Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
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Ah Geez! You are so RIGHT Cammi, little Grasshopper! Sorry Sally.... I MEANT you.... but hello Anne, anyway!
That's amazing...! It's like we correct each other!
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Lovely and true.
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we were awarded custody of Kimber with strings attached of course, by this deranged judge. We went to court at 9:00 AM and did not go before the judge until 1:30 PM, it is the biggest circus you have ever seen. When we get back to Texas and get the court papers we are going to see what our rights are and if the State of Florida still has juristiction. I am ready to go back to Texas, I really do not like florida. Kimber gets out of school on Friday May 30th. We will probably leave on Sunday June 1st.
Hope everyone is doing OK
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Mommarch! So good to hear the news! Congratulations! Especially for your Grand-daughter!
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Mommarch that's wonderful news, it's what u have been waiting for all this time and June 1 is so close. The way you said restrictions tho I didn't like so much, but the important this is u and u'r GD will be together.
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Hooray momarch....something to make us all happy here on this great Memorial Day week-end. Hopefully, yes, Texas can take over jurisdiction and hopefully over-ride most if not all of those attached strings. As Cami said though.....the biggest hurdle was cleared.
Blessings
Jackie
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Monmarch - adding my congratulation. Hooray!! It's better not to be on the road for the holiday weekend & you'll be home before you know it.
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mommarch, great news! Kimber must be very anxious to get out of school and back to Texas ... you and DH too, of course.
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Mommarch----So good to hear the news! Congratulations
Chevy----My mom passed away a few years ago. After all the kids were out of the house and I worked during the day she was alone since being in her early 90's many of her friends were either not driving anymore or were deceased and mom did not drive. We did not have any public transportation where we live at that time either. She decided to go into a senior living place. It was very nice and well kept. She loved having othe people around her age and places to go with their outings. She had her own apartment (a large studio with a kitchenette,but we asked to have the stove turned off so she would go to the dining room for her meals.)She came with me every Saturday and/or Sunday and we would do what she wanted to do. Other days of the weekend or during the week she would go out with one of my sisters. She had a stroke and was in rehab and ready to go home at the end of the week and had another stroke which put bleeding on her brain and that took her. Miss her every day. My DH and mom always got along very well from the time we were dating on. My DH really spoiled my mom and me. He has always helped around the house with laundry, and the kids. He does the yard work and I clean inside. Since I was dx he has been doing the grocery shopping and since he gets home before me each day he usually has dinner ready. Then I clean up the kitchen and dishes.
Chevy---like the information about the wrinkled fingers!
The picture of the wedding and then now is great. You both look so pretty and happy.
Today was beautiful outside. I gave the dog a bath, and opened all the windows and cleaned house.Tomorrow I am going shopping with my youngest DS's girlfriend and my SIL.
I hope everyone has an enjoyable weekend
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To report back. It seems I ran into the perfect storm for causing a lymphodema flare up. Hot weather, sweeping (repetitive motion), and heavy lifting while cleaning the garage with a burst of spring fever. I will pay the consequences forever I guess. Nobody warned me about these things so long after surgery was healed. The lymphodema is quite mild, but has me concerned for the future. A sleeve and gauntlet was recommended for future active days or flying. Aren't all days active? She offered to wrap my arm, but we both felt that was extreme for the swelling I had, mostly my hand. Keeping it elevated as much as possible helps. She did not suggest any exercises even though I asked directly. I'll be joining that thread here, too.
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Mimi...I am so sorry that happened. I hope you soon find a great way to work around it and any possible triggers though I think you have already found them. Seems little rhyme or reason to when this se cold come up or who will be the recipient.
We have come a long way and I am so grateful for that, but just seems this is going to be one of those things that may never really get figured out.Blessings
Jackie
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Termite... those are such sweet memories of your Mom.... Those are like the ones I have with my Grandma! She never drove either.... Well, Grandpa said she did once, but she drove the car into a Creek, so that was her last shot behind the wheel...Ha!
She was my step-Grandmother, but didn't matter... SHE was from Germany, so she learned to be the boss, caretaker, even when she was young... She married Grandpa when she was just 21 I think... and he had 2 little kids, 5 & 6. But she took care of them all!
I would not have liked to be growing up with them at that time... They were very strict, and un-forgiving with their 2 kids! Dad had scars on his back from that old razor-strap... so my Brother and I walked that chalk-line pretty good! She was crabby, and I guess you could say mean.... so was Grandpa...
But it wasn't until Mom and Dad moved away, Grandpa passed away, and she had a heart-attack that she "changed!"
I mean when I would take her somewhere, out of sheer obligation, I wanted to throw her out of the car and run over her! But when she went to the Hospital.... Everything happened.... everything changed! She sort of lost her mind, slowly but surely.... She quit bossing me around, accepted my help, and I began to really LIKE her... They would not let her go back home, so I found the Assisted Living home down a block from my house... I moved her over there.... somehow! I took her bed and dresser, and some of her favorite things from her house!
And I took her little dog Patty home to live with us.... for awhile, we thought... But she got worse..... Dementia just took over... I would take Patty over every day... give her showers, and tell her I was going to scrub her with a brush, like she did me and my Brother! Ha, ha!
But she forgot she had any family.... Didn't remember even my Dad.... or his Sister... I made her an album, of all of her pictures, and would sit with her, and then I realized it didn't help.... She was just thinking of right then.... and no memories of anything.... I took my little Grand-sons over.... She LOVED to talk to them!
She got worse, and would put on 2 dresses.... couldn't find her little "things".... So eventually I moved her to a nursing home....
Too far away.... Moved her again..... Such a poor excuse for a nursing home.... Had to get her out of there.... I finally found a "better" one... And they worked with me... I didn't want them to "force" her to eat... She just would sit there, and couldn't swallow! So all I could do is go over, talk to her, and keep her warm, and put those leg warmers on her.... I asked them to PLEASE don't make her eat.... Just leave her in bed, and keep her legs warm.... They said State Law.... they had to help her as much as they could!
And the next time I went over, she was in her bed, and not made to get up... and her leg warmers were on! It was just about a week later.... And after they called, I ran to that place, and they told me I was too late.... But I climbed onto her bed, and just held her... And I talked and told her everything I wanted her to know...
So that little, crabby cantankerous little Grandma was someone I learned to love like another Daughter!
At least we had that chance to love each other.
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Not what we give, but what we share,--
For the
gift without the giver is bare;
Who gives himself with his alms feeds
three,--
Himself, his hungering neighbor, and me.
James Russell Lowell0 -
Morning everyone,
Chevy, I have heard your story before but , it really got to me today. I think the part about your getting in bed with your Grandma and being able to talk to her and tell her what you needed to.....knowing she would hear and understand every word. What a gift to her, and what a great release of your own spirit. As you know, and probably most people here.....I am a huge, huge, huge believer in " the peace that passes all understanding". There is where you reach totally pure love -- not tainted by anything else, or in any way.
I don't look at death as final, but as a means of transition. I am, for a time, like anyone would be, hard to console, and wishing for more life for the person just passed. There are always things we wish we could have done, places to see and special moments of love and devotion that won't happen again in this lifetime, but that is how it happens. Hard to understand at a time like that that once you let go and move into full acceptance of what is, freedom from the pain of loss lifts and you will be able to re-experience all that was good without the somber notes of dis-quieting sensations.
Termite, I thoroughly enjoyed your story as well.
On another note, thought maybe Dh could come home today, but doesn't seem like that is going to happen. He turned up some other issues some time yesterday. Was taken care of, but I think it sounds like it will require some extra time in the hospital. Rats. Well, it is what it is.
I'm going to finish up my work here at home and drive down to see him. I had planned to anyway, but had hoped that I would be bringing him home with me. Doesn't sound like it right now. It is also likely going to rain today. Yikes, but no real storms, just some rain and maybe not all that much. I hate to say it ( makes it real you know ) but I think it will get muggy. Ick....not going to like that.
I hope you all have a fantastic day. I'll be checking in again much later on. See you then.
Blessings
Jackie
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Mommarch, glad to hear you got custody. I know about the family court circus. Have gone to court with my neighbor who has been fighting an abusive ex, who is also a trooper for more than 5 years. He won custody , for no reason, is now trying to gt her to pay more child support, when she can bare make a living, and he makes over 100,000! The judge is unbelievable, am told she sides with the man and esp cops! At least you WON !
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Mommarch
Finally! Congratulations!
Anne
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I'm glad to say my only experience with family court in Texas was when we finalized the adoption of our song we had to swear under oath that we loved him. He was six months and one day old and I would have fought anyone who wanted him back. It was a happy day with the courtroom filled with families waiting to be legally united. As we stood before the judge our darling blew raspberries (his newest fun sound) into the microphone. The courtroom filled with laughter. It was a wonderful day.
Mom March, I hope you have a wonderful day in court if you need one.
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Yea Mommarch! I am so happy for all of you.
Termite, I still miss my Mom, too and it's been 7 years now that she has been gone. Your hubby sounds like a wonderful man.... a real keeper! My Dad died last August. He loved iris and sent me many different colored bulbs which I planted. My impressive iris garden is now in full bloom and I think of him everytime I look out my window.
It was a lovely day in Illinois today. I think summer has arrived! Everyone have a wonderful holiday.
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During my recent Florida vacation, I felt a strong pull one day in the middle of the week to go to my father's grave. When we got there, I realized he had died on May 14th 1971...and it was May 14th. I had forgotten the day.
He was a police officer and only 45.
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Thanks everyone for the great support. We had dinner at the Foster Parents home. Had a great visit. I do not know if I told you but they now have an 8 & 7 year old and their babyi brother 2 1/2 months. The baby was addicted to cocain at birth.
My Mother who is 89 went to her 70th alumni banquet last night she and one other classmate are all that are left.l
You will not believe this, while we were gone, our DD & SIL had a visit from a DCF worker, someone had reported that Alex Gray was here ( her son who lives with her X in NM) and that she was drunk this morning at 10:00 and screaming and hollering. Alex was on his way home with his dad to NM.This mess down here is a bunch of BS.
sweltering in FL, Hope everyone is doing well, HUgs
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`Oh Wow Mommarch..... It never ends, right? Hope THAT mess is a long ways away from you...
Sandra....I'm sorry..... and I "know."..... About 10 years ago, I just wanted to go see my Grandma's grave also... I was kneeling down by the head-stone, and reading the words, and it said Jan. 10th.... and it just "hit" me because I was there on her Birthday! So much love I had for that little woman! She was a pistol.... but I had the chance to really get to know her....
You know, we "save" little things that remind us of them.... and it's supposed to make us smile, when we happen to see that little memento we kept!
Teacher, I remembe a court case from about 15 years ago, about an adoptive family, fighting to keep their little girl, that they had raised for about 5 years! The birth Mother wanted her back... or maybe the birth father..... Anyway, I watched that Televised case, and it just tore your heart out!
YES! I would have strangled someone, if they tried to take away my baby! Or even now! If someone is hurting one of my grown Daughter's, I would hunt them down with a vengeance...Ha! I sound like Dog the Bounty Hunter! Or even my Grand-sons! When one of them got hit over the head with a beer-bottle in some stupid bar, I was ready to fly out there and seriously attack that guy! .... I asked my Grandson.... "You want ME to come out there and straighten that kid out?" We all just laughed.
And thank you Jackie... I know I told this before, but this all happened with my Dad too!
All our lives, when we were growing up, my Brother and I were caught in this hell-raisin' home with our drinking Dad, and our Mom, who just tried her damndest to hold us all together... All those fights... Me and my little Brother riding our bikes over to see his "girl-friend".... We just asked her to leave Dad alone, because it made mom cry all the time...
But the drinking and fighting never ended... Neither did the girl-friends that Mom somehow knew about... He moved out... Then moved back in..... They filed for divorce... This was when I was graduating from High School........I came home one time and Dad was sitting with a shot-gun on his lap crying... I called Mom home from work! They went looking for him.... Her and Grandma! Found him at his Sister's house with his girlfriend... of course.
Got back together... He moved to California to find a different job.... THEN Mom found out his girl-friend was with him... Good Lord, you would think it would be WW3! But Dad apologized ..... sent the "other" one back.... and he came out to get mom, to move back with him. AND SHE DID IT! Later found out, that after DGF came back, she killed herself... I supposed we were all supposed to feel bad, but after maybe 15 years of living with this, I didn't.
By this time, I had grown up, somehow, and had met my Husband-to-be, and I did NOT want to go back with there with them and that never-ending MESS! So I stayed here, lived with my Grandma & Grandpa, until we could save enough money to get married...
We DID it! Mom and Dad's life never changed... And she went through hell.... But Mom passed away first.... And Dad was just LOST! You would think his world had just ended! I KNOW they loved each other.... which gives new meaning to "for better or worse" but then he started calling ME every day! He was just a sorrowful soul. I started to actually "love" that man... I never had him when we were little.... but now he needed ME!
And I would call and try and help him not be so lost, and we talked for hours! I would go visit him more! And learned how to see life from his eyes... He said he always loved Mom.... (and everyone else) and I know how much she loved him! She said "I would rather have him part of the time then not at all!"
But knowing Dad after Mom passed away, gave me the chance to love my Dad....! It was so special. My Brother never forgave him for the life he gave Mom, and the things he did to all of us..... But I had that chance.... and all those bitter memories turned into the sweetest love I never had the chance to know, for my Dad.
Well THIS turned into a book.... but sometimes it's nice to talk to someone else about it.... I was there with him right before he passed away.... And I was combing his hair, and whispering into his ear, and just telling him how much I loved him, and how he and Mom were the best parents ever. He would push his shoulder up, into my face, and I knew he could hear me.... So growing up so unhappy, then getting to "know" my Dad, just took away all the bad memories of my child-hood.
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Chevy,
That is such a beautiful story -- even with all the tragedy. Such a wonderful reminder that many events in our life actually help us to get in contact with the best parts of ourselves and expand those. That is exactly how you GROW your soul.
That too is why we are here on this Earth right now. If our life was easy and without challenge we would not learn and certainly not with the depth that is provoked by many of the somewhat hurtful, painful events we become a part of through the people that are a part of and in our family.
You can learn about much by reading about them, but "living" them and going through the whole range of emotions with them along the way is like climbing a mountain. You have achieved so much and it is yours forever because once you figure out how to get to the top, all the pain and suffering you went through to get there is removed to the background -- remembered, but not really able to generate pain anymore. That is where you are Chevy, and where all are once we ALLOW the truth of what we are feeling to overtake us. Then is when you find your own personal strength. When you move on--you take your life back by pulling all the positive from it and leaving all the negative behind unable to continue to hurt and disrupt your life.
Your story is powerful and it is full of love. You are who you are because the circumstances of your life gave you the opportunity to be bigger and better, not wasted and bitter. I think everyone gets the chance at some point to do this -- to come out of the dark, and into the light and grow. I think most take it. Some don't -- and they stop growing and it is easy to see and feel.
Here's to your garden my beautiful friend.
Blessings
Jackie
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In this noisy, restless, bewildering age, there is a great need for
quietness of spirit. Even in our communion with God we are so busy
presenting our problems, asking for help, seeking relief that we leave no
moments of silence to listen for God’s answers. By practice we can learn
to submerge our spirits beneath the turbulent surface waves of life and reach
that depth of our being where all is still, where no storms can reach us.
Here only can we forget the material world and its demands on us.
Alice Hegan Rice0 -
Ah geez Jackie.... that made me cry.... you seem to be able to see into my soul.... and can explain our feelings better than anyone I know... xoxoxox
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Sandra, that was a wonderful remembrance and picture to share. Brought lots of meaning just rushing back to me and reminded me of a poem.
The Dash
by Linda Ellis copyright 1996
I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on the tombstone
from the beginning…to the end.
He noted that first came the date of birth
and spoke the following date with tears,
but he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.
For that dash represents all the time
that they spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved them
know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not, how much we own,
the cars…the house…the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.
So, think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
that can still be rearranged.
If we could just slow down enough
to consider what’s true and real
and always try to understand
the way other people feel.
And be less quick to anger
and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives
like we’ve never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect
and more often wear a smile,
remembering that this special dash
might only last a little while.
So, when your eulogy is being read,
with your life’s actions to rehash…
would you be proud of the things they say
about how you spent YOUR dash?Blessings
Jackie
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I grew up surrounded by many weeds and choose to be among flowers now.
My mother always said she never had health problems and pain until I was born and that I was supposed to be a boy. She chose my sister 11 months older and sent me to live with my dad's mother til I was nearly 4 because she didn't want two babies. I heard her talking to my sister when I was an adult and it hit me that it was mismanaged healthcare that caused her issues, not me. I let a lot go then. Our son is 24 and she has seen him twice in his life. Her loss. My dad with a 24 year old girlfriend when I was 24. We never heard from him again.
In spite of cancer and heart issues, I feel that I have many blessings in my life because I choose to see them. In fact two biggies will be here today, my twin grandgirls. My stepson and DIL live about 30 minutes away so I cherish my nana time. Our other son goes to school in Tennessee and isn't married yet, thankfully.
I choose to keep weeds out of my garden.
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Teacher, I love to hear stories of those who were able to OUT-DISTANCE their weeds. The world is so often a rough place and I for one struggled a lot to see the "opportunities" rather than the disabilities. In truth I think a lot of times it is easy to adopt a little pity for ourselves and our predicaments. I mean, where did that little two word statement come from....." why me ".
It is not a bad thing to say now and then. Especially if it helps you to understand that we all have a choice. We don't have to have a constant pity party going on and can grow, in fact, soar. We are in fact pretty limitless as beings, but my feet are planted rather firmly on the ground........as I keep doing things that I hope release me from the powers that would make me less rather than more.
Enjoy, enjoy today. Your sun obviously almost always shines. Life's path is a lot smoother when you brighten it up with that good old sun. Someone said.....if the sun is in front of you, you won't see the shadows. Really true.
Blessings,
Jackie
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Morning, ladies
Chevy mentioned a court case where a family was fighting to keep the child they had for 4 years. That battle was with the biological parents. We were involved in a major battle to adopt one of our foster children in the late 80's, but it wasn't the biological parents we were fighting. I think I have mentioned the fact that we were foster parents for five years. In June of 85, we were asked to take a newborn, biracial baby whose mother had abandoned him in the hospital. When the worker arrived with the baby that Mon morning, all I could say was"what a beautiful baby". That started a love affair between him and the whole family. I didn't ask about adoption at that point, because I had had my own 3 babies, and had our adopted daughter off and on since she was a year old. I knew their were childless couples out there that would love to have a baby to raise. Well, fast forward 13 months, and he is finally freed for adoption - but he is no longer a baby. We had been assured there was a waiting list of people to adopt him. I told the social worker if there was any problem placing him, we would love to adopt him. I said the same thing at a foster mothers monthly group meeting, and at the end a woman came over and said, let me know how that goes- we've asked to adopt our bi-racial foster son and they told us "no, you are too white". Three months went by with no potential adoptive parents. Finally, they called and said there was a biracial family in the middle of the state. I told the family at dinner that night and the kids went to school the next day. My sixth grade son wasn't at school for an hour when I got a call that he was involved in a fight in the hallway. They brushed it off and said no action was being taken because the fight had stopped as fast as it started. Unusual for Robbie, but ok, like they said, most kids get involved in at least one fight during middle school. About 1:30, I got a second call, this time from a female administrator- Robbie had pulled some girls hair so hard, she was still crying. The lady said she had looked through his file, and there was nothing in it discipline wise- was there maybe something happening at home that might have him upset? I told her about the baby, and she told me to pick Rob up as sick. When I got to the school- literally at the end of our street, she met me in the outer office to say she had asked Rob about the baby, and he broke down in sobs in her office. You need to understand, we had seen 21 long term foster children come and go with no major reactions. When I got home, I called my husband and said we have to fight for Tim. He agreed. I called the foster mother I had met months ago, and she said she couldn't believe I had picked that day to call- they were meeting with a lawyer that night to file paperwork suing HRS for racial discrimination in refusing to even consider them as adoptive parents based solely on race. She said the lawyer had said the case would have more weight if more than one family was involved. I called the lawyer to tell her we would be joining Becky and her husband that night. She was thrilled, but said as of right then, we had no legal rights to Tim at all, and if HRS heard about the lawsuit, they would remove Tim immediately. Her advice was to "hide out" until the papers were officially filed, then she could ask for the boys to stay where they were until the caSe was settled. I split the older kids with friends, and the 2 youngest stayed with us at a friends house. We were fugitives on the run. I had a friend call to tell HRS that my aunt had gotten sick and we had gone to help take care of her for a few days, but left in such a hurry, I had forgotten to leave a phone number. It was a tense few days. Finally the lawyer called and said she had good news and bad- the paperwork had been filed, but HRS was now threatening to charge us with kidnapping! We prayed, then I went into the bedroom and opened my a Bible and saw this verse- " if you are doing right, don't worry, God will be with you" . The next morning I called HRS and said "how dare you even suggest that I would kidnap anyone- I have worked with you for five years, most of that time having 3-5 kids more than allowed with no problems ever, and this is the thanks I get?" They backed off real quickly and asked if we would be home that day. I said no, that our laWyer said the press had gotten hold of the story, so we were going ahead with our already planned weekend to visit my cousin in Miami and possibly rent a boat and go to the Keys. ( no such plans had ever been discussed, but since Rob had been sent to stay with him, he knew what was going on.) As soon as I hung up with HRS, I called to fill Jimmy in- this was way before call waiting and his phone was busy. When I finally got thru, he answered by saying, " hey, I hear we're going to the Keys" . He had backed me up, not having a clue. Anyway, the story was major news, we were on the front page of all the Miami Herald and the Ft Laud. Sun Sentinel. Katie Couric was working at a Miami news station and came and interviewed us, although she was going by Kathleen then. It hit newspapers nationwide, and the other mother involved flew to NY to be on Good Morning America. Our lawyer had hired a second lawyer who had handled cases against HRS before, and at one point we were paying the lawyers $800/hr. The lawsuit dragged on for months, with the press asking over and over for one reason, just one, other than race that would justify HRS's rejection of us, especially since both families had been approved less than 3 years earlier to adopt white girls. Absolutely nothing had changed in those three years except our ages, and we were all still in our 30's, so hat wasn't a factor. Finally four months later, we were told we had won, and that part of the settlement was HRS pay all of our legal fees, which were well over $10,000 at that point. And "Baby Boy R__ officially became Timothy Andrew Bourne. And he has been a challenge- ADHD, some OCD and oppositional behavior issues as a child, but he has been a true blessing every day and he is definitely Mama's boy in the very best way.
Anne
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