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Missing My Mom

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InMyAsylum
InMyAsylum Member Posts: 8
edited October 2014 in May Their Memory Live On

Hi,

I don't really know why I'm here or what I want to say.

I just know I can't really talk with the people I love about my mom; how much I miss her, the influence of not having a mom while being in a difficult phase in life, the worries about getting breast cancer myself, ...

I just want to talk to my mom.. You know? There are so many questions I didn't get to ask, so many answers she will not be giving me.. And that hurts so much...

Maybe I'm here to find people who understand it / me, maybe I'm here to find kindred spirits, maybe I'm here to give support (even in the tinniest way I can imagine).. I don't know, but I hope to find out, if that's ok?

Hug,

Sara.

Comments

  • BayouBabe
    BayouBabe Member Posts: 1,467
    edited August 2014
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    Sending you hugs Sara.  I, too, lost my mom to cancer.  She has been gone for eight years now, and not a day goes by that I don't think of her.  I miss her dearly, but know she walks beside me each and every day.  Your mom is with you, too.  Your ears may not be able to hear her answers to your questions, but your heart will.  

  • moderators
    moderators Posts: 8,052
    edited August 2014
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    Many people on here feel the same as missing a mother, and her special bond, can be difficult. You will find others on here with similar feelings that you can discuss your feelings, fears and elations with, in the same way you did with your mom.

    We hope that the BCO Members can help you and you them as there is a lot of feeling that "paying it forward" is important here.

    All the best

    The Mods

  • edwards750
    edwards750 Member Posts: 1,568
    edited August 2014
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    Bayoubabe - what a great response. I lost my mom 10 years ago this November but not to cancer. She did have BC many years ago. Had a MX and was fine. 

    My sister and I both have BC. I def think about my mother esp now. She would understand what my sister and I are going through. 

    Diane 

  • InMyAsylum
    InMyAsylum Member Posts: 8
    edited August 2014
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    Thank you for your responses. I too think about my mom every minute of every day. I carry her wedding ring on a necklace, close to my heart. I never leave the house without it.

    edwards750 - I wish you and your sister all the strenght and courage you need.

  • edwards750
    edwards750 Member Posts: 1,568
    edited August 2014
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    Thank you. So far, so good. I'm 3 1/2 years out; my sister is 2. She has ILC. 

    I have a lot of my mom's crafts that she tole painted in my house. She was so talented. One of the hardest times for us is Mother's Day and Father's Day - lost my dad too. 

    That is so sweet wearing her ring. She will always be close to you. 

    Diane 

  • Ariom
    Ariom Member Posts: 4,027
    edited August 2014
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    Beautiful, Bayoubabe!

    Never a day goes by that I don't think about my Mother too. She was Dx with BC in '94, just 4 months after my Dad passed. I was terrified I would lose them both. She had a radical Mx and Axillary clearance and almost died from a serious infection, but she survived and although she was a beautiful, sophisticated lady, she also had a wicked sense of humor. I am sure the way she coped with her experience, was what made my own experience an easy one.

    My Mother went on to pass from another illness, but I was able to care for her, for several years before she had to go in to care. I was so grateful to be able to give back, to her. She and my Dad were sensational parents.

    I had some pieces of my Mother's jewellery melted down and remade, I wear a ring that has her wedding ring incorporated into it with the diamonds from her eternity rings, gypsy set into it. I also had several of her bracelets and chains made into 2 heavy gold golf bangles that I wear all the time. She is always with me!

  • InMyAsylum
    InMyAsylum Member Posts: 8
    edited August 2014
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    Hi (again...),

    I like to colour. For some reason it calms me down and for a moment I don't have to think about anything. I like that feeling a lot !

    Since I'm 26, I like colouring pages for adults. They are very time-consuming (mostly because I'm a perfectionist) :-) I have found a beautiful colouring page with ribbons and butterflies on it. I decided to give my own meaning to it. I've taken three pictures of it and I would like to share it with you, if that's okay?

    ...

    The pink ribbons represent breast cancer awareness. My mom lost her fight 2 years ago and I miss her very much. The purple-ish ribbons represent eating disorders awareness... The battle I am currently fighting. I gave the butterflies 'happy colours', because they represent hope (for a cure, for getting better, for fighting against a disease, for ....). A few butterflies are black. Each year a lot of people die because of these diseases and that's how I wanted to represent that in my colouring page.

    I'm curious though what you think of it....

    Hugs,

    Sara.

    image

    image

    image

  • InMyAsylum
    InMyAsylum Member Posts: 8
    edited August 2014
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    Really??

  • InMyAsylum
    InMyAsylum Member Posts: 8
    edited August 2014
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    Thank you, that means a lot to me..

  • pumela115
    pumela115 Member Posts: 48
    edited August 2014
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    hi!

    I too lost my mom 6 years ago not from cancer. I miss her so much, I think about her every day too, like you ladies. I just wanted to tell you I love your picture. It is really beautiful!!! Thanks for sharing it with us. 

    Pam

  • birdlady222
    birdlady222 Member Posts: 185
    edited August 2014
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    Sara, this is beautiful!  I love the way you honored your mom with the pink ribbons, and also gave meaning with the purple for yourself. 

    I miss my mom every day and I understand.  It is good for you to find a way to express yourself.  Thanks for sharing...Birdlady

  • Ariom
    Ariom Member Posts: 4,027
    edited August 2014
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    I miss my Mother so much too, it has been 11 years today since she passed and there isn't a day I don't think of her.

    Hugs to you Sara, very beautiful.

  • InMyAsylum
    InMyAsylum Member Posts: 8
    edited August 2014
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    Thank you so much! It means a great deal to me!

  • K51
    K51 Member Posts: 2
    edited August 2014
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    Dear Sara, you are very talented. you should go to art school! Very nice to remember your mother in such a beautiful way!  Take one day at a time Sara-try to focus on what you will need to make you happy moving forward- stay involved with everything and everyone that you can, will make life worth living.

  • InMyAsylum
    InMyAsylum Member Posts: 8
    edited October 2014
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    Hi

    Here in Belgium, autumn has just begun. Days are getting colder. This used to be the start of cozy days; when it was cold, gray and rainy outside and warm, cozy, comforting inside. I used to love this time of year, just like my mom. It was she who made our house a home, with all the love and warmth you can imagine. She was creative, always finding new things to make and decorate our home with. We used to go to the park and collect leaves and have a great time..

    As much as I want to be happy it's autumn again, as much as I want to enjoy the cold days with the fire burning inside, a warm blanket and a good book (just like my mom and I used to do together)... That's how much I miss her (here I'm crying again...), how much I realise she's missing so much, how much I realise I want to talk to her one more time, to hug her one more time..

    I want to enjoy this time of year so much, but I just don't seem able to do that this year. It's the 3th autumn she's missing, but this year I seem to have more difficulties with it...

    I'm sorry, I'm rambling...

    Greets...

    Sara.

  • nancy2581
    nancy2581 Member Posts: 407
    edited October 2014
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    Sara your artwork is beautiful.  Your mother would be proud.  I am very sorry you had to say goodbyeto  her. Though my mom is still with me I lost my dad when I was 13.  It was hard to lose him and even today almost 40 years later I still think of him.  I hope you can think about all the happy times you and your mom shared.  Those memories will bring a smile to your face.

    Lots of hugs

    Nancy

  • K51
    K51 Member Posts: 2
    edited October 2014
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    Hi Sara,

    Hang in there! It will get better... you will never forget and you are not supposed too.. Keep the beautiful memories, they will take you a long way.... Focused on your art-sounds like your mother is everywhere inside of you. You are so young, so make great use of it- while you can. Keep in contact with your friends and family, keep moving forward in your life in a most positive way- I for sure know that your mother would want that for you. Anytime you need to come on here -do so... Take Care Sara

    P.S- I lost my father in December of 2013- our relationship was not the best- but I try to focus on how he always try to help me when I needed him- and in  his own way he really did care- and I am left with how I have a strong drive to succeed in my everyday life- and most of that comes from him! 

  • InMyAsylum
    InMyAsylum Member Posts: 8
    edited October 2014
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    Thanks for the replies... It means a lot to me....

    Heading towards Halloween, one of our favorite holidays.. At least, it used to be. Without my mom, everything seems to lost meaning.... I feel like I'm wining, but I just miss her so much. I really want to enjoy these dark days, the smell of autumn, etc etc etc... But I don't know how.

    They say time heals all wounds, but that's a lie. Every day, every hour, every minute, every second I miss her more and more. It doesn't get any easier, just harder and harder to breathe and to live without her ..

    Sorry ...

  • Ariom
    Ariom Member Posts: 4,027
    edited October 2014
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    Sara, I am so sorry to hear how you are suffering. I breaks my heart to hear you speak of how you feel. I do understand how much your  Mother meant to you, but the last thing she would want, is for you miss out on your life, because you are grieving so much for her.

    Your Mother may not be here, but she is in your heart and all the wonderful memories you have of her. I believe she is still around you, as I believe my Mother is around me, too. I know it's hard to break the habit and start something new, but how about trying something a little different, just once a week. Do you have friends? Do you belong to a Church or any support groups? How about a little volunteering for a cause that was special to you and your Mother? Don't think for a moment, if you start to live again that it is detracting from you remembering your Mother, it is quite the opposite, all that you learned at her side will be put to good use, for the good of others and you'll feel better too.

    You will never stop loving and missing your Mother, that's a given, but think about how proud she'd be of you moving on, and getting back into life again. Hugs to you!