INSOMNIACS place to talk in the wee hours
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Good morning Owls,
Finally getting some cooler weather. Woke up at 6am to walk my dog and had to put a jacket on, for both me and the dog.
2nd, so so sad about your mom and all that you are dealing with. Big hug goes out to you. I hope you find some peace soon.
I haven't been posting much. My life has been too busy. Trying to find mini breaks during my day to relax a few minutes and take deep breaths or a short walk.
I hope everyone has a good day today.
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Morning Owlettes, Shatzi sat against all the computer cords. Everytime this happens it knocks out my internet. I finally fixed it. But one of the dohiggythingamabobs is broken, so now I don't have any land line phone. Have to wait for DBF to fix. it.2ta praying, Blondie praying, Mags praying. Me begging.
Spookie I think you have my cell phone?
Yay Mags last chemo YAYAYAYAY hootie who, Now fix up those lungs and you'll be spiffy.
My story is one of those totally ridiculous can't be true stories. Lichen sclerousus(LS) of the entire bottom. Retrospectively, might have been there since before or just after DS born 30 years ago. No problem just one of those things noted on physical exam way back then. Biopsied last summer as an incidental finding on yearly head- to- toe dermatology exam. Derm bx'd it b/c she wasn't used to doing lady parts and thought it was cancer. It wasn't. It was LS. a < dime size thing that was just there, but no problem.
With the thyroid removal and Rai-131. It took off like a race horse in the 5th week post RAI-131. The LS treatment is clobeatsol --high power topical steroid and hydrocortisone suppositories. If I don't use them my lady parts can turn to the consistency of a brown paper bag(some have) and the anal sphcinter becomes incompetent i.e doesn't close right therefore I will leak stool. So, there is motivation to do the care. Besides it hurts really bad.
Separate to this we have been trying to supress the TSH since removal without luck? TSH should be 1.0 or less. I changed to porcine thyroid hormone(pig). Last test TSH came back 30.5 and The T's are almost non-existant. Meaning I am so hypothyroid, it's awful. Again the TSH is supposed to be 1.0 to keep any left over cancer thyroid cells from growing. But my body was telling me this several weeks before the test was done. The S/S's were just like before RAI. The STTM book said don't be surprised if you feel worse before you feel better. LOL got way worse and thought this feels just like the Rai time.
Once the test came back, I call big wig doc in Tampa. His nurse gets on a rant about porcine thyroid. No help there. I get out everything and do the detective work. Did a time line as to when symptoms started and studied for many hours. Conclusion:The steroids were absorbed>> they mess with the Hypothalmic -Pituitary-Adrenal Axis(HPA) and the Hypothalamic-Pituitary- Thyroid(HPT) Axis. My PCP was relieved when I walked in with the answer. She was tired. I found the answer as to what to do while reading in the waiting room. Plain T3.
Regretfully, the info on the HPA &HPT info was in the drug info. Two docs GYN & PCP, and me, never considered the trouble that these steroids could cause the thyroid. AHHHH another friggen lesson, but no choice re:treatment, but it is nice to know what the problem is.
This could all settle down, if the thyroid ever gets regulated. But the steroids are interfering. I have hope, but it is being sorely(literally) tested.
Also, I've passed another stone. Now since this is the fourth, and these most recent two have been associated with severely hypothyroid states, AND the first two were during the onset of the goiter. There is some sort of connection with the thyroid, don't know mechanism, but at least it's known too. Likely calcitonin. First two occurred after taking Miacalcin. Those details left out.
All this means is IF the thyroid gets regulated then maybe the stones will stop and the LS goes back to a quiet state. Please, keep me in your prayers.
Then to consider all the errors of misdiagnoses, Tampa doc saying I didn't need the RAI-131. Just more to the friggen list of errors of almost 6 years. Some of those early errors I think inadvertently saved my life. So, hope in some small way in the future I can look back and say these problems lent to saving my life too. It's a situation that I can't wait for the future to get here to find out the outcome
Spending way too many hours a day contemplating my bottom.
OH DBF and I are on the verge of breaking up.
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This is us!
Hope for you that need it dealing with life's crap. Does it ever stop? Wishes for better days ahead.
My GS, 25, goes in today to get his leg cleaned up and toes nails clipped. They have to put him out to do it. Hope he doesn't wake up in too bad of pain. He's the one with CRPS. They also suppose to see about range of motion with his knee, ankle and toes. The ortho doc has said under no circumstances will he ampute his leg. We'll see. Most of his leg is frozen so he can only move it from the hip. Keeping my fingers crossed.
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Well Sas, that explains why you've been so quiet. No, don't have cell, landline only. Too bad about Shatz and Donnie, maybe for the best?
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gee sass, don't you ever get a break? Crap! I hope everything improves soon. No one wants a pita problem!
Everyone else, keep well. I've got to get moving and finish taking things apart for the floor people tomorrow, so toots. I'll post a before and after pic when they're done.
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Sass- yikes.. that's a heap o troubles you listed. Sorry. Hope something gives and mends itself. Sorry about the relationship on the rocks too. sucks. hang in there. How's your weather?
Smarty good luck on the floor tomorrow! Send pictures.
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Rose, come on down! The weather is great, except for a disturbance in the Gulf right now. Supposed to rain on Miami by Sat. I'm just up the coast from your mom, if you do come maybe we can do lunch.
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Sass-wow, I won't even pretend to understand alot of what you said, but it sounds awful and I'm sorry. Sorry about dbf too, has this been a rocky relationship?It's a slow day at work today...at least so far. I tried a new recipe in the crock-pot and I'm hoping It'l turn out well. I'm trying not to worry about things that could be better in my life and focus on the good that IS there. Such a hard thing to do for me, I'm such a glass is half empty gal.
A woman at church Sunday that was sitting in front of me stopped me as we were walking out. She had really short hair also and asked if I was part of the "short hair club" and I asked if it was the chemo club? She said yes
She's older than me and asked me if I had a good support system around me. She gave me her phone number and asked me to call her if I needed to talk. She is actually part of the women's ministry at my church. Anyway, I DO have a point My point is that I want to reach out to her and I know God had a part in us crossing paths Sunday. I just have such a hard time getting close to people. Also I think maybe I'm worried about her being more "Godly" than I am. haha...I'm a mess. actually I have no idea why I'm writing about this. Sometimes I just let thoughts stream out
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So Tang.... you are just like us! Ha, ha! It's hard sometimes to figure people out.... No-one is more Godly than anyone else.... but some people just don't pay attention to living like we are all HIS children.....
Don't ever feel "less" than someone else.... Always feel like you are 2 steps ahead of everyone else, and that you are leading the way.... then everyone can follow you, and think you are their leader!
So WTH is going on here Sass? I kind of sort of don't understand all of what you said.... parts maybe, but not all of it, other than you are having all sorts of "stuff" going on, that you don't WANT going on. So that means I am clueless as what to do.
Smaarty! I'm so sorry about what is going on with your Grand-son! Let us know, okay?
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To all you lovely owlettes, thanks for the thoughts
. DBF got a job last week. Started talking about moving out. Needed his space. Well now he has it. I had him pack sunday. We're not totally done, but time will tell. As many break-ups come down too. 1 money 2. lack of consideration. Those two change and I still love him, I'll consider.Smarrty reminds me of some stories, I will have to try and find BBL
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OKAY found a page. These are actual fupaws made by docs etc. They will keep you laughing for awhileOne fertility doc to another fertility doc " If we keep her on the floor long enough, one of us should be able to get her pregnant' Smarty watch out for any starnge doctorly types walking around while you are on the floor
http://www.guy-sports.com/funny/funny_medical_quotes.htm
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aha! Sass. That last one is your problem! Who knew!
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Miss Smartypants - big honkin' hugs.....
~ ~ ~
tangandchris - I always believed I was the least Godly person around. I thought everyone in my church was a better Christian than I was, because they had been doing it longer and better than I had. I even thought I didn't know how to pray correctly!
Then a very dear friend taught me that there is only one kind of "right" prayer.... and that's whatever is between you and God. It can be a simple conversation, a polite request, a desperate plea, an angry question, or of all of that... as long as you know He hears every word you say, and even if you can't find the words, He hears you anyway.
I was always uncomfortable praying in front of other people. Now I just close my eyes and shut the world out, and dial God on His personal, direct-line cell phone. He always answers. It's just a conversation, and as long as I am respectful enough to SHUT UP AND LISTEN, I always get an answer.
It may not be the answer I wanted or expected, but He always answers.
And all those perfect Godly people out there? Not one of them is. They are each a work in progress. All of us are.
You and this lady don't have to become BFFs overnight, or ever. You are Sisters in Christ. That's enough of a relationship to start.
Here's what I think: if you will reach out to her, YOU will be blessing HER. Why deprive her of that? And who knows what else good can come of it?
Oh well.... that's MY ramble for today....
xoxoxoxo
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Yeah, Chevy, I had a bag of zithromycin at the ER, then a Zpack, then a run of Avelox, none of which helped. I've used Adair in the past, but this is different from anything I've ever experienced, and it's got the docs stumped. My nurse friend wonders if I might be having a thickening of the lining of the lungs from some unknown cause. No pred, but of course I've had three days of dexamethasone for chemo. It will be interesting to hear what the pulmonologist reports.
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Chevy-I have a real issue with thinking I'm less than....40 years old and still feel like a little girl in world of grown women. I'm getting better and stronger....BC has helped me with that if you can believe it.Blessings-I know you are right
On every count....now my heart is another thing. I'm getting there. ((hugs))
sass-funny link
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Tang.... I used to feel intimidated by a lot of people.... I know it was in my own mind, but I used to be the same way....! From the time I was a little un-happy girl, I felt like I was just surviving... And my world around me was filled with mad, un-happy people. So you just grow up the best you can, but you carry those feelings all through life. And you don't know any different.
But someday, you will look back, and see how far you have come.... You might not be the prettiest one on the block, or the smartest one in your class, but you are a valuable person, doing so much better than a LOT of women! That used to be me.... But by having different friends, by going through a lot of stuff life throws at you, you just jump the hurdles, and come out better than you were before. Honest! I feel better now, than I did when I was 40, 50 or even 60! I mean mentally.... Not so much my body, but that's just how life goes.......
You are only 40? You have to make something fun with each day.... You are very young.... and have a lot to learn about people.... Just remember you are just as good as the person you admire.... They probably admire YOU!
So sometimes you can feel funny, or sad, or even bitchy.... but that's okay.... We get to feel how-ever we want to.... But being happy with ourselves is the most important thing.
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Sas, your voice mail is full on your cell.
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Spookie it's okay, it still registered you call. Now I'm on your voice mail.
Tang, Blessings and Chevy said it OH SO GOOD. Now as Blessings says....Listen in a peaceful pretty place.
Had a wonderfully Ativan induced nap Just delightful. All toasty, Windows open 81*.
Now for the DBF scandal details. OH gossip. He lost his job last Jan. I take him in. Got him righteous with his drivers license in order to get back to work. Sell him the car b/c I foolishly thought a lawyer could right an injustice. Feed him , clothed him, cut is hair, bought tools.Taught him human skills.
The week he gets a job he starts talking moving out. He wanted space. Isn't that sweet. Space. I did tell him at that moment, I did feel used. All year long , really I hadn't felt used, but that made me feel used. Sunday, he knew there would be a late pot roast dinner. I called him and said it would be out of the oven at 6. At 8 I call and he says "Just a little bit longer Baby". "No problem, just leave enough time to pack". "AW, honey no, now don't do that. "
So, he's out. We are seeing each other, but what happens next my sweetie's, will be in the next installment. Thursday is a real crunch day. He owes me money. Thursday is pay day.
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Mags--aliens0 -
Hi Teka! Come back! Miss you!
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Well, I may be a lurker, but my @$$hole is very competent, thank you.
Teka!!!! So good to see you here!!!
Miss Sassypants - sadly, your story is NOT uncommon. Sending you massive huggage.
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Is something going on between sassy and Teka?? I'm confused!Good to see you teka, I've never seen a post of yours with so many words lol.
I'm restless tonight, not sure why. Too late to take anything really because if I do now I'll be dragging a all day tomorrow.
Chevy, thanks for the wise words ((hugs))
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HELLO, HELLO !
I have been MIA for a short while. Sweetest Susan sent me a PM. Several times I tried to post, but I would forget who did what, and I wanted to talk to everyone....lol...impossible !
Teka, yah, we have not seen you for months...I have missed your posts, short & Sometimes a weather update. I have no idea what you are referring too now. But we will get Chevy & Cami on the case, they will get to the bottom of this unfortunate circumstance. Stalkers.....arrrgggg, sorry someone is being a bully.
Mags, how are you feeling? That last chemo is hard. I could not move, I was so tired.
Sas, This sounds stressful.....hope it works out...
2ndtimer, hang in there....
Hootie Hoo Patty....are you & your DS over the virus?
I'd better close, low battery. I had the Zometa infusion on Friday. Tired, achy. Night sweats, yuk!
Found the charger...lol...IPAD plugged in. I wanted to let you all know that Kristine ( F.BlueBird ) passed 3 months ago today. I think of her often, something will remind me of her, generally when I am outside, or on the golf course.
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Tandarang, I am confused also.....that's ok. Hope you get some sleep. I might of missed it, did you do the 5K or the county fair? Or stay home & rest ?
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Blessings, you're on a roll!
Tang, I feel for you. Reliving the past year in your mind? Wondering how different life was a year ago before BC? Sometimes I think it only adds to our frustration when we have daughters, especially young ones. If that's the case, try to let that go.
Teka, good to see you.
Sassy, sending you hugs from across the country. When one of the family hurts, others do too.
Trying to catch up, that's mission impossible.
Thanks for all the love, good thoughts, hugs, prayers and support. I feel them
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OMG this is really Mission Impossible trying to catch up
Blessings good post.
Tang really do whatever u feel comfortable with, u don't have to compare with anyone, u are u and u'r so sweet, what's to compare?
Sas I hope u get this whole thing that I really don't understand under control so many complications, didn't realize all that was going on. Didn't u'r DBF do this before too? I kind of remember him wanting to move out another time but he comes back, maybe not because he needs u but because he wants to, he might just want to feel independent cuz men are like that.
Chevy right when I think u'r making a lot of sense u go off the board and I don't understand a word of what u'r talking about and one big SE is my spelling I'm sticking to that story. And cancer at bay means it's keeping quiet, it's afraid of me now, just every SE imaginable so I'm happy but miserable with how I feel. LOL
OK I need to rest now--it's like 6am ad I'm tired now--I've been up since 3am--no reason just because.
I hope everyone has a good day.
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Oh good! Now I think we are getting back to normal! Ha! I think that is
an oxy-moron.... or what IS that I mean!Spookie that's funny, the only way you can talk to Sassy is on HERE! Her
voice mail is FULL? Ha! Oh damn! that just reminded me to take the land-line
out of the micro-wave!See, with all the political phone calls, I just turn my phone on, set it in
the microwave, and take it out in the morning.All that political stuff is a PITA!!! I put it in there before I go to
bed.... around 7! Ha, ha!TEKA!!!!!!!!!!!! Hey gal! Long time no see! About time you get back on
here! We ain't blockin' no-one! So just come back and post... I WONDERED why
you only put little faces on sometimes.... Anyway, good to SEE you!Sass, I think this has been going on every once in awhile, right? It's
like a relationship on quick-sand....Next time he says "Ah honey, don't do that".... Say "Ah honey, my a$$, and
don't let the door hit you IN that a$$ on your way out!" Period.... Exclamation
point! You don't NEED that Sass....When men think they can get away with something, they will... Either you
are first in his life, or out of it.You know, you can still be friends, but not LIVE with the guy... DD here
in Denver has this arrangement also... She fell in love with HIM, but later on
he dumped her.... in high-school.Broke her heart!
Met him again about 5 years ago, in her store! Well hell, we
can just pick up right where we left off, right?It doesn't work that way.... Your heart is nothing to mess around with...
Your brain will soon take over, and slap that thing right back into place.Soon, you are all back to normal, and can SEE what is going on in your
little heart, and reel it back into some state of normalcy .... And that
hot-N-heavy romance just smolders, and then slowly goes by the way of the
road-side... because you are now in control of your senses.They are still good friends, and see each other about once a month.... He
helps her out, by doing things in her house, like moving furniture, and hanging
pictures, and they DO have fun together! So that's all that matters. But they
were not meant for each other.Okay, now that I've got YOU straightened out, what NEXT is on the
agenda?Blessings... Hah! You make me laugh!
Tang-a-lang-a-ting-tong.... We HEAR nothing, we SEE nothing, and we SPEAK
nothing....sometimes..... Other times we are all over this like fleas on a
dog. Let's just stay confused......HiHo! Morning kid! Okay..... Chevy and Cammi have a mission.... We'll
never figure it out, but we are ON it!2222222222222nd! You know what I should do? Since you are all my friends,
I should make you into a scrap-book, with your pictures, and something about all
of you, and then when I talk to you all, I will remember all of this! How IS
your Daughter 222222? Miss you!Oh Cammi.... our services are needed. We are like Bat-man and Robin! You
be Robin.... I'm older, so therefore... so okay.It's Mission Impossible? Okay, I'll go with that... what are we doing?
Oh so now, you are going to tell us about men? Well yes, with all that
experience and all.... we should listen maybe.... and then again.....But little honey, if you spelled, or typed everything RIGHT, then what
would I talk about? So don't go correctin' nothin'.... okay?'You have to get to feelin' better, before we can go out carousing! You
have to be in top shape to hang with me... It's so lonely out there at
night.... in the heat of the night, under that lamp-post, waiting for you!Once in awhile a passer-by, but most of the time, it's just me, that pole,
and a bottle of Jack.0 -
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Chevy OMD how do you find those pics. Yes, getting Cami back in the pole of things would be good. Missing her parties is a big deal.Hey teka , the asshole reference has been wiped out ---even this response.
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I saw this yesterday when I left DDs. They are wild in her neighborhood. Taken in my car, on my phone
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