how about drinking?

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with lef hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.

4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

5. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

6. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

7. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

8. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

9. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

10. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

11. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

12. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat to wash pill down.

13. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.

14. Arrange for vet to make a housecall.

Haha...Kathy and Sue...I was happy to see you didnt behave...lol...I sneeked in a peek when I got home..hehe

Just breaks my heart about your mom's health, Lori. She is SO young to be in that condition, and I do wish she wanted to see a dr and do what the dr says. I know that has to be so hard for you. I mean, my DH is almost her age, and he plays racquetball every wk with younger guys. Good for your DH to be packing orders soooooo eurly in de ayem. NICE knowing you are in charge of the orders now, and they will be shipped correctly, and with the postage and boxes needed, and not wasting money that way.

I remember when Beans first started "beanglish" and she would write words backwords! It was such fun, but it did take me awhile to read! Beans, I miss that! Then we evolved into "drunkease" or whatever, and we jest started writing silly. I also remember that Dorothy and someone else (Chrissy?) were so good at writing like a drunk would speak. Now we just all write silly words, and it ALL works!! Wese jest a fun, silly, buncha gals!

Bernie, sounds par for how to try to give a cat a pill! That was FUNNNNEEEEEE! We just had one cat, he was waaaay cool, a friend brought him over as a kitten when we bought a farm and she said we "needed" a cat to get the mice! We were NOT cat people (had 4 dogs, horses, and birds), but "Merln" who was solid blk except for a tiny white place, was so cool, and never needed too much attention. He won my late DH's heart, when he was in the barn and suddenly little Merlin was crawling across his shoulders! HE would follow my DH all over the pasture, was so cute to watch. Many yrs later, when I moved back to the city, Merlin disappeared at Halloween (which worried us horribly)....but we were so busy planning my DD1's wedding, and my wedding, and at the same time the dogs (2) suddenly started chasing him out of the backyard and a neighbor was feeding a big stray cat who was chasing Merlin out of our front yard. Poor dear....I also heard when they are older and might be sick, they go off to die. So we never knew what happened to him, but he was a sweetie who won our hearts. GLAD I NEVER HAD TO GIVE HIM A PILL THOUGH!!!!!! Thanks for the laffs, Bernie!

OMG, its Father's Day, and we have omg here with us, and Lori found an OMG dwink....OMG what shall we do??? Why, we should dwink of course!!!!!!! Hope the fathers in our lives have a great day, and OMG dwinks!!!!!!

Hugsssssssssssssssssss,

Kat

Hmmmm...maybe it was Mema who did the drunkease so good, like Dotty did. OR someone else.....sorry mese foiget. But youse kin come forward and claim your fame!

Sweetlisa, ya can dwink ALL the wine you want, and if you are HERE at the HTL pool, then the Tenders will keep you refilled (I mean your GLASS refilled,lol), or you can swim up to da swim up bar and get your vino there. PLUS there is the casino with FREE ATM, so can't go wrong there! Dwink cyberly with us! We even will volunteer to dwink for you, for real, and will tell you how good it is! J/K. Soon you will be having your wine by the bay....hang in there!!!!

Yummmmmm.....just had a fresh Alabama peach....DH went to the peach orchard yesterday and bought 2 big basket-fulls. He'll prolly make some fresh peach daiquiris tonight.....anyone want some????

LOL. omg you are funnnneeee! Prob is, we use WooHoo a lot too!!! Maybe just use omg333 or omg3, or even part of your real name. After we post on this thread for awhile, we usually know everyone's real names anyway. OR a nickname you like. I am sure Dorkie or Lori can come up with a good nickname...I have a gazillion on here! Good luck cutting the grass. We are going to my step-daus....FIRST time she is having us over for a meal and I have had her over for meals for over 16 yrs, and she is in her 40's; go figure! Well, it is nice she is FINALLy doing something for her father for Father's Day.

Hiya loungettes,

Another work day almost over..thinking a nap before Pau Hana...how long again until my strength is back?? I'll have to get me one of Lori's DOTD's the OMG...before I break into my Natties...Lori, Im not sure I have recovered from the Hell ride that DS2  took me on yesterday and Im secretly trying to find excuses for not letting him ever drive it again. That was awesome of you to put up the HTL video again for omg....I had to watch it again myself.

Ooohhh...Kathy I loved your black cat story Merln....Im not a cat person either but had two cats when I was in Maine as I wanted a pet and they are more independent than dogs...Lucky was black and he went missing around Halloween one year also...he was gone for 2 weeks..then he came back..Im pretty sure he was snatched and let loose after the holiday was over.  I was just glad he wasnt harmed..he was such a sweetie cat..the other one was Monkey ..she was gray and not very nice ...like Church in Pet Cemetary once he came back. .... The language thing is funny because sometimes I understand whats being said and other times it goes right over my head..sometimes I can speak it and sometimes I cant...lol..maybe its due to different degrees of drunkeness.  I've been thinking about those Bama peaches all day and they sound great!!!  I never would associate Bama with peaches but I guess if GA has them why not???  Wish they would send some here to FL..our produce looks like crap.

SweetLisa...Im hoping some day soon you will be able to enjoy your wine by the bay again.  In the mean time by allmeans I can break my beer standard and have a glass for you every now and then.

omg33..as you can see everyone goes by a variety of names...I'm Cyn, Cyncyn and Lucy...I believe your name will develope in time and for now I think you can tell and OMG from and omg..right? Hope your grass is successfully cut..mine could use it but Im not going to pay someone every week to come do it so it will have to wait. 

Hello to Allie, Sue and Dorty, Bernie, Chrissy, Beanie, Scubby, Juliet and NM!!!!!!  Hope to see you all later for Pau Hana..!!

Poppin in for a Pau Hana cocktail. I will have the OMG, please! OMG, that is funny. so omg is de goil and OMG is de phrase? I tink I got it.

Well I wrote a nice post but de damn post snatcher got me agen. Hate that sooo much! Now do not feel like typing everyting again.

As for de dwunk speech, I tink Cyn is right, it def comes easier when dwunkliest. I tink of de language as sort of slurring like a dwunk who can't spail. 

Katwinka, sad story about your kitty that went MIA. I am not a cat person either but think I could easily love a cat if I had one. But I could not live without my pooches. 

NM, having a good work day I hope? Always miss your great posts when you have to work. Will look forward to having you back soonliest. 

Lori, omg (and no, not talking about de loungette), OMG, your DH was up around de time I went to bed last night. You are fortunate to have such a hard working man, I tink they are a rare breed. 

Loooouocy,  I think that is a berry cute name for you. May I call you Lucy? And guess what?? Todey, my DD agreed on de middle name for her puppy, Lana. And get this, it is ........Loucie! Lana Loucie. Not sure of de spelling yet but I ran the name by my DD and she said yes!! Yippee, a sweet widdle morkie puppy was named after yese! I will dwink to that, I know i'd be honored to have someone's furbaby named DorK or Dorty and Dot, Dotty, Dottie or whatever version yese sees fit. I tail people sometimes dat de name Dorothy is coming back. It is a lie but I've been twying to twick people into tinking so because I hate being de only few Dorothy's not born in de 1920's! Hate de name and all versions of it. 'cept Dork, yippee for Lori for gibing me that name. A toast! And a toast to Lucy for being done her rads **** CHEERS *****clink clink!! 

Good morning to Chrissy B. I see ya lurking in de corner.

Hailo to Bernie and Juliet. and omg (NOT DE GOIL), OMG, de girl name is confuzking. So I am saying oh my gawd like dat, but omg'ing over de joke about giving de cat a pill. dat was funniest!! 

Where are de new goils? One sed she'd be her for Pau Hana or am mese making dat up?

Suz, you still working? And where is de Allison, on de lake sunning? Well mese must go and find someting to eat so mese can keep dwinking all de night long.  Been dwinking since oh, about 6 aye em or sumting like that!! 

You girls keep de partay rocking, I will be back!!!  

CheeRs with a cherry on de top!! 

Sweet works for me omg (de gal, not de e'spressiun)! So now we habs 2 new loungettes at almos' de same time, one being sweetlisa and one being sweet(for omg333). Will TWY ta keep dat strate.
Well, stepdau and her lazya$$ husband (who has not worked a day since b4 they married) cooked some nice steaks, and baked potato. Thats all they had, but it was yummy and it was nice FINALLY to be eating at HER home. Their friends popped by, one was a gal who is ready to "pop" a baby out any minute, but she was smoking everytime she went outside. Poor baby. Then some old hag (actually she was younger than me, but drugs made her look ancient)...she pops her head in the apt and tells my stepdau that she has a real good looking daddy (my DH), while I am sitting right next to him. SO you know he has a big head right now! LOL. Oh and I finally found out the age of the lazya$$....he is 17 yrs younger than my step-dau! So I guess she is a "double" Cougar!!! OMG!

Nice to see lots of the loungettes today! Dork, I still want to enjoy the sun at your pool! Don't forget to find the video.

How is your Mom doing, Lori? Let her know we ALL care about her and want her to feel better ASAP!!!

Oh, "sweet", did you know that our Mrs_Vino is Alli, Allicat, Allison, etc? You will ketch all de names soon enuf, or soonliest like we say around here.

Oh shoot we are on a new page, and I wanted to respond to more posts. Well, can't remember THAT long....LOL. Past Pau Hana time, so I need to ketchup. Just had a beer earlier so "PANTS!".....awww Pants "came"  so quickly (outta de gutter, girls!), and he already had a LARGE icy Seagrams/Diet Coke for me. Such a sweetie! Now Tenders  and Wenches, be sure to take care of ALL de loungettes, ok?

Dwink Up!!!!

Kathy

Ebenin Loungies.....of course Dork...you can sure call me Lucy ennnneee time...Lori came up with it she will habe to tail you her stratagie on that one..kind of engenious I think...I think I'll call you DorK now too..its jusss easier to type and I sometimes get lazy...I made it for Pau Hana!!!  Yippee...tho I know Pau Hana is all da time in da lounge.  Im getting more and more fercited to have Stella with us.....does she know she is coming back to FL soonliest??  Oh she proly doesnt even know for reals that she was eber weally here cause she thought she was in Las Vegas... so we could confuse moley boy and his Ho sister...I forgot to tell you all that at the onconogy zapping building I went to they had a big flat screen TV in the waiting room and ebery time I would go in they would have some old movie playing...well...the day of my last zap I walk in and dere is Moley boy and his ho sister staring me right in da face...I just walked right on by dem hoping they wouldnt recognize me on my way by and I think it woiked..but didnt I get a HUGE chuckle as I passed by seeing dem two on my last day like dey was just waiting for me.

Kathy...glad your dinner went well at your dinlaw's house...Is DH walking around now with his chest all puffed out like a peacock....hehe....doesnt hurt to get a compliment ebery now and den but dat lady was a bit disrespectful saying such a think with you sitting right there but you know some people just dont have much class or couth.  How old is your Step Daughter that she is that much older than him??  Im trying to think how old someone would be if I were dating someone that much younger ....31...I think my math is horrible...just like my spelling....I guess that isnt all that young but I wouldnt mind being 31 again.....My sister just turned 29 this year..we are 19 years appart in age...she also lives and "alternative lifestyle"....so there is genetics for ya...

DH2 just said he would pick up DH1 from woik...hmmm..had to think fast...thank God a beer run is needed..what will I have to come up with next.

Sweetlisa ..enjoy da wine....

omg....swEEEEt!!  Good you got your lawn all taken care of...is it very big? Do you have a ride on mower?? 

So when is the next Partayyy?? 

Sending love & hugs! Been workin all weekend, back to back apts and will be working Monday also. Alls well here and I hope the same for my HTL Hottie friends...Happy Pau Hana!!! Cheers!!!

Hey Beanzie! Tank ewe for checking in! Miss u in de lounge, someone twied to snatch use stool, an I cracked em in de back a de knees Fo u, K? Wese gonna save yo seat, goil! Lub ya!

Cyn Cyn, I am LMAO that the Moler Focker an his ho sista was at your las rad, OMG!! An no, I done mean sweet333, lol. An to think u was expecting a cake and streamers, I am laughing so hard, almost bout to pick up the phone again and call u, but mese know u is a tired goil, so get some rest, K? And you did say DH again, and I am laughing hard at that too, lol. Would say the "s" word, but it's not allowed, so jus gonna laugh, hehehe

Lisa2012, I used to always drink red wine, but only liked white when I drank through chemo, and it stuck. Used to have steak a few times a week, now maybe once a month, and like a few glasses of red then. Enjoying my new rave white tonight, The Naked Grape Chardonnay from California, soooooo good! Enjoy whatever it is you're having, cheers! (clinking glasses now) clink clink!

Kathy, I agree with Lucy, perty ballsy of dat bitch to say that with u right there! Cougar biatchhhh she is! Glad you had a good dinner, though. Did she cook for all of u, or we're these just friends of hers that stopped by during dinner?

Baby D, where u be? U said youse was cummin back? An Snow Boy is nowhere to be found............did u order a hitachi??

LOL Alli, my stepdau IS the cougar....she will be 43 and her lazya$$ DH is only 26!!! Tanks muchliest for dat dwink! OHHHHHHH and you asked Mr. Bigger to be nekkid....OMG he is proving dat he is da biggest, dats foah shuah!!! Her friends just stopped by....but just hated all dat smoking by the delivering-any-day-now gal. She has strange friends, foah shuah. LOL at asking BabyD if she ordered a Hitachi! But where are all the rabbits disappearing to???

Hugssssss!

OMG333, omg, you are funneee! I like sweeeeet as a name for you. But I poysonally like OMG better. But dat mese! OMG OMG OMG, ya see, it is fun to say (type). So, sweeeeet, whatcha dwinking? I'll have what yese habing. Cheers!

Allison, omg, you has a new name. And dat will be .... Tanya.  Why Tanya you ask me? Well, I tail you why. Cuz you in de lounge biddy "cracking goils in the back of de knees. So you now Tanya Harding. Remember her? She made Nancy say "WHHHYYYYYYY??? WHHHHYYYYY? WHYYYYYYY", I can hear dat winey voice now. And nope, me not with de Habashi man tonight. I was partaying in de yard. Agen! Oh, make me stop. I partaying like it 1999! Don't be a stranger now, come to de lounge often. 

Kathy, I thought the same as you when Alli, err I mean Tanya said she was bored and told Mr. Bigger to drop his pants. I say one word, oh mese, oh mise, dat was ginormous. I's blushing tehehe! Glad you were fed well and glad you came home alive. And wow, that is some age difference. Sad that the lazy ass husband won't get a damn job! Hate that. I tink dey have sumting up dere sleeve, ya tink? 

Cyndie, yose so funnee too. Your DH1 and DH2. Katwinka right, we know whatcha mean but still has to laugh at ya. Ooops, it jest happens. Same as when people fall and dat cracks me de hail up and den I laugh agen when I tink of de fall. I remember rewinding on of de goils onDancing with the Stars and watching her fall 18 times. I tink it was Kirsty Ally. Oops, did not mean to laugh ober and ober. I was glad to see you at de percotini fountain, good stuff! wooo hooo! oops, is wooo hooo anudder name for OMG? and how freaking funny that the Waltons were on at the rad place. I tink Stella had someting to do with that. I hope you are feeling good and get your energy back soonliest! Have a good monkeydey.

Lisa, sweet Lisa <insert OMG>, i sure hope you are able to down some wine tonight with us. But yes, you can be assured that we will dwink for you whenebber de need is there. We'd of course radder you dwink fer yerself but we are here to help. How much further do you have to go with your treatment? 

Beanius, well well well. So nice to see you pop in but darn, nearly missed ya. I was flirting with de now naked Mr. Big and he turned his head (no Kaatwinka, get yer mind outta de gutter)...as I was sayiing....he toyned his head to check out de hotty Bean and you was already on yer way out. I hope next time you CAN stay longer and knock down a few or 22 with mese! Yippeeee (oh, is yippee yet anudder of OMG's names)?? omg, and I mean OMG! Dis funny chit gone on here with dese funny names. 

So it is 11:11 and I ain't tired.  Pants, bring me a JD on de rocks and make it a 148 oz'er! Yippeeee, sweeeet OMG and cheers!!!! oh, let's not foyget yeeeeeee haaaaaaaaaaaaa! 

~OMG~ !! (jest like typing it)!

Suz, missing you here, are ya working? Are you missing dose widdle babies? Dey cutliest ~ tanks muchly for dropping them off at de lounge to meet us. Dey grow up way too fast.  

Well gotta fly and see what Mr. Big is doing now! ChEArs, with chERRies on top! Party on goils, party on!! 

Cyn, thanks for stopping in for a night cap with me and Stella! Not sure wut up with dat DH chit but you scaring mese too. hehe. really though, when I joined, I thought it was dear honey. 

No buddie elses in de lounge tonight? wahh, feel like getting berry dwunk but it lonely here. ~~whistling to gain de tenders immediate attention ~~~~~~~~~~~Okay, Mr. Big, you may put yer pants back on. But leave de boxers on de floor, Stella likes to collect dem! hehehehe!