is nice to be able to accept it.
It is just going to be great to have a machine that works perfectly w/o having to take strange measures to make it work. If we worked so poorly we'd get replaced, huh !!
Hope you all have a really fine day. Going to be 103 here today. Yikes -- August weather is here a couple of weeks early. It will be staying too.
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When I was young I went to dances 4 nights a week.....that would explain why I was 99lbs......
Danced on American Bandstand back in the 50's....everyday after school....back then it came from Philly everyday at 3pm...I remember getting out of school at 2:30, and then at break neck speed would rush to the studio where it was televised from....those were the days....
Still love dancing even at the age of 82.....and can keep up with my grandkids (age 17 to 34).....but oh do I pay for it the next day...LOL...
Had the Mam 2 hours ago..just got back......got a clean bill....good till next year..they do 3D mammograms...was concerned since I took myself off the Letrozole...
Always hoping when they come in after checking your mammogram (which they do immediately so you know before you leave the building if the report is good).....and they say "ok your good, see you next year"......although at 82 you think....sure if something else doesn't get me first.....LO
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Ducky, watched American Bandstand every day! Probably saw you Hoping to get off the Anastrozol in Sept, and hope my arthritis gets better. Almost quit when I first went on the stuff, decided I wud suffer thru it. Always glad to hear mammos are negative, se we can breathe again!
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I watched American Bandstand too and wondered at how well they all danced. Two left feet here.
After our son left home, he called to say he needed a root canal and could he borrow money. We gave it to him. Sometime later he wanted to borrow money for a car and we said no. We told him a root canal is an unexpected emergency and a car you can plan for. I think we made the right decision.
When we move to a new place, I measure the house in inches and have cut outs of all the furniture, also measured in inches. DH will say it won't fit. If it fits on my plan it will fit in real life. Given that I suck at math, I may switch to measuring in centimeters. We had bottle baby kittens that had to be weighed constantly. I switch the scale to grams so I wasn't having to deal with fractions. Much easier to track.
Every clean mammo is great!
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Oh man! It all fit, and got connected, and even washed an imaginary load of clothes...Hah! What IS this, with not using very much water????? I peeked, and thought it must not be done filling..... Then I read the directions! So okay, it works good.... I'll wash clothes when I get at least 1/2 load....
Been soaking my compression stockings and "stuff" in a big plastic jug.... Got it at the dollar store.... I add a pod of soap or shampoo, let it soak, shake it like crazy, then let it sit all night.... Pour it all in the sink, and then wash & rinse that way.... I hang things like that on a clothes rack, or on the line....
I use the dryer, like for about 5-10 minutes, then take the clothes out, and finish drying on the rack or on the line.... I use it more in the Winter.
I used to love to dance too! The Senior Prom, Sock Hops, and I fell in love every time we slow danced...Hah! We always watch "So you think you can dance" And Dancing with the Stars.... Just don't know how they do it with those high-heels on! I think I could still dance, but only by myself, and with good music, in an empty room, holding on to a few things... Hah! I'll have to try it....
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I watched American Bandstand, too. Ducky, do you have a picture of yourself back then?
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I loved American Bandstand! I watched it more in the 60's on TV - Mom would never let me go into the city alone. (Did that in high school when it was easier to get away.) I've been having a few bad days here - almost like after 9 months of chemo to surgery to PT and back to chemo and I have decided I can completely break down. I've pretty much cried for 3 days straight now but it sure helped to read about American Bandstand and Dick Clark. Love the memories this page brings up.
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Celebrated my oldes son's 60th birthday tonight.......I can't believe he is 60....these are his granddaughters....Grayson is in the wheel chair, and her twin is on the far left....
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See if I remember -- Justine Corelli and Bob Clayton. Not sure I have those names right but I think in my day those were the people to watch on American Bandstand. I never missed it either and became a pretty fair dancer. Quit dancing a few years ago. I still can feel a bit of a wistfulness when "good" music plays -- and I can still make a few moves. It's enough for me. I just think of all the people I knew then that are already gone. Not from Bandstand but the people I watched it and many other programs with for a long time. I'm grateful I'm still here and still have all of that tucked into memories that are great.
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Justine and Bob were an Item, however they did not marry.........
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Darling little girls, Ducky. And your son is a good-looking grandpa.
Warrior, hugs for you. I hope your depression lifts.
I went for a walk in the neighborhood and came home wet with perspiration.
Happy Thursday to everyone.
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The world needs all of our power and love and energy, and each of us has something to give. The trick is to find it and use it, to find it and give it away, so there will always be more. We can be lights for each other, and through each other's illumination we will see the way. Each of us is a seed, a silent promise, and it is always spring. -Merle Shain
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Going to be super hot today -- 104 and 105 tomorrow. Could be off a couple of degrees either way but I say -- once you get to 100 I'd just call it hot period. It will be interesting ( maybe ) to see just how long we are held to these high temps. As an aside -- we have needed a jacket ( but only once or twice in 20 yrs. ) on first night of Balloon Fest which is always the third week-end in August every yr. here.
Taking BB ( Baby Boss ) my old Pomeranian to the groomers today. Another lion cut is in store for him. The Poms have so much hair and are double-coated so if I do him early ( I did this yr. ) he needs two haircuts for the summer heat. He will look like there is nothing there with all the hair off of him but he will be much happier. Like a couple of my bigger cats who weigh as least as much as he ( 11 lbs. ) and one way more --- I sometimes find him laying on top of one of the floor registers for the cool air and often he lays in front of a fan.
Hope you all stay cool and have a wonderful day.
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thanks Carole....he is a nice looking guy....I'm still trying to digest that he is 60.....I was a young Mom...I just turned 22 in April 1957, and he was born in July, 1957...I got married in May 1956....again just 21......you rarely hear of that today.........and I was a grandmother at 48.....LOL.....I just wish my husband had lived longer...he missed so much...only saw 9 of my 18 grandchildren.....but life does go on
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I was also an American Bandstand watcher. One of my friend's older brother would occasionally take the train from the Bronx to Philly, just to be on that show. All the Catholic schools around us had dances every Fri night. You had to show proof of age, and one of my friends got her cousins ID for me to use. Problem was I was Irish, and she was Polish- thankfully, they just looked at it. - there was no way I could have spelled the last name if they'd asked me to. It was only for one year, then I could be myself. We would go to a different church every once in a while, but pretty much stayed at our corner church. Most of the kids knew each other from attending the church school, my sister, our 2 friends and I went to Public School and knew only the girls we went with. Ah ha! Lightbulb moment- maybe that was why the four of us danced with each other, and mostly sat out the slow dances- the boys didn't know us at all! Huh- it only took me 50+ years to figure that out.
We are getting some torrential rains here daily. It is impossible to see across the street, and trees are really blowing around. My younger son was here last night, outside talking to my older son and our neighbors, so I went outside to see him. I ended up staying there, standing and visiting with everyone. They were all amazed at how much better I am. We had a party here for my granddaughter's from SC 2 weekends ago, and my neighbor mentioned how cute all the kids were. I didn't remember them being here. Then I realized I had no idea who was or wasn't here. My neighbor's husband said he gave me a hug when he got here and asked how I was doing. I said "not good" and he said that was the first time ever I had not said I was ok, regardless of what was happening. I also have no idea what I bought the girls. Everyone in the family said I went way overboard. I remember asking their mom for ideas, I wrote them down, immediately got on Amazon and bought whatever she said. I know I got the older one pink boots and when the "Doc McStuffin's" ambulance arrived, it was a smaller version than I thought. At some point I went to the store and bought her the bigger version, and gave the smaller one to the one year old. Other than that, I have no idea what I bought, who was here, or what we ate.
The cleaning team that comes once a month is here today- even one of them asked how I was feeling and said I looked so much better than last time. I stood a little too long outside last night, even though I was leaning against the car, so I am a little sore today. Every that knows about he shots I got keep telling me take it easy, or I will be back where I started. That is very frustrating for me because there is so much I want to do, like cleaning out the closet in the office/guest room. It is filled with toys and games that never get used. But I agree I need someone doing it with me because of the amount of stuff in there and the weight plus the reaching are too much, but no one can help. I even told my grandson I would pay him to stay home from camp today to help me, but it is the last day of "Color Wars" which is the best week of camp. He is going to his Dad's after camp tomorrow, then will leave for the 4 night sleep away trip from Dad's on Sun. The day he gets back is the day I get my second round of shots, as well as the day my brother arrives, and we leave for Ga the next day, so I guess cleaning the closet will have to wait. Things could be a lot worse.
Anne
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Heavens opened up here last evening, in the predawn hours, and will probably do so again in about an hour. Had to ditch my training session, due to digestive issues, sore back, need to pack for Boston trip, and get ready for the dinner meeting tonight with our broker. Dreading that more than I dreaded a workout, as it means driving to Oak Brook during rush hour in what is likely to be a massive rainstorm. Last time I had to do that, I was en route to Iowa City last Oct. Took me 2 hrs to get to Oak Brook, and both my bowels & bladder were screaming. Found the first restroom I could, did my biz, and went on my merry way. Took me only 2 hrs. from there to Iowa City. I can normally make Oak Brook in under an hour from here. And “getting ready” includes my semi-weekly shampoo (don’t judge) and hair care session (a labor-intensive PITA—blow dry, flatiron or ion-brushing, made only a tad less so by those keratin treatments). I do shower daily and use dry shampoo in between hair-washings-and-conditionings. Trying to hold on to the hair I’ve got, thank my lucky stars I didn’t need chemo and keep letrozole from doing any more dirty work than it’s already doing. But I like having long hair, because it balances out the rest of my ample physique. And Bob does not accept change easily. (And heaven forbid I get a recurrence, chemo would be in my future, so I might as well enjoy the way I look now while I still can—if it falls out, when it grows back it’ll be frizzy & darkish gray).
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"Do more than belong: participate. Do more than care: help. Do more than believe: practice. Do more than be fair: be kind. Do more than forgive: forget. Do more than dream: work."
-- William Arthur Ward0 -
Good morning everyone. It will be another hot day today. 105 again. After Sat. though it will cool a bit and be hopefully more tolerable. When you factor in humidity sometimes it can be hard to tell that it is better --- but low 90's should be a lot better than 105. Whew !! Hasn't been nice around here but tolerable. Good that we have VERY little concrete around here and lots of trees for shade. If a breeze comes up it makes it pretty fair.
As a kid some parents ( we didn't have one as we had a well for water ) would bring out the hose with one of those oscillating sprinkler attachments -- but it had to be pretty hot. We usually ended up making a bit of a mess of the ground on each side of where the water most landed. Good clean fun. I don't know so much about todays' kids having some of the fun we did. We did a lot of things that I doubt take place now. My sister and I had such a small room we had bunk beds. Since we were kids as well --- those mattresses didn't have to be very thick to be comfy. Consequently -- in times when the heat mainly stayed through the night we could take our mattresses out to the living room and sleep in front of the open door.
Another item about how nice this was. Our door was never locked. I'm not sure there was even a key. We didn't get to do it much -- but if we went away for any length of time --- the inside door was pulled shut only to keep rain out if we had a storm. I very much doubt anyone actually locked their doors. No one had much worth taking and in a town of about 200 people -- if someone was there who didn't belong -- EVERYONE knew it pretty quick. Easy to see why people, especially those who have attained some age become "wistful" about the good old days. I guess the thing is --- at some point because things always seem to change --- everyone will have some good old days --- but you'll have to pardon me for thinking mine may be better than so many others. Still, they are just as entitled as I am -- so no matter what your age " here's to the good old days " --- mine and yours.
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Gotta keep things brief because I only have an iPad this trip, and correcting on this forum with it is a bee-yotch.
Last night Bob decided he needed cigarettes at midnight, and so he walked a mile in his dress shoes and thin black socks. This morning I asked him if he was going to wear only his gym shoes, because we're going to a French restaurant tonight. He said his dress shoes make his feet bleed, and we did not have room to pack his black sneakers. I looked down at his feet and nearly fainted--his left big toe had a huge burst blister and so did the ball of his right foot below the bunion. There was blood all over the comforter too. I told him I was canceling the trip because he needed to go to urgent care, and he refused. Best I could do was re- wash the wounds, apply antiseptic and neosporin and then the biggest bandages I could find. He swears he's fine. Then I noticed he wasn't wearing his ankle brace, and he said it was because now both ankles hurt (!!!). He insisted on driving us to the airport and parking in the budget garage, for which we had to schlep bags on & off a shuttle bus (with no help from the driver), He refused a wheelchair, and intends to do all the walking he'd planned to do.
I made him promise to go straight from the hotel to a CVS so he could at least get his wounds properly treated and buy a second ankle brace. Plus, I have now sprained the other deep muscle in my upper back and can't get into bed, a chair or a plane seat without screaming. Fun & games. If it were up to me, he'd be spending this weekend going to the podiatrist and then keeping his feet up. But it's not up to me
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Sandy, Men can be soooo stubborn. I'm married to one too. Hang in there!
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Stubborn you betcha !!! Too determined too that they need to, or CAN fix it themselves. No use in pleading -- they are too SURE they are capable and don't actually need your input to survive. So hmm, what did you marry me for. Never mind !!
Hope it gets resolved well and that Mr. B thinks at 5 or 6 in the afternoon about what his needs might be later on at midnight --- but yeah, I know Sandy et'al. Men often don't plan ahead for anything that is menial at 6 p.m. Why they think it will stay menial the rest of their lives, who really knows. I'm glad Dh is around but no wonder we often appear to have extraordinary patience. It has been tested daily since the I Do, even if I shouldn't have, day.
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