Starting Chemo in Nov. 2011...anyone else?
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Hi Beth, I'm having those thoughts, too, about recurrence. I try to focus on something else and not let my mind dwell on those thoughts, because if I do I start to imagine things and convince myself that it already started.
It was me that had my eyebrows come in very thick and bushy. I just pluck the parts I don't want and I have the best eyebrows I've ever had. A couple of friends have even commented on them. When they started coming back in it was very fast.
I saw my cardiologist today. I had my echo last week and he said my heart is still unharmed by the herceptin. I finally got my bone density scan scheduled for a baseline for femara. I've been on it a month already, but hopefully it will show strong bones.
Bonseye, I hope you've gotten some relief today, from the pain and they were able to take care of your incision and no infection.
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Bonseye, when it rains it pours. Wish I could give you a hug! I am so sorry you are struggling so much in the midst of this OTHER major struggle. I pray for peace, relief from pain and quick healing!
My first rad was today. No biggie...techs are nice and it took ten minutes. They put some kind of pad over me which draws the treatment to the skin. That will happen every other day, so some is toward my skin and some is toward my chest wall. Technology is amazing..It's just a weird phase of life. I'm not really worried about this, but I'm weary as we all are. I put so much energy and effort into getting through chemo, that I am simply tired. But this too will be over before I know it. My DH went with me today, but I will be alone for most of it. For no reason, I find myself kind of weepy at times, and I don't know why! Just trying to let it roll...
Hope everyone sleeps well
Andi
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Andimom03-thank you so much!! I so wanted to get into an ortho doc yesterday and long story short I had podiatry appt and my nurse navigator basically called the ortho dept in our group and told them I have to be seen. I am suppose to have this major TRAM surgery and if I am to be on crutches they have to cancel it. Soooo today off I go to the ortho-praying so hard that I can just get a boot. Things are looking good for it. I spoke with one of the radiologists that I work with yesterday and said unless the break is up high, the boot should be the solution. I so am emotionally ready to get this TRAM over with and move on. I am still having times of tears but they are not productive-although I do feel better afterwards.
One of my dear friends took me yesterday to the surgeon as my incision from a lump removal in my groin has started to open. Good news is that it wasn't infected and didn't need "packing" as the surgeon said. Don't like that word at all-especially since I was not under anesthesia! The best news was that it was a benign cyst. Thinking the littlest things are freaking me out and the cancer word will not be involved with every finding...have to change my mindset going forward.....
Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers-it really is bringing sunshine to these gloomy days!
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HI All,
Have not been online very much lately but have missed contact with you all.
I just read Bonseye's post- what can you say, Bonseye??? Wow--way too much. Here is a cyber hug (:).
All things considered doing well. I started Tamoxifen this week. Continue with Herceptin until November. On a general linear path to geting strong, it seems. I worked out in the gym (which I have been avoiding for health/safety last few months) yesterday as well as rode both Saturday and Sunday. The extra weight I put on from the chemo is gently sliding off my body and I am returning to normal. It may take me time to get back down totally but I am great with that. Clothes fit again--yay.
Those are the easy things to talk about.But what of those other things? I find there is so much I cannot speak-- I know it would fall on deaf ears. Not that friends and family don't listen but they cannot hear this --through no fault of their own--glas too cuz it would mean they had breast cancer too. What do yo all think are those things you do not or cannot share?
Q
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Quaatsi, Friends and family cannot "hear" about the worries for recurrence. One friend I mentioned a worry (mole appeared during rads) her response was "you can't do that", another said "don't go there". So I just quit mentioning any worries to non cancer friends. Also the emotional toll, for the most part, they don't want to hear it. I think they're tired of seeing me get emotional, so I try not to show it. I have only one dear friend that will let me tell her of doctor's appt.s, scans, treatments, etc. She even asks how they went. But I've noticed other friends who just clam up, won't look me in the eye and seem generally uncomfortable for me to speak it. I try not to share fears with family members because I feel I've worried them enough. So I'm learning to put on a front and keep things to myself, and if the subject does come up, I try to say something humerous about it to help them feel better, while I may be really feeling about to cry, or depressed. I'm getting better at it. But I never know what may trigger the tears, so I have to be on guard. That's why I appreciate so much my friends here. You all "get it" and are not afraid to talk about it.
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Hi Q ~ So good to hear from you =] I know what you mean about "unmentionable" subjects. I try to keep it as light and positive as possible with family and friends. I know that this journey has been long and arduous on everyone around me. This forum is such a haven for me to come and pour my heart out.
Bonseye ~ Still keeping you in my prayers sister
Please keep us posted.SAN
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Bonseye, I hope all goes well at your ortho appt today
Ladies, I'm with you all on being emotional. I did fine through chemo and radiation but the last couple of weeks my emotions have been all over the place. I find myself tearing up and crying at inappropriate times. I too feel I have to put on the "everything's fine face", but inside I don't feel that way. The icing on the cake was a couple of days ago, I went to get my Tamoxifen prescription filled. I had been procrastinating and I knew I need to start taking it. So distracted as I was, I backed my car out, straight into my son's car. All my sweet hubby said was, at least you kept it in the family! I proceeded to have a melt down at the pharmacy and have yet to go back and pick up my Tamoxifen! (perhaps I'll wear my wig and they won't recognize me
) Such is this journey. Some days we just have to just put one foot in front of the other and keep walking until it gets better and I know it will. Thank you for letting me share, as I know many of you can relate and it helps to know I'm not alone. xox 0 -
Bonseye ~ I couldn't believe it when I read your post. I hope your appointment goes well and you can move on with your other stuff. Saying a prayer that it works out for you.
Tipnas ~ I did the same thing (only into a vehicle from our Maintenance Dept.) when I had a BC "scare" a few years ago. Very embarrassing and emotional to feel like I was so out of control that I missed seeing a truck! Luckily the principal I worked for at that time had a great sense of humor and pulled me out of my negative self when it happened. No one knows like all of us here how this affects us. I for one am so glad to have all of you to listen to my tales of woe. Hope you are feeling a bit better now and you are right, one foot in front of the other and it WILL get better! Take care of YOU!
Beth & GrandmaV ~ For some reason now that chemo is finished I am having those recurrence thoughts as well. Guess it's normal? However, it's scary to even consider. When I mention it to my DH he does not want to hear it and says it won't happen. That's the plan, but this disease is just so sneaky I feel very uneasy at times. Glad I am not alone in my paranoia! What do you do to get the thoughts out of your mind? I am really focusing on telling myself that all the treatment I have done surely has done something to prevent it and then I go shopping to get my mind off of it when I can.
To All ~ Hope your day is going well and you are feeling fabulous!
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Free camp for kids ages 6-16 yrs old, if u r interested for summer, the UCLA sponsored one still has space other states and locations check online search camp kesem or for UCLA camp contact via email mailto:ucla@campkesem.org. I signed up my girls ages 6 and 9, it's a special camp for kids touched by cancer, they provide fun and counseling for kids to help them deal with their sick parents.
Had treatment 9/12, 3 more to go finally, then surgery rescheduled for 6/8, then radiation. Can u swim during radiation?0 -
naan, only 3 more tx and you'll be done with chemo. I hope you don't have any more delays. As far as swimming, I think it depends on what your RO says. Some say yes, some no. Check out this thread:
http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/70/topic/786247?page=1#post_2977649
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GrandmaV, thanks, I'll ask, since summer is coming up. I hope I don't have any more delays too, I'm the only patient at my treatment center who's happy and excited to get chemo, they think I'm crazy. I just want to be done with it already since I've had 3 delays with Taxol alone. Only we can understand this.
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Hi all- EMEND question..., for my 2nd AC this Thursday my onc has switched me to Emend due to the intensity of the headache I experienced last AC treatment. We surmise it was from the infusion, not the Zofran, because I have had Zofran with my Taxol infusions and never a headache so intense. The question is.., do those of you who have experience with Emend have any advice??? i.e., the timing of taking it, the se, etc. If you've had a bad experience with Emend, please do not post. I like my world of denial and euphoric optimism. Thanks to all!
CC
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Csquared, I was given Emend as part of my infusion before they started the AC. I had no particular reactions to that at all. I did get a headache from the Cytoxin, and they would slow it down. I was thankful for anything that helped with nausea. Hope it works for you!
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I didn't have any negative reactions from the Emend, and fortunately I also had no nausea! I took the first pill right before my treatment, along with my other pre-meds (Tylenol, Benadryl, etc.). I then took the other two tablets on Day 2 and Day 3. GREAT STUFF!!!0
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Hello All!
Q --- I was telling my husband the other day that he is the only one in my life who has been with me during this whole diagnosis. He works 2nd shift but he has seen me cry more in the last 6 months than during our 32 years of marriage. When I have a problem and he can't talk to me about it, he tells me to talk to my friends on the board---all of you! Thank you...
I am expected to be "over it" by now. No one wants to hear about anything except that I am doing great, which I am not. I really hurt with the expanders and I have been running a low grade fever.
To get recurrence thoughts out of my head, I dream of living on the beach with no bugs. I am looking forward to 2 weddings and the birth of my first grandchildren---twins! But sometimes, I just cry. This fatigue has got to go. I have some good hours and then I crash.
Take care all!
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Beth, just remember you're not the only one, we've all been there and done that, unless one has gone through our experience they don't know crap! They try, but will never know even our MO, PD, RO, Surgeons, chemo nurses, family, and friends especially, so don't expect too much out of them, at least u have us!
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Naan ~ I couldn't agree more. I told my MO jokingly (well sort of
) that to be fair all onclogists should be required to try a few infusions so they can really relate to their patients. He said that he knew it was a hard thing for us to get through. Damned right! LOL! 0 -
I think my chemo nurse is more knowledgeable than my MO, and she told me so too that the onc don't know crap!
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I hear all of you about the emotions. Hope they even out! And, GrandmaV, I keep my mouth shut alot except to a very select few...you all, of course, and one or 2 friends that have either been there or just understand.
Funny dream last night! I am 5 weeks out and no hair yet...I dreamt that when it started growing in, it came out in several spots like the old Barbie dolls...push a button and instant long hair. But only in a couple spots! And all different colors! So weird. So I cut all the long pieces to have it all even and it kept growing faster in some spots! Had to smile when I woke up. Showing a little more anxiety than I realize, I guess!
Andi
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Thank you everyone for your support! What an emotional roller coaster the last few days have been. I did get good news from my ortho...first he scared me after looking at my ER x-rays and his first set...he said he had to decide if the ankle needed a cast or "fixing" and with that I said--What do you mean by fixing? He said surgery.....with that my whole world crumbled for a little while.....I had to have some stress views--where they push your ankle one way and your foot the other to see the joint space....it was determined in the end between him and his partner that I was borderline but on the Good side! Finally something good is happening. I couldn't believe it. I was fit with a CAM walking boot. Of course I broke it and it hurts like crazy!! But--I can move forward with my TRAM surgery. He said it is stable enough for the OR table and he would let my surgeon know. I can't describe the level of relief. My friend said she could see the difference in my face. I am so done with being tested....hoping to deal with the pain of the TRAM-get it over and moving on. At least the pain meds will help with this ankle pain. It is not horrible but it woke me last night.
thank you all so much and Blessings to you all!!
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It sure does seem like many of us keep much of this inside. A patient of mine (who has become a friend somewhat) asked who I talk with about things. I said that I really keep my own counsel. I do have friends that I can talk here and there with but I generally don't talk about much other that the superficial stuff. Not sure that I feel the need to do that. I don't really think much of recurrence-- not putting my head in the sand but this isn't my first cancer and I have lost any delusions.
Yesterday, I was sitting outside talking with one of my young (residential treatment) patients. She was dwelling and crying over a past memory-- something she recalled as good-- I think that the word ruminate would be better and she was making herself miserable. She asked how I did it. I told her I only live in the right here and now. That is hard to do when people push you for committment to things --really hard-- it gets people aggravated. So what.... I do plan but not much. Life is quite different and really not that bad!
Dreams-- Andimom! I had this dream that my chest cavities (where my breasts and muscle used to be was filled with muscle ... not sure what that means other than wanted to look BUFF!!! LOL Maybe it was going to the gym and feeling like a cross (phsyically) between an guy and a gal!!! RFLMBO
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Boneseye,
Glad things are moving forward in a more positive way. Boy do you deserve it.
The unmentionable topics, I find that if I say anything that can be percevied as "giving up" folks are all over me. I am not giving up, just really trying to manage what the fututre may or may not hold. Acceptance for whatever the outcome seems to bring me some level of peace. The worry about reoccurance can be so overwhelming.
Gentle day to all
Nel
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Echoing so much of what has been said. I don't let things out too much except to certain folks. I joked yesterday at work that I would be in that 1% whose hair never grows back! I work at a church and we have a female counselor that heard me say that, and said, "Don't go there, Andi. That's no way to think...come with me, I have a free hour!" I'm not really thinking that, and we laughed about it, but there are certainly things that nobody else needs to hear. Except you all who understand.
Q, I love that dream! I don't care about buff as much as I do about being done with these expanders! (by the way, I smile every time I type "Q"...that is our daughter's nickname!)
Bonseye, SO glad you got some good news! Long road, but not as difficult, maybe? We need as few side journeys as possible!
Nel, I understand...I'm not giving up either, but we need to vent and be realistic at times. I agree with in you trying to manage the 'what ifs'. I have SO much to be thankful for and most days, have a deep sense of peace. But, there is no denying that this is one heck of a journey.
Andi
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Q
You rock!
One of the things I learned during chemo is how to take one day or moment at a time, and truly know that daily, weekly, monthly, yearly things will pass and be replaced with hopefully better things.0 -
I have a question for everyone--I have tried taking the L Glutamine and each time I try it, I have found that I lose all my energy. Has anyone else had this side effect? I want to have more energy not less and each time, I have a lot less and I don't sleep well. I have taken it Monday and Tuesday and today I can't seem to get going. I use the powder and put 1 teaspoon in a glass of water. It is 4500 mg per serving. I know a lot of you use this and love it but I need my energy back....
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Beth, I looked up the side effects of l-glutamine on webmd and low energy can be a side effect. I took it during chemo and few weeks after chemo for neuropathy but stopped during radiation and haven't started it again. But when I was taking it, I only took a 500mg tablet. Maybe someone else will know more about it.0
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HELP! I had my 2nd AC this afternoon with EMEND (oral 125 mg) and Decadron in pre-meds. I have since taken Compazine (per nurses recommendation) and ginger (1000mg) but still feeling VERY queasy! Any suggestions???
Thanks!
CC 0 -
CC, my on hand nausea meds were Reglan, Zofran and Ativan in that order. I also took Decadron the day before chemo and for a couple of days afterwards. I found the Ativan pretty good, but I never had major nausea. I would call your onc if you don't get relief from what they've prescribed for you. My onc told me that no one should have to suffer through severe nausea these days. I hope you feel better soon.0
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Csquared
I liked reeds ginger ale and candied ginger from health food store, try bland foods like jello or baked potato or whole grain toast. Good luck it will be over soon. Are you taking zofran also? Keep on schedule with it for a few days.0 -
CC I agree with Tipnas and FLislander, If you have other anti-nausea meds from your doctor, go ahead and try one of those. Ginger ale (make sure it has real ginger in it) worked for me the most and ginger snaps, I also had to stick strictly to a bland diet called Brat, bananas, rice, apple, toast for about a week each time. Don't hesitate to call your onco even at night, someone at your center should be on call. That's what they are for. If you do start vomiting you will get dehydrated very quickly and may need IV fluids. So please call them right away. I hope you get relief soon.
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