How do you cope with the fear?
I'm just wondering how everyone copes with this diagnosis and the uncertainty of it? I am 39 years old with a 2 year old daughter and was diagnosed with stage 2 IDC 7 months ago, and I just can't seem to cope with the fear of not being around for my daughter. My oncotype score says I have a 25 percent chance of distant recurrence within 9 years. Every ache and pain I have I get scared cancer is spreading. I cry all day and can't seem to think of anything else other than cancer. I'm on anxiety medications but I still can barely sleep or enjoy anything. My family is supportive but I'm just so sad and scared :(
Comments
-
Hi @jenna1220x , I’m sorry that anxiety is having a debilitating affect on your life. While meds can help counseling is often necessary, too. Ask your MO ‘s office (or your surgeon since you have a better rapport with him) to recommend a therapist who works with cancer patients.
My kids were grown when I was diagnosed; it’s tougher when your child is so young. It helps to look at the recurrence chance the other way. In your case you have a 75% chance of not having the cancer recur. If you were betting on something you would choose the 75% chance rather than the 25% one.
I had a rare SE from radiation that I wouldn’t wish on anyone but it definitely changed my mindset. I was on oxygen in a pulmonologist’s office being told to get my affairs in order since my survival was questionable. After five months on steroids and yet another CT scan my pulmonologist called and said he thought I would see my next birthday. The relief made me decide to focus on and enjoy each day as it comes since each new day is a gift, not a certainty.
You will most likely see your daughter grow up and leave home to start a life of her own. Hopefully, with the help of a therapist if necessary, you will be able to let fear fade into the background and enjoy life again.
0 -
Hi @maggie15, thank you so much for your reply. I truly appreciate it. You always make me feel better. Thank you for your positivity, encouragement, and advice.
I am so sorry to hear about the side effects you experienced from radiation. That sounds horrific, but I am so glad you are okay! I can't even imagine what you must have went through and how scary that must have been.
It seems like you are almost 3 years our from your diagnosis? Do you take hormone therapy?
0 -
Hi @jenna1220x , Although it was recommended I don’t take any hormone therapy. I have a precancerous condition of the esophagus for which estrogen is protective so I don’t take AIs. I was going to take tamoxifen but my brother had a stroke; because I’m postmenopausal tamoxifen would increase my risk for that. When I developed radiation induced pulmonary fibrosis my pulmonologist was glad I hadn’t started it. I’m increasing my risk of recurrence but my MO understands my reasoning even though it is against his recommendation. I would go for the HT unless there is a compelling reason not to since it is statistically very effective at reducing recurrence.
0 -
Hi @maggie15 that is very understandable why you declined hormone therapy. Yes, I take hormone therapy. I take lupron for ovarian suppression and anastrazole. I had a 25 percent chance of distant recurrence with tamoxifen alone without chemotherapy. Since I didn't do chemo, I chose the more aggressive hormone therapy in hopes to lessen the risk.
0 -
Hi @jenna1220x, like @maggie15, I focus on enjoying one day at a time. If problems occur I deal with them then and have almost managed to stop inviting trouble by thinking about worst case scenario. This is a major achievement for a self-confessed control freak. I have an exercise program that incorporates weights and aerobics and every day I get a lift from completing that. I take time to stop and smell the roses and enjoy the simple things that previously I never had time to enjoy. In short - I am being kind to myself.
But I am lucky - while I have family nearby I do not have children, nor a husband, to need me and I am retired - so my time is my own (apart from the demands of two furry feline tyrants who rule my life). I think the situation is different when you have children and husband to care for and worry about. Never be afraid to access counselling support. Being scared and afraid saps at you and eats at your resilience. It is a nasty and very cruel cycle, so you have all of my support. You will also get fantastic advice and support from the members on this site and no judgements.
0 -
Hi @malleemiss251 thank you so much for the support and advice. I don't have much family. I have my brother, husband, and 2 year old daughter. I've been trying to live each day as it comes but the worrying and sadness becomes so crippling and they don't understand why I'm "wasting" my life away crying over something that may or may not happen in the future. But I don't think anyone truly understands how we feel unless they experienced it. Hopefully with time, the fear will lessen.
0
