Change in friendships after cancer
I’ve been reflecting on my cancer journey and how grateful I am for the love I’ve received. While most relationships and friendships have deepened over the last year, there are some that have surprised and unfortunately disappointed me.
I find it easy to move forward with the ones that stood strong with me, but I’m wondering how you dealt with friends that faded away when you were at your worst? The ones that said “call me if you need me” and vanished for months, and then reappeared when you finished treatment like nothing happened?
Appreciate your perspective!
Comments
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Your topic caught my attention. Not only thru BC, but also when I was recovering from another medical emergency, I realized a couple of things. During both medical journeys, only a few friends “showed up” consistently - without being asked - offering empathy and companionship. I believe if I had asked others for something specific — a visit, a meal, a coffee drink, or anything else — they would have obliged. Secondly, the few friends showed up more than my immediate family; expressing concern, checking in, etc. That was a sad realization. Third, most importantly, and sadly more often than not, I am the friend who says “call me if you need me.” It’s made me realize that I have an opportunity to be a better, truer friend.
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Thank you @sarahsmilesatme , I appreciate your honesty. We seem to learn more than we bargained for on this journey, don’t we? I like that you reflected on your own response too, and you’ve prompted to be to do the same.
I’m so grateful for the ones that loved me thru all of this, and will slowly back away from the ones that didn’t. I’ll be more cautious with who gets my energy going forward.0 -
It's hard to know what other people may be going through in their own lives. The first time I had cancer, two of my work friends also were diagnosed (all different types of cancer). One, who unfortunately had a short time to live, devoted her entire time to her immediate family and just a few close friends. One became the Cancer Queen and wanted adulation for being a Survivor with a capital S. and expected everyone she knew to tell her how brave and wonderful she was, every day. I never talked about mine because i figured everyone was suffering from cancer exhaustion. So since people who have (or have had) cancer each reacts differently, so do their friends and family.
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it is very interesting how different people react to your cancer diagnosis. Some of the people I thought/expected to really truly “be there” for me definitely were not, Others were truly amazing and helped make this very difficult journey so much better. I am forever grateful for all the people who were really there for me and my family. It brought me closer to a lot of people and really showed me who is there for me no matter what. Some people just get it. They know a phone call, text, card, offer to go for a walk or out for lunch can mean so much and can turn a hard day into a good day.
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