how about drinking?
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He I'm back it got fixed maybe the mods did it whike I was sweating out what the F I did, but here I am--I want all my drinks back--oh oh I wonder if Stella did something--Oh that brat she will answer to me about this. Oh I' so excited.
Goldie I hope all the tests are done and I like when I schedule 2 in one day around the same time.
Dork I'm so so glad u'r eyes are coming back to normal.
My one niece was here the other day and today another niece came over rhey're all so sweet. I so happy to see them--My gGF worked out all her plans for coming in on the 11th and staying til the 18th, we have romm here but she'll stay at a close Marriott, I don't blamer her it's nice to o and lie around the way u want--but I'm going to stay with her one of the nights tho. hahaha-She's ciming from CA--did I tell u all of this, I don't rememer now, It's good because she's closer to my dgtr's age and they like to do the same things and my GS loves her so we all win.
I told u her drink is diet Dr. Pepper and beer--ugh but she loves that so we have that ready for her when she comes. I did try it, actually it's not as bad as u think. so whatever she likes fine with me. She's another whiz with comuters so I'll have her post a pic. of me and Katit=Kat and if u still like me than u will always like me. LOL
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YAY Cami is baaaaaaaaaaaack from the land of "what the heck is my computer doing??"....the mods must have fixed it, I guess. YAY, Happy Dance time!!! (I just PM'd you again about this, but didn't know it was already fixed).
Oh Lynda, that sounds awful. Did they find out why all that fluid collected like that? And now you feel it happening again??? Guess probiotics would not help at this point, but can you see a dr quickly, or go to a clinic or back to the ER? I hate that this happened, but am glad you are back in the lounge. (((Raku)))
Well, its Pau Hana time...yay! Showed our condo today and the girl loved it, but its such a process trying to get someone good in it. Maybe she will fill out the app, pass, and we can rent to her. She is single and expecting a DD the end of Jan. Had to clean up the mess the workers did, tracking the "mud" wall compound all over the wood floors. Aarrgghhhhhhhhh....where is that dwink??? In fact I had an Ice House on the way home (Dh was driving, so OK). Pants, will you be a dear and fix me a dwink? HUH? Look behind your back? OK (don't have to ask ME twice!)....hmmm....good view...OH I see it now....you already had bixed mese a dwink and were hiding it! Youse a sweetie Pants!!!
Suck 'Em Up! The Tenders are ALL tending to us tonight, and the Wenches too!!!!
Hugsssssssssssss,
Kathy
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OK I came in late on this one---Lynda please explain to me what the heck happened to u, I don't understan. It sounds awful tho, u said u think it's starting again? When did this start is this something new.? never heard of this. I'm sorry u r suffering like this.
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OK I just got a tender finall---Kathy hogged them all, but oh now I have 2--that's more like it. oooo 2 drinks too---have to catch up I'm drinking vodka tonite with a twist--a twist of tender that is.
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Hahaha Cami, what ARE you twisting on that tender??? LOL. Yuppers, all de tenders are here tanite, and I am so glad you have TWO, all fer yerself!!! Ain't dis fun! Enjoy your twisted tender, or your tender with a twist, or everyone doing the twist!
Okole Maluna!
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Oops. sorry I bumped u Kat and I tink I steped on u'r toes. oooppps. I bet u can't feel dat cuz we'd been drnken too. See dat's what's ggood bout drkin u don't feel muchly. Wher is ebery1--Dork ru home? or on de way to de lounge. Der I go agin, on de floor wid my tdnder oohh2 of dem agin yea. I'm inde corner undr de table wid dem NOW. wooopeeee
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Jes quick pop in as I am soo damn tired all I want is my bed.
Lynda - going out on a limb here, but has da RatBastard spread to you liver?...is dat why the ascites?? Praying hard for you girl (((Lynda)))
Lori - glad they don't make you go twice. Am getting good vibs...all will be peachy!!
Cami - glad u puter bixed and u back in, well, on da floor of da lounge...heehee!
WaWa - beautiful BUTTS!!
Hi Lara!
Cyn - I understand...like I say..I jes want me bed...but I hafta try and let all my breasties kno I miss em!
NM - Hope it wasn't a super long day. Had to laugh bout Sadie. My Baxter can't reach, but he sits n snarks at me til I pay attention to him.
Julie - GR8 fireman joke...LOL!!
Bernie - So cool...and I thought my town was little...sheesh!
Dorfy - Big bummer bout habing to ditch da eye makeup...I forgot about that you shud do that. Guess eyeball doing much bettah!
Lubs all ya'll...I like da GROUP HUG TOO (((ALL YA'LL))) heehee
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Yes! I have a feeling that several of us could use a GROUP HUG tonight!!
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I jest had Pants bwing me a double of dose yummy sweet dwinks dat Lori posted and shirley needed dem.
I try to come back soon but jest had to share dis photo of mese baby twin cousins. OMG, dis is de cutest pic ever!
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OMG I saw the picture before reading your post and thought "Wow, you found the best photo to post (like a group hug)....soooo adorable!". THEN, I find out it is your very own cousins!!! Wow! I am gobsmacked....they are just sooooo precious, and the picture is sooo purrfect, it could be on a magazine cover. Oh, I jest wanna pick them up and hug those precious babies!!!!
Thanks for sharing that, Dorothy....brings a big smile to mese!0 -
The contract for the building of the workhouse in Callan was agreed on the 29th May 1840 and the building was completed in September 1841. It cost £5,500 to build, and £1,120 to fit out, a total expenditure of £6,640. It was the biggest construction project ever undertaken in Callan. The entire complex covered an area of 6 acres, 1 rood and 36 perches, purchased for £760. It was built to accommodate 600 people and its first admissions took place on 25th March 1842.
In its first years of operation, the Callan workhouse functioned very well, but the catastrophe of the Great Famine totally overwhelmed it reducing its functions to utter chaos. Built to accomodate 600 people it had at the height of the famine thousands of people clamouring for admittance. Even in 1851 it was still totally crammed with unfortunate people. The Census of that year lists 2,102 people as residing in it. <palign=justify>Vast numbers of people died from disease and malnutrition during the famine years. The statistics are grim and mind boggling. Between 1841 and 1851 a total of 1,411 people (688 males and 723 females) died in Callan workhouse, and 2,104 (ao5o males and 1054 females) died in the temporary fever sheds, a grand total of 3,515 people. These virtually all died during the years of 1846 to 1850.
The victms were carted off to the pauper graveyard in Baunta Commons for burial. Harrowing tales have been passed down about this whole era of degradation and misery. It is said that up to six bodies at a time were brought out for burial and that it was not uncommon for corpses to fall off the "funeral cart" because the boreen into the burial ground popularly known as Cherryfield was so rough and muddy.
The history of Callan Workhouse is still waitng to be written.
After the famine Years, the workhouse settled back into a more "normal" level of operation and continued to function up to the 1920's. In 1922 it was garrisoned by Free State troops for a period during the civil war. It was later sold to private individuals and public bodies. Most of the buildings continue to exist to this day in various states of preservation, monuments to our ancestors' misery and humiliation.0 -
The posh entrance for the workhouse
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i suspected that mese would has sleep issues dis night but my suspition was wrongliest, cuz me can't has sleep issues if mese can't fall asleep. I has dis rule called de "one hour wool", that means if mese lays in mese bed fo mo den an hour, meses gits up and has a dwink den twies agen. well well well, dis my 2nd daylee git up n has a drink cuz mese can't sleep, damn it. but enuff about mese. I has been sailfish with my posts lately. but dat is caubuzz mese ascareD of foygetting sum buddy, dis is my promies to all ye....I do hearbye deCLAIRE dat I nebber ebber ebBAR wanna hurt any of mese bweaties. I do feel de need to adwess some of y goils cuz mayB dat wise meses can't stop mese pee pea brain from going in soykules n mese pee pea head. oh, oh mise, what dis I ssee a group hug? mese must partake but after mese chase down our formerlly MIA loungette SPAgetti LyLynda for a big hug foyst. I had to use mese goodle to seach what de ascites means and mese did not like wat me saw. So here you go LynRa, from me to ye (((((( LYNDA))))). I wihhs me could do bettah in reziplcating your berry kind jesschur in creating sumting from mese heart, oops, make dat fart. But I offer you dis purdy braceless dat mese had made for ye.
by de way, Lyn, I'd lub to learn me how to make jewelry. I was so touched by the beauty from your heart, dear Lyda. mese gotta buckle up, errr uhh, buckle DOWn (and not downs on Pant whom by de way again, sumbody was hogging mese boy) and dat mean mese gonna try to express mese lub. But foyst, must say four or fibe werds to each of anudder buch of goils who hertin for certin....
foyst, Suz, mese got a big hug for ye too. wishing and praying n hoping and doin some corny cheers for ye but NO KNOW NO yes, dese chears are fer ye and ye JenDEgoilYOUlub, I hate dat she still has to git flat to bese comfortABLE ya see.
a hug from doRKathy (dat from mese and wahine as one, yippee cool beans...ps i miss by beanie but see mese BBBernie jest woked up. Hi BBernie, please join de hugfrest, me apoligeez for always dyegressing from de subyect mattar and also fer de beanglish challenge on mese spellings of werds. so here ye go Lynda.
I foygot to refwest so mese got smarliest and opened a new tab (no, no, not de diet soda tab dat mese dwank with mese jacK dee when mese was widdle, hail no), mese prwoud cuz mese not burping, err I mean bumpiing any of ye. Whale mese sed dis was de end of all about mese, why it so hard for me to bese normalsee. hehe's, dat rhyme, can mese borrow a dime, oh no, more about mese, I am paging all de tenders and tailing dem dat Stellagoil
So first person mese talk 2 is de sweet n ebber so kind RakuLynda. I can't wrape mese arms around you and mese can't wrap mese pee pea pissy-bWain around what best habbening with ye. dis one of de reasons mese stayed away. I invite de Lynda to POP POP POP inde de lounge and let de tenders partissipate in de group huggger, you can have dis group all night and all dey and all weekend. but ye gotta share do group hugger with de Cammygoil cuz she like cute lily white asses on de male spices, make dat speesees. oh mese cant spell but nuff bout mese aGIN!
good ebening bee ooot de foil Bootiful bikers babe Bernie, how do I sey dat in Irish? top of de day, feel free to hop in for de hug and grab yerself some cute glasses, i mean asses. ken you git de tenders to gib mese some likker? OR AND OR better yet, take mese for a spin to de likker store dere in Eyesland isslaend, islang, yep dat de werd mese looked for. oh wow, tank ye, you quickly, I hop right on. hehe, reminds me of de 60's n 70's, RIGHT on SisTA, RIDGE ON
if you ken see de widdle print, it sez dr dork jeckall and dr bernie hide, gotta zooom to see it.
whale dis post most unORGanized of all so mese was told by cammy not to say mese sawry, so i sey mese not sorry. really, ye all have eidder a mouse or a mouse like ting on yese compooters and if ye psuh de right zoooom zooom button, you see dr jekill and dorKy hyde.
for dose who bese curious georettes, mese up berry late cuz number one....mese gots a lots on mese mind and number too, mese fn foob has de most peculiar wicked pain. meese took adivil and valium to combat de pain in mese foob. but tinking gotta seese de doctor. and I got a dirty widdle sercret, mese shitty titty is a drooping some but it excepTABLE cuz mese has raised de whote flag of sirrender and also de foobs look adorkABLE in de mighten fn painful gosh dern brassier. Ok, mese go now. mese gotta git up and if mese can't, by dolly, mese gonna call out sickly cuz mese bwain sad n sick and mese foobs hurt like a moler focker. Thank YE for hearing me and ALWAYS feel free to skip my silly rantage. I go now for realiest dis time but best back, oh hail yeah.
So much more I wanted to write, I've read but still gotzta learn dis werld not all about dorKaMANIA.I partissipate in anudder group hug and has voyshirley waked all ye sleeping bwesties up for de hug but ye go back to sleep cuz dis cyber werld and u still sleeping. how sweet is fn dat? I go now, for wheal dis time, mese swear. One more word or so.....wishing you all PEACE, LOVE, GoodliEST health and a gathering with Goldie aka Oldie in her hotail room for a real group hug. PS LoriDEfayecationar, mese gonna come to de fancy schmany hotel ye in and hand deliber a hugger, not to be funcused with a buggar. and ps GODLIE, mese wuz joiking about de olde-dee ting, ye still looks like a teenAGER +10. ok oops, I did not swear dat mese go. I has to sey to Lara OrangePeal, wtg in firing de dr dickliest and to Unde', yer bootiful foobs is waiting for ye. Seriously, I have written a stupid ass journal but I love you girls and as i was saying, Peace, LOVE, healthy and happinessi. and likker, duh fn duh! I go now.
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Life in the Workhouse, 1839-45
Admission to the local Workhouse was based on very strict criteria. Priority went to the old and/or infirm, and destitute children who were unable to support themselves. The Guardians were also given discretion to admit the destitute poor.
People entered the Workhouse for a variety of reasons - unemployment and the famine were the main reasons for admittance in the 19th Century, however the Workhouse also provided a safe-haven for unmarried pregnant girls, married women whose husbands had deserted them, and Orphaned Children whose relatives were too old or too poor to care for them.
The Workhouse was a last resort for most people, who would take on any work, rather than face the gruelling Workhouse regime. The Guardians also applied the strictest of Work regimes to ensure that only the desperately poor would seek admission.
Upon Admission what few personal effects and clothing the inmates came in with, were washed and put into storage, and Inmates were given a Standard Issue Workhouse Uniform to wear.
Inmates were then categorized into male/female, able-bodied, old/infirm, infants/children. All Classes of Inmates were separated from each other, and communication between Classes was strictly forbidden. In the case of Families having been admitted, this meant that husbands and wives were banned from seeing each other, and mothers were banned from seeing their children (although this latter prohibition was later relaxed so that mothers were able to book appointments to see their children on a weekly basis).
Living Accomodation
Workhouse Living Accomodation was cold, damp and cramped – Sleeping Dormitories were situated in the attics, and consisted of Male and Female Dormitories, and Children's Dormitories. The Inmates were generally kept apart both day and night, with separate yards and duties. Beds consisted of straw mattresses placed on the floor, with old rags for sheeting. Beds were no more than 2 feet apart Disease was commonplace as no proper toilet facilities were in place. Baths were meant to be taken once a week, and Bathing Registers were kept for this purpose - the reality was often very different.
Inmates' Duties
Once admitted, Inmates were required to work a minimum 11 hour day. Inmates were put to work on a variety of jobs. Some Workhouses established Local Trade Workshops for eg. Weaving/Sewing/Knitting/Cobbling/Tailoring/Carpentry etc. Able-bodied Female Inmates would either be given Sewing Duties or Kitchen Duties (preparing and cooking Workhouse Meals, and Washing Up) Cleaning of the Workhouse, Nursery duties, or Laundry Duties.
Able-bodied Male Inmates worked much harder, quarrying and smashing stones, building workhouse boundary walls, chopping wood, and grinding corn, tending the Workhouse Vegetable Gardens/Farms, digging cess pools, burying the dead, stoking the Workhouse fires, etc.
The Daily Routine for Adult Inmates was as follows:
- Inmates were awoken by the sound of the Workhouse Bell at 6am each day. The Workhouse Master then took a "Roll-Call" at 6.30am just before breakfast.
- Breakfast usually consisted of a bowl of the cheapest porridge/grain with buttermilk (which was cheaper than normal milk).
- Work commenced at 7am and inmates were required to work through to 12 noon when they were allowed between 1/2 and one hour for lunch.
- Lunch usually consisted of a pint of Buttermilk and a piece of black bread.
- Inmates would continue working from 1pm until 6pm.
- Dinner was served between 6.30-7pm and often consisted of potatoes and Indian Meal. As you may have gathered, Buttermilk was given with everything. Soup was also given during the Winter months. Fruit may have only been given at Christmas/Easter, and was usually a gift from one of the Key Residents of the Local Town (eg. the Doctor's Wife). Meat was bought, but was usually kept for the Workhouse Master, Matron and his key staff.
- Lights out at 8pm.
Children were sent to the Workhouse School, and those children over the age of 12 were usually "Boarded-Out" with local Members of the Community. Usually Local Residents would write to the Workhouse Master asking for a child to be boarded out with them. Children were often boarded out with a local tradesman's family, where they would work as apprentices, and attend the Local School.
Workhouse Punishments
Punishments for any breach of Workhouse Rules were very harsh. An inmate who refused to carry out their Work Duties would be given 24 lashes plus no Dinner for one week. An inmate who used abusive language would be put into solitary confinement plus no Dinner for One Week, or more. Female Inmates who breached rules could often be forced to break stones for One Week, and so forth. After all, Workhouse Life was not meant to be pleasant.
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Good morning, Loungettes! Another quick ayem pop in for a doctored coffee to go and a a quick scan of the posts and off to work again. Going good, a bit busy, but I will welcome the weekend!
CynCyn--Egg Nog--that's what I need to add to my shopping list! Thanks! Trying to keep up here is a big job!
DorKable--I'll join you in the Inflatabel Chapel for a prayer for Goldie.
Juliet--Funny Bell 4!
Wahine--pretty Irish coffees!
DorKable--glad you tossed your eye makeup, I forgot about that one. Don't use make up much myself, you see. I was surprised when I read that some of that stuff should only be used for a couple of months! What a racket for the make up company!
Pant, pant, fan, fan, lingering over a couple of pics. . . . . . .
ORLA--I was gonna try pretending to drown, you beat me to it! Not fair! Well, you can only use one at a time, so I call dibs on the other one!
Rakul--YIKES! So glad you are feeling better! If this is going to be an ongoing problem there is a gizmo they can put in your abdomen that lets you drain the ascites yourself at home. You may need the help of a home health nurse for the first few times you do it, but it’s not really difficult and the directions come with with the supplies, complete with pictures. Let us know how you are doing!
Cammy! Glad the 'puter problems are fixed, no matter how it happened. Sounds like you got lots of company coming, and lots of fun planned. Although, Dr. Pepper and beer does sound rather ughghy, but if that's what she like, so be it!
Wahine--here's hoping the new person works out for the rental. What's in an Ice House? Sounds interesting! And why to workers have to make such a mess of things?
Mema--I hear you about tired! Funny how our furbabies can get the attention they think they deserve, isn't it? My days probably aren't as long as they feel, I just thing any day is a long one when it ends so much after dark. Which is something I need to train myself out of since dark comes between 4 and 4:30 and I work until 5!
AAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! {{{babies}}}
DorKable--it is all about us, after all. We just take turns sharing it here. Not sleeping well is a pain in the anatomy, I know. But I love your posts and don't care if you name me or not. I'm never offended if I'm not named, don't think anyone else here is either. And where else can you right a journal entry and get a group hug for you efforts? ?????
BBBBernie--the workhouse info is fascinating! Life was so very different then, wasn't it?
Princess Glitter Sizzle's DOTD is the Workhouse
1/2 oz Bacardi
1 oz spiced rum
1/12 oz raspberry liqueur
1 splash pineapple juice
Shake ingredients in a cocktail shaker, Strain and serve into a double-shop glass and serve.
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Bernie I enjoy reading u'r history so much, there is so much I don't know abut other countries--ashamed to say even my own.
Dork why aren't u sleeping u should be tired--u've been working---I know ur thinking but u have to take care of u'rself too.
Lynda are u home? I hope u come back on to tell us how u r.
I conked out early last night ??? Of course I have D this morning and Stella got in my way, boy was she sorry. I almost felt sorry for her. But not completely.
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I WANNA KNOW WHERE THESE ARE FOUND--I MEAN IN PERSON LOL
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juliet hot sexy man hes mine
Bernie very interesting
cammies back
Dork u r drooping they look pretty high to me
Hi mema surgery date the 16th I hear vegas soon but shan and I both have to be all set boobs in.
I know all you goilds will b with me
Nm they approved my chit work did out for a month yeaaaaaa
Hi cyn
Rak jeez hope u feel better
who did I miss idk pop in later
Oh wahine your dads Drivers Licensee expires when hes 100 wow
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Good Morning ..... have a fabulous day at work NM.
Cami..great to see you back. Hate to hear about the D visiting again but glad Stella is there for support. Is she behaving?
BBBBernie....so..the Workhouse was a home in wich people willingly resided? Sounds like prison or an institution to me..however, Im sure that durring that time a roof over their heads and food in their bellys was the objective. Very intresting history. I bet its haunted.
Got training this morning in about 10 minutes...blah.
Hi Lara
Julie...whats your sched like now?
K..gotta run.
Lata
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Bernie, That is SO interesting, and SO sad, too. Imagine WANTING to be there, because that is your only hope. Such sad, sad conditions, and being separated from family and being forced to work such long hrs for measly meals (if you can call that a meal). I really enjoy hearing all this, just to understand your history. On our tour, the tourguide talked about Ireland's history all day, every day, but still was just a drop in the bucket. I mean I had never really learned about the Potato Famine, etc.
Dorkie, I mean DorKathy (lol)....we all LOVE your long posts...very interesting, and if you didn't write about yourself, how would we know what you are going through??? You silly girl, we love you, and love to read what you write. Did you EVER get any sleep last night? I still am amazed at the pic of your cousins' baby twins....sooooooo pwecious!!!
NM, IceHouse is a beer, very good too. It is Ice Brewed, below freezing, for a "never watered down taste"(according to Miller Beer Co)...a pale ale, and tastes good, plus hi alc content. Reasonably priced too. Of course, then if you dwink enuf, you can sing "She's an ICE-House"....lol.
OK, got up late, have to check an applicant out....thought we were going to turn her down cuz she wants Sec8, but then when my DH called her, he talked so much, that now it looks like we will take her application anyway. Wish us luck!
Dorkie, HOPE you can get into the dr ASAP, cuz ya can't have ANYTHIN happen with that. You went thru tooooo much to get to where you are now, and your foobs need to behave and stand up straight!!! (or high, anyway).
Hope you are doing ok today Raku!!!
And Cami, I hate that the D is still with ya, but had to laff when you said Stella got in the way! You iz funny!
Ooohhhhh more eyecandy from Julie....we need a new nickname for ya, cuz you sure are an eyecandyMagnet....can always find them!
Hugssssssssssssssssssssss to ALL,
Kath
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Dorkee where are u--u silly girl. BTW I am always complaining and u never do--my gosh girl get ahold of those boobs and make them work for u.
It's in the 40's here today--nice for Ill.--But Stella is getring restless--she's complain it's to cold for her, so I told her to o to he**--she said not one word.--She's under control again--Sorry tough love is here. (Yea I'm so tough)
Oh I need a nap already-geeze I'm so lazy.
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Don't ever forget...December 7, 1941
(my parents were on their honeymoon on the side of Oahu that was bombed first, and the Japanese bombers looked like they were flying right into their home (soooo close, they could see them clearly). Interesting stories about my dad working at the bank and having to stamp all the money and everyone bringing their money in, in paper bags, plus all the black-outs, air raid drills, et.
The ARIZONA being bombed (one of many ships that day), and it sank with over a thousand crew trapped, now there is a memorial above it, and the oil still comes up to the surface from this ship...
The Arizona Memorial....(you can see the ship below it)
At 7:55 a.m. Hawaii time, a Japanese dive bomber bearing the red symbol of the Rising Sun of Japan on its wings appears out of the clouds above the island of Oahu. A swarm of 360 Japanese warplanes followed, descending on the U.S. naval base at Pearl Harbor in a ferocious assault. The surprise attack struck a critical blow against the U.S. Pacific fleet and drew the United States irrevocably into World War II.
On December 7, 1941, Japanese planes attacked the United States Naval Base at Pearl Harbor, Hawaii Territory, killing more than 2,300 Americans. The U.S.S. Arizona was completely destroyed and the U.S.S. Oklahoma capsized. A total of twelve ships sank or were beached in the attack and nine additional vessels were damaged. More than 160 aircraft were destroyed and more than 150 others damaged.
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lets get drinking
Goldie yes I had a pic but mese deleted it by mistake I had my reindeer ears on with my kinda dog he had ears one
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TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
AnonymousMiss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Ave.
Beaver Valley, CO
Dec. 14, 1986
My Darling,
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a "Partridge in a pear tree." What a thoroughly delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised. You're an angel.
With all my love and devotion,
Agnes
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Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Ave.
Beaver Valley, CO
Dec. 15, 1986
Darling,
Today, the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine "Two turtle doves." I'm delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are adorable and I love you for them.
All my love,
Agnes
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Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Ave.
Beaver Valley, CO
Dec. 16, 1986
Dear Fred,
Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one? Now I really must protest. I don't deserve such generosity as "Three French hens." They are just darling but I must insist, you've been too kind.
Love,
Agnes
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Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Ave.
Beaver Valley, CO
Dec. 17, 1986
Dear Fred,
Today the postman delivered "Four calling birds." Now really, they are beautiful but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic.
Affectionately,
Agnes
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Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Ave.
Beaver Valley, CO
Dec. 18, 1986
Dearest Fred,
What a surprise! The postman just delivered the "Five golden rings"; one for every finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.
All my love,
Agnes
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Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Ave.
Beaver Valley, CO
Dec. 19, 1986
Dear Fred,
I couldn't believe my eyes this morning as I walked out onto the front porch and there were "Six geese a laying" on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again - huh? Those geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbours are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. I love your thoughtfulness, but - Please Stop!
Cordially,
Agnes
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Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Ave.
Beaver Valley, CO
Dec. 20, 1986
Fred,
What's with you and those f***ing birds??? Today I received "Seven swans a swimming." What kind of a goddamn joke is this? These birds s*** all over the house and they never stop with that awful goddamn racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck. Stop your laughing damn you! It's not funny. Just knock it off with those f***ing birds, OK?????
Sincerely,
Agnes
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Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Ave.
Beaver Valley, CO
Dec. 21, 1986
OK Buster,
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with "Eight maids a milking??" It's not enough with all those birds and the 8 maids milking, but they had to bring their goddamn cows! There is s*** all over the lawn and I can't even move in my own house. Just lay off me, smartass!!
Agnes
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Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Ave.
Beaver Valley, CO
Dec. 22, 1986
Hey S***head,
What are you??? Some kind of sadist??? Now I've got "Nine pipers playing" and Christ do they play! They haven't stopped chasing those maids since they've arrived this morning. The cows are getting upset and they're stepping all over the screeching f***ing birds. What the hell am I going to do?? The neighbours have already started a petition to have me evicted.
You'll get yours, bastard,
Agnes
___________
Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Ave.
Beaver Valley, CO
Dec. 23, 1986
You Rotten P****,
Who in hell needs "Ten ladies dancing??" I can't imagine why I call these sluts "ladies." They've been balling the pipers all night long. Now the cows can't sleep and all the goddamn racket around here has given them diarrhoea. My living room is a river of s***! The Commissioner of Buildings. has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building should not be condemned!
I'm sicking the police on you, asshole!
One who means it!!!
___________
Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Ave.
Beaver Valley, CO
Dec. 24, 1986
Listen F***head,
What's with the "Eleven lords a leaping" on those maids and ladies??? Some of these poor broads will never walk again. The pipers ravaged the maids, gang-banged the ladies, and now are committing sodomy on the cows. All 23 birds are dead. They were trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten vicious bastard!
I hate your guts, dumbs***,
Agnes
___________
Law Offices
Badger, Bender & Cahole
303 Knave Street
Chicago, IL
December 26, 1986
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift "Twelve fiddlers fiddling" which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein. As you no doubt have guessed, the destruction of her property was total. You are advised that all future correspondence with our client should be cleared through this office. I feel compelled to warn you that if you should attempt to reach Miss McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanatorium, the attendants of that institution have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter please find attached a warrant for your arrest.
Season's Greetings,
J. Frank Cahole Attorney0
