5 Months from Graduation and Moms passed away
I never expected to be on this part of the forum. When my mom was first diagnosed in September of last year this website was the first I turned to. It gave me so much hope and optimism, that reading all the stories have me enough courage to tell my mom who used these stories to uplift her own spirits. My mother passed away on November 19, 2019. I would say I’m okay but I’m not. As much as I know she’s not in pain anymore it still hurts me. I found myself texting her last night like I always do only to break down in tears once I realized the response wasn’t coming. I find myself still hoping this is all a dream and that I’m going to wake up. Everything happened so fast that I wasn’t able to prepare myself for this. Being a only child I just feel so alone. I was five months from graduating with my degree in biomedical science with a minor if psychology only to now have to go through this experience without my biggest cheerleader my mom. I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to ge myself together for her as she would want me to. I’m trying to be that strong woman she raised me to be. But I just want my mom back I’ve never felt more defeated in my lofe
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Honey, I am so sorry that cancer took your mother from you. It’s never fair when it comes down to it. I’d like to say that time would
Heal your broken parts , but I don’t want to say something that may not be true. I am going to congratulate you for your accomplishment and finishing your degree.... the strength right there that you need to recognize for yourself. I’m more than sure she would be glowing with pride and smiling so much her face would hurt. Try to remember she’s not in pain anymore. No more cancer to take over. You’re need to find a way to feel her, I can relate to. I lost my father in May. I understand the void. I wish I had a magic wand to bring her back. But as a mother myself. I can promise you, if she can be. She is so proud of her always little girl. No matter how big you get. So try to dig deep Knowing. You accomplished something she knew you set out to do. Devote it to her. Hold it close to your heart because as you said she is your biggest cheerleader. Talk to her just as you would have , but outloud. Make her be there. You may not get an answer outloud, but I’ve learned they come in small signs. If you look for them. I’m wrapping you in a strong supportive hug sweet young woman. May you find the peace you seek. And again well done in obtaining your goals because a lot of people don’t do, what they set out to do.
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I'm so sorry, Mallory. I remember the first time I wanted to tell my mom something after she passed (this was before cell phones) and it was wanting to show her my high school graduation gown when I got it (she died three months before my graduation). It rips your heart out all over again when you realize that you'll never do such a small thing as 'tell your mom about it' again. Believe me though when I say that moms leave lasting impressions, and she will be with you always in whatever you do, and know she is proud of you.
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Mallory- I’m so very sorry about your mom. But please let me say- you Don’t have to be strong All the time. There is time for grieving, that is normal. That doesn’t mean you aren’t a strong woman. And it doesn’t need to be on anyone else’s time frame. But if you feel it would help, maybe join a support group or talk to a grief counselor.
I truly believe that those we love are never really gone. Like micmel said, they come to us in the little things. And they live in us, in all the things they’ve taught us and changed in us.
Congratulations on your almost being done with your degree. My daughter is a sophomore in college and I know how hard she works. Don’t be so sure your mom isn’t still cheering for you. We all are!
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Mallory, I too am so sorry about your mom. I lost my mother very suddenly, and cried just about every day for months afterwards; I just missed her so much.
I found myself a wonderful grief counselor/therapist, who supported me through the months that followed, and helped me find strength and happiness in my life, even though my mom was gone.
I also did things to honor my memories of her - went to the ballet, which we used to do together, hung the special ornaments she gave me on the tree, etc. Bittersweet, definitely. But ways to keep her with me, especially while I was still mourning.
Wear something she gave you on your graduation day. She will be with you in spirit, and you both can be proud of your accomplishments, which she no doubt helped you to achieve. Be happy, as that was probably what she wanted most for you.
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Mallory, I don't have much to add, just that I am sending love. My father was buried on my sister birthday, she turned 18 that day. I was a little older, just turned 25 when he died. We all were in pain for long, long time. But eventually we all found happiness again.
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Mallory, yes, your mom's passing happened so fast. Of course you are still hurting. The grief you feel for your mom is love expressing itself in a different form. Realistically, you will be working through a big part of your grief for the next three-ish years, and in some ways, the loss will always be there. Surprisingly, tho, you will move forward with your life. You will live a good life in her honor. Right now, you need the time to reflect, adjust, mourn, reassess and embrace all the many feelings you are and will be experiencing. Your life is forever changed. I get that.
I was 39 when my mom passed away. I hadn't experienced that deep of a loss before. I really didn't know what to do. What helped was a good book on life after loss that I got from the library. It walked me through many steps of grief and helped me understand more of what I was feeling and why. That was over 20 years ago, so there are more current books on the subject. I encourage you to find a book to read to help you through the many parts of grief and grieving. Don't just find short little articles on the internet. A book goes deeper and unfolds in a way that is more effective than brief stories or 20 minute TED talks.
One more recent book I liked was “Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy” by Sheryl Sandburg (of Facebook fame). Her husband died unexpectedly. She's written a thorough book on dealing with many of life's difficulties, and you might find her insights beneficial. I recommend it, but the main thing is find a book that really speaks to you.
You have my best wishes. It really sucks that your mom is gone before your graduation. Your pain and grief are raw and understandable. Your mom would not expect you to be strong during this time of loss. Eventually, you will find your way back to being strong, but don’t put that pressure on yourself when you are grieving. Be kind and caring to yourself. It’s okay to do that. We are here for you in spirit. Many hugs.
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