Lumpectomy Lounge....let's talk!
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~Poodles~
I am so sorry about your mother. I lost my mother to a stroke in September. I had not been able to see her while I was recovering from surgery & during radiation. She lived in Michigan, but I talked to her every week. I did finally get to see her last August and we had two wonderful weeks together. She died seven weeks later. My point here is my siblings: my brother & his wife took care of Mother and were with her when she passed; my sister didn't have the time! She actually put her friend's needs before our mother and told her that in a letter-that her friend needed her more right now & would see her when she found the time! She never found the time and now moans and cries about how much she misses HER mother. I have no sympathy for people like that.
~kd~
Yes,I did work in a public library for 13 years. I loved the first 10 years, the last 3 not so much. I retired last August after being in the "work world" for 34 years.
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Velvet Poppy, sorry about the loss of your mother. Welcome KLNiss. Has your surgeon said it's OK to raise your arm above your head already? I had to wait until I was healed.
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Poodles, so very sorry about your mom. I know just how hard it is to see that happen, especially to a mom. I don't mean to be a Pollyanna, but could it be that your brother is afraid to actually see your mom now? Sometimes, people just can't deal with the loss of a parent and it's easier to accept from a distance. I know that may not apply here, and maybe he is an asshole, but maybe he's just not able to deal with it. Not an excuse, but maybe just a reason?
I was with my mom everyday in the hospital at the end. She had multiple myeloma, and often was "the other" as well. She'd get upset with me for trying to get her to eat, etc. but I wouldn't have changed anything. My younger sister came from New York the day after she passed. I knew it was simply too much for her to see our mom at the very end. Please try to just focus on the good memories and love for your mom.
Welcome KLNiss, but wish you didn't have to join us all here. But we guarantee, you won't find a more supportive and knowledgeable group of women than those on this site. Hope your recovery from the surgery is smooth.
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(((Poodles))). I'm with Peggy on this one—your brother's acting like a jerk because he is afraid, not just in denial. But that is an explanation, not an excuse. He needs to man up.
KLNiss, OncotypeDX is not done on hormone-receptor-negative invasive tumors, since they always require chemo. Besides, you already had chemo. Where in Brooklyn are you? I grew up in Brownsville & E. Flatbush—and my husband Bob (from Bellerose, Queens) & I met at Brooklyn College (48 yrs ago—as of June we'll have been married 46 yrs., knock wood, kinahurrah, etc.).
My BFF had EMLA cream applied 1/2 hr. before her wire localization & SNB injections before her BMX—she said she didn't feel a thing.
Here is my “unbalanced balcony" tale of woe. My boobs, Thelma (L) & Louise (R) have always been slightly mismatched—Thelma's always been a little bigger, but both were pendulous—sorta like basset-hound ears. My lumpectomy made Louise—while still very large—rounder and perkier. But for the scar on the side, you'd think nothing had been messed with. But Louise is now a 38H and Thelma a J or even K—hence, I’m splitting the difference and wearing a 38 or 40 I or J bra. Having recently joined a gym, I decided water aerobics—or at least swimming—might be a good idea and a changeup from the cardio and strength training I started a few wks ago.
So yesterday I tried on my swimsuits. Oy. From my pre-cancer (ergo, pre-pity-party-eating) days, the size 16 Speedo from Costco barely made it up my rump. Its size 18 sister fit perfectly…on the right side. However, most of Thelma is “laterally" exposed on the left. And that's without getting in the pool and waving my arms around. And we won't even talk about that adorable 36FF Fantasie hook-in-back I bought back in 2013 at the peak of my post-knee-replacement weight loss (due to diet and a shitload of PT). Fortunately, just after rads I bought a two-piece Panache skirted “tankini" in a 38 (gulp) N cup (Louise's seroma had been, uh, “radiation-enhanced" with a bulge along the outside). Never did get to use it—had no occasion to swim.
I pulled the tankini on overhead—its underwire bra cups inverted and I nearly put my eye out on the top center underwire peak, where the cleavage would be. Tried again—this time it poked me in the nose. So I stepped into it—it took some major wrestling to keep the underwires from flipping up, and the underwire peak threatened to give me a tracheostomy, but I managed, and it does fit nicely and keeps the girls fully covered (albeit being slightly—only slightly—big in the bust but snug on my jelly-belly). A bikini is out of the question—I have so many cat scratches on my midriff (from a very affectionate kitty who loves to knead but turns into “Mr. Hyde" if I try to trim his claws) that I get very tired of explaining no, I'm not a “cutter" nor a victim of domestic abuse. I ordered a Fantasie one-piece in 40 J (UK HH) so we will see when it arrives. I need one suit to wear while the other dries.
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Sandy, what challenges you are having with your bathing suits. It must be difficult when the girls are not at all the same size. Ugh. I'm lucky that I fit in Lands End tankinis. I really want another one which I absolutely don't need since I haven't been swimming in ages - I sit in the sun. I hope your new suit works perfectly! BTW, my DIL (married to #1 son) is from Queens and still sounds like a New Yorker.
HUGS!
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The shot numbing the area for the wire and injection was the worst for me. Someone should also tell you that you will pee blue for a couple of days too!
I have a question how to deal with a husband that tells people that his wife had a little cancer thing and nothing to worry about. He has no clue why I'm so emotional. I had him read a pamphlet the OR gave me but still acts like I had a silver removed. I'm still freaking out that I had two different cancer diagnosis's in 13 months.
How does everyone else relax? I start radiation in 2 days
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Boston, you have every right to be freaked out. I bet your husband would be freaked out if the situation was reversed!
Personally, I'd have a hard time keeping myself from unleashing a slew of choice words upon him for his insensitivity. So perhaps I'm not the best one to advise on how to handle it. LOL
But the calmer part of me wonders if he isn't taking your diagnoses seriously because he's having trouble handling something he's helpless to fix?
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Poodles - My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. So sorry your brother hasn't risen to the occasion, but happy you have your sisters at your side.
Sandy - on vacation and have had to struggle with a bathing suit daily. Almost spit out my coffee reading about your adventures. Thanks for the smile😂😂
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Lex, I think you are right. Last year when I had a total hysterectomy, I was in a lot of pain especially getting up and down off the toilet. Also had a hard time getting in and our of bed. When I mentioned this he changed all three toilets to the higher ones and got a small step we use in our RV. He fixes things and he can't fix this.
He did tell a mutual friend that he is very worried but he can't lose it, because then I will and he couldn't handle it.
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Poodles - Echoing all the thoughts everyone else has written about your mom and dealing with your brother. Time spent with your mom now will ultimately give you a sense of peace as you will know that you did all you could.
Sandy - Your description of the bathing suit woes was superb - you have a definite flare for words. Wow, on the # years married!
Re: NY "connections", daughter currently lives in Astoria, Queens.
BostonTerrierMom - They did tell me about the blue pee, which I nicknamed "smurf pee", but I agree with you about the wire & injection. Is your husband one of those cool as a cucumber men? Mine is a Brit & is low key when telling others about my cancer/treatment - believe this is with good intentions as he is a private person & does not want to be an alarmist. However, he is very good with my emotions and giving me TLC. You are in the right place, though, if you want to express your emotions here - believe most of us have experienced some overwhelming ones during this journey. Relaxation - Have tried deep breathing, aromatherapy, listening to "healing" music or meditative words/prayers, gentle yoga, chamomile tea.
Healing thoughts and hugs to all.
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Dear Poodles: I am sending you hugs. It is so difficult to watch your mom go through this.
Dear BostonTerrierMoM; Can you have a "heart to heart" with your husband and let him know how you are feeling? He needs to realize that you are dealing with a major issue and your bc should not be described as a " a little cancer thing and nothing to worry about". Good luck. I hope that you can work things out with your husband.
Dear KLNiss: Welcome, prayers, and hugs. Good luck.
Dear VelvetPoppy: I sympathize with you. I am angry that you had to endure such awful phlebotomists. My mother has major issues too.
Dear Lexicoe: Good luck with whatever your doctors decided.
Dear TBalding: I am still exhausted all of the time.
Dear Dara: I'm glad that you were able to be with your mom in the end.
Dear Molly: How are you feeling?
Dear Natsera: Good luck getting a sleeve.
Dear KDTheatre: I hope that you will never need another procedure!!!
Dear Caligirl: Yes, it is hard to get back to a normal life. It is also hard to deal with some of the comments that people say. People think that they are being helpful, but sometimes, people say ridiculous things.
Dear Sandy: My grandparents lived in Brooklyn: Borough Park and Bensonhurst. I worked in NYC, mostly in Brooklyn, as a caseworker in foster care.
Dear Peggy: Thanks for all of your support, as always.
Dear IHGJAnn49 and ItalyChick: Hello.
Hi and hugs to whomever I missed.
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CeliaC, thank you for your kind works. Like I said my emotions are all over the place. My DH has been good doing our business. We are both Bail Bond Agents and on call 24/7. I told him I couldn't deal with people right and he stepped up to the plate. I don't want him to be a worry wart but at least acknowledge how scary this is for me. Actually, I'm not sure what I want but I know I went off on him when he told someone I had a little cancer thing.
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~Boston~
I am 14 months out of surgery, 11 months out of radiation and I am just now beginning to relax. I try to keep busy so I don't think about what happened to me, but it also helps to be able to talk to someone who has "been there". I still worry about it coming back even though I have been told countless times by my BS, RO & MO that the cancer(s) were gone with the biopsies. This is a scary thing to have happen to you.
I don't know what to say about your husband. Mine came with me for all of the consults, tests, surgery and follow-ups. He even came with me for the first few radiation treatments. He helped me dress & bathe. But he was also very afraid for me. He did everything he could to help me feel better because he was afraid he would lose me. When his relatives asked about my cancer, he downplayed it to spare me endless questions and well-meaning advice. Perhaps your husband is doing the same for you?
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Velvet poppy, I didn't have him come with me for my first visit with my MO, I thought it was going to be a follow up after surgery and no need for him to be there. What a mistake that was! The following day he went with me to to meet my OR. I loved the OR and was so relieved my DH & Iwalked out of there on the same page. Everything I have read says you need to tell your caretaker how you're feeling, guess I need to do a better job
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~Boston~
Don't feel bad. It's hard to open up when you are full of conflicting emotions. There were times I didn't understand my own feelings and, yes, I went off on him,too. I didn't mean to, but it happened.
I think what may have helped was he had to change the dressing that was covering the steri-stitches. He saw what had been done to me! He heard me struggling to get into a comfortable position next to him at night when I couldn't get to sleep. He had to hook my bra for me until I was allowed to raise my arm. He had to do a lot for me for several weeks.
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KLNiss, glad your surgery went well. Did they give you excercises to do? Like Peggy, I found the node site to be the most annoying. At first my underarm & armpit had a raw, bruised feeling that was uncomfortable. Then after about a week or so both areas went numb which was preferable to the raw, bruised feeling. 10 months later, the feeling is starting to slowly come back.
Boston, I'm usually the strong one in our family and for the first time my husband had to be the strong one. If he was worried he didn't let on. I believe he had close friends he talked to when I want around that held him cope. As far as coping during all the tx, I tried to stay busy and to do "normal" things. This helped me not focus on all that I had to get through. Also doing "normal" things like continuing Zumba class during tx made me feel in control, plus I got positive energy from my friends in the class. And also I reached out to the great group of lumpies here
Sandy, your stories are always so interesting & funny. I sympathize with finding a swimsuit. I don't care what size I am, I can't ever find one to suit me.
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It is hard to feel normal after being diagnosed with breast cancer and undergoing treatments. Worry and anxiety are part of this journey for most of us. (I tend to be a worrier.) This website is so awesome. Thank you so much ladies. I also received a lot of help through my breast cancer support group. I found out about Dragon Boating through a member of my support group. I am now a part of our Breast Cancer Survivor Dragon Boat Racing Team which has been invaluable for me. It is excellent exercise and the camaraderie is wonderful. (People can dragon boat any time they want - as long as there are enough people to fill the boat - even if they are not breast cancer survivors. However, only breast cancer survivors can race on the team.) I met many great people as a result of my breast cancer dx and tx. I feel very lucky for that aspect of this ordeal. Good luck.
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Bob is very calm & low-key and hates drama & attention. Had we not been seated with two of his colleagues also receiving 25-yr awards at the hospital dinner last week, he probably wouldn’t have stood when his name was called. When I was a panelist on Oprah back in 1990 (the topic was regaining weight after a major loss), the producers asked him to come on and, from the audience, relate his experiences with patients trying to maintain their weight losses. One would have thought they’d asked him to strip to his shorts and pole-dance. He went to work, as usual, instead. When he nearly died in spring-summer 2015 (just before my bc adventure) because of first a botched colonoscopy and then being mismanaged nearly into heart failure, he “didn’t want to be a bother.” I had to speak up and insist the attending cardiologist pay him a visit (he took it from there and finally insisted on writing his own medication orders and having the attending sign them). He refused to even entertain the thought of suing either facility (the endo clinic that perf'ed his colon or the hospital that fluid-overloaded him): “I’m an invasive cardiologist—there but for the grace of God…” he said.
I don’t know what he’s told his colleagues about my cancer but is matter-of-fact with our friends without sugar-coating any of it. I look at our friends and realize that at our ages we’re all vulnerable—two have COPD (one a brittle diabetic with osteoporosis so bad she broke a hip and is disabled, the other with a stent & pulmonary hypertension—and his wife has scleroderma), one had non-small-cell lung cancer (in remission after neoadjuvant chemo & rads): another had two stents, lost his longtime GF 20 yrs ago to metastatic laryngeal cancer, his wife is struggling with infertility and now he has early Parkinson’s; and another—after losing her husband to a sudden stroke at 46 and having three stents—had a BMX last year for DCIS & ADH. His ex-partners, a cardiologist & his hematologist wife, both now retired, have (respectively) severe asthma and OA (her hip replacement had to be revised twice ). Another colleague, 18 months retired, has colon cancer and early dementia—and is nonetheless caring for his alcoholic and severely depressed ex-wife. And our neighbor just had a hemicolectomy for early colon cancer.
I just figured it out…I’m a jinx.
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Sandy, that's depressing.
HUGS!
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This thread is so great and is helping me through this new adventure! Mine started last October with a routine mammogram; instead of getting the "Yippee - come back next year" letter, I got one saying they needed to take another look. Had a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound, then a breast MRI, then another ultrasound and needle biopsy. Just saw the surgeon last Thursday and he was able to schedule my lumpectomy for this Friday, March 31, as my husband and I are flying to Denver on April 22 for our grandson's first birthday. The surgeon was able to feel the mass so he said I won't need needle localization. He said I'll have radiation but I don't know any more than that right now. Taking one step at a time.
Over the past 45 years (I just turned 70), I've had four surgical biopsies done - two on each breast and all benign. I feel as though I've dodged the bullet for a long time! I lost my job last November, which I'm now looking at as a good thing because my new job lets me work from home.
My biggest concern about Friday is the anesthesia. I asked the surgeon if he was going to do it under local but he said no, it will be general. My past experience is that I wake up really sick to my stomach. A nurse will be calling me Thursday evening and I'll discuss my options with her/him.
Keep up all the great support, ladies!
MJ
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Tappermom, Welcome! Glad we've been able to help. Re anesthesia nausea, my center gave me Dramamine prior to surgery to prevent nausea. And I had none. You might see if that's an option for you. It can't hurt! Keep in mind this is major surgery even though it is out-patient. And it is different from the surgical biopsies you've had (I also had one 10 years prior to BC). Hope it all goes smoothly. I'll be dancing around in your pocket Friday!! April 22nd is a great day - my late DH and I were married on that date 51 years ago. (We didn't make it to 50 - missed by 7 months).
HUGS!
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Thanks for your encouraging words, Peggy (to me and so many others)! After my hysterectomy eight years ago, they gave me Phenergan for nausea, which worked like a dream. So I'll mention that to the nurse (and a retired pharmacist friend told me about Zofran, which I'll also mention). I'm sure I'll feel you dancing in my pocket!
M
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Dear Tappersmom: Good luck. I hope that you do not have any side effects from the anesthesia.
Dear Sandy: You will laugh at this. I FINALLY found a comfortable bra that fits!!!! It only took me multiple decades to do so. LOL.
Hello everyone else. Somehow I missed a whole page when I responded last time. Sorry.
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Tappermom - Welcome, and more good wishes for you - Just make sure you tell the Dr/Nurse about your issues and get some answers/relief! Hoping all goes well.
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Thank you all for your loving wishes. Mother is being transferred to rehab this evening. She is very weak, barely eating and drinking, vomiting her meds. Shes quite gaunt. She's been diagnosed with metastatic kidney cancer to the liver.
I don't expect rehab to accomplish anything, other than being called rehab and not a nursing home. She will receive skilled nursing. Hospice, if she wants it. She's not ready yet. Even though she is clearly dying. The again, she is cognitively impaired and gets confused often
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Tappermom, welcome! Hope they can give you something to keep you from being sick. Sending positive thoughts your way. Keep us posted.
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Poodles, so sorry to hear about your mom. It must be incredibly hard to deal with this rather sudden turn.
Tapper, they automatically gave me something for nausea during the surgery prep and I had no problems.
I was actually worried they were going to give me too much anesthesia--during a surgical biopsy 6 or so years ago, I apparently tried to get up and off the table during the surgery. I've always been a bit impatient--guess I'd had enough!
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Poodles, at least you know what part of Mom's problems are. It's too bad she appears rational enough to decide whether or not she wants hospice. Maybe you can convince her to get palliative care. That might accomplish the same thing. I know how hard this is for you and wish I could be there to support you. I'm sitting on your shoulder (brush me off if I get too heavy).
HUGS!
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I have my first radiation appointment tomorrow and I'm a little nervous. Weird question......do they cover you up or are bare as a baby's bottom?
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Thank you, Peggy. Mother has lost all her nursing knowledge now. She is very anxious because she knows she's not eating, but she doesn't understand that she has an illness. She calls herself lazy and fool because she doesn't understand why she is so weak. It's really heartbreaking and nothing we say makes a difference. Hopefully, a doctor will come in tomorrow and talk to her. She will listen to and believe anything a male doctor says
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