Posted on: Oct 5, 2021 03:48PM

4sparky wrote:

I have been reading on this site for some time now but haven't really participated much, not really sure why other than maybe trying to protect myself a little as I don't have a lot of support and have been trying my best to get through all this on my own (telling myself I have to be strong not only for myself but for others in my life). I was diagnosed one year ago today and in the beginning I had a great peace about everything but as I get closer to the end of active treatment I am finding I am struggling more and more and my anxiety is getting the best of me more than I would like. I recently went through a scare with a new found lump (not cancerous) and I am still receiving targeted therapy for another month or so but I am dreading having my time at the clinic with my medical team come to an abrupt end. Having been at the clinic every week to three weeks for the past year has been my most consistent human contact over the past year/year and a half due to my diagnosis and covid. I have really restricted contact with others since they just don't seem to understand the importance of keeping as healthy as possible as I go through treatment. I don't want to get even a cold as I know the anxiety it brings when I am sitting in the waiting room and someone coughs, cancer brings about enough anxiety on it's own. I am feeling like without my constant appointments I am going to be left with little to no support and it's taking a lot out of me and I am starting to think I may be a bit depressed. I am hesitant to try depression meds due to side effects when I tried them in the past but don't like where my head is/has been going lately. I have regular sessions with my counselor and am very honest with how I am feeling which is good but she is not/has not been a cancer patient so she can't fully understand how I feel. I am grateful for everyone on this site that is so open with how they are doing and for those who share the reality that is life with cancer. Thanks for being here and for the support you have provided. I know I am not alone in my loneliness and and will continue to read those posts that help me find a space where I feel I fit in and am understood. Any suggestions on how to deal with the loneliness would be appreciated, it's hard to come up with things to keep myself entertained/focused when all I see is how much the people in my life have let me down over the course of this diagnosis.