BC Awareness Month Is Tearing Me Up.
I know it's not about me. I know it's about awareness and raising funds for research. And we need more money for research, surely. But the pink ribbons are killing me. Not literally. But they are incredibly painful for me to see.
I live in a medical community and drove through the medical university the other day to take my daughter for a follow-up appointment. The sight of the large pink ribbons on all of the oak trees made my chest tighten and my heart ache. I lost my mom in July of 2010 after only five months of being diagnosed with liver/bone mets. I have cried almost every day since she was diagnosed. She was initially diagnosed in 1995 and went 15 years until the cancer returned. Her worst nightmare and her biggest fear became her reality. It was utterly excruciating to watch. Her body, literally, fell apart and her heart was broken. I hope and pray the end was more difficult on me than it was on her.
Having seen first-hand what breast cancer can and often does look like, I have a hard time with the cutesy-tootsey pink ribbon merchandise. I mean, seriously. Who isn't aware of Breast Cancer in 2011? I know that I am more aware than most as I lost my precious mother to this horrific disease. I don't mean to sound jaded and negative, but I thought perhaps others out there may have similar feelings or can relate on some level.
I do have the hope/assurance that I'll see my mom again, but the here and now is still painful and difficult. I miss her immensely. This is my second October without her and I guess it's going to just be an especially difficult month. So while I am cheering those on whom are battling and am hopeful that someday we'll have a cure, I am crying inside when I see all of the pink. I miss my mom terribly and I know there are scores of women fighting for their breath or trying to take a step or preparing to say good-bye...and it's not anything the cute little ribbons can fix.