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Angry with my diagnosis

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BarbTheBCBarbie
BarbTheBCBarbie Member Posts: 29
edited November 2021 in Just Diagnosed

about 4 weeks ago I was diagnosed with IBC. I'm 34 with 6 kids. A mom…a nurse…and I waited to report my findings because I thought they were breast implant related. I don't have all my answers yet. Just wanted to say Hi…and see if anyone else is living with regret about not following up with thei issues…I'll share more once anybody responds….xxxx

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  • TheSeaIsWhereIWantToBe
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    You are not alone in your anger. I felt something in January 2021, went to a doc that said it didn’t feel like cancer but suggested I get a mammogram. We moved 2 weeks later, life happened, and then in September I went to a new doctor who insisted and scheduled a mammogram for me. And low and behold, cancer at 40 years old.

    The important part is you’re now on the right path. Try not to beat yourself up too much (easier said than done, I know). I’m rooting for you.

  • BarbTheBCBarbie
    BarbTheBCBarbie Member Posts: 29
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    I really feel helpless. But I’m going to do my best for my babies. I had breast implants 4 years ago. About a year and a half ago I felt a very small spot on my left breast. It didn’t do much til July. My breast swelled a little. I thought capsular contracture. Boom. Got covid. Kids got covid. Then I finally got an appointment with my GP. He wrote a script for what I thought would be a quick routine work up for my new boobs since I assumed the left one broke…but nope instead was told IBC 😔 anyway nice to meet you..

  • dutchiegirl
    dutchiegirl Member Posts: 76
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    I had implants prior to diagnosis as well. When I had some issues, my GP suggested that maybe the implant had a slow leak. He was smart enough to send me for a battery of tests, including a mammogram, none of which detected the cancer. I found the lump a few months later and I was off to the cancer races. I feel like I did what I could to get answers, but sometimes tests miss things.

    Best of luck to you. I’m three years out (next week!) from a dire diagnosis with lots of bumps in the road. Some of the bumps felt more like craters but I’m doing well. I hope things go well for you!!


  • lw422
    lw422 Member Posts: 1,399
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    Hello Barb and I'm sorry to hear of your diagnosis. I also have IBC and have been in treatment since last January (seems like a lifetime). I know that many cases of IBC are misdiagnosed as mastitis or some other breast issue before the actual diagnosis is made. This was not the case for me; as soon as I saw the pink spot on my breast I knew something was not right and thankfully my female PCP agreed.

    Anyway, there's a nice group on the IBC board that will welcome you and we'll try to help you through the maze of treatment. Check in with us and take care. https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/81/topics/842683?page=1

  • moderators
    moderators Posts: 8,052
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    Hi Barb,

    We want to welcome you to our community here at BCO. We're so sorry you find yourself here, but we hope this community can be a source of support for you! You are certainly not alone and are in the right place with people who understand.

    The Mods

  • nns121317
    nns121317 Member Posts: 111
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    So sorry you're here, but like you I have some anger over my diagnosis. My GP had a policy of not sending patients for mammograms until age 45, thought it was too much radiation and too many biopsies that turned out to be nothing. He didn't think my extensive family history of cancer warranted the test, I didn't push him on it and didn't get a mammogram until after I felt my 2.1cm tumor. At my biopsy the radiologist said they could have seen this before I was 40, I'm 42 now and waiting to see if I need chemo in addition to a double mastectomy and radiation...

  • BarbTheBCBarbie
    BarbTheBCBarbie Member Posts: 29
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    I deleted my original post out of anger. Nobody here is as dumb as me. I searched. I waited and now I’m stage 4. Can’t look my kids in the face or my poor hunny. ❤️

    When I die, I’ll be that one dummie in the story that alllowed herself to get stage 4 cancer. 😔


    blessings everyone xxxx

  • lw422
    lw422 Member Posts: 1,399
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    Barb--you are in a very emotional state right now, as most of us here identify with. It is hugely traumatic to be given a cancer diagnosis, particularly at a young age. PLEASE try not to blame yourself... THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Allow yourself to grieve and be angry; if anyone deserves to feel those things, it's you. So just go with it and know that there are a bunch of caring women here who have walked the path you are now forced to travel. We'll try to help you along the way. Peace be with you, and many cyber hugs.

    CANCER IS NOT YOUR FAULT!

  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 4,830
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    Barb,

    Since you deleted your op and have not made your dx line public, I am unclear about the status of your bc. Before I speak to that any further let me state loud and clear that you are not a dummy! I had regular mammos and still went from all clear to stage IV a year later, so let's put an end to self blame. You cannot change the past so although I understand some of your guilt, bearing yourself up won't change anything.

    Where are your mets and what does your mo have to say about them? If you fill out and make public your signature line it may help when people respond to you. I know it is very difficult right now but when you have a tx plan in place you will feel more grounded. Take care and you will get through this!

    * One last thought about anger. It happens and is often coupled with frustration but be careful to take it out on inanimate objects only !

  • BarbTheBCBarbie
    BarbTheBCBarbie Member Posts: 29
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    I am angry but more so regretful. I only know I’m IBC stage 4 Mets to bilateral axillary nodes no major organs. Still waiting core biopsy to come back. The findings came by way of my Petscan.

  • BarbTheBCBarbie
    BarbTheBCBarbie Member Posts: 29
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    I had a small lump in my breast I let fester for a year and a half. Instead of seeking a second opinion. It’s more to the story but I had implants and attributed all my s/s to my implants even the swelling that had me go get some assistance. I literally thought it was a “capsular contracture” and didn’t seek professional help. Until it’s too late. Only bit of reassurance is my breast doc says this is an acute IBC not something that would fester 2 years. However I see folks posting about misdiagnosed IBC for festering IDC and although I know my full biopsy isn’t back yet with the full report I can’t help but think that if I got checked I would have gotten a less form of cancer. There’s no excuse. And living with the what if’s will probably take me out long before cancer. 😔


    pity party over. I’m gonna get on an antidepressant so I can not feel so hopeless. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 4,830
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    barb,

    I may not be 100% correct but positive axillary lymph nodes are generally considered local, not metastatic recurrence. The word metastatic may be used in the pathology report, as lymph nodes are outside the breast, but that is more a medical description rather than a diagnostic one. There may be circumstances where the axillary lymph node involvement is considered metastatic but in general it is not.

  • BarbTheBCBarbie
    BarbTheBCBarbie Member Posts: 29
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    I’ll get more info this week coming. Thanks everyone who chimed in. I am still very sad. But appreciate y’all. We may not be on the same journey but it’s still nice to cross your paths ❤️


    continued love and support


    -Barb xxx

  • wondering44
    wondering44 Member Posts: 260
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    I got checked in 2018, 2019, and 2020. After the all-good three years in a row, I got another all-good from my PS, and I had saline implants placed in November 2020. The breast pain started after the breast augmentation. I mentioned the pain in two follow-up appointments. The breast pain and breast were scheduled to get looked at five days after I got the cancer dx if the pain hadn't subsided by that date. I found a lump in June 2021. The NP said it was more than likely scar tissue from the implants at my appointment, but she sent me to a follow-up with a radiologist. After four years of checks and annuals, the radiologist was the first person to say the "cancer" word. My cancer did not appear overnight or grow to size this year.

    I have heard anger is a common response after a cancer dx, and there are lots of reactions and emotions after it. Dumb isn't one of them. Finding out why the reaction is there may help. Anger sometimes stems from fear or emotional pain. Many women here understand where you are and can support you during the emotional cancer rollercoaster ride.