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my mom just died yesterday...

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etenneson
etenneson Member Posts: 2

I'm 18 and in my senior year of high school.  My mom had breast cancer when I was in the third grade, and about February of this year, the cancer came back and had spread to her lungs.  I knew she was going downhill since about August, but I just never thought the day would come when she would actually die.  My mother meant the world to me.  There is no one I love more than her.  She was more than just a mother to me, she was my best friend.  I just can't seem to stop crying.  No matter what I do, I just keep thinking about all of the big events in my life that she is going to miss out on.  I just want one last hug or one last goodbye, but she passed away while I was in school, so I never got to tell her once again that I love her.  I just love my mommy soo much and I don't know what to do. 

thanks, Erin 

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  • eaglemom53
    eaglemom53 Member Posts: 1
    edited September 2008
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    Erin,

    My heart goes out to you.  This is such a hard time for you.  Yes, you have the rest of your life ahead of you, and I am sure that your mom will always be there.  They never leave.  They just become invisible to our earthly eyes.  She knows you love her.

     Hugs from a Mom,

    Lucinda

  • peeps1111
    peeps1111 Member Posts: 70
    edited September 2008
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    Erin:

    I am so sad for you.  I lost my sister to lung cancer 6 yrs. ago and her kids were 11 and 13.  So I know the sorrow.  You are right.  No one can take the place of your mom but know that she fought the battle and wanted to be there for you so much.  Keep her in your heart and always remember how she raised you and how she wanted you to live your life.  The loss of a mother is the hardest thing and I am so sorry for you.  It chances everything.  Please know that we will be here for you so let it all out, don't keep the sorrow inside.  She knew you loved her so always remember that.

    Peeps 

  • Little-G
    Little-G Member Posts: 19
    edited September 2008
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    Erin...I am so sorry for your loss!!  I lost my dad to lung cancer, but I was already 40 something.  I can't imagine at your age.  I pray you will find the strength inside.  It's there!  Your mom is still with you in spirit and she is by your side. Stay strong and keep all the happy memories!! 

     g

  • PinkyLee
    PinkyLee Member Posts: 427
    edited September 2008
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    My prayers go out to you.  I know you will miss your mother.  I lost my sister to breast cancer and she had three teenage girls.  Please pray and remember to become what your mother would want.

  • kerry_lamb
    kerry_lamb Member Posts: 77
    edited September 2008
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    Erin, much much love to you, and hopefully peace sooner rather than later. It was good advice earlier: become the woman your Mum would want. XXX Kerry

  • pinoideae
    pinoideae Member Posts: 55
    edited September 2008
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    Erin, my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.  We lost our dad 5 years ago to cancer. 

    LOSING SOMEONE YOU LOVE When we lose a loved one
    A part of us dies also.

    For as much as the one you loved
    did not belong to you...
    your heart belonged to them.
    You were entwined with one another.

    You wonder... how shall I walk
    in this world.. a world that...
    no longer holds those footprints
    of my loved one.

    You will wonder
    how can this world can go on..
    when your world has stopped.

    In the language of tears...
    You wiil speak to your loved one...
    as your heart tries to comprehend...
    what it cannot.

    But wait... the power of love
    will give you comfort.

    In the hearts of those who love you...
    and surround you with their caring hearts...
    love can be found.

    Friends who have been in
    your place of sadness...
    will be there
    for you now.

    Your grief will become your traveling companion...
    the part of you...
    that is strong... deep, and compassionate.

    Peace will come
    to you again
    as you accept the mysteries
    that are a part of life.

    In time this veil of sorrow will lift...
    and you will realize
    what is most sacred
    is the love we share
    with the ones we love.

    Soon... peace will come to
    your heart...
    and you will know...
    that this love...
    is an eternal
    gift.

    Love lives forever!

    Still don't know what to do about this large font, anyone have advice?

  • celia088
    celia088 Member Posts: 975
    edited September 2008
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    dear erin, i am so sorry to hear of the passing of your mother and best friend. It really is difficult to deal with this sad life event when you are so young.  My own father died when i was 17 years old.  I have put your mother on the List of Angels in the section for Friends and Relatives of BCO members. She will always be with you in your heart.

    hugs, celia

  • easyquilts
    easyquilts Member Posts: 10
    edited September 2008
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    Erin....My heart goes out to you, too.  Losing a Mom is the hardest thing...I lost mine eight years ago, and I still miss her terribly.

    Grief is a very personal thing.....Each of us grieves in his/her own way, so don't allow anyone to rush you, or tell you to stop crying....Tears are, in their own way, healing.  

    Do you have someone close to you that you feel comfortable talking to?  Sometimes it helps just to be able to talk....Of course you are so welcome to come here and "talk" to us.  This forum is a wonderful place to bring your thoughts and feelings...We will all be here for you.

    God Bless,

    Sandy

  • KLynn
    KLynn Member Posts: 490
    edited September 2008
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    Erin I am so sorry for your loss...Don't think about not being there with her when she passed, because you have already showed and told her many times how much you loved her..Even if you were there at the time, you would still want one more hug and one more I love you...Think of all the wonderful times you did have,  Your mom will always be in your heart. As hard as it will be some days, try to pick yourself up and live your life the way your mom would want you to, If you find it too hard at times then come here, there are many wonderful ladies to talk to..Bless you and your family Hugs KLynn

  • etenneson
    etenneson Member Posts: 2
    edited September 2008
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    Thanks everyone!  You all are so kind and helpful.  I love my mom so much.  She will always be in my thoughts.  The one thing I can't get over though is that on the morning of her death before I left for school, my mom asked if I could stay home and watch Shirley Temple movies with her (we always watched those movies together when I was little) and I told her that I couldn't because I had to go to school.  I just feel absolutely horrible now because I could have cuddled with her all day and told her I loved her, but now that opportunity is gone.  I keep on saying I want her back, or that I want to rewind time, but I know I can't.  I just don't know what to do with myself.  My mom was everything to me.

  • Marple
    Marple Member Posts: 10,154
    edited September 2008
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    Erin, thank goodness you came here to this thread.  Gentle hugs to you.  I cannot imagine how you feel but try not to be too hard on yourself about not staying home to watch the movies with your Mom.  How were you to know?......nobody could.  I'm sure your Mom would understand you wanting to go to school.  Mom's are like that. 

    I hope you have other family to go through all this grief with.

    Sharon.

  • Caya
    Caya Member Posts: 46
    edited September 2008
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    Erin - do not beat yourself up about not staying home with your mother. No one could have known that was to be the final day.

    I'm sure your mother knew how much you loved her, and you can carry with you all the great memories you had with her.  Of course you will always love and remember her, but the pain of losing her will ebb with time - I hope you are close with your father, he must be hurting as well.

    Bless you and your family Erin. 

  • lewisfamily503
    lewisfamily503 Member Posts: 101
    edited September 2008
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    Dear Erin,  My mother has always been my best friend too.  I cannot imagine how hard this must be for you at 18 years old. I lost my dad awhile back. It's really hard.  It just is.  It will get better in time, but there will always be a little sadness.  It is okay to cry and actually better for you than trying to keep it inside.  Speaking from experience, you will eventually be less and less sad, but it just takes time.  Try to talk to someone about how you feel and concentrate on all the wonderful times you had with your mom.  Speaking as a mother of three boys around your age, I can tell you this:  I wouldn't want my boys to linger on my death--life is for living and I know that is what your mom would want for you!

    Gentle Hugs,

    Anne 

  • my3girls
    my3girls Member Posts: 1,291
    edited September 2008
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    Dear Erin,

    My heart goes out to you sweetie. My youngest daughter is your age and I know she would be lost without me. Her friend just lost her mom to BC almost 2 weeks ago, and she came home so upset, and told me..."mom, I don't know what I would do without you". You will always have your mother with you, just not in the way that you knew. Remember that she is always there for you to talk to, and she will be looking down on you every moment of everyday watching over you.

    Try and concentrate on the wonderful relationship you and your mother shared...and remember all of the good times. I know this is going to be a difficult time for you...and time is what you need. It truly does lesten the pain.  I lost my mother too...and even though I was older, it's difficult, but it does get easier.

    I would reccomend talking to a councelor or someone from your church. I think counceling is so helpfull, especially now.

    Your mother loved you...and you can always hold that in your heart.

    Erin..I will keep you in my prayers and ask God to wrap you in his loving arms and comfort you.

    God bless you sweet girl,

    Lisa

  • bettysgirl
    bettysgirl Member Posts: 645
    edited September 2008
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    Erin,

    my prayers are with you. Losing your mother is a difficult thing no matter how old you are. I miss mine so much also. There are always wish i hads..or could i have's,,,you HAVE to focus on what you did do together, the laughter you shared, the tough times you overcame together and know that we here are praying for you as you deal with your loss and grieve. Hugs to you and know you are in our thoughts and prayers.

  • nancyc
    nancyc Member Posts: 3
    edited September 2008
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    Erin, I'm so very sorry that you've lost your mom. No one should loose their mother so young. Know that you were where you were supposed to be when she moved on. She may have planned it that way, wanting to spare you. When making their transition, people often wait until their family members are away to pass. I pray that you'll be able to reach out for the support and comfort that you need while you grieve for your mother.Consider yourself hugged.