Bottle o Tamoxifen
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sgreenarch: I'm right there with you! And don't let your suppressed ovaries fool you into thinking you're not going to have hormone fluctuations. I stll think there are cycles in the body that can't be repressed! Whether it's your ovaries dominating the cycles or not,your body is still going to go through and ebb and flow. Let it all out! Don't keep it in anymore because it will just fester. And who's to say what's right or wrong for you especially in what you are feeling? Allow yourself to feel bad and down. It's not brave to squelch your emotions, it's just habit. It's braver to go through ever emotion, face it head on, and allow it to heal you. You will be better for it! What you are doing, what your are feeling, is always right for you at that time. I hope your counselor helps you through the roughest patches.
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I think sometimes we all have different emotions to what's happening in our lives. It can change in a week, a day or even in a minute. I remember SO many months ago, a nurse in the surgeon's office told me to consider myself a "survivor." I didn't exactly feel like one, I still had chemo and radiation and tamoxifen to go through. Now that I'm on the other side of chemo and rads I feel weird about celebrating an anniversary, so I don't know what I'll do when that day comes, or for that matter, which day I'd even pick really. I can kind of relate it to another thing that's happened in our lives. Almost six years ago now, my husband (in his 40's at the time and I was in my 30's) had a "widowmaker" heart attack. Won't get into what happened but, by the Grace of God, he survived. He "celebrates" his anniversary every year but it's way different for me. Almost like "Okay, he's survived another year so that's one less that he'll still be here with me and the kids." He walks around like nothing ever happened, happy go lucky. But there's always a feeling in the pit of my stomach about how much time he still has here with us. They already told us that he cannot survive another heart attack of any magnitude, his heart is too damaged. Sometimes I wish I was more like him, it should be a celebration of the year together we just had because we never know. Maybe I'd like to start appreciating every day a little more instead of one particular day.
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Shari - Just know that you are not alone. We all have days that are tougher than others. I am coming up on my one year cancerversary and I'm not sure how I truly feel about it. One side of me wants to jump up and down and celebrate the other side is telling me we shouldn't be going down this road in the first place.
I am grateful everyday that I can come here and just say what is on my mind whether it makes sense or not.
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Did you guys read the "Breaking News" section titled "Tamoxifen Legacy Lasts Long Term" Made me feel a little better about popping that little white pill every day.
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Shari.. your not alone sweetie. I feel the same way. Even when the 1 year surgery date for the big surgery came around it was a flood of sadness and emotion. I tried to look at it as what I have gained but all i could do was thik of wat was lost what happeened what my body had been through etc and it made and still makes me very sad. My therepists sayd this is a very normal to process everything. wow something i am doing is normal haha nice change I guess. Let it all out sweetie we are here for you. No one needs to be stoic or positive just be here! everyday is so different! hugs higs and more hugs!!!
Hugs to all my tammy girls what would I do without you all, I would be so lost, thank you all!
Love Maria
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Shari ((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))) to you my friend. We have all been through so much and we each have to process it differently. I am just thankful that we all have each other. We understand and allow each other to process in whatever way we need too. I find my friends were all very concerned at first but now that active treatment is overwith they seem to think my life should go back to normal. And I still have a BMX and reconstruction hanging over my head for the next six months until I can have it done. I know I will feel another whole new set of emotions when that time comes.
So now for some good news ladies. My youngest DS and DIL are having TWINS, due Feb 19th. She had a miscariage right after my cancer surgery last year, but Monday when she went to the Dr he said she is now in the safe zone. She will have to take it easy starting at about 5-6 months. She is a lawyer and he told her no more court dates and work at home as much as possible when the time comes that he tells her. So it is nice to have some joy in our family for a change. And she will have the twins before I have my surgery so I will be able to go spend some time with them because once I have my surgery I don't think I'll be lifting any babies for awhile.
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Sherry wonderful news and congratulations t them.. !!!!
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Sherry - Love to hear good news - congratulations to your DS and DIL.
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I just love you guys. Thank you all so much for helping me today. No one else understands like you do, and it is very comforting to know that my feelings arent unique. The counselor was quite helpful. She doesnt think i need to be commited but i will continue with her regularly now for a while. She helped me realize that my oldest son leaving home triggered this. Coinciding with the passage of that wretched anniversary. Thats a hard one; we are a very close family and he has been unbelievably helpful to me. And now I do feel more delicate, vulnerable and wish my kids could all stay close by. Of course i cant tell him this, but it helps to at least understand. Good to let go. You're right. Thank you.
Sherry, amazing news about those twins! Really great to hear good things.
With love and appreciation,
Shari0 -
Shari so glad the counselor helped you understand your feelings. It would be nice if we could just keep our kids close by, but that does not happen. Oldest did just move closer he was 3 hours away now only 1 hour away, middle son lives 1/2 across America from me. youngest lives 4 1/2 hours away. Wish they were all closer.
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Girlfriday well said......
Achpurple- I always say people have it worse off than me. You have had it tough girl and I can understand why you feel the way you do. Men are oh so different as they tend to take everything with a grain of salt. Us women I feel tend to stress and worry more about every little thing. I too wish I could emulate my husband as he has such a carefree attitude......You are on very strong lady.....
Sherry congrats on the good news....are these the first grandchildren for you? You look way too young to have kids old enough to reproduce....he he
Well today is a big day for me as I go to get fitted (casted) fro my prosthesis.....yipee.....I do have to wait 6-8 weeks for them to make it, but I am sure anything is better than what I am wearing now....she is such a sweet and fun loving lady that she is serving me cheese and crackers along with wine.....
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June - How about some big hugs to go along with that cheese & wine?? So glad to hear good news from you - you have been through so much lately - about time you caught a break.
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yeah for you JUNE so happy to hear you deserve a break for sure!!!!! hugs!
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Thanks Jo you know much I love you......I would take hugs anyday....and from you too Tink....kiss kiss ladies!
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June glad you are going to get balance out now. Sounds like she will make the experience fun for you.
Actually the twins will make #6 for me. All of my kids are actually my step kids. The oldest was our problem child so I got the privilege of raising him because his mother could not handle him. He is what caused my gray hair to start. haha The other two lived with their mother but spent lots of time with us and I helped raise them. We had a son who died in a car wreck in 1995. He was 4 1/2 at the time. I have been really moody the last couple of days and have felt very weepy and it just occurred to me on the way home it is because the anniversary of Willie's death is Friday and i always get this way on his death date and his birth date in Jan. I can tell even after all these years my kids are still very effected by their little brothers death. Especially the youngest that is having the twins. I think it was always hardest on him. But God blessed me with my step kids and my grand-kids. My oldest granddaughter is 16 and she says I'm the coolest Mimi, I tell her it's because I'm younger than all her friends grandmothers. She just laughs because she thinks I'm old but cool.
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Sherry.. hugs to you my dear friend and your special little angel ! xox
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(((Sherry)))
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Sherry, I finished reading what you last wrote and sat still for a while. You never know what someone else has lived through. You are always so cheerful and supportive of others. Not everyone could be so generous after suffering such a loss. How fortunate are your step children and grandchidren to have you !!
Thanks for sharing. sorry that its that time of year.
Hugs, shari0 -
Sherry you are in indeed one special lady and your step-kids and grand-kids are very lucky to have you.....I am thinking of you during this most difficult time and as Shari said so well....you are so generous and supportive and have so much love to share with others, that I feel blessed to know you and call you my friend! Sending you great big hugs your way..
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Good Morning Tammi Babes! Hope everyone has a great day.
Hey June, Tink, Sherry and all you great ladies out there.
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Went for my fitting last night and I must say that it was quite the experience....no being shy about being totally naked from the waist up and being slathered with casting material and sitting there for almost 3 hours...... She had to cast me with a bra and then without a bra and then did an impression of my nipple.... I did watch It's Complicated and I never saw that before. I had her take a picture of me when I was casted and sent it off to my kids and my son was weirded out and my daughter said "Mom, that was just wrong" Ha ha, kids so innocent and cute......you should have seen them laughing at me when i got home and my wise ass husband asked if you could put it on FB......gotta love my family!!
Enjoy your day ladies and Jo when are you leaving?
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June, you're funny! I agree that it's fun to shock the kids sometimes. I seem to be horribly embarrassing to them when I do everything, when I even breathe, so why not be truly embarrassing from time to time? Sherry seems to be cool to her 16 year old granddaughter. Maybe she can give me some pointers!
Jo, enjoy. Everyone, have a good weekend. Got my cast off, but now have bronchitis. Good news is that it's not pneumonia. Actually went to the Dr. last night cause I sounded so awful, and I have asthma and these things can get worse fast. He said to just try to rest as much as possible. HAH! How many times have I heard that? I am going to listen though. I think I overdid it with my trip (nonstop running around) and then my party. I stayed in bed all morning today and feel a bit better. Kids are in summer mode anyway, and Mom ignoring them is a treat at this age:) Big outing may be we, two embarrassing parents going to the beach alone tomorrow. And just sitting still...
All the best, Shari
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Shari.. I know what you mean about embarassing your kids I have 2 teenagers and apparently according to them i am VERY good at that.. especially my daughter,i hear alot of OH moooooommmmmm.. pleeaasseee dooont.. followed by eyeroll!... hope you feel better soon hugs to you!
June.. your too cute! glad you were able to get that done!
Have a great day jo sherry paula and all my tammy ladies!
hugs
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Good morning tammi friends. Thanks for being such wonderful caring friends. This is one place I feel I can really spill my guts at times and you guys always listen and love me anyway. Who knew bc would bring me so many wonderful friends. I'll be better by next week, just emotions that I have to deal with. But I thought I would share this picture of my little angel with you guys. This was Willie's last pre-school picture before he died. This was taken in October and he died the next August.
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Sherry, thank you for sharing the picture of your precious Willie. He is adorable! You are such a special wonderful lady and i feel honoreed to call you my friend. Breast C took many things from us but it gave us one of the most precious things that cant be replaced and that is good friends.We are here for whatever you may need. I am wrapping my arms around you in love prayer and comfort!
Love Maria
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It will be a year for me on Tamox next month and I have been hanging with stable the whole time. Hopefully it works just as well for you guys. I have tailbone pain if I sit for too long, but with 3 kids that is usually not an issue. That seems to be my only neg side effect. Also I get some hot flashes less then at the beginning. I was like a thermal yo yo. I know cancer hates heat so I love getting hot flashes. Make those buggers squirm.
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Just read the rest of the posts and I am so sorry Sherry. Life can be so unfair but when it's directed at children it breaks my heart. Hugs to you!
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OMG Sherry that picture is so precious. You are one very strong and brave woman for all you have gone through.......please know how much my heart aches for you and I will be with all the rest of the gals trying to lift your spirit up.....love you!!!
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Sherry - What a precious picture - thank you so much for sharing it with us. You are one very strong lady with all you have been through and know we are always here for you no matter what.,
June - Love the new picture. Like I have said in the past - you are one beautiful lady.
DH and I will be leaving in the morning for a 4 day convention in San Antonio. Don't know if I will be on here this weekend. I will be around some tonight and that may be it until Monday night.
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Sherry your post makes me so sad. I can't imagine losing a child. Hope your thoughts are lifted as best can be.
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