My Chemotherapy Journey
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Here I go again with overthinking. My appointment with the infection Dr. went good. Although his building is scary and smelly. LOL. Real empty hallways. What did I say with shitty insurance, ugh. Anyway, He take a look at my back. He said he also want to check my upper back make sure I have nothing there. I think I should know if I have something there. But he said nothing there. He take a look at my infection. He said it looks like it's healing now. So he said it looks like it's inactive right now. But he still prescribed an antibiotic. TO be taken for 5 days.
Gosh now I am looking at the effect of taking antibiotic with chemo and it is scary. Dear God, have mercy.
The reason why he still prescribed antibiotic is he said it is still there. He also said what he thinks is my infection but of course I forgot. I asked my sister who was with me she also forgot, LOL. Wow.
He also said the infection usually lives inside the nose. Funny he said that, I actually had like an inside pimple on my left nostril. But I guess me spraying saline there daily took care of it. But yeah he said he will set me up with a nose test on a lab. To know what infection I am having specifically.
I hope the antibiotic will take care of the infection and won't interfere with my cancer treatment. Gosh what a predicament. This sucks.
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linezolid. That is the antibiotic prescribed to me. I searched it. I was utterly shocked there is a special diet to follow when you take this drug. Just look:
What special dietary instructions should I follow?
Avoid eating or drinking large amounts of foods and beverages containing tyramine while taking linezolid. Foods and beverages that have been pickled, smoked, or fermented usually contain tyramine. These foods and beverages include alcoholic beverages, especially beer, Chianti, and other red wines; alcohol-free beer; cheeses (especially strong, aged, or processed varieties); sauerkraut; yogurt; raisins; bananas; sour cream; pickled herring; liver (especially chicken liver); dried meats and sausage (including hard salami and pepperoni); canned figs; avocados; soy sauce; turkey; yeast extracts; papaya products (including certain meat tenderizers); fava beans; and broad bean pods.
Wow. why did the doctor NOT tell me about this? I also read further and I am not happy with the deadly side effects. Once again I decided to not take it. My husband absolutely went ape shit.
It's not like I want to do this. NOT follow my doctor's advice but I don't want to die either. I panicked on what I read about this antibiotic that I contacted my sister who is a doctor.
Of course she wants me to follow my doctor's advice that's what she always tell me. As what she said last night I quote:
"The doctor made an informed decision based on my case - cancer, low immunity due to chemo and kind of infection."
OK? But for him to NOT tell me all those foods I should avoid? WOW. I ask her if she knows this antibiotic she said yes that's potent.
Well since he said my infection is not currently active anyway then, I won't take it. I also will ask the don't care team about this antibiotic. I don't know should I even bother? Ugh.
I honestly after this chemo session. I am done. After surgery I am done. I will do the natural route to fight cancer. I gave science a chance. I am tired of reading deadly side effects of all these medications they prescribe.
Will it ultimately be the right decision for my cancer? Who knows. Having cancer is basically a death sentence. For me anyway. It's just a matter of when. And I CHOSE to live my life not panicking on the side effects of these meds.
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I don’t understand where you see you that have to be on a special diet. That is not what I see based on your post. It says “AVOID eating or drinking LARGE amounts of those things” It doesn’t say you cannot eat them. It doesn’t give you a list of only certain things you can eat. If you have questions about how much of any of those things you can eat, talk to the pharmacist- they can guide you.
All prescription and over the counter medications have potential side effects. They have to list every single side effect someone reports, even if it’s just one person who had that side effect. You should be able to find which side effects are common and which are rare, again talk to the pharmacist or doctor if you have questions about that.
If you have questions or concerns, talk to the pharmacist, doctor or nurse to get your questions answered and your concerns addressed, it is their job to answer your questions.
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Of course it is your choice what treatment or advice you choose to follow. A modified diet for the course of antibiotics doesn't seem too onerous to get rid of an infection. Every drug has a side effect, the question is: do the benefits outweigh the risks. What is the risk of a modified diet compared with the risk of a rampant infection?
Out of interest - do you actually eat large amounts of pickled herring?
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LARGE seems to be the operative word, with avoid coming in second place. Please understand the reasons, often legal, for almost all medications coming with extensive disclaimers. This is nothing new and most people have an understanding of why this is. While your feelings regarding your treatment are yours and shouldn’t be diminished, you appear to lack perspective on some things, i.e. What is the potential harm and how often does is happen? Is it temporary or not? This is not a special diet at all! It is simply saying to avoid (not stop or eliminate) large (really big quantities) of certain foods. That being said, your experience, your life, your decisions but once again, almost everything you have experienced related to chemo is known and not at all outside of what can be expected. As for any of those foods, are you typically consuming large quantities of such items? Take care
PS: No one is trying to invalidate your experience. I think most of us have been hoping that once you have the facts about your treatment and have gained perspective on what you’re experiencing (completely within the realm of expectations) that your anxiety and stress will lessen.
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I did ask a lot initially with my don't care team. But when I take a pic of something happening in my finger and the nurse answered with - i don't know - on a kind of shruggy tone. I stopped asking altogether. Like I have Dr. google to consult better anyway. I also am the type to not ask for help. I know it's a problem and I also generally don't trust people. And yes it is a problem especially on my case. So honestly this week is my round 4 and I can't wait to break free from the science BS.
I am quoting this from one of our lady posters here from a thread I am reading. This is basically my reason for loathing greedy big pharma. She literally explained it clearly why I am against meds in general:
" when you take a medication to battle the side effects of another medication, which was itself prescribed to help with the side effects of yet another medication. Then you forget what you were taking the initial med for in the first place 🤔"
Like ladies with all due, why are you normalizing this BS? It is NOT normal to accept being bald, or feeling shitty the whole time or puking and going to the bathroom for watery diarrhea, or losing appetite or losing your sense of taste - like it is NOT normal to LITERALLY poison your entire body to get rid of a freaking cancer cell.
That is just nuts. I honestly will not be surprised if in the future treating cancer with chemo and radiation is like when it was acceptable to treat mental illness with lobotomy or electrocution.
Like shit fuck you science!! WTF is that treatment LOL?
Seriously. I actually hate myself that I agreed to be tortured like that. I am just done. Go ahead and take your meds. I won't anymore. i am done. I can't do this to myself anymore.
Good luck with all your treatments. i will deal with my cancer how I want. Like I dealt with my infection with LITERALLY salt and water and saline which is basically salt and water!!
LOL. Antibiotics my ass… science you suck!!
Guess what? I have never felt better since I started my chemo. I actually took care of my infection. With natural remedy.
so ya.
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@pneuma, your treatment decisions are your choice. I wish you well in the future. I will miss your posts - if nothing else they make me appreciate how lucky I have been on my first line on treatment with side effects.
I envy that you could have this beast excised from you - I cannot - I am stage iv. I must deal with this toxic ivy that lives in my body, one tendril at a time. My drugs have given me at least 12 months of good quality of life, and the time to finalise all necessary legal arrangements. Who knows what my future holds - but I hope that yours is a good future.
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@pneuma- you are in the driver’s seat with regard to your treatment. If you don’t want the 4th chemo treatment - don’t do it. If you don’t want the surgery - don’t do it. However, please make sure you are aware of the risks of your decisions.
With regard to your comment about why we are ‘normalizing’ the side effects - there is nothing normal about chemo and related side effects for any type of cancer. However, it is the treatment that is currently available if we wish to keep living. I’m sure there are many on this forum and many more not posting here that wish they still had the treatment options that you (and I) still have. I hope that in the future there will less harsh treatments that replace chemo, but until there is, this is what is available to save our lives.
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Thank you. You will not miss my post yet. I have to complete my 6 chemo sessions then surgery which I hope will only be lumpectomy as my breast surgeon seem to be leaning on doing lumpectomy too. It's the reason why I chose neoadjuvant route. Tomorrow is only my round 4.
But for me that's it. I gave science a chance. Hopefully that was enough to stop the cancer.
I will post if my boil/infection comes back after my round 4. I hope not. My infection is as of now 'gone'. It was hell though. I was not given antibiotic by my onco. And I have the ongoing boil/infection DURING my round 3. Imagine that.
But miraculously, I was able to heal my infection by myself. Hot/warm compress. And I just clean my behind as often as I can. I also think that the hydration infusion they scheduled me in between help with the infection. Honestly I think the infection can be controlled by just saline which is basically the IV infusion. That was just my conclusion from my own experience fighting my infection.
Last weekend was the first time ever since I started my chemo that I was able to 'enjoy' the weekend with my sisters. We went out of state and did some boat cruising.
I wish you well.
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Yes. We all are. The only thing I can control is not taking the prescription meds. So far the only prescription meds I use is the steroids. LOL I actually should take it now. Hold on. Wow I actually almost forgot to take my steroids today. Oooops.
And I gave in to zofran. Fortunately it actually helps with nausea. So far that's the only 2 prescribed meds I take.
I have yet to take the generic prilosec. The other 'backup' nausea meds which I learned is actually meds for dementia like WTF. And tramadol. And I hope I NEVER get to take that pain killer. UGH.
I actually am finishing my 6 rounds of chemo. And then surgery which I hope will only be lumpectomy. But who knows if chemo would actually shrink my tumor. I hope so. It better be. I am only in round 4 as of tomorrow and it is hell on earth. The WORST so far was me having an active infection/boil DURING my round 3 of chemo with no antibiotics coz my onco for some reason didn't prescribe one.
Well, fortunately I battled my infection WITHOUT antibiotics. So lucky me, I guess. But it was HELL to deal with. I actually cried in the shower. that's how low I felt. Helpless. hopeless. But I got through it. Thank God.
I wonder what misadventure I will experience with my round 4 tomorrow. Definitely NOT looking forward to it.
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Ok I want to correct my backup nausea meds from my last post. According to the info leaflet that came with it, it's actually meds for schizo. LOL. WOW. But wait! there's a note that said it can cause death if you take that med if you have dementia!! what the fuck…. Once again nice job, science. NOT!! what's more baffling is both the quack nurse and Dr. told me to take this right away if zofran didn't work…. AHAHAHAHAHAAH. WOW. K. I'd rather take the weed pill.
Anyway,,,, today was my round 4. So far so good. But from my experience that means NOTHING. Coz all my chemo sessions always start that way. To recap.
Round 1 - feel shitty, diarrhea, weakness, fatigue, the "usual" - loss of appetite, loss of taste.. and I think I start losing my hair but probably it's by round 2.
Round 2 - burning feeling when I go to bathroom and also in my stomach….and nearing my round 3 the dreaded BOIL infection!
Round 3 - my BOIL infection is VERY active. My don't care onco did not prescribe antibiotics. I wanted to postpone my round 3 she does not want to. But I don't know why but I agreed to be tortured. Because it LITERALLY is torture!! It was HELL!!! But I was able to control my infection fortunately nearing my round 4!!
Round 4 - Less than a week before my round 4 - according to the infection DR. who take a look at my infection site - it does not seem to be active anymore. ALLELUJAH. He prescribed antibiotics but even though I got it. I did not take it since he said it's not active anyway and I learned there are a LOT of food I was not supposed to eat if I take this antibiotic!! I don't care if it says not to consume large amounts, for me if it says avoid eating it. I WON'T EAT IT!
But … honestly I am scared because it always start like it's good at the start of my chemo sessions. Until all hell breaks loose - right at the end of the 21 day cycle and into the beginning of the next round of chemo.
Although…. I have noticed this 2 scratches parallel next to each other that appear first in my right hand. And now that one is healing on its own, another 2 scratches much like in my hand appear, same arm just above my wrist.. curiously the one scratch is longer than the other… what the hell. I tried searching for it but no conclusive result. UGH.
Then on my left leg…. A varicose vein appears and I don't know not sure if it's blood clot but it feels hard. I of course forgot to mention this to my quack Dr. when I saw her 2 days ago. UGH. Hopefully I can remember to mention this to my breast surgeon. And it kind of throbs. I hope these anomalies are not serious.
I also want to add, my feet and hand tingles and just recently they also were itchy. ESPECIALLY my big toes on both feet. It's a come and go situation. The one that bothered was my itchy toes. Because I can't stop scratching them. It's gone now but that was worrying. UGH.
The last time I saw my onco she actually asked if I experience fast heartbeat I said no right away. But now that she asked it, I now noticed I actually do have fast heartbeat like right now… what the hell.
I hope I remember to mention this to my breast surgeon because she is my next appointment on 9/4. Or I probably should mention ALL this on my next hydration infusion in 6 days.
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The tingling in your feet and hands is called peripheral neuropathy. It is a very common side effect of chemo. It can be minimized by icing your hands and feet during chemo. It can also become permanent if you don't address it while you're undergoing therapy. This is the kind of information most of us come to Breastcancer.org to learn.
There's a lot more helpful information in this site. All you have to do is look for current chemotherapy groups on the main page. It's your choice on whether to educate yourself about your disease, or to continue to stumble around in the dark, thinking you're the only one who has ever experienced these effects. Again, your choice.
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”It's your choice on whether to educate yourself about your disease, or to continue to stumble around in the dark, thinking you're the only one who has ever experienced these effects. Again, your choice.” - trishyla
Well said! Pneuma, again, while no one is trying to diminish or invalidate your feelings and experiences, we remain baffled as to why you haven’t understood/learned about the very typical side effects you’ve experienced and what you can do to minimize them. All of the information on chemo and its side effects as well as how to ease some of those se’s is easily available and widely known. Drug info disclosures are required to state side effects for any drug, whether prescribed or OTC. As an adult, the assumption is that you understand that while all side effects of a drug must be disclosed, you also understand that many of them are extremely rare and most people take chemo or any meds for as short a time as needed and never experience severe or lasting se’s.
We have not “normalized” the issues with many chemo drugs. What we have done is gotten a clear understanding of risk vs reward. We all wish there were completely natural, side effect free , do no harm treatments for breast cancer but there simply aren’t. There is no “natural” treatment or cure either though plenty of anecdotes and personal testimony. Like life in general, we hope that medicine continues to improve and evolve, but if you’re treating a disease today, you have to be realistic and the reality is that conventional medicine is the best shot most people have against this disease. You can certainly disagree, though conventional medicine provides research based evidence while alternatives do not, and you can always make your own choices when it comes to treatment. Just understand that doctors are not trying to harm you, you have experienced nothing concerning or outside the expected side effects, and you can educate yourself about all of this so that you’re not in this state of outrage over your treatments.
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Ladies I hear you. But from the go, I prefer natural remedy. I have stated again and again I am deathly scared of side effects of drugs. I also have a revelation to make. From the go, I believe there is no cure for cancer. These cancer treatments are just delaying the inevitable. I believe, cancer cells are just our bodies NATURAL way of dying.
We all know we all die and cancer cells are the be all and end all of that final stage of life.
That is my belief. Now why did I agreed to be tortured for nothing. To appease my husband. And maybe just maybe, if I gave science a chance, they can prove me wrong. That's why I will try this cancer treatment one time:
6 chemo sessions and surgery.
If it works, good. If it doesn't, I gave it a try. I will now go back to my safer route - natural remedy. Food and exercise. That's it.
And just let the cancer cell in my body does its NATURAL course. Hoping my quality of life is better off doing the natural way.
I sincerely wish you all well on your own belief and conviction on how to handle your cancer journey. And I hope you give me the same.
Thanks for reading my TEDtalk.
God bless.
I sure will still rant and rave on the effects of chemo and my overall experience up until after my surgery. After that, who knows?
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Well well, just when I thought I had passed the worst hurdle of chemo SE with my boil infection. The chemo SEs just keep on giving!! WOW!
I usually get hit with worst SEs at the end of my 21 day cycle. This time… it hit me at the very beginning! I was severely dehydrated. Like super thirsty. Good thing I have a pedialyte ready. It helped. I have no appetite at all. I barely ate since I had my round 4 of chemo which is ironic coz I just had a convo with a dietician. Double wow.
I usually have diarrhea but last night I had the urge to vomit which I really hate that feeling. But thank God for zofran to the rescue. It went away.
But wait there's more! Last night, when I was in the shower I just suddenly have a hard time breathing! like feeling faint!!! It most likely is coz I barely ate. But it's the first time that I really was catching my breath since my chemo! I just was so weak and so tired. So scary. I literally was just laying in bed the whole day. And everytime I stand up/walk that's when I have a hard time breathing.
And today was a welcome surprise my angel of the day Ms. A - nurse practitioner from my care team. Yap I think I can call them that for today. Because Ms. A checked up on me at the RIGHT time!! I told her all about the SEs I was having and she told me to get an xray and blood work today just to make sure everything is normal. She told me she will call me today for the results and she did! I just got off the phone with her!! Thanks Ms. A!!
Well thank God she said my chest looks normal So I asked what is causing my hard time breathing. She said I am probably just dehydrated. And she is recommending adding steroids and zofran on my IV transfusion on Wed.
The thing that worries me and her are my decreasing low numbers on my kidneys and liver. But she said it's not yet on the level that is worrying and can be corrected with the weekly IV transfusion they scheduled me.
I really hope so.
But wait there's more. After I had my blood work, I noticed this bruise on my pinky. On the same arm they took my blood. She said she has not heard that before. So yeah that's weird. UGH.
Hopefully on Wednesday after my infusion, I will feel better. The reason why she recommended steroid with my infusion is to hopefully make me gain appetite. I hope so!
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Well, I had my infusion last Wednesday and I ONLY had the IV. LOL. No steroids or zofran. It didn't matter. I felt really good after my infusion. Then…. BAM!!!! a few hours later…… back to feeling shitty, can't eat, weak, tired.
Gosh…. unbelievable. Well, last night, I forced myself to eat and took Vit. d3 and zofran, Today I feel fine. Thank God. Not sure how this feeling fine will last today. Wow.
I guess I still prefer this than with an active several boils to nurse. UGH. At least I only have 1 boil to nurse this time. Ya it's back but at least only one. And I already know how to deal with it. So….
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Wow. I actually can't believe I'm typing this. After what chemo has put me through which is to hell and back. UGH. So….. today I had my u/s before I see my breast surgeon. Well well…. I guess the radiologist was right…. she said by chemo round 3/4 the tumor just melt. Well based on my U/S result today. Hallelujah!! I guess she is right. Because ladies and gents(?)…. the tumor has SHRUNK!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!!!!
I guess chemo works huh? I guess the torture method works huh? LOL. My breast surgeon even said if you feel like drinking champagne after this… go ahead!! LOL. No thanks doc, I already decided to stop drinking. I NEVER drank in my life anyway….. and then I met my (alcoholic…ooopppss) husband and his family and friends….. welp… But…. I already decided to go back to my NATURAL self which is…. I really am not an alcoholic…. pffft.
Anyway…. my breast surgeon's plan - she said lumpectomy is MOST likely. she even will set me up with a plastic surgeon. And she said they will be together on my surgery day because her plan was after lumpectomy….. they will do a breast lift on both breasts…. she said it's covered by insurance…
I don't know if I should do it though. I already told my husband this. And he said…. we just take it one day at a time. But I don't know of course I am expecting it might come back and felt like I will just waste my money with a breast lift that maybe chopped off in the future anyway…. ya know what I'm saying….. ugh.
For now though…. Thank you Lord. What a relief. what good result with my U/S today….
Oh… my onco already told me this but by breast surgeon also said. After the breast lift…. I will have radiation. I mean…. won't it damage my breast lift…? I REALLY need to think this breast lift thing over. My breast surgeon did say, it's up to the patient anyway if they want a breast lift or not. I really am leaning on just take out the cancer doc…. I will worry about the lift later… ugh.
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OK. I got the U/S result:
measuring 2.5 x 0.7 x 2.2cm, previously 3.3 x 2.2 x 1.3 cm, decreased in size. A Savi Scout reflector is also seen within the mass.
Wow. Thank. God. There is a significant shrinkage but there also is an enlargement on the last size. Looks like the breast surgeon is happy with the shrinkage though.
I did look up what that scout thing is. So that's good it's basically a guide for the surgeon when they open me up. I do remember how that hurt sooooooooooo bad when it was put on! I felt it ALL. IT was PAINFUL!!!! So it better be worth it to guide the surgeon to take out ALL the cancer out!!
Allelujah. Thank you Lord. I hope I won't come back anymore after this surgery. God willing.
Tentative surgery sked - November.
I was reading this thread here about RIBP - major debilitating NO cure SE for life after radiation therapy. Which makes me triple think if I should go with radiation after my surgery. Which is both recommended by my onco and surgeon because…… protocol.
I STILL will see the radiologist highly recommended by my niece who is a radiologist assistant. But ultimately it will be my decision. I REALLY need to know the recurrence risk though - with and without radiation. And decide from there. UGH.
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MAJOR UPDATE!
My new obsession. this SAVI scout reflector that is IN me for months now without my knowledge. LOL.
I will ask my onco, my plastic surgeon, and my breast surgeon ALL about this. fo sho.
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I have seen my onco today and had my round 5 chemo. One more!!!! one more!!!!!!!!!! then my onco said I will be on herceptin treatment. I forgot to ask for how long. Hopefully I won't forget to ask her next time I see her. Like I forgot to ask if it's OK to take women's multivitamins. But I did ask the lady I think she's a nurse navigator that gave me my after visit summary paper if it's OK to take women's multivitamins since I forgot to ask my onco and she said it's OK. Well very well then!
I was supposed to start taking the generic prilosec finally but Dr. google said it interacts with certain vitamins and minerals like B12, C, D, iron. So oh well. I prefer to take the multivitamins since searching for my alarming lowering numbers on hemoglobin I am almost at the point of needing blood transfusion - that low! and also my kidney and liver numbers are alarming.
According to my research I am most likely will be needing iron and folate supplements and I know my Multivitamins have those. So I'd rather take the multivitamins for now.
Would be interesting to see the result of my next blood work though. Moment of truth if my decision to take multivitamins particularly for iron and folate supplement for my hemoglobin will yield positive result. I shall see!!
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I am glad that me taking multivitamins seems to be working. So far no diarrhea. No dehydration. I do feel thirsty a lot but glad that when I drink water, it quenches my thirst. Unlike when I was not taking multivitamins.
Since it's only a supplement, I don't take it daily. I take it every other day. Anything in excess is bad. I really really am interested to see the effect of these multivitamins on my blood work. It's insane how whack my blood work is lately. It's literally all over the place. Some are too high some are too low.
And I was not given ANYTHING to get it to normal levels!!!! So uh… they probably just test it for what then? LOL. WOW.
So I decided to prescribe myself multivitamins. LOL. Thanks to my 'care' team. Not really. Pfffft. Like I said, really surprised I am still alive.
The SEs sometimes are REALLY getting into me. Like feeling really frustrated, aggravated, and some kind of self pity. Like why me? I hate when I get to that point. But sometimes you just want to live without feeling shitty or tired or fatigued or thirsty….. you just want to NOT do EXTRA shit to take care of your SE. Mine is still this freaking infection. Would it be way easier if I just took that damn antibiotic? Probably. But my natural method works it's just a PITA!!!! Plus….. I know I won't have to worry about an SE from that antibiotic in the future. like bacterial resistance…. Damn you greedy pharma and your equally asshole drug SEs!! DO BETTER!!!
It's my #1 enemy!! DRUG side effects!!!
I honestly and hope….. I will cancel my scheduled IV infusion. Like I said although I feel thirsty, drinking water quench my thirst now. ALLELUJAH!! PLUS. those IV infusion nurse assigned to me lately is getting worst and worst. Especially the last one. Just a smug, selfish, careless one. Like no care at all. VERY disappointing that they work in a field that's supposed to support and care for people and all they care and support are THEMSELVES! What a shame.
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Well shit. I decided to take linezolid tonight. Yes the antibiotic prescribed to me months ago. NOT. happy. about it. But desperate times call for desperate measures. My boil infection flared up with a vengeance. I also got tired of the extra shit I have to do the natural way. And obviously this boil is freaking RELENTLESS!!!
fuck you infection. SHIT. I honestly am so mad and scared at the same time. I wonder if me cancelling my hydration infusion is the reason it flared up.
I was so desperate I also ordered this ichtammol cream. LOL. I plan to only use this cream but damn I am so freaking tired of taking care of this boil for real. When will it ever leave me alone? Like this freaking cancer. Like gosh why? just…why?
Yeah I started the cream and antibiotic today at the same time. Just please get this freaking boil out of me NOW! oh and ya that other thing called Cancer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I of course am expecting for me to die from this. LOL. That's how morbid I am right now, but I don't care. anymore. I'm like shit, whatever. I just want R.E.L.I.E.F. NOW!!!
I am so done.
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Still alive. Felt better now that the big boil popped 2ND(!!!) time today. When I say this boil is relentless this is what I mean. This big boil that officially made me scared and took that freaking antibiotics is getting big. Sorry TMI but it's filled with pus. Yuckky I know. So the first time it popped it swelled again with still pus! UGH. But the 2nd time today it popped, yes it swelled again but this time it just looks like a blister with clear fluid. So I don't even know why it keeps coming back like that.
But wait there's more…. now that boil is now surrounded by blister like boils like what in the hell…. Who knew deadly antibiotics with a list of foods you CAN NOT eat works. Well I hope it works.
Because I just got an email with my plastic surgeon nurse. She attached documents basically information about reconstruction surgery.
The one that made me reply to her message. It said something about if you have infection. So it is definitely a given that having infection is BIG deal/issue when having surgery. So I told her I CURRENTLY have an infection. She said to let the DR. know on my appointment day so she might prescribed me an antibiotic. So I replied again. That I actually am CURRENTLY taking an antibiotic now…… GOSH. What a PITA. Damn you infection!!
Anyway….. I finally figure out that the safest food I can take with this antibiotic is:
fresh meat, fresh fish and fresh veggies.
That's it. But apparently I also can't eat spinach. LOL. K. Damn, but wait there's more. I thought I will only be in meat, fish and veggies diet for 5 days…. NOPE! Apparently I should avoid eating ALL food and drink except meat and veggies for 2 more weeks AFTER I finish taking this antibiotic. DAMN.
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OMG. WOW. So I was looking for best blister bandages and somehow came across something called - CELLULITIS.
I read the symptoms and it fit my current suffering currently. So yeah…. my boil infection developed into full blown cellulitis from my left butt all the way down to my left feet.
Ya basically I have cellulitis on my entire left leg! Holy shit. Did I save myself big time deciding to take that dreaded antibiotics!!!
JUST….. W.O.W….
DAMN.
Chemo the treatment that keep on giving…….. SUFFERING!!
F….U!!! and especially u cancer!!
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OK this is the cringe stage of my chemo journey. This nasty chemo effect REALLY waited at the very last time to appear. I thought it was cellulitis. But I consulted DR. Google and I think this is the more appropriate new disease I developed. WARNING not for the faint of heart if you decide to google what I currently suffer from.
I am sharing this because if I get out of this EVIL, trigger suffering cancer 'TREATMENT' alive - maybe just maybe I will feel good that I got through it - God willing.
I am currently suffering from - bullous pemphigoid.
Without a doubt it was triggered by the antibiotic because it appeared on the very 1st day I took linezolid.
And almost a week later…. I still have it. At least it's not spreading more. It's on my lower thigh. It's nasty. It has not popped. And I won't pop it. But I read that I may develop sepsis if it popped and got infected. Of course it will. I have feared from the get go that I may have sepsis and this disease put the icing on the cake. FML.
I guess I should be thankful that it's not itchy and not really painful. My God. I wonder if I will even have my last chemo on 10/2. But knowing my onco who doesn't give a shit that I have an active boil infection on my round 3. Pretty sure she will make me do my last chemo with my ACTIVE bullous pemphigoid. Knowing me, I probably will agree to be tortured once again. Coz why not? Fuck it. If I die, I die shit. I am just done. I just want to be over and done with this shitty cancer treatment. And go on with my life. If I EVER survive it.
SHIT.
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Soooo. I have seen my plastic surgeon. She asked me if I had been diagnosed with diabetes. I told her nope. My glucose just went high up like that when I started chemo. In fact, I also had blood work when I seen my PCP BEFORE all this treatment started and ALL is normal. My PCP only prescribed Vit D because I am on the low side. It's all in mychart. UGH.
Anyway I showed her my blisters. She told me not to touch it and it will heal on its own… suuuure. The thing is my blisters are ALL now blood blisters. And they're shrinking. ONE actually popped and I hope it does not get infected. SHIT.
Anyway she said my lumpectomy will be an outpatient. Probably 3 hour surgery. I asked if I will have a drain she said yes unfortunately ugh… but only probably for a week. I hope so. I dread those drains!
TODAY. I had my blood work. Glucose STILL high what in the actual F! Kidney numbers I am VERY happy to see are now normal level!! Not sure about the liver numbers if it improved.
The one that is alarming to me are all regarding my blood cells, white and red blood cells are ALL low. Even the platelets just everything to do with my blood cells are all low. what in the hell!
THEN…. I just messaged my onco in mychart just now. I literally used all the characters allowed. I almost run out. LOL.
I basically just documented the saga that happened in my entire left leg I told her I don't want to forget anything that happened with my latest bout of infection that happened in my ENTIRE left leg!! with my appointment with her tomorrow. I don't want to forget anything. Hopefully she reads it. I told her I went from thinking I have sepsis to probably cellulitis to probably bullous pemphigoid. UGH.
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Welp. Got scolded by my onco yesterday pffft. Fair enough. She said I didn't have sepsis, or the pemphigoid coz it's an autoimmune disease. She somehow didn't comment on the cellulitis. Watev.
I honestly am treating my cancer journey as science VS faith. Destiny VS fate. My onco tells me I need this cancer meds/'treatments', I prefer the natural remedy instead. She ain't stopping from me deciding what I think is right for my peace of mind. And especially my quality of life, I aint continuing to live a living nightmare from hell I can't wake up from due to ALL those nasty SEs from this shitty cancer 'treatment' I will give science a chance - 1 time!!! Never more. Surgery and radiation, that's it. Then herceptin but the moment it affects my heart - no more!!!
Like the dietician talked to me when I was being infused. Yap no surprise in spite of my onco seeing my large blisters that started with clear fluids and some of them popped on its own and are ALL now turned into blood blisters….. she deemed it's 'safe' for me to do my last chemo…. I don't think it's safe but my fatalist mode said FUCK it - if I die, I die. fortunately or unfortunately…. I'm still here. Was I destined to survive my last chemo in spite of my active infection…. I guess so.
Anyway I asked both my onco and dietitician if it's ok to take women's multivitamins they both said yes. I believe it did help me tremendously after my round 5 - it made me not dehydrated, no loss of appetite, regular bowel movement, no nausea. My plastic surgeon also said it's ok - as long as I don't take it 2 weeks before my surgery and one week after. Fair enough. That I can do.
I also asked the dietician about linezolid and the foods I can't eat she said she's going to search about it because she was surprised about it. And she confirmed that I was right on my research. She also asked the pharmacist about what I read that I had to continue not to eat those foods 2 weeks after I finish the course of antibiotics she said the pharmacist said after 24 hours I can eat whatever I want. Well, I prefer to follow Dr. Google. Pffft.
I also discovered about aloe vera juice benefits. And wow it's all I needed right now apparently it helps with IBS, GERD, anti fungal, anti bacterial, anti microbial, anti cancer particularly esophagus and stomach oh and it also helps to hydrate you. So I asked the dietician about it. She was apprehensive because she said it's a supplement welll…… I prefer to believe the youtube video I watched and the comments there of the people that said it really cured some of their ailments particularly GERD and heartburn. Welp I guess the generic prilosec will NEVER be used. Good riddance!!!
This is how I approach my cancer journey. Fatalistic approach. After all, I STILL and will always believe and know for a fact, speaking for myself - there is NO CURE for cancer.
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This last chemo completely devastated my body. DAMN. I never felt this weak, fatigued and feel like passing out if I stand up for only a minute. I feel so helpless/hopeless. That feeling where you can't do anything - LITERALLY. because you feel so weak. I can't stand it.
I think this last chemo made me cry the most. I never cry in front of anyone even my husband but last night I can't even stop myself from crying in the middle of the night because I had to get up to go to bathroom and that feeling of helplessness weakness and fatigue set in again. I was crying when I return to bed. My husband woke up and hug me. He did not go to work today. And he's making me breakfast NOW. Most of the time it will soothe me but damn, this feeling of helplessness due to weakness is really messing up with my head.
I can't live like this. It's like I want to do something, anything but I can't because I feel weak. This is so fucked up. If any of the science people is reading this. I hope you all develop a soul. How can you do this to people like us here in this forum. Giving us this 'treatment' that's supposed to help but is it really? What it ONLY ever do is destroy our bodies and in my case the will to live, really. I can not stand this feeling of weakness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Death is honestly better, let me rest in peace. Rather than yes, I see another day but can't appreciate anything because I can't do ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Ok, the fatigue, dizziness, weakness is ACTUALLY because of hypotension. Yesterday I contacted my team because I really was miserable, they scheduled me for IV infusion the same day. Good thing my husband skip work so he was with me. They checked my temp, BP, etc. And My BP was 89/59! So Dr. google says it's hypotension but my onco insist I don't have sepsis … K.
Anyway my after visit summary indicates I was treated for dehydration….. K.
Anyway, I literally had to use the wheelchair on the way to my infusion. I was that weak. Fortunately, after my infusion - 1 liter. And even after that the nurse told me I STILL need to drink at least 4 bottles of water that day… K.
Anyway, I felt better that I didn't have to be wheeled out of there. Allelujah.
Also fortunately it really does seem IV infusions also helps with my infection. The blisters are all now healing good except for one - it has pus - yucky. So I decided to put neosporin on it since all my doctors says so. Today when I checked it, pus is gone!! Double allelujah!! Just not sure if it's the IV infusion or the neosporin that made it heal - probably both.
Today - I had appointment with my breast surgeon. Unfortunately she said she needs to take some of my skin off because the tumor stuck into it….. so she said it will leave a scar. But I have another appointment with my plastic surgeon so I will ask her if she can do something so it won't leave a scar.
I finished my 6 TCHP sessions. And now I am scheduled for my next infusion this time - targeted therapy of herceptin and perjeta.
I ask my breast surgeon the same question I ask my onco if I can take a break from infusion to allow my body to heal properly. She said actually the herceptin and perjeta infusion was actually discussed and agreed by both her and my onco to be done while waiting for my surgery schedule. She said they just want to continue treatment while waiting for surgery.
I did searched the side effects of those meds and have been reading actual experiences of everyone here. Before I talked to my surgeon today I really was going to cancel it. But I guess I like that her and my onco agreed that the next step is herceptin and perjeta infusion. I ask her about the effects of herceptin and perjeta in the heart…. And holy shit I actually forgot what she said. But I do know these drugs damage the heart so I guess I will do the Fuck it if I die, I die strategy on this one…. again!
I told her well it's a good thing I did not cancel my scheduled infusion. And she said she's glad I didn't. I don't know my biggest enemy and fear are drug SEs. I guess I just hope for the best. I don't think I can handle anymore SEs… .dear God, have mercy.
Right now, I am still not 100%, taste is still shitty but feeling better in general, thank you, LORD!!. Hopefully my infection heals well. Prayfully and hopefully, I won't have devastating, suffering induced SEs with my new targeted therapy infusion.
Lord, have mercy.
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Well shit. OH what a non wonderful day. I literally just came home from the hospital. I really hope if I survive this ultimate living nightmare hell 'journey'. I can just say… I really did that. I knowingly torture myself…. Pfft. F…that.
Day 1 - Friday the 11th. I have no appetite, no energy at all, in fact no will to do anything. just wallow in the misery that is my current torturous chemo from hell. Exacerbated by the grim fact my infection flared up again! even after my antibiotic intake. My husband called me to see how I am doing and I just broke down and cry. He get off work and came home.
I will continue this tomorrow… I am just feeling down remembering everything again.
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