INSOMNIACS place to talk in the wee hours

Oh Shep, I'm sorry to hear your FFH is still an FFH! My DH used to be like that too. When we lived in SA TX he got laid off from work. He then went back to school and finished his degree, he got a job in Dayton OH shortly after. I asked him when I needed to have all his crap packed up and ready to go? He caught the "his stuff" and not our stuff. His favorite name for me was Dumb stupid fing bitch! I showed him who was dumb! I simple told him I'm not moving with the man that he had become. I stayed in SA for 2 years while he was in Dayton OH. I told him to let me know when he grows up then we'll talk about my moving. Six months after I moved in I flew to Austin TX to be with my DD and DSIL for the birth of their first baby. I developed intestinal/stomach problems and underwent a lot of testing. Dr decided to do a Nissan procedure (attach stomach higher up on esophagus) That put me at my DD and DSIL's for almost a year. I've been back in IN for the past 2 years, my DH has learned to be a caring loving human the 3 years I was gone. I told him if he ever calls me the DSFB again we were threw. We're closer than ever now. I just wish there was something I could do to help you out. You have so much on your plate that you honestly don't need your FFH adding to it! I've never been to South Carolina before! I'd love to visit and take us to the beach!

Some A-holes were born that way and they just got bigger as they aged 😡

awwwwe sheps, sorry to hear about allllll of it. Life isn't always a party...darn it. Similar boat with hubby...told her I'm done yesterday. Sometimes it's sooooooo exhausting !! Hang in there girlfriend. I am going to counseling....need to get my joy back. No one should be able to take that away from anyone....I will find mine. With a little help from those who can decifer these things :

Shep I am worried about you, can you contact a social worker.

Wrench what fortitude you have, you had a plan and you stuck to it. I am in awe.

Susan (((hugs))).

JunieB & Lookie ~ I'm fine-ish ......just darned aggravated.

Wenchie ~ Dang girl! I second the awe! Edited to add I just saw your post.. Back at at ya

Susan ~ Joy, yes please - for all of us! (((hugs))))

Sas ~ .The county I live in never re-joined the Union after the War Between the States. True fact. Ya'll are on your own

Hope this brings a smile to everyone. If only for a moment :

Awww, Susan. That did bring a smile. I love that curious look on Elena's face. She is changing each time.

JunieB ~ "Fine-ish" means assessing the current situation and calculating the best course of action. No boundary worries - I value your honesty and advice. You've been dealing with this cancer shite longer than most of us. You are a strong woman with a huge heart and a gift for "calling it like it is" (((hugs)))

I made it clear tonight that the grab bars are non-negotiable. FFH will be looking for the proper ones to install in the bathroom. I also told him that before this week is over there will be a ramp of some sort to enable me to wheel out of the house safely. I already have a nice carrier with a fold up ramp on the back of my SUV. DS or whoever can drive if I can't. My left leg has tried to slip out on me few more times this past week. Luckily I was on solid ground and "caught it" in time. I'll be following up with MO, PCP and Surgeon In the morning. I also have a case manager through my health insurance. She has been trying to get the local medical social worker's office to contact me. She'll be checking in with me this week.

DS and I have talked about cooking big meals together to freeze in single servings and divvy up. We both need to eat better. I can't physically cook and he needs to learn so it will be good for both of us.

Once my mobility is improved I will start working on getting past my front yard more often. I have a season pass for the State Parks. There's a beautiful one nearby that is on the ocean. Easy parking, nice beach access and paved nature trails that wind through the coastal forest. And there's an Ice Cream shop on the pier!

Susan ~ Awww....that is what joy looks like

Lookie ~ That is the most awesomest thing I have ever seen! What a cool kitty!

Loverly ~ I am so sorry I upset you! I feel so surrounded by love here.....I don't want to make anyone sad. I took so long to write the above post, I didn't see that you and Lookie had posted too. Please see what I wrote; things will be changing. I have my own excellent health insurance and a small pension. I control the household finances for the most part. FFH is like a child with a paycheck...I need to be quick to pay the bills before he blows through all his money. He isn't abusive, just an idiot sometimes. Controlling, yes. We're both Alpha's though......you'd think he would have given up by now. There is a counselor who just started working with my MO. She sits in for the exam and then stays when the Dr. leaves. I was able to talk to her last time I was there and I really like her. She will talk with FFH when I go back in July. He was great in the very beginning when I was Dx'd but is having more and more trouble dealing appropriately as time has gone on. He needs to get his head out of his arse......I am not a proctologist, he's gotta figure it out on his own. The bestie that FFH ditches me for is my friend's husband. He is a good friend to both of us and counsels FFH when he needs someone to talk to.

I would be happier on my own but I am too tired to pack up and move. Thhhhp. I am following Susan's wise words and am going to find my own "joy"

You could never offend me.........although you did scare me that one time with that bug eyed creature!

Dear Lord, please wrap your loving arms around our precious Shepkitty and keep her safe from harm. You can provide her the strength and healing that she needs at this time. You can release her of all mental anguish caused by her primary caregiver, for none of Your Children should be treated the way Shep is being treated. Lord, please bring others into Shep's life that can bring her the joy she so deserves and lay Your healing hands on her and heal her of all things great and small. In the wonderful name of Jesus I pray. Amen

sheps, it isn't the solution we look for or dreamed about when we were kids. But we can control and be proactive. You sound stronger now..that makes me smile. I spent the day with my cousin yesterday, we had a blast, I see Claire today, she is coming by us, Wednesday I am going by her to go to the zoo....love zoos, Thursday I am going to dinner with a friend. All this brings me joy. All that, I can do. I love to live life, l have dream still on what I want to do and I want to live fully. If hunny doesn't want to "live" and laugh, I will do it myself. Would love him to join, but we have been on that rodeo to many times. Not his personallity. So this is why Claire and I do mother daughter trip, since she was 7. She has no idea we do these together cause dad won't go. It's been 34 years, I go to counseling ever so often to get my tank refilled and perspective back. A great marriage takes both to work through their stuff, and want to. Doesn't work any other way. I am very relational. Hubby is wound very tight, controlling, and he micro manages. Luckily I am a strong independant person. You can knock me down, throw me under the bus, give it your best shot....but I won't be down for long. I love living and having fun too much. I pray all of us can be surrounded by loving caring people who are willing to work through the mess of life and grow stronger for it. If that isn't the case, those people are out there, we just need to find them. I have done this by joining stuff, knitting clubs, church, bowling, anything I can to put myself out there and find good fun people. Certainly not my perfect dream life...but it's the best I can do under the circumstances. Boy I. Typing a lot. Almost done...lol. My issues aren't about lack of care, my are hubby's lack of feeling. I feel I could hire people to care for me if I need. But when my dog of 15 years dies, I want another one, they make me so happy, that's when all the nos start. How can you not want me happy, such a small thing to ask for. That's been my whole married life, his way. He might be getting a new job, will know soon.its gonna be great for him. We might have to move closer to the expressway. So here we go again, this won't be a discussion on what will work best for us. I'm tired. What makes me sad, is he does it with Claire. She is easy to talk things out with. But when he has free time, I say go up and see her, it's sad to alwZys here him say, if she wanted to see me she wouldn't have moved away. What a way to look at life. He misses out on so much. Wow, I just felt like I have been at a counseling session !!!!! That felt good.

Steeps, hope there is something there in my story that will help you. Even if in alllllll that writing, is was just one word.

We are all here for each other and you guys play a big part in my sanity. Thank you. Hope I can be of help too.

Ps. Didn't reread all this and my auto correct is real bad. Fingers crossed that it didn't screw up so bad that nothing made sense....lol

Enjoy today, the best we can, doesn't haveto be perfect, we just need to be

Love you guys

Square Bear

Alphabear

love alpha bear

Shep taking control and moving forward is a good sign that you are not in that darn rabbit hole. Hopefully you will hear this week about your surgery. Sounds like you have good people around you, keep pushing for what you need.

I like alpha bear as well.

Susan your right, life has more joy when you are active, you sound like you have a busy week enjoy yourself.

Thank you Shepkitty, now Alpha Bear has a story to go along with his name!

You guys rock!!

Good motivation??