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Comments

  • Sige
    Sige Member Posts: 334
    edited July 2006
    image
    Peggy
  • jasmine
    jasmine Member Posts: 773
    edited May 2008

    Okay, I don't drink but these are hilarious!

  • Sandra1957
    Sandra1957 Member Posts: 1,064
    edited July 2006
    Disclaimer: blah, blah, blah

    Subject: Baptist Cowgirl!!
    >
    >
    >A cowgirl, who is visiting Texas from Arkansas, walks into a bar and orders
    >three mugs of Bud. She sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
    >When she finishes them, she comes back to the bar and orders three more.
    >
    >The bartender approaches and tells the cowgirl, "You know, a mug goes flat
    after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
    >
    >The cowgirl replies, "Well, you see, I have two sisters. One is in Australia
    >, the other is in Dublin . When we all left our home in Arkansas , we promised that we'd drink this way
    >to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for
    each of my sisters and one for myself."

    The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

    The cowgirl becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. She orders three mugs
    and drinks them in turn.

    One day, she comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice
    and fall silent.When she comes back to the bar for the second round, the
    bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences
    >on your loss."

    The cowgirl looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in her eyes
    and she laughs.

    "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," she explains," It's just that my husband
    >and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking.
    >
    >"Hasn't affected my sisters though!"
  • 2up
    2up Member Posts: 944
    edited July 2006

    were you spying on us this week at the cottage lololol!!!!!!!!!

  • Sandra1957
    Sandra1957 Member Posts: 1,064
    edited July 2006
    Of course this does not apply to you and me, but you may
    want to pass this on to other people to warn them.

    Liquor manufacturers accepted the Government's
    suggestion that the following warning labels be placed
    on all varieties of alcohol containers:

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you

    wondering what the hell happened to your bra and

    panties.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think

    you are whispering when you are not.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in

    dancing like a retard.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to

    tell your friends over and over again that you love

    them.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to

    think you can sing.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to

    believe that ex-lovers are dying for you to telephone

    them at four in the morning.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think

    you can logically converse with members of the opposite

    sex without spitting.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the

    illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and

    better looking than most people.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to

    think people are laughing WITH you.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major

    factor in getting your ass kicked.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink

    you kan tpye reel gode
  • 2up
    2up Member Posts: 944
    edited July 2006

    you were hiding out in the forest too weren't ya!!!!!!!!! oh my gosh you guys i'm cracking up and forwarding these to my "very hungover" possie.........i'm thinking they won't see it till morning but hey.........we had a riot!

  • Sandra1957
    Sandra1957 Member Posts: 1,064
    edited July 2006

    No way. Wouldn't have been hiding. Would've been right there with ya having a great time!!!

  • christineK
    christineK Member Posts: 735
    edited July 2006
    Love this one:

    Why females should avoid a girls night out after they
    are married!


    The other night I was invited out for a night with
    "the girls." I told my husband that I
    would be home by midnight , "I promise!" Well, the
    hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.

    Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for
    home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in
    the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.

    Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I
    cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself
    for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible
    conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals
    12 cuckoos MIDNIGHT!)
    The next morning my husband asked me what time I got
    in, and I told him " Midnight". He didn't seem pissed off at all. Whew!
    Got away with that one!
    Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I
    asked him why?, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three
    times, then said, "Oh , shit.", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat,

    cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more,

    and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."
  • Sandra1957
    Sandra1957 Member Posts: 1,064
    edited July 2006

    Cute!! I forwarded it to my girlie friends.

  • jaybird627
    jaybird627 Member Posts: 1,227
    edited July 2006
    :::::waving:::::

    Hey - I'm here!!!!!

    :::::searching for a live soul:::::
  • jasmine
    jasmine Member Posts: 773
    edited May 2008

    hey jaybird..welcome back

  • Sandra1957
    Sandra1957 Member Posts: 1,064
    edited July 2006

    Finally off of work? I knew you'd stop by here first.

  • jaybird627
    jaybird627 Member Posts: 1,227
    edited July 2006
    Hey! How did you know that?

    Yep, work was BUSY!!! Everyone was buying stuff for the long weekend! I, of course, have to work again Sunday AND Monday but I'm off Tuesday!

    It's now scotch hour (cocktail hour and dinner hour being loooong gone) so if the party hasn't already begun then let it begin NOW!
  • Sandra1957
    Sandra1957 Member Posts: 1,064
    edited July 2006

    My tummy isn't liking alcohol today, so unfortunately I'm through for the night.

  • Sandra1957
    Sandra1957 Member Posts: 1,064
    edited July 2006
    Janis,

    If I may pick your brain since you've been around here longer than I have. I read the Rules by Melissa thingy. So will we be in trouble posting dirty jokes and such? I thinking as long as they are in the right forum it would be okay. Any one who doesn't like the topic doesn't have to read, right? I'm fairly new here and finally am feeling "normal", no that's boring, "happy". I don't want to be a naughty girl and get in trouble. I just want to be naughty, but nice.

    Lini
  • jaybird627
    jaybird627 Member Posts: 1,227
    edited July 2006
    Oh lawdy! You're not gonna get me to paraphrase the rules. I'm too smart for that! I suppose if you START a post with a "disclaimer" (as I've seen Lilia do on the humor boards) then you're okay but don't quote me on that. I assume (mistakenly perhaps) that the debat board would be "more free" than the others but that's just my assumption and not necessarily the "rules." Some here try to be what is refered to as 'board police' with no real cause - or authority - just because they need to be in control I guess. The rules are posted at the top of each thread but as we all know the "rules" are stretched and as long as no one objects all is fine but as soon as someone does then we have to adhere to "the rules."

    Does that help? Feel free to PM me for clarification. I think some "stuff" is happening elsewhere - is that why you ask?
  • Sandra1957
    Sandra1957 Member Posts: 1,064
    edited July 2006

    The way I see it when I need some spiritual guidance I go to that area and don't expect the fun and games. If I'm enjoying a couple of drinks and need some company I go to drinking area and expect fun, games, and even a litte naughtiness. If I need some nutritional advice I go there, but just yesterday one of my posts was deleted for what reason I know not. I'm really confused as to what is appropriate and what is not???

  • jaybird627
    jaybird627 Member Posts: 1,227
    edited July 2006
    Well, you could ask Melissa why that particular post was deleted but she might not have the time to answer you. Many of my posts have been deleted and I think it's just because they were a part of a 'group' of posts that were deemed inappropriate to that subject. Not sure which one you're referring to as SO many have been deleted lately.

    I'd guess that you're safe here but again do not quote me please as I don't know that for a fact!

    So, I say, just relax. Play among friends. If an 'unfriendly' person aproaches then post with caution.

    Does that help? I'm here to help! Being one of the 'older' sisters here I'm always available for guidance!

    Now, on to something completely different.....

    Peace,
    The Lush
  • Sandra1957
    Sandra1957 Member Posts: 1,064
    edited July 2006

    Thanks Janis.

  • jaybird627
    jaybird627 Member Posts: 1,227
    edited July 2006

    (((Lini)))

  • sierrasusieq
    sierrasusieq Member Posts: 16
    edited July 2006
    Christine, Lini, Sige and Michell.

    Thank you so much for the funny jokes !!! I just got home and found it very refreshing to read your jokes.
  • 2up
    2up Member Posts: 944
    edited July 2006

    buenos dias chicas.....pouring rain and cloudy here.....bbq plans have changed drastically.......oh well, it'll still be good food and good company, i just have to change the menu!!!!!.......so off to sobey's i go!

  • Sige
    Sige Member Posts: 334
    edited July 2006
    O/T...Sierra, I have one here that as soon as I saw it I thought of you LMAO (no offense indended to any vegans, just thought the giraffe was cute)...

    image

    Hugs,
    Peggy
  • 2up
    2up Member Posts: 944
    edited July 2006

    and that my friend looks surprisingly like my mother in law......who is NOT a vegan!!!!!!!! bwahaha!

  • 2up
    2up Member Posts: 944
    edited July 2006

    are ya'll sleeping or am i a thread killer? lol!.....seems we're all a little sensitive about the Personality behind our posts" lately......at least i am! but i'm trying to be good! cheers girls ok?

  • jaybird627
    jaybird627 Member Posts: 1,227
    edited July 2006
    Hey Shel,

    I just got home and I'm tired and I have to be at work tomorrow by 5 a.m. so I'm just chillin', catching up on some reading, and then I'm off to bed. Sorry, no 'fun' for me tonight!
  • 2up
    2up Member Posts: 944
    edited July 2006

    chill away girl.......i'm still trying to figure out my new computer.........and its not going well so i'm goin to water my gardens instead then crash......i get my other new boobie filled up in the morning so no fun for tonight either!.....oh "i'd like to buy the world a coke and keep it company, i'd like to buy the world a coke in perfect harmony".......lol! actually i'd probably buy dark rum and coke but you get my (sober) drift!!!!!! g'night girls!

  • sierrasusieq
    sierrasusieq Member Posts: 16
    edited July 2006


    Just got home from a long day. Wish I could think of a joke to add. I have never been real good at telling jokes. Seem I allways forget something.

    Where is my Pinot Grigio ?? Maybe that will help me to remember a good joke.
  • 2up
    2up Member Posts: 944
    edited July 2006
    soooooooo.......

    a couple arguing is speeding down the highway, followed by a man and his "not quite teenager daughter".......the spouse in the first car is so pissed at her hubby, shes lops off his d!ck and throws it out the window. it hits the windshield of the latter car and the daughter says "whoa dad what was that".......dad says "just a big bug hunny, no worries"..........daughter responds "that bug sure had one bigass d!ck"

    told to ME by my newly turned 13 year old today........YIKES!!!!!! lol!........sorry i don't do jokes well!
  • sierrasusieq
    sierrasusieq Member Posts: 16
    edited July 2006

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