Scanxiety and results - can anyone relate?
I think I post something like this just about every year, but this forum is the only place where people really seem to understand.
My five-year mammogram is coming up in about 10 days, and my scanxiety is in full swing. As before, experiencing the procedure doesn't bother me too much, but the idea of receiving my results is almost panic-inducing.
Logging into MyChart is way too scary, because that's how I found out my initial mammogram 5 years ago needed follow-up. The emails that tell me I have new test results? I've set up a filter so they go straight to spam. Have I received plenty of perfectly happy normal results in MyChart over the years? Why, of course; in fact, except for the cancer stuff, I can't remember ever getting test results that truly concerned my doctor. Doesn't matter. Can't check MyChart unless it's something really, really, really boring, like a bone density scan or maybe cholesterol.
Waiting for a phone call is also too scary, because that's how I found out I actually had cancer, then received additional concerning results from other tests over the next couple of years.
I've asked for diagnostic mammograms a couple of times, shortening the waiting period, but then I have to go back to the cancer center. Plus, waiting in the gown while they read results in the next room is just about as stressful as waiting at home for a longer amount of time.
Last year I got a regular mammogram at a normal clinic, thinking that if I acted like a regular person getting a routine screening I might FEEL like a regular person getting a routine screening. Didn't work. I was irritable and on edge for days, bracing myself every time I noticed I had a voice mail. Finally, about a week later, after they hadn't called and I was pretty sure the results HAD to be in, I got the letter in the mail and felt safe opening it. Which meant I'd spent almost a week being irritable and anxious and on edge while my good results had been sitting unopened in MyChart.
Why does my brain work like this? And does anyone have strategies for this?