How has normal, day-to-day life changed for you after diagnosis? Share your “different normal.”
We're using the phrase "different normal" instead of "new normal" here.
A person's transition out of active treatment into this "different normal" varies. All people and situations are unique. There are no right or wrong answers or timeframes.
Share your experiences here!
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Looks like i will get the ball rolling. My active treatment for breast cancer ended in June of 2023. Once my final Lynparza pill was done I thought my joint pain would lessen and my blood numbers would stabilize. My hair had begun to grow back red and curly as it was when I was a child. It took 2.5 years to get it to my shoulders. After a month or so, i began to see my joint pain was better too. It was never dreadful, but noticeable and painful at times.
But ah ha!! My blood i noticed in August was not improving and what were regular visits for a few years had moved to every 2 months. I was so excited to see my NP in Oncology to get her view on my blood. Oh no. Only at the appointment did i find out my NP did not return from pregnancy leave and the RN i gotI did not know and she new nothing about my personal cancer journey. I left with no real interest from my RN about my blood numbers, but she said she would tell the MO who i had been assigned what she thought. Nothing.
I need to say be here, I had my new barbie b's and was still not feeling them. To have them is to know they are not yours. There is no warmth, no connection. Going flat, I figured you may still feel your nerves??? The road is not the same for all of us, but we are on the same road. Life has returned so much to normal besides my surgery and regular checks and US's I will have for the BC up till 5 years. I have learned I follow the guidelines for treatment and advocate for myself as needed. My blood, many of you know lead me to a BMT. My blood did have a problem.
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My blood pressure went down 6 months after I stopped Arimidex so I am now on half the blood pressure meds. My hair is still very thin maybe genetics rather than the meds. Still go to my oncologist every year we are watching a small cyst in my pancreas with an MRI. My type of cancer will develop in the gut area if there is a reoccurrence. So I am careful about this cyst. I had no pain on Arimidex because I took a cocktail of vitamins and minerals while on Arimidex. I am just aware cancer can come back at any time or develop a new cancer…Cancer…a bummer!
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Denvmom,
Cancer has some crazy cells. I had a bone marrow transplant this last April because of MDS. 100 donor cells at the moment. They took up shop in my bone marrow and with God's grace my old freaking cells will not resurrect. Genetics can cause so much as yet unknown effects. I learned after my transplant I may not have the red Curly hair i have had all my life. What did my donor have? I do not know. 26 and from overseas.
Let's live life knowing dang cells may come back but know we are ready to take them on if it happens. Not today.
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This site needs more promotion. So much traffic was lost when the site was updated. Covid might have been what had so many join and post. I know the need for this site is important.
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I was very active on this site back in 2011 when I was first diagnosed. I made a lot of August 2011 friends and felt like I had people to talk to each and everyday. Once I hit my 5 year mark I moved on with my life. My hair had grown back, my kids needed guidance and my family and friendships became extremely important. Every year I would have my mammo and every year I'd get a Birads 2 and a pass to come back the following year.
Sometime after my mammo in 2023 I felt my scar tissue thickening. I even felt a little ping in the area, but I just had a clear mammo so I figured it was from the heavy yard work that I was doing. Well, in retrospect it probably wasn't. The mass must have just been too small for them to see. Here it is 2024 and 13 years later after surgery, chemo and rads and all I know is that I have what they call a late recurrence. I either have a local, regional or distant recurrence and won't know until the last two tests come back. I have had a mammo, ultrasound, biopsy, MRI, CT and Bone Scan. I am so sad to see my entire life basically stop. I was so hoping to go into my 60's fun and fabulous. Right now I am finding it hard to think of anything except breast cancer. I don't know what my future holds, but my day to day life… not so fun.
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Hi @rockym,
We're so very sorry to hear of your recent diagnosis. We know this news is difficult for you, but please know no matter what the tests reveal, you're in good company here, and we'll all be here to help you navigate your "different normal". We've got you.
Please keep us posted. Sending gentle hugs!
—The Mods
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New here. First post.
New normal…
Big life changes this last year. Just that reawakening that I am mortal. Never had health issues before breast cancer. Post treatment I jumped into going to the gym 5x per week, taking vitamins, consuming more protein, being more present and enjoying every moment. Started hormone therapy and feeling like I am back at a low. Came to this message board for support because I know I need it.
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@lovesbts7, we're glad you found us, welcome to the BCO community!
We're sure you'll find the support you need here. This is a supportive space where you can share your ups and downs, and you'll find many who can relate to what you're going through. Please let us know how we can help, and remember, we are here for you whenever you need us.
Sincerely,
The Mods
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Oh my ladies, I never ever thought i would get breast cancer. I had an achy feeling in a breast, I thought it was a bra gone bad. Then I felt the lump. I was told by a friend it is often nothing. No not worry. Mine was cancer.
Breast cancer is not the end. Since 2015 there have been many discoveries. Using this site will allow people to fill you with the spirit within that will help you walk through this diagnosis. I had my surgery in Dec of 2022. In April of 2024 i had a bone marrow transplant. Walking through the first thing helped me walk through the 2nd. Life is an amazing gift. Step outside and take a walk. Be kind to yourselves.
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New here .
Facing 2nd year check ups starting this week. Things should be ok. Insomnia and hot flashes are still a big issue. Hope they can help me with my insomnia. I have tried everything I can, changed diet and work outs. No changes, still sleeping 2-3 hours at a time. Then every couple of weeks I have a day that I can not wake up. Harmon therapy is disrupting everything.
I too never had health issues b-4 BC. But I am old and they say I should last many years. I am in great shape for my age,72. Reflecting on the past and enjoying each day.
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Life is never the same after a BC diagnosis. It can’t be …. because our new perspective makes life more precious. Especially for a Type A personality like me, I understood that the family and friends in my life needed a higher priority than I had been giving them. I still felt a responsibility to my work (after all, my clients are people, too) because I find joy in being productive and helping others, but there are times when I have to prolong a deliverable to focus on the people in my life who deserve a higher level of commitment of my precious time.
BC forces us to live with uncertainty in a different way. All life is uncertain, but BC brings this front and center. It takes double the courage to take risks, change jobs, make plans, and reach for our dreams.
For many of us, it also makes life more difficult physically. Our options become diminished even if we muster the strength to grab life by the horns. Acceptance of physical change is one key to thriving. Yes, my body is weaker now and it looks different without breasts. I embrace the new me and try to be kind and gracious to a body that has become a traitor to my desires.Life isn’t fair and no one is entitled to live without pain and struggle. BC is a struggle that is forced upon us. There’s no going back to the “before”; through, forward, and upward are the only choices that make sense to me.
One hour, one day, one year….5! I didn’t know if I would make it this far with oligometastatic BC. But I cling to HOPE with a fierce grip because of the people on this forum. You got me through the worst parts of treatment and the ongoing periodic crises of pain and worries about progression. This life is hard, but thriving alone seems impossible. All of you make thriving possible. So, thank you to everyone who posts!
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My 2 year blood test shows a return to original tumor marker levels. With 3 probable benign findings that are large. I can not have a MRI because they put 13 screws in my broken arm that reacted when I had a MRI 3 years ago. I talk with the nurse Wed.
My mammogram is Friday.
I can hardly think about anything else; I have not told family yet best to know something for sure than have everyone worried.
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Well, I am still getting used to the "new normal," and I guess the first change that I will mention is: never knowing what my weekly schedule is going to look like. So many appointments. People will say it, and managing cancer treatments truly is like a part-time job. The first month of tests to get a diagnosis with staging, that was mostly taken up with appointments. And now, nearly a year later, I might have no appointments in a week, or I might have two, or three… sometimes on relatively short notice if something can be scheduled sooner.
And the other change I will mention, is the emotional roller coaster. That continues. Although I'll have long periods of relative routine and stability with the illness, I never know when something will get me feeling down… maybe physical fatigue or side effects will drag me down temporarily. Maybe some bad news, unrelated to the illness. And, sometimes, I have to take some time to emotionally process what the illness means, what the prognosis for me means. I expect that the roller coaster will continue until the ride ends... but, I'll take it, if it still means a longer life…
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I finished active treatment in August 2006 (bilat, chemo, rads), then oophorectomy in October 2006 and AIs for 3.5 years. I tried them all and endured side effect after side effect. Horrid joint on Arimidex as well as developing CTS. Had surgery on one wrist as I was having nerve damage When I switched to Tamox, the CTS went away! On Aromasin, I didn't have joint pain, but brain fog, mood disorders, DeQuervnes tendonities (surgery on both wrists) and the list goes on. I was taking Rx after Rx to counter side effects and function. My QOL was really suffering. In March 2010, my oncologist gave me a two month break. Life improved so much. It was visible in my body language and my face. When oncologist came into the room he commented that you aren't going back on these are you? Nope, not at all!! He saw me every 3 months till year 5 then switched to every 6 months. Over the past 5 or 6 years, I've developed osteoporosis, stage 3CKD, hypercalemia, hyperparathryoidism, MGUS which turned into Multiple Myeloma. I had surgery on my parathyroid in January 2024 and had 2 glands removed that had adenomas. This helped solve the hyperparathyroid issue and calcium issue. I was dignosed with MM in March 2023 and started treatment which was stopped early due to side effects and my numbers are good. I'm currently on Zometa every 6 much - switched from Prolia with the MM diagnosis. Three more infusions then will be switched to something else. It's interesting how protocol for same med differs from specialty to specialty, Enocrinologist and Oncologist.
Prior to BC, I was healthy. Only saw PCP and gyn for annual exams. Now the list of "ologists" continues to grow.
BC has presented challenges with treatment for MM as I am not eligible for a stem cell transplant due to the chemo (TAC) that I had with BC and the chemo they would do for transplant, both affect the DNA and would put me at too high of a risk for Leukemia. I also have a gene mutation that contributes as well.
I give back to the BC community by volunteering with several BC organizations such as being a mentor to newly diagnosed women. I have made friends through this as some of the women keep in touch with me. I come here to BCO to offer support when I can just by answering questions - same with some pages on FB. I've made life long friends from BCO, some I've been blessed to meet in person, others just virtual. WE'e been keeping in touch for 18 years. Thank you BCO.
I try to live life to the fullest. Over the past 18 years, two children finished high school (one was already in university), two graduated university and the last one has one more year to finish her degree in electrical engineering. Our oldest daughter got married several years ago and we were blessed with a granddaughter 15 months ago. My husband and I have celebrated many more anniversaries (Wednesday is 47). I'm still working 4 days/week for a couple more years as I still enjoy what I do. We travel and do things that make us happy. Life is too short to deny yourself joy.
Life is not a bed of roses, there are ups and downs. I struggle with MH issues since BC but it is being treated and allows me to be the best I can be.
I love the term "different normal". I never like "new normal".
Mods - thanks for starting this thread.
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I finished treatment on Thursday and found this thread very helpful. This was my second diagnosis so you'd think I would know what "different normal" looks like, but I'm finding it'll be a "different different normal." I'm a bit lost, to be honest; it's still as strange not to have daily/ weekly appointments as it was last time.
Still, my day-to-day echoes my previous lives. The lawn still needs to be mowed, laundry still needs to be folded. I've worked throughout treatment, a welcome constant.
On the other hand, bone pain is a daily problem. Hot flashes remain severe - I've been menopausal for years but chemo really shut things down. I still wake up with cancer the first thing on my mind. I'm deep-down-to-my-core exhausted.
My goals are to rebuild strength / flexibility / stamina, and to find some joy or meaning in every day. I take photos of my hair regrowth so I can see the progress (a tip learned from the June 2011 chemo group here). I started seeing a therapist. Some days I feel hopeful. 💝
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A different normal, for sure. I'm 4 years out from chemo this month. On December 16, 2021, I had a single mastectomy. January 2022 brought an estrogen blocker into my life. In October of 2024 my husband and I moved cross country for me to return to a big job. This has been trying. Hard. Brain fog, still. Muscle weakness, still. Fighting something every day, still. I have good days, not so good days, and days where Xanax gets me through them. I'm just now ready to plan a vacation for next summer. Thinking I will still be here. Two years on Verzenio after chemo and radiation was hard. My hair is just now growing back, the top has been the slowest and I feel like the last physical thing that others can see of my disease.
I'm very aware that I will probably not live until I'm 90 like I thought I would prior. I focus on the positives, such as I get to do this, instead of I have to this. But there are days when I'm just tired. Sometimes physically and sometimes mentally.
I wish that we all can start to focus on living again, instead of the dying part. I know we will all die someday, but this sure does make it seem a lot closer than it felt prior to my diagnosis.
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@katg Thank you so much for sharing this, katg. Finishing treatment—especially for a second diagnosis—can bring such a mix of relief, exhaustion, and uncertainty, and everything you’re describing is completely valid. That “different different normal” is real, and it takes time to find your footing again- to say the least.
We're lad you have a few steady anchors in your days, and that you’re giving yourself support through therapy and small moments of hope. The bone pain, hot flashes, and deep fatigue are a heavy load to carry, and you’re not alone with any of it.
We’re here with you as you rebuild strength at your own pace. Be gentle with yourself—you’ve come through so much, and your progress truly matters. 💗
@kotchaj Thank you for opening your heart here, kotchaj. Four years out and still navigating brain fog, muscle weakness, and the emotional weight of it all is something so many can relate to, and it takes courage to say it out loud. And… you're not alone!
You’ve carried an incredible amount—major treatment, years on Verzenio, a cross-country move, a demanding job—yet you’re still finding ways to focus on living, even planning a vacation. That’s strength, even on the days when you’re simply tired and getting through however you can.
It makes sense that your perspective on the future has shifted, and you’re not alone in that feeling either. We’re here to walk alongside you as you keep finding moments of meaning, joy, and rest. You deserve gentleness and support every step of the way. Gentle hugs!!
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