Weigh in: What are the best and worst gifts for people with breast cancer?
If you've been diagnosed with breast cancer, what were some of the most meaningful gifts you received, whether material or non-material? Were there any gifts or offers that weren’t helpful? And if you're a caregiver, what gifts or gestures have you given that seemed especially appreciated? Share your suggestions and experiences below!
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BEST: A knotted prayer quilt made by a cousin's quilting group at their church. The quilters sew random knots of thread on the blanket after saying a prayer for me. I take this with me to chemo. It's so comforting knowing so many prayers are being said for me.
WORST: False eyelashes in a "care kit". I have never worn false eyelashes. I don't even wear mascara. Just because I might lose my eyelashes undergoing chemotherapy, does not mean that I want to replace them with super long fake ones. Picture me…no hair, thinning eyebrows, but SUPER long lashes. Yeah…no one will ever suspect.
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@beekaycro24 what a lovely gift, a knotted prayer quilt! Thank you for sharing. Beautiful!
And lol re. the false eyelashes! Guess it's the thought that counts 😄0 -
My breast surgeon was a woman who made hand-made card for her patients and gave me one when I was going in. I received many cards from friends and DH put up a bulletin board to post them so I could seem them from the bed since I spent a lot time there during recovery. Still have all those and they mean a lot to me.
worst gift was a book given to me from a co-worker who did not read it I guess written by someone who had BC and actually died and her family published after she died and then donated money I guess to research or something. Not helpful to find out as you are reading it and then to find out as they added stuff showing her progression and she died as you are just starting this and trying to keep a good thoughts about survival.
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I am newly diagnosed with breast cancer, but 6 months ago, just as my sister was starting Chemo, My brother and his wife arrived at her house and did a thorough cleaning and disinfecting of the house. It was such an unselfish act of kindness, but the thought and effort that went into it lasts. I only just found out they did this when I recently disclosed my cancer. They called me and offered their services prior to Chemo. The only reason they told me was to convince me to accept their help. How wonderfully thoughtful.
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I love this question and have enjoyed remembering the thoughtful ways that my friends and family showed kindness when I was going through treatment. Ultimately, I think the best thing for me was how one friend and her partner prepared more than a week’s worth of homemade frozen meals, with a salad and dessert thrown in, which was such a help to me and my caregivers. Eliminating or limiting the effort of decision-making was a great lift. I tear up thinking of the kindness and the effort. I have also adopted use of an eye mask that was part of a care package, and a new friend lent me her pajama top with drain pockets. Truly, I loved flowers and cards, too, and having friends stop by to visit after the first week or so. Since I live alone, I was so grateful to a friend who took me grocery shopping and carried my bags post-surgery, and who joined me for a walk around the block. The experience has taught me how to be a supportive friend and family member; I learned so much and hope to be a better friend in the future.
As for worst, I would say to stay away from things that encourage heating (a friend gave me stuffed animal that can be microwaved for warm soothing) or chilling for post-surgery, since my doctors discouraged both warmth and icepacks on my newly numbed chest. And if you’re not very familiar with one’s size, maybe hold off on buying/sending clothing items.
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Best gift? Probably a bag my adult daughter and her roommate (who had a childhood cancer, so she knew what it was like) put together for me to take to chemo with me. They packed it with handy things, like a comfie blanket, some suckers, scentless lotion, a coloring book and crayons, and other things to help me get through treatment. It was incredibly thoughtful.
The worst gift? My brother gave me a book a woman had written about her experiences with an entirely different form of cancer. She was at a very different stage of life, and it was just not helpful to me. And who wants to read about cancer when they are living with it?
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Best gift- my neighbors brought a bunch of home-made desserts for my kids to help lighten the mood post BMX. I had suggested it when they asked what they could do to help.
Worst gift- books (I was not in right mindset after BMX to read fiction)
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Most appreciated gift was prepared meals from my book club ladies. Each one of them prepared a fresh meal for the day for the first fortnight after surgery. I can’t put into words how helpful this was for my mom and I.
my most beloved gifts were hand knitted caps for the winter months without hair from one dear childhood friend and the ultra soft inspirational blanket from another classmate. These two same childhood friends and a third one have schemed to make a trip with me back to where we met and became lifelong buddies…Stavanger, Norway. I’ll be off the Verzenio and rebuilding strength for 6 months before our trip. We will be meeting three more classmates who still live on that side of the pond! It’s an amazing bucket list gift to me! I love these ladies!I honestly can’t think of a “bad” gift. Even the “you are strong! You’ll beat this!” statements were meant with the best of intentions even if they aren’t “helpful”.
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Best for me was kind words, cards and meeting on zoom. Covid was still around in July of 2021. I could barely eat much and i lived alone so meals were not needed. I need to also say that having chemo once a week for 12 weeks set me up for a somewhat consistent pattern. I only sort of felt bad for 8 of those weeks on Sunday night till Tuesday. The last 2 weeks were the start of fatigue time. I had people call to check up on me and offer help of any kind. I had 2 cats that never left their places near me. I love people respected me and did not come over. Germs!!!!
Worst- The stories of people who knew people who had cancer and now they are fine!! My sister mentioned her friend Becca many times. I do not think people realize cancers are different. Does Becca have the diagnosis i have? For the most part, what you went through, will not be my story. She was unable to talk with me when I said mastectomy. She nearly plugged her ears as i said what was to be my journey.
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My coworkers put up a collection and gifted me with over $400 in Door Dash gift cards. This was such a great gift, because I did neoadjuvant chemo and I could cook for my family when I felt like it and order in when I didn't. My neighbors did a meal train for the week I had surgery and this was appreciated as well, since I definitely couldn't cook that week.
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How nice to have a place to share gratitude…AND objectionable experiences along the journey. Best gift is modern medicine prolonging my life. With every pain and twinge and alarmed first thoughts of how weird my reconstructed breasts look, I really try to crush those thoughts with something like "wait, I am here, not leaving my kids too early, and this is what it takes" I am grateful to have that awareness. I just started monthly Lupron shots, and from what I am told of what I need to expect side effects wise, this will serve me here as well. Flowers and cards from my girls, meals from friends, warm and best wishes and prayers. Help getting groceries into the house via a handy wagon my Mother gave me, and space to heal. I do feel very blessed.
Something that I couldn't stand, however, was one particular supporter constantly bringing up how woeful my situation must be to me…like on a nice day where I wasn't even thinking about cancer. For another "supporter"…Shhhh! How do you have the right to make my cancer your drama/ story?
Wow that felt good :)
Love and happiness to all of my new BC sisters.
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Best gifts: meals after surgery for me and my family, phone calls, texts & cards, pajamas, flowers, puzzle books, adult coloring book, selection of different teas.
Worst gift: strong scented lotions
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Best gift from family and friends was their support.
Worst gift was anything that had the pink ribbon on it. An ex-friend gave me socks and a hat with them on it. I was gracious in my response to these gifts but I was like internally: “Really? I don’t need reminders of my situation!”
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The best gift was from my friend who gave me her post-mastectomy hoodie with drain pockets. Very useful.
I guess I am unique on this one. The worst have been gift cards for house cleaning services and spa, etc. I was so heavily medicated and sick that I couldn't keep track of gift card usage and balances. They all got lost or unintentionally disposed of with other piles of paper, etc. I also told people not to bring food because my immune system was compromised and I didn't know how clean the home cooking in other people's houses was.
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Best gift was my hairstylist custom cutting my wig for free. He charged 200 for a haircut so it was no small thing.
Worst gift (and it took me years to understand why it was a bad gift) was a book on cancer and diet with recipes…. It implied I had cancer because of what I ate. These people are wellness snobs who eat French fries in private! LOL. Bless their hearts.
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