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Topic: I miss my mom, susan3

Forum: May Their Memory Live On —

Honor those who have passed.

Posted on: Dec 9, 2018 09:23AM

crosie wrote:

My mom died on Friday. I miss her so much. If you knew her and have anything to share about her please do so. I am craving learning more about her.

She had BC for 17 years, the last 7 years with mets. She was tough as nails and fought with treatments until literally the last 10 days of her life. It's so surreal right now.

She was 58 when she died. I am 27. She was my best friend, my role model and the greatest mom in the world. I pick up my phone at least 10 times a day to text her. I constantly think she's in the other room in my parents house. I hear her in my head when I am thinking.

Wow I miss her. She loved this community and it was such a source of comfort for her. Hoping the same can happen for me.


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Dec 9, 2018 11:13AM - edited Dec 10, 2018 01:58AM by Moderators

Hi Crosie,

We're so sorry to hear about your mom and the grief you are going through right now.

Thank you for sharing your story about how much she meant to you, it sounds like she was an amazing woman!

We're really glad that you found our community and hope that you find other members here who knew your mom and can share their memories with you.

Sending our hugs to you,

The Moderators.

To send a Private Message to the Mods: community.breastcancer.org/mem...
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Dec 9, 2018 11:59AM - edited Dec 9, 2018 12:51PM by exbrnxgrl

i'm terribly sorry to hear of your mother's passing. She joined bco about a year after I did and I remember her posts as always being kind and gracious. May her memory be a comfort to you and your family

Bilateral mx 9/7/11 with one step ns reconstruction. As of 11/21/11, 2cm met to upper left femur Dx 7/8/2011, IDC, Left, 4cm, Grade 1, 1/15 nodes, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 9/7/2011 Lymph node removal: Left; Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Dx 11/2011, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, Grade 1, 1/15 nodes, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 11/21/2011 Arimidex (anastrozole) Radiation Therapy 11/21/2011 Bone Hormonal Therapy 6/19/2014 Femara (letrozole) Hormonal Therapy Aromasin (exemestane)
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Dec 9, 2018 12:31PM Micmel wrote:

hello darling. I know she frequented the insomniacs thread and was a special light there on a constant basis. I know that thread is reeling from the loss. She was giving, Funny and supportive and anytime I ever read a post from her, it seemed like she was giving support way more than taking it. I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Words cannot express the sorrow I feel for you and your family. Shes an Angel now. Your own personal angel. Bless you sweet girl. ~M~

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Dec 9, 2018 08:26PM Beatmon wrote:

I’m so sorry that your sweet, bright caring mom has passed away. I’m so happy that you had such a wonderful relationship with your mom when so many do not. My mom died over 20 years ago and I still miss her everyday. As time goes on, the pain lessens and you feel comforted by all of the sweet memories.

Take comfort in the fact that she was so loved by so many

Dx 7/27/2012, IDC, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 3, 0/1 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Surgery 8/8/2012 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left, Right Surgery 11/30/2013 Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Surgery 6/30/2014 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Dx 8/9/2014, IDC, Both breasts, Stage IV, metastasized to lungs, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Targeted Therapy 8/26/2014 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Targeted Therapy 8/26/2014 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Chemotherapy 8/26/2014 Taxotere (docetaxel)
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Dec 9, 2018 08:47PM Loveroflife wrote:

Oh C, I am sorry I didn't see your post and PM until now. Oh Sweetie how I wish I could reach out from my screen and give you a big bear hug and we can cry together. Your mom was one of the ladies on here who had and still have a place in my heart. She has a gift of humor and best of all, the biggest heart. I still remember the time she so proudly shared with us the photos of the sweaters and dresses she knitted for E. Despite the lymphedema, she continued to knit and find joy in making the garments for her grand baby...a great example of the labor of love. She loved E even before she met her. I know her love will continue to live in you.

My grace is sufficient for you, My strength is made perfect in weakness. 2 Cor 12:9. Dx 8/25/2014, DCIS, 3cm, Stage 0, Grade 3, 0/3 nodes, ER-/PR- Surgery 9/16/2014 Mastectomy: Left Dx 10/13/2014, IDC, <1cm, Stage IA, 0/3 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Surgery 1/12/2015 Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement Surgery 5/13/2015 Reconstruction (left): Saline implant
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Dec 10, 2018 09:48AM feelingfeline wrote:

Dearest Crosie,

I send my sincere condolences to you and your family.

Christmas is an extra hard time to be dealing with such a loss.

I knew Susan on Insomniacs Thread. She was a very proud Grandmother and so happy when your family (I presume it was your family) got a job that meant you would be close to her.

I can share with you a sweet little story about your Mom.

It was when the reboot of Star Wars came out, I can't remember the name of the first one as I write, but it was the one where Ben Solo/Kylo Ren kills his father, Han.

Susan was anxious 'because she had heard that a character died in the film.

I said I had seen it and if she really, really wanted to know she could send me a private message. She reached out to me in a private message and said yes, she did really want to know. She said her daughter (you I presume?) did not want to spoil the film for her by telling her, but that she knew she would really feel much better about going to the film if she was forewarned. So I told her, and she was genuinely happy to know.

I completely understood she was coming from. I feel like that. With movies or novels some people do like to know, others would hate to. No right, no wrong, just different and maybe even different at different stages of life. Real life is not like the movies, and it is probably better we don't know the sad parts of our lives in advance because it would really spoil our happiness to know there was sadness ahead. But movies are just movies, novels are just novels, and if it will give you a happier experience reading the last page first, or PM-ing someone to find out who did the dastardly deed or who died, well why not?

Any way I think she was happy to get that little bit of info and it is definitely a little tiny piece of your Mom's life that I can share tonight.

I hope you and your family are surrounded by love at this time.

XXX Susanna in Ireland

Dx 1/20/2012, IDC, 5cm, Stage IIIA, 3/22 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Surgery 2/8/2012 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Chemotherapy 4/3/2012 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Hormonal Therapy 7/31/2012 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Radiation Therapy 8/6/2012 Breast, Lymph nodes Hormonal Therapy 8/1/2015 Aromasin (exemestane)
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Dec 11, 2018 06:37AM crosie wrote:

Hi there,

Thank you all so much for your sweet comments. Her home community has really been showing up over the last few days and checking in on my dad and I but it's special to be able to connect with her online community too. You were all so special to her.

We will be having a memorial service for her on Saturday. She was not into the idea of a wake or funeral ("too sad!!", she'd say), but we are doing a service and a potluck after. I think she'd be pleased. She was such an incredible hostess and a fabulous cook. Though she didn't care so much for my crunchy, foodie tastes...

Thanks, Susanna, for sharing that memory. She bragged to me when she found out even though I wouldn't tell her--lol! She was so funny like that.

I guess I just can't believe she's really gone. It's unbelievable. My parents took a vacation a month ago. She held onto the Christmas tree as my husband put it in a stand the day after Thanksgiving. Died two weeks later. I know she always said she wanted to go fast but I'm not sure anyone was ready for this pace.

Something I do want you all to know: it sounds sort of weird, but she crushed it in hospice. I mean, she really did amazing. The staff was phenomenal and they loved her. When she was still talking she was pleasant and funny and sweet. I am so unbelievably proud of her. It is in these tough times that one's true colors really come out and it turns out hers genuinely were beautiful. I knew that all along but it was nice to see anyway.

I'm so blessed and thankful she was my mom. And that she got to meet both my kids, E and J (not sure if she posted about J ever but he's 3mo and a gem). She was the best grammie ever, E just adored her. So much fun. I'm struggling through with how to parent her through this but I'm grateful for Moana. We've been using that as an illustration. E says to me..."but grammie is still with me in my heart like in Moana, right?". Bless that girl. I know I sound kooky but she's got her own 2 year old theology that's beautiful.

Anyway thanks for listening. I just feel like I have so many things to tell her, so many things to ask her...I'm desperate for her. She truly was one of a kind.

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Dec 11, 2018 02:45PM edwards750 wrote:

What a beautiful testament to your mother. It’s obvious she loved you and I know how much you miss her. Life is so fleeting so we treasure the time we have with our loved ones.

I have lost both my parents, 2 brothers and 2 best friends. The only thing that kept me going was the precious memories I had with all of them.

Diane

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Dec 11, 2018 02:51PM Micmel wrote:

I am loosing my father as I type this. I have stage four cancer as well so for me going out is a planned trip. Fatigue is the worst. I think if I’m honest I do not want to see and witness this decline. It’s so hard to helplessly watch. I want to take care of him and my heart hurts that I am sick also. I will read this to find your strength and elegance you’re showing now! Bless you and your family

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Dec 11, 2018 02:57PM egregious wrote:

((((gentle hug)))) for crosie. I'm so sorry. Losing your mom must be so terrible.

Hope you are surrounded by family and friends in your time of grief.

Sometimes I feel brave, and sometimes I get tired of feeling brave. I keep going for my children. Age 67 at diagnosis Dx 9/5/2018, DCIS/IDC, Left, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2- (FISH) Surgery 9/25/2018 Lumpectomy: Left Radiation Therapy 11/28/2018 Whole-breast: Breast, Lymph nodes Hormonal Therapy 1/25/2019 Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Dec 11, 2018 08:39PM Joanne58 wrote:

Thinking of you, C, and letting you know how wonderful it was to have your mom with our little band of women on the "Any LDS Women with BC?" thread. She was not a member of our church, but joined us with her faith and good nature that brought a light and a lift to all in her posts. She and I exchanged private messages, too, and I remember how she told me that she was trying to play the piano. I was thrilled! I'm a piano teacher and think it's fabulous when adults choose to develop musical talent.

I enjoyed seeing your beautiful wedding photos at the lovely farm property, and all the photos of her knitted projects that made us Oooo and Awww. What talent she has! I loved seeing the pics she posted of you and your daughter (how beautiful both of you are!) The fact that your mom continued to help provide for her family as a hair stylist, even when she wasn't feeling very good, showed me how she gave her very best in all she did, especially for her family.

Her posts were sometimes very brief--almost like a drive-by--and usually with a fun, quirky comment at the end. She is a delight--a gem. She's the kind of neighbor I would want to have. I treasure our friendship and know that we will continue it in the next life, picking up where we left off.

May you be blessed with all you need, dear C, during this time of tremendous grief. I mourn with you and pray for your peace of mind

Love,

Joanne

"There is beauty all around when there's love at home." --John H. McNaughton Dx 9/7/2010, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IIA, Grade 2, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+ (FISH) Surgery 9/15/2010 Mastectomy: Left; Prophylactic mastectomy: Right Chemotherapy 10/27/2010 AC Targeted Therapy 1/20/2011 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Radiation Therapy 3/22/2011 Hormonal Therapy 4/26/2011 Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Dec 12, 2018 06:46AM kathindc wrote:

Crosie, so sorry to hear of your mom’s passing. My deepest condolences. She will always be in your heart as Elena so wisely knows her grandmother is in her heart. A remarkable, talented lady. My fondest memories of your mom was her getting things ready for your wedding, making outfits for the baby when you were pregnant, and the baby shower for Elena’s arrival. Her joy was contagious! Plus, she was working. She amazed me. Such a fighter. Will keep you and your family in my prayers

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May 5, 2019 12:13PM crosie wrote:

Having a tough day. Just needed to put it in writing somewhere. I can't believe it's already been almost five months..

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May 5, 2019 12:20PM kathindc wrote:

Crosie, sending love, ((((HUGS)))) and prayers your way.

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May 5, 2019 12:23PM crosie wrote:

Thanks ❤️

I think one of the hardest parts is watching my kids grow and knowing she's missing it. Bahhh that sucks. My son was 3mo when she died and now he's sitting, eating food, playing with toys....I wish they could interact.

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May 5, 2019 12:30PM kathindc wrote:

Crosie, think of your mom looking down on them from heaven. It helped me cope when my twins were born knowing my dad wouldn’t get to be here on earth for their milestones.

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May 5, 2019 01:06PM - edited May 5, 2019 01:06PM by santabarbarian

Every bit of your mothering is informed by how your mom mothered you.... So in a sense your kids will know her through you and your natural way of being with them, similar to her. So sorry for your loss!

pCR after neoadjuvant chemo w/ integrative practices; Proton rads. Dx 7/13/2018, IDC, Left, 3cm, Stage IIB, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2- (FISH) Chemotherapy 8/12/2018 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery 12/27/2018 Lumpectomy: Left Radiation Therapy 2/10/2019 Whole-breast: Breast, Lymph nodes
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May 5, 2019 02:19PM Loveroflife wrote:

Your mom was a treasure and a blessing from above. Part of her is in you and in your precious children. I teased her from time to time about corrupting E. I still remember the time when she told me what you said to her one day..... that being around her is like being around two toddlers. Hah!

There is a banner in my kitchen that helps me to refocus and it often reminds me of your mom as it was one of her favorite verses too......."Be still and know that I am God." May memories of her bring you comfort and joy and may each time you look at your children you will see part of her in them.

My grace is sufficient for you, My strength is made perfect in weakness. 2 Cor 12:9. Dx 8/25/2014, DCIS, 3cm, Stage 0, Grade 3, 0/3 nodes, ER-/PR- Surgery 9/16/2014 Mastectomy: Left Dx 10/13/2014, IDC, <1cm, Stage IA, 0/3 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Surgery 1/12/2015 Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement Surgery 5/13/2015 Reconstruction (left): Saline implant
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May 5, 2019 03:15PM - edited May 5, 2019 03:20PM by Micmel

You're a special daughter... she knew this when she was here with you physically, and she sees it everyday while watching you grow as well. Into a loving mother and daughter who keeps her precious mothers memory alive by speaking about her everyday to them. Shower them with that xtra hug and kiss for her. She is your families angel now. Watching her flock from above and providing direction you may not even be aware of.

My DH was making his way up the highway today coming to see me, he witnessed two young men in their early 20's hyrdoplain and flip their pick up truck. He ran up to the car and the young men where thankfully ok! Belongings everywhere, steering wheel crushed. Glass broken. Bleeding. But alive. Bent roof, caved in, no one should have gotten out of that truck. The young men looked at my DH as they huddled under my DHs large golf umbrella as it poured rain down. He said “thank you sir, we were on our way to church, this morning we prayed to arrive safely in this weather and allow everyone to be good today as everyday". Somehow they lived. As my DH walked away one young man said “ hey! I feel as if there is something you need me to pray for your family and you , I'd like to do that." My DH got goosebumps thinking of me home with stage four cancer hoping for another stable scan soon., these were good young men. Good people. You my dear area good daughter mother and person. She's watching. Talk to her. She's always with you each and everyday. A beautiful bird song... a thunder clap of loudness to get your attention followed by a rainbow. The night before I had my last scan my neighbor knew I was scanning. And this picture showed up sent to me from her

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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May 5, 2019 03:19PM Micmel wrote:

Under that ball of rainbow is where I rest my head at night, each night. The very next day my scan was stable. There has to be something, someone to guide us. Even if we don’t realize at the time, she is always with you and your child. I don’t want to leave mine either. But if I have any say, I would never be far from their sides. God bless you! I am not terribly religious, but sometimes it just strikes me! I am very sorry for your loss.

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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May 5, 2019 06:35PM - edited May 5, 2019 06:41PM by crosie

Thanks to everyone for your sweet words. This really is a special online community she had!! I am lucky to have found you and to hear from you. That's very unique, I think.

Micmel, happy to hear about your scans. I love your rainbow pic, how awesome is that!! It's funny you mentioned the beautiful song bird...my mom was really into birds (I told her that was a very "old lady thing" to do...) And planted lantana to get hummingbirds to come by her garden. I saw one over spring break in Arizona visiting her uncle (my great uncle). It was very sweet, seemed like she was saying "good job visiting Uncle Harry, he's old! Hold his hand and be sweet to him".

In January I got a tattoo of a hummingbird on my foot to remind me of her. She totally had hummingbird energy. Very busy, very special...

I will try to see if I can upload a pic (I'm the world's worst millennial).


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May 5, 2019 06:44PM crosie wrote:

This is one of my all-time favorites of her. She was just that kind of person everyone wanted to be around.

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May 5, 2019 06:47PM - edited May 5, 2019 06:49PM by Joanne58

Adding my hugs for you and warm thoughts of your sweet mom, Crosie. I believe Micmel is right, that we may have the honor to be close to the loved ones we've left behind. We all mourn with you, dear dauther of Susan. Thank you for allowing us to listen to you here and send our best with love.

(We were typing at the same time, Crosie. Just saw your pics and sweet posts. Wonderful!! Keep 'em coming!)


"There is beauty all around when there's love at home." --John H. McNaughton Dx 9/7/2010, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IIA, Grade 2, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+ (FISH) Surgery 9/15/2010 Mastectomy: Left; Prophylactic mastectomy: Right Chemotherapy 10/27/2010 AC Targeted Therapy 1/20/2011 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Radiation Therapy 3/22/2011 Hormonal Therapy 4/26/2011 Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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May 6, 2019 03:11PM feelingfeline wrote:

Love to you Crosie. XXX

Dx 1/20/2012, IDC, 5cm, Stage IIIA, 3/22 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Surgery 2/8/2012 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Chemotherapy 4/3/2012 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Hormonal Therapy 7/31/2012 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Radiation Therapy 8/6/2012 Breast, Lymph nodes Hormonal Therapy 8/1/2015 Aromasin (exemestane)
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May 6, 2019 03:42PM - edited May 6, 2019 03:42PM by Micmel

looks to me is if she maybe thinking of taking flight in that picture. I believe she is a hummingbird, your hummingbird. You sweet lovely daughter. Hugs to you beautiful ladies. They are as far as our heart. Carry a picture with you. Everyday, write down a funny memory you shared with her in a memory book and read it to your child. She is always with you. Her blood runs through your veins. Never forget that ever!

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)

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