Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
Comments
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Anne, you seem to really know where you are going with your sister. I was not a great eater as a child. Two things -- first, I had many, many toothaches as a child and the other thing was it took an awful lot of play time away it seemed to me. Even as a young adult I that more thin than anything else. Eventually it all resolved but I went many yrs. actually being able to gorge on things I shouldn't because I had a metabolism that slipped into high gear at the smear thought of and tiniest whiff of food. Those were the days and they are missed.
Carole, hope you can work your appts. out so as to use the Dr. you like. Just seems easier when you can feel comfortable immediately. Isn't cleaning fun. I plan to try it some time but I'm not getting in a rush at the moment.
Gray day here with so far several good threats of rain though they did not materialize. We did have an overnight rain and maybe that will happen again tonight.
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On your worst days, be good. And on your best days, be great. And on every other day, get better.
Carmen Mariano0 -
A cool front is due to arrive tonight. Not a minute too soon.
All my time and effort spent changing insurance companies yesterday was for naught. When I went to the Allstate office today, I ended up staying with Allstate. The woman agent I talked to found me a less expensive home insurance policy (actually two policies, one for wind and hail damage) and found ways to cut the cost on our car insurance, too. We felt like idiots calling the other insurance company and cancelling the policies we were switching over to.
I'm reading Girl on the Train and finding it very engrossing. I may see the movie after I finish the book If the movie is still in the local theatre. I bought the Kindle version of the book from Amazon. I usually just download e-books from the library at no cost but I didn't want to wait until this book was available.
Anne, thinking of you and hoping that your sister is improving.
Go, Cubs!
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Hi everyone,
I have been away from the thread for about 3-4 weeks. Time flies...it is getting harder and harder to "multi-task" during my work day. I'm tired on the week nights, and then week ends I've just been crashing at home.We were in Colorado for 4 days at the start of October. Our dear friends who live there are moving from their mountain home at 9,000 feet due to his rare leukemia. They are on their way to Montana to a more populated area with medical support nearby. We rented a home near Breckenridge for several days, but the elevation was very high (over 10,000 feet). I had a headache every day and felt a little sluggish. But the scenery, blue sky, golden aspens and charming town were just perfect.
It has been a beautiful fall on Long Island with lots of warm sunny days. I got a small gas firepit for the patio. DH and I sit out there as the sun goes down and just enjoy the unusually warm nights. Sometimes I take the kitty out on a chair and she likes the warmth of the fire.
Carole, I am glad you are back but it seems like your time up north went fast. I hope your mother is doing OK - she must be glad to see you.Anne, I am so sorry to hear about your sister's health changes. It sounds like you have been a great help and support. I am glad she is going to have a good place to rehab.
Sandra, I keep you in my prayers and am very happy to hear the word "remission". I pray that Mike will be able to gain back some strength and become better nourished. What sad news about your brother-in-law. My heart goes out to the families. Wishing you safe travels and optimistic days.I am watching the Cubs take a big lead. No NY teams are in the playoffs, so I have to root for the Cubs. They deserve a shot at the World Series.
Jackie, thanks again for always being here. You have made this a welcoming place!
Joan0 -
Words are but the vague shadows of the volumes we mean. Little audible links, they are, chaining together great inaudible feelings and purposes.
- Theodore Dreiser -0 -
As I read your words ( so thrilled to see you here this morning ) and thought how purposed and cogent they were, Joan I realized the quote I had chosen really fit. Always a little stunned at choosing something, getting an inner sensation that yes --- this is the one--and then coming here and feeling that it really does fit.
Carole, I bet we have all done similar things. I have had ( he is much more forceful on the phone ) a time or two to ask Dh to "fix" some of my situations so like what you described. I guess when we think something out of hand, checking directly right at the start may be VERY worthwhile.
Lots of leaves on the ground here ( many of the bigger ones seem to fall first ) with out large driveway almost covered. A typical fall occurrence. We had a man come out and look things over and he feels that he will actually be able to convert us over to a interior furnace and a/c unit and that we may be able to get rid of the commercial outdoor unit we have had since we purchased this house. Replacement for the outdoor unit will likely be somewhere over $11,000.00 which we don't really have --- and we are thinking a bit under $4,000 for something installed inside. So, I have my fingers crossed. We do not as we speak ( thank goodness it is not cold yet ) have heat available from our outdoor unit though the a/c which we don't need now does still operate.
I think it will be a lovely fall day and I am looking forward to just sinking into the enjoyment of it. Hoping you all have a marvelous day as well.
Jackie
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Wondering If I can join you ladies. I am 62 divorced with 2 grown kids, and 2 love of my life Grandkids.Had a lump went to Dr nothing on mammo, breast US followed by Biopsy. Met with PCP on Tuesday and got the not so good news. No clue where, what etc did get the oncologist # and have appointment on Wed. Have not called Surgeon yet. Will try to tell my son tonite, as of now only my BFF knows what I am going thru.
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Goingcrzy8 Yes, Yes, Yes. And a big hearty welcome to you. You are starting a journey no one wants to take, and none of us here did either. There is though safety in numbers and a wealth of hope and information to be found as you start down this path. This is not what anyone ever has in mind to begin their grand parenting yrs. with when we are feeling the happiness of settling into a different life-style and one enjoyed on a totally different level from raising our children.
We are good at hand-holding and sharing and boosting each other with love, kindness, understanding, hope and care. Come often and stay late.
Blessings,
Jackie
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Goingcrzy, please do join us. We've all been through the stress of diagnosis and then the navigating through surgery and treatment. Good luck to you. It's all "doable" and you will get through it just like we have. Afterwards you'll be more of an expert on the subject of bc than you ever wanted to be. Thank goodness for the detection of a cancer.
I played golf today at our club for the first time since we returned home. The weather was cool and breezy and the course is in good condition. The women's tees have been moved forward on a number of holes making the course easier than it was before the changes. I didn't make a good score but I got some exercise and enjoyed being outside.
I'll be SO glad when Nov. 6 has come and gone. I'm sick of the presidential campaign. I was in favor of one candidate from the beginning and have grown to detest the other candidate. One of the women I played golf with today said she wished Congress would pass a law limiting the campaign season.
Happy Friday to all.
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Hi everyone,
Welcome, goingcrzy! We would be honored to have you join us. As you join in on our discussions, you will see we are each very different people, whose cancer diagnosis brought together, but friendship and caring have kept us together. Whatever you face, chances are one of us has been where you are or pretty close. Most of all, we have gone thru all the fears, confusion and days of not understanding how and why we got here.
Beyond that, we converse about everything and anything, except politics (except to say how tired we all are of the campaigning) and specific religious beliefs or non- belief. We enjoy talking about the weather, food, bird watching, photography, and our children and most importantly our grandchildren.
We can be very supportive, no matter what the issue. Right now, I am taking more than giving. I lost my older brother to melanoma in Aug. Because he and his family like to keep their issues private, my younger brother and I didn't know how bad he was until they called hospice.
Then, a week ago last Wed, my sister, with whom I am very close (we are only 17 months apart in age) had a stroke. Within two hours, she had been diagnosed with the stroke, a heart condition, renal failure, and COPD and a real bad pneumonia in the left lung. She went into full respiratory failure on the way to the hospital. When I got here 36 hrs later, she was on a ventilator, and things were not good. But she was conscious, and could answer questions by nodding her head. She has been a life long chain smoker, and a life long poor eater.
But, she is, I am very thankful to say, doing well. She was released from the hospital to a pulmonary rehab center. She is doing really well and walked from the Physical therapy room,back to her room at the end of a long hallway. using a walker today. She couldn't even stand up when we left the hospital. Along with all her other issues, she is borderline agoraphobic ( doesn't go anywhere without her daughter), so each new treatment or person would send her into panic attacks where she couldn't breathe or move. So between her daughter and son, and my brother and I, we have tried to be with her most of the day. My life has been waking up, eating breakfast, getting dressed, waiting for my brother to show up and off to the hospital. In the evening, I would leave at dinner time- one of her kids would be there by then, either have dinner at my cousin's , where I am staying, or go out to eat with my brother, then home to drop into bed, only to start over the next day. Now she is familiar with the workers and what they expect of her. I can, for the first time, see me being able to return home in another week or so.
Today, I got a wonderful break when Bonnets and I went out for lunch. We talked like we had been friends forever- and didn't mention cancer except for her to say she lost her daughter to breast cancer when she was in her twenties. She has invited me to come to her house one day next week, to get another break from the hospital. Since I plan to go home in the next 10 days or so, I need to back off of being at the hospital all day, every day. It was funny, when I first arrived for the first few days, my sister refused to acknowledge that I was there. Knowing how her mind works, she thought if I had flown up within 24hrs, she could no longer pretend everything was okay. I just quietly sat there, and eventually she opened up to me, and I have been the one with her most of the day. She has almost broken my hand a few times during her panic attacks. But I am also the one she asks to accompany her to the various therapys and her first shower today. She has come through this relatively easily. The high kidneys and liver #'s were caused by her whole body being septic- with the right meds, that has cleared up. She is still on oxygen 24/7, but they said they will be starting to wean her off that. She is able to pull herself up to standing and is eating-a PB&J sandwich for lunch and grilled cheese for dinner. Today, she got a real reward for all her hard work- her two grandsons came to visit for the first time The excitement from all three of them was incredible. There were no lasting damage from the stroke, so she is left with COPD and the right side of her heart is enlarged due to the COPD.
ANN
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Anne, good news about your sister's progress. Very nice picture of you and Bonnets. Thanks for posting it. I know you will be ready to go home when the time comes.
Wishing everyone a good Saturday.
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It can be tempting to blame others for our loss of direction.
We get lots of information about life but little education in
life from parents, teachers, and other authority figures, who
should know better from their experience.Information is
about facts.Education is about wisdom and the knowledge
of how to love and survive.But no matter how much advice
you get, you are the one who chooses which train to board.
As you pass through life, pay attention to the signs and
stations; if you don't like the scenery, pull the emergency
cord and get off the train.There is no other conductor in
charge.There is no one who needs to give you permission to transfer.This is your life.Your journey.Your trip to conduct.
Bernie Siegel0 -
What a great picture of you and Bonnets, Anne. I'm glad things seem to be getting settled and steady for your sister. She sounds like she is fairly strong despite all her medical events. C.O.P.D. is not a good thing to have, but she can do it. No smoking ( or very, very hopefully there won't be ) and I'm sure that is what your sister's doctors will help strive for.
Glad you are going to have a second Bonnets injection --- a wonderful way to de-stress for YOU. You are such a good family care-taker and I'm sure it is highly appreciated by all. They are lucky to have you.
Saying hi to everyone else. Lovely Fall day here -- another fairly crisp one though we will warm back up to the 70's in a couple of days. There is sun today which will help make the coolness feel much better. I think Carole said it or maybe you Anne, but I too will be sooo glad when we get up to and past our election this time. Not to start a big dialogue but one of our candidates is such a depressing person and it has been hard to take. I'm not by nature depressed much at all -- the few times I have fell heir, I think it didn't last long enough in hind-sight to be of much concern. I want to keep life for me that way.
I hope you are all going to have a lovely Fall day --- if you need any leaves let me know. I have so many out here in the woods. More than 70 trees surround just my house --- so plenty to go around if your short.
Jackie
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Thank you ladies. I am still processing all this information as I was just told on Tuesday that the breast biopsy was positive. I have not idea what type. I do know the lump I found and went to Dr for did not show cancer on the Mammo. After US and biopsy Dr said it was not good and here I was hoping for a cyst. Oncology appointment on Wed and then surgeon to follow.
I am up for tips and information to get through this.
Today will be hard for me as I will have to tell my son. I have 2 grandkids 8 and 4 who are the loves of my life. So plenty to fight for. Will tell daughter tomorrow or Monday as today is her birthday and don't want to ruin her day.
So far looks like today is a crying day. Thursday I was fine, only cried once. I know one day at a time will get me through this.
Thanks for listening.
Sherry
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Goingcrzy 8,
Good to see you hear. There are sites here to give you information on how to manage from here. I hope you will take a pad and pencil with you and hopefully have a set of questions to ask at your Oncology appt. They should have a lot of information for you --- at my Oncology for instance, I was given a big binder full of information --- lots of it very specific. I hope by the time of your appt. that it is known just what KIND of cancer was found in your biopsy. For instance -- mine was Papillary. Papillary is actually classified as a slow growing, indolent, pretty much lazy tumor and though things turned out differently when I had my lumpectomy --- I was slated in the beginning to have a really EASY time of it.
So, just saying that our feelings of distress, fear, sadness can feel suffocating to an extent and it could ( you really can't know this right at the start ) turn out that we are not in as dire circumstances as it often feels. It is hard to wait as we are forced to wade through these things, but you will learn so much in the next few weeks so be prepared. There are no dumb or un-reasonable questions and don't be shy about saying you are afraid.
You should reach a point ( after lumpectomy ???? if that is chosen ) you will end up at that time with a pathology report. There is a site here at BC. Org that explains about everything you will be reading about or will be gone over with you by someone on your Oncology team. It is nice that you can come here and refresh what everything means -- easy in the turmoil of it all to forget something or just get a bit confused with the new terminology. There is also I believe a list of the Terminology words here as well.
We will be standing by for you. There is a lot of help here, a lot of hope and a huge amt. of caring. We wish to pass along the comforts we all were given when first we showed up. There were wonderful strangers who gave love, support and much care to helping us get through it all -- they made our days much more livable and brighter than it seemed was possible.
Hugs and blessings,
Jackie
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Goingcrzy8, welcome to the sorority nobody wants to pledge (but don’t worry—we won’t make you memorize and recite the Greek alphabet backwards, run useless errands or wear humiliating things on campus for a week…..sorry, freshman flashbacks…). I reiterate what Jackie says. Once you do get a bit more biopsy info, though (e.g., type of cancer, size, grade, receptor & hormone status, expected surgery date) it’d be helpful to click on “My Profile” at the top of the page and fill in the “My Diagnoses” and “My Treatments” pages, as well as a personal profile. It’s completely up to you what items you wish to “make public,” which means what we can see at the bottom of your posts. To the info I suggested, I highly recommend publicizing your city, state or province, region or country—that helps us advise you as to what treatments & providers are in your area, and those of us with similar diagnoses and treatments can help you through this more specifically and effectively.
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Goingcrzy8, I as well am a "first-time"---newly diagnosed with ILC. You have an abundance of support, repuatable
information and advice here at this website. Just take one day at a time, because that's all you can do...for we do
not know what the troubles of tomorrow will be because they haven't happened yet, but that's not to say that you
should not stay vigilant. We have all been where you are now (it feels good to share that). I was only diagnosed
about 3 weeks ago and have my ducks all in a row. It's like Sandy said, the more feedback you have from your
doctors about the grade, hormone receptors, etc, the better you will feel. And the more informed you will be
about making proactive decisions. Lean on your "sorority sisters" because we are all in this fight together. Eat your
favorite desert, cook your favorite dish, watch your favorite movie, read your favorite book....keep your favorite
things a priority....that has also helped me.
Sandy, I absolutely love the analogy...we are the sorority "nobody wants to pledge"..good one. LOL
BIG HUGS TO BOTH OF YOU!
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Welcome tatatootsie and in case I haven't said it yet also welcome to goingcrzy 8.
I agree with what the others have said in their posts to you. We are with you.
The more info I got the more in control I felt. I took the advice of someone on here and bought a strong binder (pink). I put plastic sheet protectors and asked each doctor for copies of labs, patholigy reports and anything else I could get.
Most of your clinics have online portals where you can go and log in then print out doctors notes and stuff. I organized all this info in my notebook and took it with me each time to my appointments. My onc doctor loved it and said she would like to see all her patients do that.
But mostly I became very informed before my BMX and with it and reading these posts on BCO I was better prepared for what I experienced along the way. I think that reduces some of the fear. Now months later I forget some of the specifics so I go back and look them up.
I also invested in a wallet calendar to keep up with appointments and stuff.
Good wishes to you both on this hard journey, but know we are traveling it with you.
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Conscience, as a mentor, the guide and compass of every act, leads ever to happiness. When the individual can stay alone with his or her conscience and get its approval, without knowing force or specious knowledge, then he or she begins to know what real happiness is.
William G. Jordan0 -
Tatatootsie welcome to you. We hate the reason why you find us, but always happy to put another chair by the fireside, pour a mug of coffee or spot of tea and just shut the world out for a tiny little bit while we concentrate on each other.
There is something about this diagnosis. I've had other VERY threatening life events, but the other two did not ( ugg) inspire the dire feelings that came over me when I learned my diagnosis this last time. Many of your friends and even a lot of your family ( if there hasn't been much of this dx. around ) won't quite perhaps know how to relate to you. I truly felt all alone on an island for awhile and only got over that when I "found" this blog and got on one for the very first time. So we are glad you are here where there is some safety in numbers but also huge understanding and care for your feelings and a big wish that we can help you get through this time in your life. Wishing you well and hope you will come often, stay late and be able to relax even during any difficult times should they come.
Blessings,
Jackie
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My dear brother posted this on FB... thought I would share. Resonated with me.
To the newbies, take one day at a time. You are much stronger than you think! Please feel free to vent, cry, complain, rejoice here. You are not alone!
Some of the ladies from the Hill Country Thread and exercise group are meeting for lunch in San Antonio today. Can't wait to meet some new faces:).
I need some R&R afer keeping 2 of my young GK's for a full week! Babysitting toddlers is not for wimps!:)
((HUGS))
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My Dear brother posted this on FB today. Resonated with me.
Newbies, take one day at a time...maybe one minute at a time. You are much stronger than you think. Come here for support, anytime.
A few of us Hill Country Warriors and Exercise ladies are meeting in San Antonio today for lunch. Will be nice to meet some new faces!
((HUGS))
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keepthefaith That is perfection and I hope everyone feels it too. Also just being in the moment and being okay when it passes so you can welcome the next one. It is the best way to get through the day --- being okay with each moment that comes and anticipating the next one. Chevy often refers to my 10-minute plan that I used.When I would hit rough patches ( some of us had them ) in tx. which is fairly behind me now, I would tell myself all I really had to do was get through the next ten minutes. That was all the time I would allow myself to feel bad, worry, feel depressed or anything that had the possibility of being a bit on the negative side. I kept convincing myself that the next ten minutes would be much, much better. Looking back -- a lot of those next ten minutes almost all the time were. Sometimes all you need is a little personal coaxing to make things be more in line with how you really hope and like things to be --- the first step to getting them there --- say it to yourself and make it real.
Here's to REAL good things for everyone.
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Welcome to Tootsie. Hope you don't mind my shortening your name!
Yeah, Cubs!!!!
I finally got out into the yard today and got some pruning done. DH did the pickup of the debris. Now if we can just get a nice shower to settle the dust and give the vegetation a drink of water. Everything looks thirsty.
We're enjoying the cooler weather and wishing it would last. It has been so nice to sleep with windows open and pull up some cover. The a/c is getting a rest.
My middle brother went to the nursing home today and attended the 9 am church service with my mother. He posted a picture of her and she looked pretty in a dressy red blouse. I'll have to post the picture for you to see it.
Hope everyone enjoyed today.
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Still nursing the semi-hangover (no, not a headache) from the flute-and-a-half of champagne I had last night toasting the Cubs….and staying up to watch the postgame plus time-delayed SNL…and then a sleepless rest-of-the night, finally getting an hour’s nap before I got the robo-call giving me the time-window for DTV to come and troubleshoot our sat system (moisture and tree branch on the dish, turns out). Went back to bed and slept till quarter-to-two. I have been throwing carb-caution to the winds for a couple of weeks now, and it shows. (We ordered out for Lebanese last night—carby as all get-out).
Not to mention that in the shower last night I noticed my R areola felt hardened and thickened; the fibrosed seroma at the lx scar is gone, hope it’s just delayed dermal hyperplasia from radiation—the “burns” are really impaired growth of dermal & epidermal cells to replace the ones we constantly shed, and just as that happens from the inside out, maybe the healing & scarring does too. (Though the radiation was to the tumor bed and a small surrounding area, the areola & nipple were part of the latter, and that skin is thinner than the rest of the breast). But of course, I freaked out and comfort-ate. Next mammo isn’t for another month & a half.
No matter how early our cancer is caught, no matter how relatively gentle the treatment, every little ache, pain, zit & wart sends us to dark places. The older we get, too, the harder it is to fix one thing without breaking something else.
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Sorry to hear that Chi Sandy.Do you have a medical background? You seem very informed and knowlegable about what you are going thru.
I told my son and daughter in law today, it wasnt as hard as I thought it would be. I have been the rock in my family and I tried to not cry in front of the grandkids,I don't want them to be scared or see me unhappy. Now to tell my daughter who lives in Oregon. Debating about calling her while her dad is there with her. He went up there for her birthday. I probably will wait till her boyfriend is home and call her tomorrow nite. I pray for an easy fix, which who am I kidding this won't be easy.
Finally getting rain here in Southern Calif long overdue. Time for a glass of wine and I really need to sleep tonite as I have work tomorrow.
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Goincrzy8, I’m a lifelong hypochondriac and a doctor’s wife—who has done a few personal injury cases during my legal career (from which I’m retired). Immediately read several journal articles confirming that fibrosis is a common but usually harmless complication of radiation after lumpectomy—it can take months or even years to appear. Will message my RO (radiation oncologist, in breast-cancer-speak) tomorrow through my patient portal; but there’s no way I can be seen till at least after election day. I have errands & packing to do tomorrow & Tues. (and no household help this week), a trip to Iowa City Wed-Sun for a music conference and a concert—maybe the most consequential one of my career—and then on Nov. 2 I have cataract surgery on my L (remaining “bad”) eye. For someone who does essentially nothing, I seem to be one busy gal….
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Well I made that dreaded call to my daughter. I feel bad cause I put a damper on her birthday weekend, but since I told her brother I felt she needed to know also. My ex (her dad) is there with her, along with her bf. I want her to have the moral support she needs since she is so far from home. THIS SUCKS! and now I am crying, not for me but for my kids.
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Life's lessons come through failures probably more
than successes. Through our failures we learn humility.
We learn to look to others for help and guidance. We learn how to let others fail, too. We fail because we are human. When we no longer fear failure, we are free to attempt
greater feats. We dare to learn more, and life is fuller
for it--not just our own lives, but the lives that we touch.
unattributed0 -
Goincrzy,
You know, telling those we have a deep connection with, be they family or really good friends put a lot of our vulnerabilities on display. Especially if we feel or know that we have been the ROCK and glue that usually keeps everything together. I simply did not know how to tell people because my underlying fear was so great as well as my overall discomfort that I could not hold down the fort and REMAIN the strong and stoic one I had always been. Letting go and being a bit frail and a bit confused, ( how could this happen ) just never was a normal event in my life.
It didn't happen all at once --- telling loved ones and owning up to here's something I may not be able to fix, was a stumbling unhappy event and time, but later it became freeing for me. Until I got on this blog, I had no idea of the very huge number of people with this diagnosis. Up until then, I seldom knew of or ran into anyone who did have or had at any time this diagnosis. Once it became clear that I was not somehow at fault for this dire event, that lots of wonderful, wonderful people had been "gifted" too --- it reduced some of the negative challenges to my psyche.
I now ( attitudes needing to come over time ) see it as just a part of the challenges life throws at all of us. I did the very best I knew how, stumbled here and there, but do look on it as something that helped me grow. I have become much less complacent with life. I value things that just became almost ho-hum daily instances to me. Life has a perfection very hard to understand --- and one of the things that I've learned to value most is this:
We learn very little, and also very slowly without the items that truly challenge in life. If everything went well we would learn nothing. It is the things that go wrong, that upset the apple cart. That when we have to dig deep and find the very best part of us and get it to come out and shine --- brighter than all the negativism. That too, our rising above, is what helps those who may be watching, family, friends, mere acquaintances, what is doable and what we can do. Your journey can be one that shows light and brings out the best of you -- maybe not today or tomorrow but you have strength ( we never realize it is sitting fallow ) and it will rise to meet you, and you will use it --- and then you will know again how much you are.
We all are more than we know. Here's to you !!!
Blessings,
Jackie
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