Newly Diagnosed with Invasive Ductal - How do you tell your kids?

Good afternoon. I just got the call that the biopsy confirmed Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. They said that I have to wait for my appointment with the surgeon for me to find out any other details. I have three adult children, the youngest being a senior in college 2500 miles away. I did not let them know that it was a possibility because I did not want to concern them unnecessarily.
My oldest (28) and her husband let us know at Christmas that they are pregnant with our first grandchild, due in August. They are 4 hours away from us. Our middle daughter, a nurse, is engaged to be married September 20th and lives in the same city as my husband and I. My youngest son plays college baseball 2500 miles away and this is his senior season, so last time for us to see him play, senior day and graduation - plus they have made it to the NCAA regionals 2 out of the last 3 years. So I am very concerned to how this diagnosis will effect them in very important times of their lives. They are used to me being there for every important moment in their life and I am not sure how my treatment plan will impact all of the events that are scheduled over the next 8 months.
Any advice would be very much appreciated.
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I waited until I had my treatment plan before I told my kids, who were 18 and 22 at the time. My youngest was a senior in high school and her graduation trip had to be cancelled, which was hard. We were able to go a full year later, and it turned out to be a great trip.
One of the hardest parts of this diagnosis is the fear- fear of the unknown, fear of pain and suffering, fear of letting down your loved ones, and fear of death. Once all your preliminary testing is done and you have a treatment plan a lot of that fear will be mitigated, and you can tell your children that you have a plan and a path forward. Let your doctor know what family events you would like to be able to attend; it's very possible he or she can make many of those goals happen.
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Hi @gigi2025 and welcome to Breastcancer.org.
We're so very sorry for the reasons that bring you here, but we're really glad you've found us. As you can already see, our community is full of amazing members always willing to offer advice, information, encouragement, and support — we're all here for you!
As @maggiehopley shared, many of our members wait until they have more information about the diagnosis and treatment they are facing before telling children or other family members. The more you know, the better you'll be able to answer questions your children have and the better you'll be able to give them confidence about what path ahead might look like. You can read more about talking to family and friends about your diagnosis here.
Once you do have those conversations, you might want to consider a Caring Bridge account to keep everyone updated on how you're doing, without having to constantly field calls and texts, etc. Many of our members find this a helpful, efficient way to keep folks up to date, so you can focus on treatment and healing.
Also, if you find you would like some more support, our In Treatment Zoom Meetups that meet twice a week are a great resource to meet others who have recently been diagnosed and facing/going through treatment. Lots of great, practical advice is shared, as well as a safe space to bear emotions.
We know the beginning is overwhelming — we're all here for you as questions arise and you plan your treatment. Keep coming back and getting the support you need! Welcome again.
—The Mods
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Thank you so much to both of you for responding. I will take all of that into consideration and I am sure I will be spending more time on these boards. I can already see what a supportive community that it is.
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