Family Is Very Disappointing
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Hey there:
On my first BC dx 14 years ago, my family was not there for me and it shocked me. No one called to see how I was, no one offered support. I was really upset about it for years after my dx because I always thought our family would pull together for each other.
On my second BC dx this time, I didn't expect support and it was alot easier. My family and I are somewhat estranged now after the first time and I have made new friends who are there for me now. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself thinking about other people who have family support them, but on the other hand, I am now able to offer support to those who don't have it because I know what it is like and this give me peace.
I have been told by oncology counsellors that some people cannot handle it well when a family member or close friend is dx with cancer and its because they fear losing the person. I guess this is supposed to give me some kind of compassion for them. But honestly, I don't feel compassion for them. I moved on.
I do feel for you but you are stronger than you know and this too will pass.
Hugs
wallan
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Just seeing this! How are you?
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So sad to see that people don't have the support of their families. Sad but true, you can't change people and have to accept them for who they are. Family should always be there for you, especially in times like these! I am very thankful that I have a big family and a lot of support (my Mom being the biggest supporter always!) but even with that I also see the true colors of some.
I hope you have found the support you needed and deserve. As I hope everyone on here does!
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For me I kept the whole journey to myself except bro who is my executor of estate and advanced directive. My fam are too anxieties and stress that they'd drive me nuts with are you ok forever..plus mom is dr oz and phil. Mentally so much better that no one knows. Bro is the only sane cool laid back one.
I agree though that some can't deal with bad health news for a loved one. When I was hospitalized for anxiety, dad never called. When released he did and explained that was his way to cope. I wasn't upset. I sure didn't want him to mentally suffer, it'd make it worse for me too.
Now he has primary lateral sclerosis. At 81 health wise he's very healthy, 0 conditions. Mind is fine, just normal aging. This disease is very slow disabling you as nerves to voluntary muscles die. No one knows cause. No tx let alone cure. I force myself to talk when he calls. I don't say much, what can I say other than love you. I pop another anxiety pill afterwards. It kills me to hear how it gets worse. On top of anxiety issues I'm very sensitive. Love my dad a ton. Thankfully he knows that my not talking every day is because of my mental ways. Bro is down there and goes every weekend to help so caregiver is there just tues thru fri. I live 500 mi away. Even if I was close I'd lose my mind seeing him like that.
So it is true. Many people can't handle bad health news. I can't with my dad so I determine when I can verbally say hi. I do send loving cards on occasions. We are not all the same. The most stressful thing is to have expectations. So expect nothing from anyone to keep your mental sanity.
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Wallan,
I appreciate your reply. Yes, I've made some friends who are survivors and it greatly helps. For some reason, maybe you'll 'get it' or someone else will, I've let go of some of my old friends that I really didn't enjoy getting together with any more. It's amazing how cancer will change you. One was extremely controlling and another, well, a difficult situation. I feel a lot of guilt but have to go where my gut and heart tell me.
How are you doing?
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I'm single, scar. Thank you for your kind words. Sorry about your mom. There's never an ok time for a loved one to pass. I just pray it's quick and painless.
I prepared for everything before hand. It was a drugstore and grocery store in here. I live like 5 min from the hospital and they have a free program called drivers for survivors so they were my ride. In grand total I've had 7 surgeries in a 3.5 year time frame. 3 weren't related to breasts. Was admitted several times for infections and 1 x pneumonia with partial collapsed lungs. Fam knows 0 except bro. It helps that immediate fam isn't near me.
And yeah, no one gets my fatigue. I never got my mojo back after txs and Tamoxifen kills energy. Even if fam knows about bc, I should be ok this far out. They know about my anxiety and they just think it's garden variety like theirs. It's frustrating and tiresome. They'll never understand so I don't talk about my stuff. Everything is fine. If they were great support people that's one thing, buy they think they are just because they show concern. Well then don't question why this and that, and you should be x. Peace of mind, mental peace, is just as important as physical health. I've handled all my health stuff by myself. I'll ask my kind pet groomer for help if I need anything.
It empowers you too when you see you can do it fine without fam support. People are surprised. But I don't have a fam with the personality that would benefit me, and that's fine. It is what it is. Everyone needs to survive life the best we can.
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