INSOMNIACS place to talk in the wee hours
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Oh, Ladies - I've been so fuzzy lately (head injury and sleep apnea) that I haven't had the energy to go back and reply personally to everyone - soooo sorry!!!
Miss Sassypants - I DID see my name mentioned in one of your recent posts, and it had to do with a post of Spookiesmom. I did manage to go back and find the original post about a grandson who told lies.
Here's my two cents: all the suggestions everyone posted were very valid, and I would certainly follow up on all of them. But there may be more to the story.
When one of our young relatives was in second grade, he was actually EXPELLED for not following the rules. He lied to everyone - his parents, his teachers, his friends, even though we might have just watched him do the very thing he denied doing.
No punishment worked. Time-outs, grounding, threats, things taken away... nothing mattered to him. He never showed any kind of remorse, even when he hurt his younger brother. The phrase "I didn't do it" got very, very old. Sadly, he became a kid no one wanted to be around.
His mom took him out of school and started to home-school him. That was an exercise in futility. (There was also the issue of his former school district not following protocol on testing and IEPs, but that's another story.)
Finally they all went to family counseling, and the therapist suggested a battery of tests.
Turns out this little boy had Asperger's syndrome. No wonder he was acting the way he was.... and no wonder none of the standard punishments ever worked. Asperger's is on the Autism Spectrum, and kids on that spectrum have brains that are just hard-wired differently than most of us can ever imagine.
It has taken years of intense therapy, behavior modification, and actual training in "what is normal" for this child to have grown to the age of 13, and become more "nerdy" than "bratty". He has incredible passions for certain subjects, and will spend hours studying them. He can have amazingly adult conversations about his interests.
Things he is not interested in, not so much. Trying to teach him to have empathy is an ongoing project, but he is miles ahead of where he started.
No two kids will ever have exactly the same diagnosis, nor will the same exact interventions work on every kid.
But it's sure worth a shot at finding some answers that make a life make sense.
Prayers for your grandson, Spookiesmom... for answers for him and for the whole family.
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Oh Blessings glad you came
Blessings, I agree, Not that you suggest having the child tested through the school system. I just want to stress that the child not be tested through the school system if the parents can have him tested privately. Schools can pigeonhole kids with IEP's, based on school hired psychologist. The IEP's can follow them into college acceptance. per sil that did school testing.
A Psychiatrist doing the lead>>>>>will direct a Psychologist to test>>>>back to Psychiatrist for interpretation. No school people in the loop. Find out what you are dealing with first. Let the psych doc guide in dealing or not dealing with the school.
Spookie you DD has no clue yet. Unknown the quality of school psychologist. You've already said the school guidance counselor isn't the________. Have DD find their own doc.
When DS was being tested for gifted, I had an instinct about the assigned psychologist---refused him. That caused a delay of 3 months. Principal who was a friend couldn't tell me why he felt my instincts were right, he later did. B/C of DS having to have an IEP b/c of Gifted, I learned stuff about the process that isn't roses unless you understand the parental and child's right's. The staff can try to direct the family as they want, not as the child needs. When DS asked to be tested I went to my SIL who was the testing and placement person at a large highschool and a friend that was a professor at a local university. Plus she had 35 years as a Principal. Between them they guided me through the process. Had they not told me the ropes. We would not have gotten past the first question.
Please talk them into staying outside the system, until they have more info.
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Wish I could take a pic of how Schatzi has made a tunnel through the tree b/c of recent storms. At least it's still standing like the PISA one.
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They did have him evaluated last spring. The doc felt he might be on the Spectrum, but it was so "mild", he didn't feel necessary to pursue further treatment.
There are other things going on, I feel SIL needs anger management help. DD needs to cut back on time spent at school. With that flakey BFF guidance counselor .
He has had all kinds of PT, OT, speech, I don't know what else. Our district is a big one, if a kid needs help, they will get it for the kid.
I'm seeing a bit of a pattern though. Fri he asked me nicely if it was my payday, and could we get ice cream. I had to say no to both. Then my keys went missing. When I've told him no other times, things happen. Haven't said this to DD, yet. Asbergergers
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Blessings and Spookie... This all sounds probable... I was worried in bed last night, thinking there must be something other than the typical acting out of our kids...like a chemical imbalance...
And without the right kind of diagnosis and treatment, it will just go on... getting worse as they get older...
I remember reading somewhere about the "Mom" of one of these kids did take her Son out of school... made him stay home 3 days to "punish" him...
But when he went back, all hell broke loose. She WAS trying to help, but it was enabling him... If he would have gotten the right treatment, if someone would have helped the Mom...if the school had tried to help, rather than discipline, it might have had a different outcome....
Geez, I hope you guys get help....
And Sass... yes, I know... He drinks just 2-3 beers a day.... I didn't go in with him when he talked to the Doc... But she explained how to take those pills. I don't know if they talked about any beer... but I will TELL him, it's not recommended for him to drink anything while on that type of medication, because they both are processed through the Liver.
It's like I am walking on ice here... on one hand, so happy that he seems "happier" and we can talk, and then afraid to talk about NOT drinking, because he might give up the pills... you know what I mean? If I see any sign of him acting differently, I'll tell him he has to talk to the Doc about what he is doing.
We went through all this years ago... Only THAT time, the pills just put him to sleep.... couldn't function. I LEFT because of his drinking... But after about 8 months, we got it all back..... The drinking, Cops, running away, 72 hour hold, psychiatrist, counseling, drugs, and SOMEhow we made it...
Tthese last 13 years have been so much DIFFERENT than the way things used to be... I haven't minded the daily 2-3 beers... and now that he is older, I just feel bad for him that he FEELS older... and has lost that happiness in him, and he is just "down" when we aren't doing something...
But lately, he seems happier! We talk and laugh during the day AND night... He has drank since he was 17... Used to be a lot, but then it got to be overwhelming... especially after he retired... It was like "okay, now I'm done! Now I can do whatever I want... drink as much as I can..." And I got lost somewhere along the way... Even I tried going to a counselor... But if he didn't try, anything I did couldn't bring us back together... So I left. I ran away 5 times... the last time I swore it was for EVER.
It took THAT for him to finally get help... Rock bottom. But man, it took a "village".. Now it was ME that needed help... to convince ME that he was trying... The Church, counselors, our Daughter's, our Doc, and meds, and my friends that held me up when I was losing my whole life, it seemed.
They gave me places to stay... long talks... and learning to trust him again. Good Lord, I'm glad I would never have to go back to that time again.
Like walking through fire, and getting out with more than I ever dreamed of.... I just want him happy.... he's mine, for better or worse.... I just want him to be able to take the pills, and not have anything happen. I like for him to go up on the corner everyday to see his friends, and have a couple beers with them... and come home, and happy to see me! If I could stop time............If he could stop, but I can't make him.
If I could keep things just the way they are right now, I would never ask for another thing....
So I'll probably delete some of this after you see it... but maybe it's good I explained.
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hi all, checking in. Things are good here just crazy at work right now.
Hootie Hoo! ♥
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Chevy, just wanted to make sure that you knew all psych drugs could cause problems if taken with alcohol. Docs dispense, but don't do much teaching
. HUGSAnyone know anything about chinese clothing?
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Spookiesmom - I am just going to add a small observation to the discussion. Our oldest kid is MR/autistic -mild. She hand flapped, had very little language until age 6 and all kinds of unusual behavior. My daughter is a rubella baby, they think. Despite all of these obviously autistic behaviors no school or doctor ever put autism down on her problem list. It was always retardation as the main issue. Well fast forward to age 12 and my DD was doing so well that she tested herself out of services and over the 70 IQ twice. We panicked! Her Pediatrician sent us to our local medical center for testing - privately and it was a spectacular disaster. Just a complete expensive waste of time, they dropped her IQ to 49 because she was so stressed by the weird environment she couldn't do anything. They wanted to gut her program and make it life skills. The entire thing hurt her. Even the school said do not do what they recommended.
It was the school district that came to the rescue. They gave her a diagnosis of educational PDD -Autism Spectrum. They put all kinds of wonderful interventions in her IEP, like friendship circles for practicing social skills, counseling, skill building- like hold eye contact for 10 seconds, answer the question asked of you, return a question ON Topic.. etc.. In short how to have a conversation. Autistic kids just don't pick up social skills and need to be taught.
I have had friends who have kids who are gifted and autistic who have the same social skills issue- they bumble through social activities stepping on other kids' toes, hurting feeling and in general not understanding that lying or fibbing or monopolizing the conversation with their own topics hurts them socially. They have to be taught these skills directly and then practice them. They don't have the internal mechanism that "flags" a behavior and teaches them, hey stop that it isn't acceptable! Once you get that diagnosis then you can tap into counseling and all these wonderful interventions. It also helps the kid's teachers to understand that the child has a disorder and is not being just willfully disobedient and obnoxious. It protects them with the IEP.
I just thought of a book that might be of help. Title: It's So Much Work to be Your Friend," by Richard Lavoie. It is about helping the child with learning disabilities find social success. It is not specifically about autism, hits on ADHD, language, impulsivity, anxiety wiring issues etc.. all very interesting. In the back in the Appendix is a bunch of tables on topics- to 20 manners adults appreciate, 20 behaviors parents should avoid, appropriate behaviors at sporting events etc. The book is interesting and you can skip the parts that do not pertain to your kid. Maybe the library has a copy.
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hey ladies. Hope everyone is having an awesome day
Jwoo. - don't keep us in suspense - tell us about the dinner party.
Staying in and staying warm today. Dh took ds1 to a birthday party and he took ds2 with him to run errands during the party. It is officially NAP time. Sweet.
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thanks Rose, I'll check into that book. Yes, he hand flapped, didn't really start talking till he was about 4-5. Potty trained really late. He's out grown those behaviors now, could do much better in school, won't pay attention
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Dinner was a success! I love hosting and cooking for people I love!
Me and my very best friend
PAELLA!!!
SANGRIA!
It was a tight fit, and there is another table behind ,here, but, I got everyone in!
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Spookie, Maybe he can't pay attention. Sometimes they can't filter out the stuff that is irrelevant. It's all coming at them at once. I think that figuring out "no" triggers bad behavior. I wonder what happens at home/school when he hears no. Does DD give in? Maybe he needs to learn skills to express anger and disappointment verbally.
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Ojwooooo Lovely. You can feel the spirit. Sangria looks sweet and the Paella yummmmy......Thanks for bringing the pics
....Do you know anyone that knows anything about Chinese clothing? I've scrolled for hours. I've visited museums. I've learned about frog closures, that the color and embroderie(sic?) symbolizes Spring. That it's Tang in design(?) Possibly a coat. Slit on sides. It doesn't fit a dress design. It's entirely silk with a silk lining. Doesn't fit a Cheongsam or a qipao b/c it's entirely open in front and the frogs go to mid-thigh I think. ? The open in front is the puzzle piece. It lends itself to Tang, but couldn't get a single example to pop up.0 -
Spookie, something else to consider about your GS: how are the other kids treating him at school? Besides his own personality and behaviors, he has the additional pressure (stress?) that your DD is at the same school, right? Wondering how this adds to the mix. Bullying is way too frequent, doesn't take much for a kid who's "different" in some manner to be a target of bullying. I'm sure most, if not all of us, were "teased" in some way when we were younger, or just didn't fit in. Unfortunately, however, due in part to social media, kids are not responding the way we did. Just got finished reading on FB how a friend of a friend's son (I think that's the connection) committed suicide because he was a little different and was bullied, he was only in middle school. Such a sad and tragic story, growing up is definitely different than when we were younger. Sounds like your GS needs help, hoping it gets it soon. Will be praying for him and your family
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Jwoo, thanks for sharing photos of your party! Looks like you did a fabulous job and lucky you to have so many friends to share your birthday with. The paella looks yummy, never heard of veggie paella, but that is definitely something I would try.
Sassy, coat sounds very interesting. Can you share a photo (even if not worn)? Wish I knew more about that and glass. There's a small thrift store within the community where my parents live, small amount of glass. Figuring a lot must be a result of down sizing. Heading out there this week.
Patty, hoping you're getting some good nap time
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hi blessings. Never thought of the girls birthday before, that's a good one. So now we have the same birthday for our girls. Feeling better. Ran a little bit of a fever yesterday but it's gone now. Not having to take the pain pills as much. The drains are slow which means they will probably come out on Wednesday when I go in. Here's me doing a first! I walked into theOR! I had to go to the bathroom so just let me walk the rest of the way in.
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You looked WAY too happy Smarty, Ha! I don't even remember going INTO the operating room... neither with my leg, or BC! I just went to sleep on the way, I guess... They didn't do a catheter on you?
Were you totally out? LOVE your new 'bonnet".... Ha, ha!
2222222nd! Good thoughts there.....
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this was my 7th surgery in 3 years. One time I was out and found out they give you versad so you think your out but you're not, you just don't have any memory of what's happening. I don't like that. So now I just tell them no versad or morpine. I like knowing that I'm in the right room with my doctor. Someone asked, I got memory gel silicone implants.
Hope everyone had a good weekend.
Blondie, are you doing better with the shingles
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Spookie, very cute!
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Have updated the Roll Call list. Had to read back over 50 pages, so it was a great chance to catch up on all that I have missed. So, I may have also missed something.
If something needs to be corrected, please let me know (prefer a PM).
*sas-schatzi: sas, Sassy, Mother Owl
*Alive4Five:
*Alyson:
*Badger:
*Bcky: (new)
*Blessings2011: Blessings
*Blondiex46: Blondie, Sandy
*Bon: Bonnie
*camillegal: Cami
*Chevyboy: Chevy
*dutchiris: Dutch, Dutchie
*Enerva:
*footprintsangel: (new)
*gardengumby: GG, Gumby
*grammakathy: (new)
*Holeinone: Hi1
*Jwoo: Jeni, Jwow
*Luvmygoats: LMG, LilGoats
*magdalene51: Mags
*MamaRay: Rachel
*mema4: (new)
*Meow13: (new)
*mostlymom:
*M0mmyof2: Ace
*Nettie1964: Nettie
*PattyPeppermint: Patty
*Pawprint: Paws
*phgraham: Phyllis, Phyllo, woman of many names
*Rosevalley: Rose (new)
*Shellshine:
*Smaarty:
*Spookiesmom: Spookie
*susan3:
*Tangandchris: Amy
*Wren44: Wren
*2nd_time_around: 2TA, 2nd
** THIS IS NOT MANDATORY IN ANY WAY:
Also, if for any reason you would like to provide contact information in case you are away from Insomniacs for a period of time and don't want us to worry about you, please PM that info to Jwoo or me. We've had some ladies go MIA and we're concerned and have no way to contact them in most situations.
If you choose not to provide info, that's perfectly fine, it is not necessary to post comments on this thread or send me a PM to that effect. This is ONLY if you want to provide contact info. (Would appreciate any negative comments not to be made as this isn't required, if you don't wish to participate, then you don't need to.)
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May You rest in comforting peace
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Looking good Smaarty!
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So much going on, my 2 cent
Professionally i was/am a parent advocate, going to cout, iep meeting, reauthorization meeting, and other with paren teaching them the rules laws re their children. The thing with ab out of the pocket eval, the school doesnt have to acc3pt it, or can take pieces of it. U never know what is going on. Kids on the spectrum have so much n if they aren't verbal it makes it si much harder. The first family i worked with the child was n he now is 17 i think, we r still friends n the rules have so changed. They know they r different n r smarter than anybody gives them credit 4 n they r in there, people dont get that either
Stepping down
Me
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Hi all, I'm so far behind in reading all of your posts. Thanks for updating roll call list 2nd. I'm halfway finished Christmas shopping....everything seems to take lots of time and energy. Can't ever seem to get healthy. Trying to kick this sore throat and body pain. We might get more rain again. Last week we lost electricity over a large area involving several cities. I was driving home late on a stormy night and all the lights on the freeway were out, and roads were closed. I felt like I was driving inside of a snow globe.....finally made it home and electricity was back on. Can't imagine how some of you drive anywhere in the snow or ice. Hugs to all.........
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Chevy....you and I drive the same car
, my 2011 Chevy Cruz LT has almost 100,000 miles on it, and still going strong. 0
