Partners support, aloofness and anger
I don’t know how to cope with being two weeks post op mastectomy with diep flap reconstruction and my partners anger and avoidance. My husband is arguing with me every day now we’re at home from the hospital. Thankfully his mom is here helping and he doesn’t act out in front of multiple people. I have teens 50% of the time from a previous marriage and he got frustrated with them being home and he had a tantrum in my temporary bedroom, banging his head on the floor, complaining about the shower being used. There have been many instances of him breaking things during our two year marriage that revealed him not to be the calm, levelheaded and safe man I thought he was. Today he argued with me in text for hours about how he feels-“ If I die you get all my stuff. If you die the house goes to probate unless my name is on the title. Quite frankly I am so broken you are being so selfish. I am nothing more than a glorified renter for you.“ and “I think you have a real problem with my headship. If you don't like what I say you just go do what you want anyway.“
Last night I told him and his mother that I want to cut my hair for locks of love and he replied-“Do I hate him?!” He complained that a marriage-“ Not only is it an emotional and physical conjunction for 2 people it's financials and assets as well.” I haven’t felt close to share much of my thoughts with him for years, because I feel like I always have to be the one to make sure his emotions are okay. He disclosed to me last year that he was in anger management size he was 7 and he was so angry a few years ago he tried hanging himself. Around the house I have forced him to go take walks because he’s acting crazy with rage. He’s broken objects when I’m not present to the point he’s injured himself for a week.
I told him I’m not surprised I had cancer because of my life. I have a high childhood ACES score and more than a few big life stressful events in the last 15 years like my divorce, injuries, disfellowshiping and broken relationships like with my own drunk brother threatening to kill me. He both dismissed it and accused me of blaming him for my cancer.
Idk
Comments
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I am so sorry you are dealing with a husband that is not only unsupportive but also has severe anger management issues as well particularly at a time when you are trying to recover from a very major surgery. Has his behavior gotten worse since you were diagnosed and/or escalated after your surgery? Is there any chance he will agree to have anger management therapy and also go to marriage counseling with you? Perhaps he needs to be prescribed anti-depressants or a mood stabilizer to manage his condition? Do you have any supportive family members (including close friends as well as relatives) in the area that can lend support? I strongly encourage you not to make any changes to your financials/assets given the instability of your relationship with your husband, as I am sure you know, it is so important to protect yourself physically, mentally, financially at all times but especially now that you are more vulnerable. Sending gentle hugs to you. - Abigail
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