Will be starting chemo
I jus done my Oncotype dx test and they are recommending me do chemo. I am very scared and dont want to do it. I had a double mastectomy to help prevent the recurrence. What do you think?
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I feel you, I am in a similar position. My surgery pathology came back with great news — no evidence of spread to lymph nodes, tumor was 1 cm smaller than originally measured, and clean margins were obtained. But then my Oncotype came back as 48, indicating that the makeup of the tumor was more aggressive/fast-growing, so chemo was recommended for me, too. I met with my oncologist when I was 6 weeks post-op and he was strongly suggesting I do it within 8 weeks post-op, for best effectiveness. I felt blindsided, to say the least, and I felt the stress and anxiety in my body for a week after that appointment. I told him I needed more time to process all of this information (I know myself to be a "deep processor") and that I believed I would handle chemo better when I felt more mentally prepared and had some time to adjust to taking in all of the information, even if that meant starting beyond the 8-week window. Granted, I understood I could not wait indefinitely!
Met with my oncologist again today to put together our plan and I was able to ask all of the questions I'd come up with since our previous appointment. It shifted things for me and made me feel better about starting this process. I can understand feeling very scared — I had/have a lot of fear, too. For me, it came down to thinking about whether I'd regret not doing chemo if I were to have a recurrence in 5 years. I know chemo can't guarantee me that that won't happen — but if it did and I hadn't done chemo, would I always be wondering, "What if I had done chemo??" Each person is different, though, and only YOU can say what feels best for you and your specific situation and body. My oncologist reminded me today that I don't have to do chemo, I could choose to move on to hormone blockers, etc. It helped to feel like the choice really is mine and he affirmed that.
I also had a double mastectomy (I chose to do aesthetic flat closure, so am still adjusting to the changes in my body. Even though I feel my surgeon did a great job, it's a huge change in many ways. I think prior to my surgery, I was very focused on the tumor, but once the tumor was out, the idea that there may be small cancer cells still floating around that are more aggressive growers helps me understand why it would benefit me to do chemo at this point.
Close your eyes and sit quietly with yourself. Tune in and try to listen to your body. I also work with a naturopathic oncologist and I'd told her that I was trying to think of the chemo as "healing medicine." She actually encouraged me to talk to my body and tell it, "Hey Body, I'm bringing in something that's very toxic, I know. I know it's scary, but I'm working with my doctors and I'm paying attention here. I'm giving you everything you need to counteract the drugs (clean eating, ample rest, supplements, epsom salt baths 1-2 days post infusion to help detox the chemo from my body). Let me know what's working and what you need more of. You focus on the cancer cells and let the chemo come in and do what it needs to do, and then clear out as fast as it can." She said telling my body it's healing medicine would be like lying — our bodies know that it's toxic and that's part of the fear. So name it, acknowledge it, and reassure your body that you're paying close attention, that you'll watch for side effects and take fast action, and that you won't abandon your body to go through this alone.
I don't know if any of this is helpful or feels overwhelming, but please know you're not alone in feeling scared. Know that it's your decision to make, but do what you need to do to understand the information around your testing and if you need a little more time to decide, tell them that. In the end, it's your body and you're the one with cancer, not them. You get to make the decision that will feel comfortable for you.
Sending (((hugs))) to you.
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