Boyfriend broke up with me a month after mastectomy
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FO, thank you for thinking of me. Actually had a bad day today. I'm struggling with this damn breakup. I feel like I'm never going to be in another relationship, especially after the mastectomy. I just wish I could move on...like he has.
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VW, you are going through an incredibly traumatic time. A breakup on top of recent mastectomy??? Of course you are still struggling! And it's harder when they are with someone new, that's for sure. These *&^(&_* guys - they always have to have someone waiting in the wings...
4 months is not long at all, considering you were with him for a few years - allow yourself more time to heal and don't put a time limit on it. How are you feeling physically?
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VW, I hope you are doing okay today.....remember, 4 months is a relatively short time. Don't push yourself. You will heal when you heal. Heck, I still miss some guy from 6 months ago.
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I'm doing okay, thank you. It's been very difficult. I just have to maintain no contact with him, and hopefully in time I will heal. I am fortunate that I have many good friends, which have been really there for me.
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Hi to All and thanks for inquiring: Ended up 6 days in the hospital after my bmx. Fever, nausea and diarrhea. Now day 10. Still have drains, and they are not so bad at all. My right breast I would never know I had any surgery it has never hurt. The left cancerous continures to be the issue. Had 18 nodes removed 2 came back positive. I have no feeling under my arm and numbness down the entire backside of my arm. I was not prepared for that. I have a lot of pain in that breast also. Still on pain meds and muscle relaxers. Today was the first day I felt "normal". I guess the surgery was just much more tramatic on the left, as the right was preventative only. The recon all in one alloderm with implants looks good. (well as good as can be expected).
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Dixiebell, so sorry you had such a hard time after your BMX. My heart goes out to you. And I am so glad you are feeling back to normal today -- or as normal as possible! I want to tell you, your picture shows such a beautiful woman, full of self-confidence. You will feel better and stronger with each day, I can tell you that from experience. Glad your implants look good! Will you be getting any other treatment now? I will be thinking of you and sending good energy your way, my dear
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Dixie - just to reassure you that the numbness does resolve to a greater degree eventually.It does take time though.(like a few years.......)
You must be religious in doing your arm exercises.
Take care,
Sam
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VM, I didn't realize you were still keeping in touch with him. You cannot heal if you continue to remain in contact with him. You must cut ties...
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FO, I know. I have cut contact with him, but it's only been a couple of weeks. I am so hurt and angry that he's dating someone else, and thinking about them and what they're doing together. That's the worst part.
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Voicewriter I am waiting to see the oncologist. my surgeon said chemo and maybe hormone therapy. As far as your ex that guy is wow can't use those words on this site but karma is a b____h.
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unfortunately, these men don"t experience bad karma. They go on merrily as though nothing had happened. We are the ones who go through bc and then we are the ones to suffer when they leave.
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VW, if it's any consolation, what you are feeling is totally normal. Heck, with one of my ex's, I even dreamed about them together! It was horrible. I would wake up in the middle of the night afterward. But the dreams went away. So did the pain.
Hrf, I totally agree with you. Karma is BS, especially in these situations. All the more reason to try and forget them. And when they DO try to come back, it's usually because someone has dumped them.
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Dixie, how can you be thinking of me and my dumb ex right now? You are an angel! I admire you a lot, woman. You are dealing with your surgery and everything else like in the strongest way possible. You go girl!! Keep us posted. How are you feeling today? I'm sure better. I know the drains aren't so bad, but you'll be glad when you get them out. I felt like a friggin' cow with mine, you know, like I had these udders. And be sure you do your physical therapy to get some feeling back and get all your strength back. It comes sooner than you think!
And yeah, don't know about the karma either. My ex told me the last time we spoke that our breakup was mutual. Really? He said it took him a while to get through the guilt. A while? So he's now guilt-free? Isn't he a lucky guy, piece of shit!
And as far as him coming back, I highly doubt it. He's probably happy with his new Plain Jane girlfriend, who's a Wiccan (not to be judgmental, but weird, to me) -- and she really hit the jackpot. He's great in bed -- great, great, great -- so she won't be giving him up anytime soon, I'm sure.
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Voice Writer,
I can tell you from experiencing a divorce years ago, that you DO get over it in time. In addition, I began to finally find new things to do with my time, I began to do some artwork, I took a couple dance classes and met some men there, I went back to college for grad work and got into my career at long last after giving it up for my ex, and in general I did whatever the hell I wanted to do. This has carried over into my new life with new husband for many years, am aoon going to learn guitar properly with a few lessons, have been banging on one for a long time, also temporarily joined a Shakespeare in the Park acting troupe early on with my new husband, you just gotta dive into life and do new things.
No matter what a woman's age, or physical condition, there ARE men who want a woman. You know, the other day, I was thinking about my husband's rather bad health, and so I imagined I was single and looking for a companion.... which is a lot of what it boils down to... and I checked out the older men in a department store I was in. They were one happy bunch. I'm 60 years old, and I knew I could offer a lot to those fellows, so if my husband one day keels over, if I want someone to be with me, I shall surely find one. And I LOVE what a comedian said one time, he didn't know why women put on all this makeup and tried to wear the latest styles, he goes, "Just put any old woman in front of us and we'll be happy." Ha!
I think since you and your ex were already broke up so many times, and you admit things were not pleasant, it's OKAY to end those kinds of relationships. It's just the timing of yours makes your breakup so painful. HOW COULD HE!?! But the fact is, it was a no-good deal anyway, you are fortunate to have this over with. Just work on getting your strength back, eventually looking for new things to pass the time and taking a few classes here and there, don't LOOK so much for others, rather LOOK to thyself, to find pleasure in your own world. And when you least expect it, a good man will show up, he'll visit you more and more, you'll feel that nice "click" once again, and off you go on another whirlwind relationship, and hopefully it will wind up in a great place where it's ten times as good as what you had before. I hope my few thoughts help. RESIST going backwards. Look forward. Work on being strong. And you will get used to being "single" all over again.
GG
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Dogeyed,
Thank you so much for your post. It almost made me cry, it was so beautiful. You are an amazing woman
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I so went thru a similar situation. Was dating a man for a year, was completely head over heels in love. So in love (or in addiction to his badboyness) that I found reasons to excuse his creepo behavior. Five months before my dx we broke up for about 2 months during which time I started dating another man. My mistake, but I took creepo back after the break because he confessed his undying love, yada yada. Right after my bilateral mastectomy he started he went right back to his old ways, and I thought "I'm going through enough, I am done with this". Right after guy number two came back into the picture and I am now happier than I have ever been. He is the most wonderful man and I have finally found out what true love is.
I know heartbreak is terrible and it's almost unbearable when you already have so much else your dealing with. Please take it from me,I was certain I would die from heartache long before the cancer had a go at me, You will survive this deadbeat. You have to now think about you and only you and concentrate your efforts on you getting well. Love always had a way of showing up when your not looking.
Hang in there my sister, better days are ahead.
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I was dating a guy seriously for three months (not long, but long enough) and everything was going great. I got diagnosed and he vanished. Actually did the whole "I-will-blow-her-off-until-she-confronts-me-about-my-behavior thing. Lame. In retrospect, I had ignored a few warning signs. Now, it was still early on in the relationship, so there weren't a ton of warning signs, but they were still there. Anyway, I am WAY better off without him. Once we had the conversation, I felt better, like I had gotten rid of one of the two big negatives in my life. (OT - can I just break up with cancer?) I haven't missed him once. I think cancer just brought the failings of our new relationship into sharp relief. Voicewriter, we will both find someone new.
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survivor11, so happy for you, honey, that you found someone wonderful. My ex was not a badboy type. He was the first guy I was ever involved in who wasn't, and he was so great in the beginning, until I started having doubts, a second time, and then part of him shut down and things went downhill from there. I blame myself a lot for the demise of the relationship. He was the love of my life, I was the love of his, and this just sucks. I feel like I don't want to get back out there again. And he's dating someone else, which is killing me. I don't think I've ever been this down in my life, and I can't seem to get myself out of the muck, pity-party crap. I guess eventually I will, I hope, but right now it doesn't seem like I can.
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Be kind to yourself doll. You must grieve this relationship and ever crazy thing your feeling is completely normal. It is so hard to see yourself out of the heartache when your chin deep in it. Please have faith and listen to those of us that have been in a similiar situation. You are so much stronger than you know and I promise this, there will be a day when you look back on all of this and see all the knowledge and stregnth you gained from it. Just because one man couldn't handle the situation does not mean another won't. It is possible to love again with the same and usually more intensity than you had with this man. If he couldn't be there for you know when you needed him most, than he would never be the kind of partner you need and deserve. Everyday you get a little stronger, even when you don't realize it. Much love your way.
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Hi and hugs to you! This guy sounds like a jerk and good riddance! Listen....my friend had a double mx chemo etc.....found the man of her dreams as she was going through recon but didn't care.....the right guy will be there for you! And me too.....I'm single!
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I hope so. I am so devastated from all this. I really have no idea if he broke up with me because of the mastectomy -- I don't think so, as we had broken up many times before -- but the fact that as my boyfriend, my fiance, he was able to walk for good right after my mastectomy, what kind of person does this?
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Truth is, we will never understand how men can do the things they do. Most will claim fear of the unknown, not being sure they can be strong enough for us. What a load of crap. The fact is that you thought this man was more than he could ever really be. We want to believe in the best of the ones we love, and it comes as a complete shock when we are faced with the fact that "their" best is just not enough for us.
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A good man doesn't do this. You deserve better. Honestly.....you will meet someone great. If he can't deal with you and what has happened, you don't need him in your life right now. Get your health back and then get out there and start having fun....that will happen for you.
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voicewriter: hi.. thanks for the compliment. Drains out today!!! YIPPIE had them 17 days yuck. I am so glad you mentioned PT because I was not offered it. I had to ask. I have very little range of motion in my left arm! I must say my girlfriends have been great cooking for me for 2 weeks straight.
Back on topic, Men yes we want and need the companionship but it has to be the right man. I keep saying my King awaits me ..... SOMEWHERE lol.
Yours is waiting for you to find him too! 
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Oh and I bought the best t-shirt today. It said "hell yea they are fake, my real ones tried to kill me" All you can do is laugh right!!!
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Dixie, so glad you got your drains out. 17 days is a long time! Glad I told you about the PT. That will help, for sure
It's great to have people cook for you. I had friends bringing over food for me too after my surgery for a couple of weeks, which was a big help. And I've seen that T-shirt. I should get one! As for the man thing, I'm still struggling. The worst part for me is knowing he's seeing someone else. And I tend to be obsessive, so struggling with letting go of that one. As for my King, I'll take a Prince. That would be just fine, lol!!
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voicewriter, give Time Time, someday you will be so thankful he walked away. Forgiveness does not mean we have to forget. Simply put he probably just isn't capable of giving you what you need. Better times are waiting for you, get ready.
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Voicewriter, your feelings are very normal so don't beat yourself up over it. In time, the pain will become easier to tolerate.
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Panamajayne, yes, I know, and hope I get to that point. I am far from forgiveness right now. I know that I need to in order to move on, but it's not easy to forgive him. And yet, I miss him and want him back, which is totally insane! Because I know that I would never be able to let go of my anger and resentment over all this, and the relationship has sucked for a really long time, and it's probably just because I'm lonely.
And hrf, I'm beating myself up a little bit less -- some days better than others
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I feel ya @voicewriter. I was dating someone before dx and stopped seeing him just before. He does not know I have cancer and sometimes I miss him being sweet to me but I am glad I ended things. We had been dating a few months and he was just divorced and not ready for commitment. Whatever, I don't need someone confused in my life right now no matter how good he was to me and how much I enjoyed being with him. I have cancer and I need to focus on me and I can't be insecure in a relationship at a time like this. He did take responsibility and promised he was going to do therapy and take it seriously to get over his stuff. I believe him. He was a good and loving person but I have decided I don't want a man unless he shows up healthy and knows that he wants to be with me. I will just walk away just like I walked away from this guy who was not ready for what I was ready for. Love yourself and nurture yourself with love from friends and family and if you have a pet cuddle up with them. You are #1 and don't let a man suck your energy at a time like this. I know easier said than done and yes I have my moments of missing him too but I am very happy to have ended things just before dx.
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