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Its Been 2 Years

jadai
jadai Member Posts: 33
edited June 2014 in May Their Memory Live On

I lost my mom to IBC exactly 2 years ago today and I remember the day like it happened this morning.  Your life is just never the same after you lose your mom.  I still feel like I can pick up the phone and call her and then it hits me, she's gone.  She was so young and I should still have her.  I feel like I was robbed of so many years with her.  It's not fair.  It happened so suddenly and I literally made it to the hospital minutes too late.  So many unresolved issues for me.  Hope I can find peace soon.  Thanks for listening.

Comments

  • gillyone
    gillyone Member Posts: 495
    edited July 2011

    so, so sorry. Breast cancer sucks. Hope you find peace.

  • dlb823
    dlb823 Member Posts: 2,701
    edited July 2011

    Jadai, I'm so sorry.  And the way it happened must be especially hard for you.  I'm sure your Mother doesn't want you to be sad and continue to grieve.  I'm sure she would want you to live your life to the fullest, and not continue to be sad.  She'll always be in your heart and watching over you.  (((Hugs)))   Deanna 

  • jadai
    jadai Member Posts: 33
    edited July 2011

    Thank you both so much for caring! This forum was such a wonderful place for me to have found when she was diagnosed.  I met so many great women.   She was such a happy person and I know that she would be so mad to know how I have been feeling.  I hope that with time I can truly find peace with this. 

  • Mazy1959
    Mazy1959 Member Posts: 254
    edited July 2011

    Jadai...Your mom was so lucky to have you. Its such a blessing to have kids who love their moms so much. I lost my mom last august and I am the same as you...keep wanting to pick u the phone and call her and talk for hours about nothing etc LOL. You are in my prayers..Hugs and luvs, Mazy

  • DaughterMom
    DaughterMom Member Posts: 30
    edited July 2011

    Jadai, I remember you from the boards.  We had much in common because the reason why I first joined was to get some much needed support while caring for my mother during her final stage. It is still tough even after two years.  My mother passed away June 16, 2009.  The human spirit is stronger than anyone can understand, and when loved and cared for, the sprite comforts and heals itself, and joy can be found again, if you allow yourself that right.  I love and miss my mother everyday!  I also talk to her everyday, and I know she can hear me!  Just a little "I love you ma!" when something reminds me of her, or I get the urge to pick up the phone to call her.

    Private message me if you'd like, we can hook up on facebook!  It's always nice to be surrounded by friends who care and who knows how it feels to go through such a great loss so suddenly. 

  • jadai
    jadai Member Posts: 33
    edited July 2011

    Thank you so much for your kind words!  I actually used your Emily Dickinson quote when my mom was fighting this disease, I just love it.  This type of eloquence with words escapes me, haha. 

    I would say most days are good but then there are those dark, dark days where I just can't escape all of those hard feelings.....doubt, guilt, very deep sorrow and questioning if I did right by her.  I tend to come here when I have these days so here I am. 

    I love that you talk to your mom still, so do I.  It's one of the biggest things I took from the minister at her service.  He said we could still talk to her and I always try and remember that.  I distinctly can hear her voice answering me too.  I was listening to the radio the other day and there was a discussion with someone who had written a book on reunions.  She said something that resonated with me.  She said that you can always have a reunion in your memory.  You can always go back to a time, a place or a person.  I have been trying to practice that as well.

    I am so grateful to still have this place where I still can come and find empathy (unfortunately).  Thanks again to all of you for just being here.  We are in a club that we never wanted to join and it just stinks!