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Do not feel social

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Is it normal to not want to be around people? While I enjoy being with friends and family I do not feel like being around people and having to say that it is fine when mentally I am not ok. I want to be alone to process all that is going on but my husband wants me to keep a positive attitude and he feels that being alone is not helping my feelings. What can I do to help him understand my feelings?

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  • moderators
    moderators Posts: 8,055
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    Hi mdgauthier19,

    We're so sorry you're feeling down. You're surely not alone in this experience, and we're sure others will be by shortly to weigh in with their situation and advice. In the meantime, we're sending big hugs your way!

    Have you considered finding a counselor or other mental health professional to talk with you or you and your husband together? Find out more about Taking Care of Your Mental Health After a Breast Cancer Diagnosis along with how to find a professional, and types of support you might want to consider.

    You may also want to consider joining one of our Zoom Meetups where you can discuss with others who "get it."

    We hope this helps and that you feel a little better soon. We're all here for you!

    —The Mods

  • kaynotrealname
    kaynotrealname Member Posts: 392
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    Could you be an introvert married to an extrovert? If so it is quite common for introverts to need alone time with processing traumatic events. Being around people is draining for an introvert. Doesn't mean we don't enjoy them or want to be alone all the time but being alone is where we regroup and regain energy. So when something traumatic is occurring our social energy can be taken up by that and we don't have any left over for people. Extroverts are the opposite. They gain energy by being around people. So if he's an extrovert he may be assuming that everyone is like him and that what he needs when traumatized is what everyone needs.

    At any rate I wanted to be alone a lot when first diagnosed. I didn't want to talk to people and didn't. I texted info as needed. Everyone respected that with me and it worked out fine. Eventually I returned to a more normal keel and my social energy returned. So if you're asking if it's normal to want to be alone when first diagnosed then answer is yes, for many of us it is.

  • greenbean2468
    greenbean2468 Member Posts: 19
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    I second what was said about introverts vs. extroverts. It's a thing, we have different needs for where our energy comes from and neither are right or wrong. They just are. The book "Quiet" explains it well. Extroverts don't always understand us.

    It sounds like you very much know what you need to take care of yourself. That's wonderful. Now it's doing so. I encourage you to listen to that truth regardless of whether others understand. Sometimes we cannot make others understand us. Going through cancer treatment is teaching me this lesson over and over again: it is ok to take care of myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I can detach with love and set loving boundaries when others are trying to manage me or put their emotional struggles on me about MY illness.

    One other thing that people told me when I got this diagnosis is it is ok to handle it however I need to. For me, that meant not telling many people. I did a little isolating that bordered on low level depression but it was what I needed to do. The diagnosis and treatment took away energy and I did not have much to give. If isolating is harming you or you think you are depressed, I encourage you to talk with a therapist, your doctor and/or a support group. Take good care of yourself 💕