Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
Comments
-
Jackie, I enjoyed reading about your life. Thank you for sharing. I consider 13 a lucky number even when it falls on a Friday, but I do throw salt over my left shoulder and make a wish when I accidentally spill it.
More later ...
0 -
I was born on August 30, 1947.
I am loving all your stories, ladies!!!
0 -
Hi ladies,
Checking in...I finished my semester at work and took a week off so I am catching up on posts - y'all are too prolific...I have 7 unread pages still. I am in Berkeley, CA, visiting DS who just bought a lovely first home. We are staying in the spare bedroom and are very relaxed. I surely needed this rest!I have enjoyed your past memories (I have been purchasing pop beads for my grandaughters from a web company "hey viv" that specializes in 60s products.
Cammi, happy happy birthday...I hope you have a wonderful year ahead.
I am enjoying the life stories. I love how this thread evolves.
I was born Nov. 25th, 1948, on Thanksgiving Day. gobble gobble
Life story later - I'll read for now.Mommarch, sending positive thoughts and prayers for your grandaughter coming to live with you. This waiting must be so hard.
Sandra, I have not had a road trip like that in a long time and I have no desire to do those 700 mile days again. It's tough. Glad you made it.
Carole, I did not make the connection with you as the Author! It is not my genre of reading; however, if I do have the opportunity, I would love to read your work. Congrats on your writing career! Once a writer, always a writer...I think you will continue.
Tomorrow we go up the coast to a cottage by the ocean for 2 days. I need the mental rest. I think it is getting harder and harder to keep the hours i do at work. When I get back next week, I will immediately go to work during the day until June 20, and at night 3 days a week. It will be grueling; but when done, I will have 7 weeks off in the summer.
Sending hugs to all of the wonderful ladies here!
Joan
0 -
Morning friends! I should also add... For me anyway, things can always "sound" better, when you look back on them, but sometimes as you get older, and are together 24/7, like I said, and if there is mega-amounts of alcohol consumed, it tends to change things... slightly.
So when I was 64.... "things" became unbearable... And to make a long story short, I left.... Actually I ran away.... 5 times! 8 months of sheer hell... trying to figure out if I wanted to go back, or make a life of my own... I filed for divorce TWICE!
I always thought it would be different each time I went back! It is called the "Battered Women Syndrome".... After lots of help from my friends, my Daughter's, Medical help for DH, a Psychiatrist, and a Church, we got back together... . Wasn't easy at first... always waiting for that other shoe to drop....
But we made it! And honestly, life is better than if any of that didn't happen! I have more deep feelings for him that I ever had before... It's like you just go on, and let things happen.... and you don't know how to "change" them... and finally you "break".... But we found our way back to each other.... and that's all that counts...
I learned I couldn't CHANGE everything... But some things I could... But HE changed a lot of things... mainly the drinking.... He still does, but not near what he used to.
See, I always thought drinking was just a part of life! My Dad was an Alcoholic, my Uncle, Grandfather, and when I met DH, his Dad was also a drunk! So I thought all men just drank, and that was life.... But as I got older, I felt that that was just not how it was "supposed" to be.... But you put up with it, because of the "kids".... like my Mom always said.... And then that was ME! But after the girls were gone, and we retired, things just got out of hand....
But now, I could never think of being without him.... or our life together.... He needs me now, more than he ever did.... and I'm here to take care of him, to make sure things are running smoothly.... And I AM happy! And he had better be also, or I will smack the crap out of him!
Jackie... One word comes to mind, when I think of you...No.... 2 words.... Patience and Forgiveness... You are just the sweetest person I have ever known.... You were years beyond your actual age, when it came to growing up... Acceptance is another word...
So it is so fun reading about you gals.... Even though I STILL am the oldest...Ha! I feel like your MOTHER! xoxoxoxo
0 -
Imagine how our lives might be if everyone had a bit more of the Wisdom
that comes from seeing clearly. Suppose
people everywhere, simultaneously, stopped what they were doing and paid
attention for only as long as it took to recognize their shared humanity. Surely the heartbreak of the world’s pain,
visible to all, would convert everyone to kindness. What a gift that would be.
Sylvia Boorstein0 -
Chevy, you always have such kind words -- well everyone here does. Many things you said really touched me. I know I am simplifying things a lot here, but as souls.....we are here to evolve into better, more experienced souls. Well, there is only one way to do that. That is to have challenges -- and so many times those things change you in some way.
So, I think when you just keep going and just keep finding answers for yourself ( and it is largely personal ) at some point you SEE easily that you are ok. You have learned to adapt and make your life work, with you and with those who are around. It is not a secret, but is tied up in the "spiritual" you...the soul you.
When I was younger....I didn't know any of these things. I often would say something like "just my luck". The difference is, today....I don't believe in luck, coincidence, happenstance or any of the other words one might use to signify that somehow we are not in charge. That there are "other" forces at work. It is in fact only us. As an older person, I now realized, after years of feeling like I must have done something terribly wrong to have a whole lot of pain and distress visited upon me -- which most of the time I KNEW I didn't deserve, that it REALLY is not about what happens to us but how we RESPOND to what happens to us. Once I figured that out.....now the trials in my life....while often distressing and sometimes a lot, are just things to get through on my way to finding a really good solution.
I just use them to grow on. So maybe as in the quote -- I see a bit more clearly now and when you accept the role you have in life -- Chevy is really good at it, and most of us older seasoned ladies do all right, but when you just say ok, Universe -- I'm in it neck deep and I'm going to swim --- then your soul lightens up. You don't start out everyday with so much reticence ( reluctance ) because it seems like everything might hurt, and you welcome the opportunity to see just HOW good you can do with your day. Once I saw that my life is my challenge....it became easier.
I can look back and see all the changes I have gone through and that I needed each and every one in order to develop into who and what I am today.
Ok.....time to come down from the dais and think about my ordinary, sometimes really challenging, but mostly really happy life.
Joan, I am so glad you are back. I kept wondering where you were ( next challenge -- write it down the minute I see it because I'll forget it I don't ) and you likely explained your absence and I forgot. So, I worried. Glad you are fine.
Blessings
Jackie
ETA: I think I have a new name for Chevy......MOM.
0 -
I was born on Nov 2,1949. When I was pregnant for the first time, my Mom told me she had tried to abort me when she realized she was pregnant again. My sister was only 9 mos old at the time and cried 24/7. My Mom had not slept more than 2 hrs straight in those 9 mos, and just couldn't face that again. Apparently even back then there was some shot the Dr could give that would bring on a miscarriage. Thank God, it was an old Catholic family Dr, who knew #1) my dad was Catholic, and #2), my mom would never be able to live with the guilt, so he gave her a shot of saline, and said, oh well, it doesn't work all the time.
Not knowing any of this, of course, I had a normal childhood. We lived in the Bronx, NY, surrounded by my mothers family. I saw people living in homes with yards and stuff on TV, but everyone I knew lived in rented apts, both those in the Bronx, and my father's family in NJ. His one sister had her own home, but that was in Montreal, Canada, so that was kind of the same as those on TV, real, but not real to me.
The summer I finished kindergarten, we moved into our own home, one street behind my Dad's parents. Talk about a different life! From the concrete jungle to small town, USA. All I remember of that house is that there was a closet that opened into two different bedrooms, and we took several late at night trips back to the city to see our Dr when one of us was sick. I clearly remember the Sat morning that fall when there was a knock on the front door. My dad answered and the couple asked if this was the house for sale. My dad said it had been, but we had bought it several months ago. My mom came behind him and said, no they were correct, the house was currently for sale. We moved in with my maternal grandmother, 2 Aunts and one uncle on the same street in the Bronx. I went back to the same school, and was very insulted when the teacher had someone show me where the office and bathrooms were. I also slept between my parents every night. I thought it was because there was no other option, but later found out that my parents weren't speaking to each other. I was very surprised, and not very happy when I came home from church with my Aunts,one Sun that Nov to find out my parents had gone to the hospital to get another baby. I was their baby- why did they need another one? Two months later we moved to a beautiful 3 bedroom apt on the 4th floor of a walk up-again on the same street. We stayed there until I was in Jr High, when the same apt became available on the first floor. We moved down, and I was married from there in 1970. Found out years later that the reason my mom put the house up for sale was that my father was working two jobs during the week, and with the added commute, my mom was unbearably lonely, and she missed her family desperately. She also said that when my dad was home on the weekend, his mother always needed him to do things, even though his older brother lived in the same building as my grandmother, and my grandmother also insisted on going for a drive on Sun afternoon, and she and my grandfather shared the front seat with my dad, and mom was stuck, pregnant, in the back seat with 3 rambunctious kids.
All that said, my childhood was very ordinary and normal. My parents loved each other and us, we had a nice home, friends, a church family, etc. My sister remained needy, and was very dependent on my mom till my mom died in 1982. She did marry and have 2kids, but when her husband suggested they move to a home closer to his job upstate, my sister told him he could get an apt for himself and come home on his days off- she was not leaving mom. Eventually, they all moved into one home upstate. And there you have it....
Anne
0 -
Carole, I downloaded two of your books on my Kindle. As soon as I finish The Light in the Ruins by Chris Bohjalian, I'll pick one and dive in.
0 -
It's WONDERFUL reading all your stories. I love to read about how things were when you were a child, your neighborhood, family, jobs, etc. Also enjoy your memories of what was happening in the world and how that affected you. (i.e. Black out curtains during the war!) Please keep it up.
And keep on sending me your birth day information so I can add it to the list. You don't have to put down the year, but if you want to, that's ok too. In fact, I think it would be fun to guess what year it was. In my post I mentioned that Israel and I were born the same year. Did anyone guess the year or did you go down to the spoiler and read that it was 1948?
Fun, fun, fun. Joan, you and I are only 9 days apart. Wasn't Prince Charles born on the 25th too? I know Queen Elizabeth and my mother Elizabeth were pregnant at the same time, and due on the same date. Unfortunately I was a bit late so Charles beat me into the world.
0 -
Husbands. Sometimes you want to kick them to the curb, other times you need them to kill a bug.
0 -
Teacher, you graduated in Germany in 1968, and I arrived in Germany in the fall of 1968 to teach Army dependent children ... in Kaiserslautern. I hope you enjoyed your life in Germany as much as I did. I loved hiking up to old castles and visiting old cathedrals. My favorite out of Germany trip was to Paris or Salzburg ... both so special. As a big fan of "Sound of Music," seeing the real cemetery used in the escape scene was very exciting. I had taught Navy dependents on a naval air station outside of Manila, PI, the year before. Both years were wonderful but a big contrast. I was a 24 year old, third year teacher when I set off to see the world. Along with great travel experiences was the deep sadnesses of the Vietnam War. It seemed wrong to be having fun while friends were in danger. It was a strange time for me ... strange but a real learning experience. I continue to thank all our men and women in uniform then as now for our enormous freedoms.
0 -
Continuing with Sandra's mystery year guesses - I was born August 25th, not long after D-day. I feel like I should say "name that tune " (er, year)??? My parents found a garage apartment in Evanston, IL the week before I was born. My first bed was a drawer in a built in dresser.
0 -
Minus, I know, I know...
OK, I'll give everyone else a turn.
0 -
Joan, it's good to hear that you are getting some rest. Enjoy the beach ... you have more than earned it.
Chevy, it sounds like you and your DH have worked hard for your happiness. I bet your daughters find you an inspiration.
Jackie, I used to think that life changes would stop when I "got older." I am older, changes are still occurring, and I am still evolving. The evolving is kind of fun ... maybe interesting is a better word.
Anne, your family staying close to family reminds me of a large segment of my extended family. My mom, 94, was reminding me of that recently. My parents were the first to move to another state. My mom seemed to suggest that she and my dad were kind of rebels. I was 15 and thought the move was an adventure.
0 -
Sandra, I was born on July 23rd about 10 months before D-Day and about a year before Minus Two. Thanks for collecting a list of b-days.
0 -
MinusTwo, I remember Evanston as beautiful. My dream school was Northwestern, but Mom said "no." She thought I was too dependent, so I should go farther from home in Arlington Heights.
0 -
OK - Sandra you can list all the answers if no one else guesses before, say... 8pm?
0 -
Sally - I only remember it through snapshots since we moved to the San Francisco Bay Area when I was 4 years old and that's where I stayed through High School. Mom did take us back once when we were early teens and embarrassed the heck out of us by knocking on the door & asking if we could see the apartment. I was so mortified I don't remember if we saw it. Funny - when my Dad was 94 I took him to visit the house he grew up in and knocked on the door to see if we could look in and take pictures on the front porch.
0 -
Hi Minus! Yes... 1944, right? During WW2 we used to hear the "air-raid" sirens... Warning us of a possible attack... But we had to be prepared....
It is ironic, that they just "played" the sirens because of the Tornado warnings around this area! Not like the "air-raid sirens" but STILL I got really afraid! I love that "bed in a dresser drawer!" Nothing wrong with that.... No-one had any money at that time.... And when we got married, all our furniture was hand-me downs... but it was like "heaven"! Having our very own place!
Yes Sally....Those 7-8 months were so very hard.... but we made it work.... somehow.... ! Would not want to go through that again...
But you know if it weren't for THAT, I don't think we would have made it! It was like walking through fire.... and then a happy forever-after... My Daughter's "understood" because they knew what was going on... But then they "helped" .... And they still understand.... ! They both know the Serenity Prayer.... as my Mom did.... So we all learned.
0 -
Sally, I did enjoy the living in Germany. Karlsruhe had a much smaller school than I had been used to but it was staffed by good teachers and classes were small.
0 -
This is fun to read the stories! Anne, your life was as different from mine as it could possibly be. I've always wondered what it would be like to live in a city. DH and I lived in an apartment in Vermont for a month or two before we moved to a mobile home near the ski lodge where we both worked. And I lived in an apartment two years in graduate school. That's my entire apartment living experience.
I have lived on boats for a total of 10 years. One year on an old "Biloxi lugger" and nine years on a 40 ft. wooden sailboat that dh and I bought partially completed and spent a number of years doing the work that needed to be done before it was ready to sail across oceans. By that time we'd come to our senses and decided not to sail it across oceans! We sold the boat and bought our first house.
Back to your lives. Going to school in Germany and teaching in Germany and the Philippines. What interesting life experiences.
Sandra, I had no idea one could download one of my books! I'll have to check that out. I have multiple copies that I would happily give to all of you but postage is expensive these days. The stories are simple little romances. Very idealistic and based on the premise of "happily ever after." I got some fan letters during my writer days. One of the most interesting was from a woman who had spent her honeymoon in one of the cabins near Camden, Maine, where I had my heroine stay. The book was Summer Course in Love. The heroine was writing her thesis for a degree.
Chevy, you've been through some heartbreak as well as good times. So glad your dh decided what was really important.
Sooner or later, I want to hear Cami's story!
0 -
I'll add my resounding yes to that Carole. We are waiting for some kind of storm here. It darkens, thunders for a bit, spits out a little bit of rain and apparently moves on....but it has done it about three times now. I'm wondering if it will continue till we get a real downpour. It is pretty muggy right now so I would welcome the rain. As long as you don't do too much it is fine in the house here with the fans running. Dh has been pretty quiet, but I on the other hand have been mopping some floors and moving some furniture.....so this is my little break period.
Blessings,
Jackie
P.S. Carole....I still like hearing about your books.....and you know each time you recall a TITLE, you don't seem to have forgotten the story line at all. Still fascinates me so much.
Jackie
0 -
Chevy wins the first prize. D Day was June 44 so Minus was born in 44. That means that Sally was in 43. Right?
0 -
Cammi---Happy Belated Birthday
Carole----I am going to download your books to my tablet. I think I read a few of your books a while back.
Sandra---I was born on March 2 The 1st inaugural parade was televised (Harry Truman) the year I was born.
I grew up in a family of 4 girls( 2 sisters were from my mom's first marriage) (my father also had a daughter that did not live with us from his first marriage and we did not know her much) and then there was my other sister and me. We grew up in a neighborhood where we all played together. My dad died when I was 12 and my oldest 2 sisters were married. I started working at the age of 14 hooking shoes together in a department store where my mom was a department manager and worked evenings so I had to go to work with her. I would do my homework at the cafeteria and the shoe manager asked if I wanted to work for him. Got paid $1.00 per hour. As I got older I worked on the floor in the shoe dept. and as a cashier. Met my DH at junior college and we hung with the same group of kids. Finally started dating him and then ended marrying him. We spent our first 2 years of marriage in the service stationed in Hawaii(really hard to take) Thought about staying there but both families were in the states so we came home when his time in the service was done. Lived with my mom for 2 years and had our first child and then bought the house where we have lived for 38 years. We raised 4 boys and went through the ups and downs with them. our first few years I never thought we would make it to 10 years but we have made it 42 years. We have gone through lots of ups and downs over the years but worked through them. I worked part time after our 3rd son. Went back toschool for 2 years when our youngest son went to school. Was a substitute teacher for 3 years and then worked in the office at a college so the boys could go to college. Worked on my masters there and when they were out of school I became the director of a preschool for 8 years. I decided I was tired of the hassle with corporatios and 12 women all the time and now teach 4 year olds. We now have 4 sons, 3 DIL, 5 grandsons and 2 granddaughters with another one due the end of June. During this time my DH grandmother lived with us for 7 years and then my mom lived with us for 15 years. She sold her house and did not know where she wanted to go so she was going to stay with us till she decided. Now we are waiting eagerly to retire soon and relax.
Sorry this is so long
Have a great week
0 -
Yea to your long story Termite --- short ones are the pits.
Jackie
0 -
Sandra, you are correct. I was born in 1943.
0 -
All the typing stories bring back such memories. That white strip of paper that could correct errors was like a miracle. My husband typed all my papers for my MA on a tiny brother typewriter that he held on his lap. Often the last line on the page had an error and meant start over until the miracle tape!
I have been busy and even cleaned the garage on that first warm day. But nobody told me to avoid heavy lifting and hot conditions, so now I am scheduled for physical therapy about lymphodema. I'm not sure I want to join any more boards. It's not gigantic, but obvious for sure. I first noticed when I went to practice painting on my hand and the veins were not all protruding like on the other hand. I must admit this does not make me happy. As a "plump" girl with fine thin hair all my life hands were about all that looked pretty! I had a girlfriend who used to joke the only time she can wear a size seven is underpants and gloves! Therapy apt Friday. Guess I'll see what's in store. Any experience here. I hope it is a temporary thing that will go away if I tell my family I must be treated like a queen and never life anything again.
0 -
Morning gals! Yes Carole, When our girls gave me a Nook, I went crazy downloading all the "free books" from Barnes&Nobel ! I STILL haven't read through them, because I've been crochet-ing a lot, AND I have them downloaded onto my computer, so I can sit and read them on this big screen, and not just the little Nook...
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/carole-halston?sto...
But yes, it IS interesting to hear about you living on the water! I can't even swim.... I COULD when I was a teen-ager, but I'm still a little afraid of the water. And my Husband gets panic-attacks thinking about taking a BATH...Ha! Not really, but almost!
I remember one time, on Singer Island in Florida, and my DD#! and GS#2 had this Boogie-Board, and told me to get on... Well, it kept MOVING, even though they were holding it on both sides, and I was yelling and whining that "I'm going to DROWN!" But they were laughing, and finally said.... "MOM! PUT YOUR FEET DOWN, YOU CAN TOUCH THE BOTTOM!!!" So I haden't even ventured out past 4 feet deep!
Mimi.... I think you have to work into that heavy-duty cleaning stuff.... Some women get Lymphedema, no matter what, and some like me, never had it, but there are a lot of women on here, who have gone through it, or are still in treatment.. Maybe it's only temporary? Maybe wear a compression glove sometimes? I wear compression stockings a LOT, because of Edema in one of my ankles... And it really helps.
Hi Termite! Fun reading YOUR story! Is your Mom still living with you? You have been married a long time! It's funny, but you would think the longer you are married, that means things are always easier.... Not so!
Things happen, people change... life changes us... and sometimes we can "ride it out".... But sometimes, people stay together because they are afraid to do anything else. Like my Folks, then EVERYone is miserable.... Ha!
But like Jackie says, those times, when you can "survive" all that turmoil, will make you a better person! So I promised myself that ..... I would never fight with my Husband if I ever got married.... That I would NEVER fight in front of the kids, if I ever HAD any... And I would always tell them I loved them every night before they went to bed.
But after you are married, have 2-15 kids, live together for over 50 years, all bets are OFF....! Ha, ha! You can do anything you WANT then. No more worrying about becoming a "better person" THEN...... You already ARE what you want to be! And not much is going to change you for ANY better!
At least that's my theory... So I'm really comfortable in this body, and where I am... It's clear sailing from now on... No worries, and no problems.... Just enjoy doing what we want to do... Hope it's always this way....
0 -
0 -
Mimi, my bc dr. never mentioned LE to me either. I learned on these boards that I am at risk with only 4 lymph nodes removed. But I have not been careful, I must admit. I wondered if I needed to have a sleeve made before making a long plane flight but I didn't. Fingers crossed continued good luck.
Termite, you will enjoy retirement even though it feels odd at first not to be "productive." I remember when your first changed jobs it was stressful for a while.
0
