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In Memoriam

moderators
moderators Posts: 7,657
edited November 2016 in May Their Memory Live On
This thread is a discussion for how to handle acknowledging members who have departed. Please see the In Memoriam List from the BCO Community thread to add a member's or a loved one's name to the list. Thank you.
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Comments

  • ruthbru
    ruthbru Member Posts: 46,700
    edited October 2016

    Well, basically this will 'kill' both threads. Since it is already in place, I think that people who have a problem with it should have opt OUT in their profile areas, not opt IN (which is so creepy that I, who may be the only person who read this notice, don't think I will do it, even though I would be glad to be remembered as an angel or as a whatever the case may be).

  • badger
    badger Member Posts: 24,938
    edited October 2016

    Mods, with all due respect, this is a bad idea. It's hard enough to be diagnosed with breast cancer. We have to make many terrible decisions. Please don't ask people to pre-select and post their choice for post-mortem notification on BCO. IMHO it's cruel and will frighten the newbies. Please re-consider, thanks.

  • meow13
    meow13 Member Posts: 1,363
    edited October 2016

    The way I feel today, i think this is it for me. Having a really hard time with back pain.

    I want to thank everyone who has supported me. I don't think I can pick that option on my biography, I will let my husband take of adding to the list.

    I just can't stop crying today.

  • mab60
    mab60 Member Posts: 365
    edited October 2016

    agree with ruthbru and badger

  • minustwo
    minustwo Member Posts: 12,989
    edited October 2016

    Sorry to say that I also agree. I think the only sensible thing is to "opt out" if you really don't want anything posted.

  • ruthbru
    ruthbru Member Posts: 46,700
    edited October 2016

    Thinking of you, Meow13.

  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 4,631
    edited October 2016

    Dear mods,

    Having closely followed the thread that "gave birth" to this one, I want to thank you for your efforts to make everyone happy, however, I'm afraid that will never happen.Your job must seem pretty darn near impossible at times

  • nihahi
    nihahi Member Posts: 1,068
    edited October 2016

    Politically correct.... Emotionally so wrong.

  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Member Posts: 814
    edited October 2016
    No one should be forced to opt out of anything. This is supposed to be a safe place and where peoples privacy is respected by default. As if a newcomer hasn't got enough on their plate without being told, "and while you're signing up you must opt out if you don't want someone to include you on a list if you die" How insensitive is that. It is far worse than what has been put in place now. People should get permission before they take it on themselves to decide how someones demise is dealt with.
  • ruthbru
    ruthbru Member Posts: 46,700
    edited October 2016

    It is disturbing to opt out or in.....so I guess the memorial threads will cease to exist.

  • meow13
    meow13 Member Posts: 1,363
    edited October 2016

    Thanks Ruthbru, I am having a very emotional day. Feel alittle better.

  • ruthbru
    ruthbru Member Posts: 46,700
    edited October 2016

    Glad you are feeling a little better, Meow. Heart

  • traveltext
    traveltext Member Posts: 1,050
    edited October 2016

    Thanks Mods for reacting to the wishes of those who don't want to appear on the Angles thread. I've just changed by biographical details authorizing my listing on this new thread.

    Members note, there is now an opt in for those wishing to be on either thread. If you do nothing you are, by default, opting out and you'll appear on neither thread. This is best practice web etiquette.

    As to newbies being scared off, there's no indication in the settings that you need to either opt in or opt out of memorial threads by adding text to your biography. In fact, Mods, this should be made clearer. If I hadn't been involved in this thread early on and there notified about this update, I'd have no idea of the action now necessary to have my passing listed on any thread. Therefore there'll be hardly anyone listed on either list unless the Community understands the new process.




  • AmyQ
    AmyQ Member Posts: 821
    edited October 2016

    The Angels thread has many non-BCO members included at the request of BCO members, so in theory if this "policy" is to stand there will be no mention in the future of anyone else. Seems heartless to have such a strict policy at such a difficult time when we lose a valued BCO member, friend of family member.

    Let those who dislike being listed as an Angel make their wishes known but leave the rest of us alone, to be listed as an Angel when our time comes. This also allows our non-members to be included, to the peace of those who loved them.

    Amy

  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 4,631
    edited October 2016

    traveltext,

    Thanks for your post, as I did not see a specific way to indicate my wishes. So, what you're saying is that I need to add a sentence to my bio that indicates that I would like to be on a memorial or Angels thread

  • shepkitty
    shepkitty Member Posts: 878
    edited October 2016

    Well said Amy!

    "Let those who dislike being listed as an Angel make their wishes known but leave the rest of us alone, to be listed as an Angel when our time comes. This also allows our non-members to be included, to the peace of those who loved them."

    Most members stick to one or two threads as their usual hang-outs. I only stumbled upon this discussion by accident. This opt in/out issue is unknown to most. Death weighs heavy on all our minds. Picking out a choice for how I want my demise "listed" is quite an unsettling thought, to say the least.

    Cherishing our friendships while "here" now; Celebrating our friends who have passed on.....

    Please Mods - No Changes

  • traveltext
    traveltext Member Posts: 1,050
    edited October 2016

    Yes, brnxgrl, you need to add a sentence in your biography section saying which thread you'd like to appear on. Now that I've thought more about this obscure way of indicating intentions on were to be listed, I'm not a fan of it. I mean, this should not be a biographical item at all. And unless there's an explanation somewhere about listing options nobody will know the procedure. Mods, let's make choosing an option a transparent and respectful process.


  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Member Posts: 814
    edited October 2016

    Mods, I want to thank you that you really tried hard on this to get the best solution possible for as many as possible. Even though I didn't agree with everything, I aint gonna cry like a baby. I agree for the most part with the core of what you've done. I feel your intention for this thread has been disrespected - you gave ample opportunity in the other thread dealing with all this when I brought it up again (Edited to clarify: that was, I brought it up in the privacy thread, which the Mods replied to in hydrannes thread) as some of us feel it wasn't resolved - you asked for people to put forth their ideas and opinions. Why should people come here now and intentionally complain here, where it's supposed to be a respectful place. Is it possible to move these comments to hydrannes thread where it's appropriate and where this was discussed over months? -- or even make a new thread. I want to apologize for even commenting here. I have a few suggestions which I'll make on hydrannes thread.

  • badger
    badger Member Posts: 24,938
    edited October 2016

    Musical, sorry but I had no intent to be disrespectful. There is no way to know this thread was requested by the Community following months of negotiation unless one was in on that discussion. That intention should have been made clear in the original post. Then people like me would not have even posted here and this thread could have been used for its intended purpose. Namaste.

  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Member Posts: 814
    edited October 2016
    "That intention should have been made clear in the original post"

    Do you mean in this thread? If so, what do you think according to the title? - A new "In memorium" thread is somewhere where people are respectfully memorized .... or a place for people to discuss/disagree/disparage/whatever. In any case, though I think it's self explanatory maybe the Mods could put something like "for memorial posts only"
  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Member Posts: 814
    edited October 2016
    kayb - yes I'm hoping the Mods will move these posts sooner rather than later. It's sorta like stomping on someones grave here. Sorry to be graphic but that's what it feels like. Hydrannes thread was started in early January. Been going around 10 months now, though it was quiet for a while with no resolution, but plenty of people posted. I agree the title may not have drawn them in though but the thread was pretty visible (Edited to add: In the active topics). In any case the Mods have finally done something and I'm pleased. It doesn't mean it cant be commented on and fine tuned. Even in this thread I've seen some beneficial thoughts.

    Mods lets leave this thread for what was intended. I hope it fills up very very slowly. BC is so horrid.
  • ruthbru
    ruthbru Member Posts: 46,700
    edited October 2016

    If this is the policy going forward; I would suggest that there should be some note made when new people are registering so they know about it, and that it should be bumped regularly for those who do not check the Active Topics very often.

    Okay, that's all I will say. Signing off.........

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited October 2016

    I fell into this this thread by happenstance. (Took me 58 years to be able to use that word in a sentence!) If I hadn't seen it I would not know I had to do something!!! After my thousands of posts I bloody well BETTER be remembered!! I've poured my heart and soul into many threads here at bco and will check the Angel thread when I'm worried about someone I haven't seen in a while.

    Perhaps bios could have an "end date" inserted so we don't PM or post about people who have died. It breaks my heart to see someone ask Konakat or Marybe a question when I know they are long gone.

    As for privacy. What the hell???? If someone wants to know that barbe1958 has died let them know!!!!! If you're worried about privacy use a personal diary with paper and pen. And then burn it before you die or someone might read it!!!

    Come on ladies don't make this bigger than it has to be. Opt out if you want but leave those of us loyal to bco being added in memorium.

  • chrissyb
    chrissyb Member Posts: 11,438
    edited October 2016

    On you Barbe! I have been around these threads for a few years now and lost many friends I have made and it soothes my soul to be able to go to the Angels Thread and know that they are remembered. I even added one of our Aussie girls to the thread just last week.........a young woman who knew many here also.

    I, like Barbe, fell into this thread by happenstance and didn't know there was even a discussion on this topic.

    I am happy to be remembered on either thread and if someone wants to look me up after I'm gone then so be it......my husband is not computer literate so there would be no problem there.

  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Member Posts: 814
    edited October 2016
    It's one thing to express opinions but to tell people to burn diaries and such is just an insensitive cheapshot as is equating loyalty to BCO with necessarily being added to a memorial. How condescending. Many people value their privacy. On the net some people would do more about it if they could and I'm here to speak for them whoever they may be.
  • traveltext
    traveltext Member Posts: 1,050
    edited October 2016

    barbe and chrissyb, you are ignoring the request for the right to privacy that has been argued over the year by people concerned about this issue. The Mods decided to give members the right not to be listed and chose the opt in method to institute this.Therefore, no member can be listed under either the Memoriam or the Angels thread unless they give permission in the biography section of their personal settings. How this will be enforced is anyone's guess, and how this new policy will be announced to all existing and new members, ditto.


  • chrissyb
    chrissyb Member Posts: 11,438
    edited October 2016

    Traveltext, I have already gone to my profile and opted in.

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited October 2016

    IF YOU ARE CONCERNED ABOUT PRIVACY, DON'T POST IN A PUBLIC FORUM.

    Not condescending, just common sense....but common sense isn't so common, is it?

  • traveltext
    traveltext Member Posts: 1,050
    edited October 2016

    chrissyb, in your biography section you have simply written: Opt in. The the mods are wanting us to indicate which of the memorial forums, if any, we'd prefer to be listed in. I guess your answer covers either.


  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited October 2016

    I'm still confused on how someone could "steal your identity" because you are on a memorium post. You've been posting all along here on bco in different threads and yet when you die you'd be vulnerable if you're listed in one or two specific threads...I don't get it.