INSOMNIACS place to talk in the wee hours
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weird stuff going on yesterday ...bad mojo or what's with this site. Oh well...off in about 5 hours for my spa weekend....yeah me
Sorry some of you r having daughter problems. We have a only child. One daughter. 23 now. We wished we could of had lots more, just didn't happen. But with one child, we actually had a peaceful house. No cybling fighting . Always had both parents attention. My dollars worth of advice, not from my personal experience raising a daughter, but from how my dad treated me.........if my dad could trust me, and I showed respect, and I followed the rules......I could have just about anything I wanted...within reason of course......my dad set strong boundaries and kept them. It was actually a great way to grow up. I always knew where I stood. It is good knowing you can't manipulate at least one of your parents.......raising my daughter , I always told her.....this is a dictatorship, you earn a democracy! She always hated that growing up, now she is a teacher and thinks its the smartest thing ever..lol
I think one of the hardest things when they are older, is that they know in their heads what their plan is and what they are doing and how they really feel. They know where they are at, they know that they are safe. We as parents, are used to , at least trying to know everything....where they are, who they are with, what they are doing, when they will be home...etc. then one day they are old enough for all that to. Change. No easing into it. Just bam......harder for us to adjust from that mom protecting roll. They have been waiting a long time to fly, always thinking they can do it solely on their own. I would stick to whatever you think is right in your head...whatever your boundaries are for your kids......they are resilient and will adjust. Might be mad for a bit, but they will get over it...I think. Lol
My daughter and I always had a "open floor" time. She was allowed to say anything she wanted to me during that time and I wouldnt get upset, or emotional, and I wouldn't ground her. It helped me know how she was processing stuff. I learned a lot from that. How we think they are receiving info really isn't how it is happening. Not sure how the English language gets so convoluted when talking to family...lol
Anyway, after this ramble, I think it was a great idea to tell her you wanted to sit and talk first. An open floor is a great idea. Hope she decides to talk things out with you. Good luck
Sas....I take the same for sleeping
. Hope you slept wellCami ...hope you got you days and nights flipped back again. Hope everything is going well
Hi everyone else. Have a great weekend.....I will !! Talk to you on Sunday
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ohhhh, and to continue my ramble....someone asked for someone to chime in who's mother had bc. My mom had bc. I was 21 when she was diagnosed. She will be 81 next month. I was just married at the time and think it made a big difference cause I didn't live at home and had a hubby to talk to. And like I said, my dad and I got along sooooo well, we really were great friends, and he handled it well....at least that's what he showed me....we never had any issues cause of bc. My mom and I have lots os issues between us, always have, but bc back then wasn't one of them. We have never understood each other and probably never will. ..
Ok I'm done
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Good Morning--
Well Chevy I was kind of right in a long shot way. But of course we know I wasn't exactly right.
I think right now we're all wishing we were with Susan, sounds so nice,
FBB I honestly don't know what to say--I think u have to look back at who u'r DD has been closest with and then maybe ask her to come over for a NICE talk, no preaching, no judgements just talk and I (personally, because I'm a b*tch) would give her something to read first about u'r cancer and then go on with a talk about why this is all difficult for u and u'r DH, it's hard to be ill and have u'r world all torn up cuz u love her so much. See as a Catholic Italian, guilt and fear was the thing for us, but it's not that way anymore---that's why I don't believe in guilt anymore---but maybe u can reach certain agreements even if they go against u'r real feelings )as long as they are not bizarre) and make her feel like she has a right to her emotions but she now chooses responsibilities too, so maybe u can start out with the car but she has to pay 1/2 of the ins. until she gets on her feet with her job and then pay the rest and once she does that get it out of u'r name so u are not responsible. I never had my name on my kids cars they always had to pay whatever was needed. I'm assuming it's all paid for, Then it will really be her responsibility and if it's already in her name fine that's better. But try to have a quiet talk and have u'r boundaries and let her pick some that are bendable. Because right now u both are so wrong to her but if maybe u seem to agree on somethings, she'll start to see things differently. It's just my silly opinion I always said I take no credit or blame for how my DD's come out I did the best I could so that's my attitude. LOL
OK I am quiet for now, but I just hate when we're hurting for any reason, it seems to me that having all this BC is enough t one time and no one should interfere with our stress. HaHa in a perfect world, well we wouldn't even have this.
Now about my shower this morning my DD bought me something new --Forever sunshine--so that's my fragrance for today-I smell like the fresh outdoors and very relaxing. I need hugs so other can enjoy this LOL
And today and tomorrow are my scary movies days like my own life isn't scary enough, just looking in a mirror is a horror nowadays. So I'll BBL
I'm waving now
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I'm not really a good person to give advice about kids! I was raised sternly, had strict boundaries and severe consequences (not beatings - just would be grounded in my room for months on end and in that time, I had nothing in my room, not even a radio, but I was allowed books)! I raised my children quite the same! Very strict, I meant what I said and they knew it! Today, they have both graduated college, one is a Physical Therapist and one has a degree in marketing but is doing her own Photography business! I had zero tolerance, but that is just how I was! As soon as they were declared out of school, both were expected to have their vehicles put in their own name and they started paying all the expenses! At one point, my daughter thought she would test the waters, but she found out quickly just how cruel the "real" world is. It didn't take more than a week for her to realize home was quite a nice place and the rules weren't all so bad! I've actually had them both tell me now that it was nice to have boundaries and rules, it was a safe place! My son is 27 and my daughter is 24! Both married with one child and one on the way! Both seem to have my same expectations of their children! And even as a grandmother, I am not a push over, I will spank when needed and do correct quite often!Anyway, just my take on things!
Happy Friday everyone!
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I love the wisdom from you ladies!! ((hug))0 -
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This should cover the next couple of days!
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Thanks for all the advice and wisdom! I know you are all right and it's nice to see how I'm feeling coming from others. (If that made any sense!)
DD is stubborn just like her father. I will offer up the peace gaiuntlet and see if she will be willing to come over to talk this weekend and hopefully the smoke coming out of her ears and her father's ears won't set off the smoke detectors!
I couldn't sleep last night worrying about everything. With all my health issues lately I'm worried that I won't have the time to make peace with her. She is certainly strong willed enough to hold out. Unlike me who will feel awful is someone else is hurting or sad. I will crack like a nut! Must be that Catholic guilt that cammi mentioned. I'm all about forgiveness and turning the other cheek. But like Nettie, we do keep our boundaries too. Susan, I'm sorry your mom had BC, but happy to hear she is doing well and that it helped mature you along the way. I think lots of moms and daughters have issues. I know we do! But maybe some day I can watch Shirley Temple movies with mine. Or I'll just go crash Chevy's mom daughter lunch.
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Susan, I went back to melatonin and Ativan a few weeks ago. I had been off them quite awhile. Then Sleep left again, so, until it returns. I will take them.FBB, talk, but watch out for the entitled words. She owns nothing. Just b/c she uses it doesn't make it hers. Always amazed me how kids think this. Even me when I was young. How many of us thought we had a right to our bedroom furniture LOL.
From about ten y's/o I made a phrase that was brought up with DS each time he accomplished something from then till now.
"With Effort Comes Privilege" . Even had it as the center of his senior year book collage page. I only had to explain it once. It was magic. Loved that phrase. Spurred him on to better things
After his dad died in 2010. I asked how much he had in his bank account. He responded "that's my money". I turned back to the financial counselor on the phone and said "______, we will stop that after this months deposit". Never needed to discuss it. He got it in that moment that it wasn't his.
We always talked about stuff and insurances. I eased him into independence by setting deadlines that at a given point, he'd be totally responsible for X i.e. health insurance, car insurance. etc. But I only had the one child and money was okay.
Good Luck
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Susan - Your upbringing sounds much like mine. It was strict, spankings. No groundings because I was the model child/teenager. My DB was a different story but we both turned out fine. DM divorced when I was in HS. Her rules were Mom's rules. I was a soph. in HS and some friends (trusted) wanted me to go somewhere - now this was when in Texas at least you could get DL at 14 so someone had one - I didn't and no car. Mom said No and there was no arguing. About 15 minutes later she said "why did I say that, you can go" - too late, they were gone. Raised DD much the same way. We only have the one child too. Way late having that one. She knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that her privileges would go away including a door to her room as a last resort. Never needed to go there. She did get grounded several times mostly for smart mouth or not doing chores. I used to make her ride the bus home in the afternoon if she smarted off on the drive to school. She hated the bus; worked great.
FBB - I hope DD has the smarts to sit and listen to you and DH. Any chance DD can use mass transit to get to work? We gave DD an old car we had and paid the insurance while she was in college. But she lived at home for 2 years and then an hour away at University. I think I had her start paying the insurance (to us) when she graduated but let her use it for 2 more years till she bought a car. It was never in her name. She also paid the general maintenance on it those last 2 years. We paid the tags/inspection because we live in a diff. county. I think she had to buy tires, too, with DH's input.
What if you tell her outright that is your fear? Maybe you have and it hasn't worked. Can't remember. Think out what you want to say to her. Get DH to discuss calmly. I'm usually the one with the smoky ears so I know that calm is not nec. how it works out. I'm with you girl. Will keep you in my prayers this weekend.
OK this is one of my favorite songs. I just had to look it up again this morning. I love Glen Campbell.
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Smarrty are there coffee art competitions?0 -
yes, there's lot of them, all over the world. Wow, didn't know that.
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Fierce, you are welcome anytime..... honest! My oldest Daughter is the strong willed one! I mean sometimes I am sure SHE is the Mom, when I am not doing something that she wants me to do....
The youngest, (53) is the mellow one.... The oldest one IS just like her Father also! Very opinionated, and their way is always the only way..... but I don't pay any attention to DH anymore.... and usually not my Daughter....Ha! She is the one that swears we need another dog.... I can't do it now.... still too painful from losing Lacee...
Maybe someday....
But She always told us how much she appreciated that DH and I were always in agreement raising those two.... One of us never went against the other.... and they appreciate that when they get older.... they have to have boundaries as much as you can, but when they leave, that all goes up in smoke.... Ha!
It is just so hard, to mold them into something you want to be proud of..... Glad you support your Husband.... even if you think he is a little hard on her .... Sometimes I tried sitting down, and trying to talk things over with them, and sometimes I wrote a nice little note, and laid it on her pillow.... You can say a lot that way, and don't have to listen to them cry or argue....
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I'm sure some of you will understand this! But for the others, yay that you can sleep peacefully through the night!0 -
2Ta---re: glowing. I glow until july 25th. It's decaying at a fixed rate. The doc from Moffitt said "If I had come to Moffitt, they may have not treated me with RAI131". Great. It's still interfering with my life and I may not of needed to have it. Revisit soon. he said he'd let me know his opinion then after further review. He was respectful of my docs, but said that their plan was still being carried out throughout the USA, but it was old.The NRC guy hasn't emailed yet. But that's fine. The phone call was the best. He said they moved slow and kept emphasizing that. LOL It's government, I get that.
I accomplished what I wanted. Which was to get someone to read the material. I figured he wouldn't have called if he hadn't read it and likely talked with some folks. Cool. That's why I wanted to go to the top. Often working with something, we are so used to it, we don't see an obvious flaw or omission.
For example, when my old hospital built an external sx center in the early 90's, they didn't include a nurse in the planning. LOL they didn't put a sink in recovery room. DUH. A nurse would have noticed that in the plan.
Happy it sounds like you are feeling better?
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Finally getting the chance to check in, been very busy today.
Susan and FBB, we need to talk and compare notes are we all seem to be going thru similar things with our young-adult DD's (mine is 20). I had to get up "early" today (7:30 is early when you go to sleep at 2:30) to run to the grocery store as she let me know late yesterday her car is having problems and she wanted to borrow mine today (she has to drive about 30 miles one way for hospital internship from 7-midnight today and I don't want her getting stuck on the freeway as the late hours). Been doing chores since then. She buzzed in, complaining and was gone 5 minutes (if I blinked I would have missed her).
Sassy, you're scheduled to be "glowing" till my parents' anniversary so I should be able to remember that. I'm somewhat better, thanks! Have to tell you later about my "not so great" day yesterday: had to call the city's public works dept because I was having problems with subcontractors doing work at new next door neighbors (they started moving in the beginning of the week, haven't even met them yet) and getting my DH's truck stuck went I went to take it to the drive-thru car wash about 10:30 last night. With the BCO systems problems, let's just say it wasn't one of better days in a long time! And a good note, I made "friends" with the Great Dane next door and while she has a fierce bark, she's a wimp after all!
Thanks for all the pics and smiles.....
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courtesy Dr Susan Love:
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2nd hysterical!!!
Hi everyone--I've had another sleep a lot day and I slept just OK last nite--
Big weekend going on.DD1 BD party at her house, but we're not staying long way to many people and I don't knw hem and the ones I do I don't really care for. I know that's terrible but almost all of them are his friends he's picked up along the way and the reason is they are fantastic drinkers or they wouldn't be there. My DD's friend don't even like thm so they don't hang around all nite either. But Sunday is my sister and BIL surprise combined BD party si I'm looking forward to that one like crazy--but I know 2 days will knock me out so that's another reason why tomorrow won't be to long. So those are my plans.
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I have to have that shirt.
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You know, I'm not sure that I will survive these hot sweats if they don't go away before my hair grows back!!!I hate summer in Texas!!
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I'm with you Tang and it's not even that hot yet. Seems the humidity is worse this year. I spent the winter freezing, wish I could remember that feeling.
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Effexor did help with my hot flashes from Arimadex. I'm off both now, will start aromasin? Tues. We'll see how that goes. Right now I can't even brush my teeth in the a/c without looking like I just got out of the shower. Summer in Florida is no picnic either.
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Aw Geez Cammi! Couldn't be Italian could they? Most undoubtedly they are. Yes.... I remember their parties.... any excuse for a party. If a worm was on a sidewalk, "let's party"..... and drinking to over-excess was required.
How many times I cried on the way home, with him driving! Thank God we grew into some sort of sense, and with age, it sort of corrected itself...... meaning I got so pissed off, I would not go anymore, or stand for anyone getting drunk at my house.... mostly. I grew UP with it, but even as a little girl, I had enough brains to HATE anyone drinking themselves silly... or meaner than hell.
So YOU go.... I'll stay home and think of you... Just take Phylli's paint-ball gun and shoot them all if they get drunk... Fill your pockets with snacks, and tell your Sister "see ya' later girl-friend, it's past my bed-time!" Don't let Joey see them acting stupid.... kids remember that stuff...... like I did.
Yes 2222222nd! That is OUR shirt....Ha!
Tang.... sorry about the heat.... Just stay in where it is air-conditioned? Do you guys have swamp-coolers there, or is it too humid? I LOVE our swamp cooler...
Spookie.... I know.... DD in Orlando says it is sometimes miserable to work out in her garden.... Janie comes back Monday... She said they went to the Rainbow-river, and she and her Sister kayaked and one GS and his friend got in a Canoe! Said is was really beautiful.... They all got sun-burned! They just stay busy, because Sheri takes them to every sight there is to be seen! The first day, they went to that Harry Potter thing at Universal! Said it was amazing!
The younger one got soooo sick, on the ride, she could hardly stand up. Now these kids are 53 and almost 55.... I know they are not "kids" but .... oh well, yes they are.... to me.
I'll just be glad when she gets back home safe...I mean to her own place... which is only 3 miles from us.
Later Gators!
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Good Morning all
Pretty Pic. Chevy and as usual u got it all mixed up. The party for my DD are all the drunks and just a couple of Italians, but these are the ones I can't stand to be around. My sister's is yea all Italian but not much drinking there, even on the holidays we 're just not drinkers, But I know I don't like Joey to be around all those others and he doesn't like it either actually. Cuz they do get stupid.
So I'm looking forward to my sister's party a lot cuz I get to see a lot of my family and I don't have to bring a thing, I asked but it's all being catered so it's easy on everyone, and easy is my name--yes Chevy even in HS like you.
Joey's up and he's making my coffee so I'll go join him for now --I'll se u guys later. MUAH
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See I said I'd be back---good coffee but I had to add an extra scoop, he measures like exactly, I threw in a big extra one for good Luck (I told him)
I was thinking (CHEVY!!!) I watch these crime shows real and fiction and they are always using a computer to find all kind of things like crazy and fast and here I can't even do a picture. Now when I worked we only had an in state computer but they could tell who was using it, ell I did figure a lot out on there (when I had a useful brain) ad found lots of private stuff until they put a ban on using it for stuff we shouldn't --I'm sure I wasn't the only one, but I did figure out passwords and stuff and now I can barely figure out what I'm doing. I should have become a hacker when I could have, it's much to late now. But I never had a computer til a few years ago--Oh well, see what I really think about--nothing just thought I'd share.
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to my Owlettes, good morning!
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222nd! That is so true! I love it!
Yes Cammi, I love all those crime shows too! We should be soooooo intelligent, watching them so much, right? So I guess that means we ARE! Okay..... you can go.... but just don't stay too long at that party.... with Joey anyway..... suppose you will leave KatieKat at home alone again to fend for herself, and have to fix her own food! Take some mace.... so's you can spray the rightfully inebreated ne-er-do-wells.....
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Is it THIS party? You are not safe there.....
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