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  • whippetmom
    whippetmom Member Posts: 6,028
    edited August 2009

    Oops...Jean - everyone....I am not having fat grafting on the 6th!  So sorry for the confusion.  I just have a consultation about this procedure with another plastic surgeon that day.  So you can take me off the list.  Hopefully I won't be back on that list until next December!! 

  • Annabella58
    Annabella58 Member Posts: 916
    edited August 2009

    Hey Geena, perhaps I can help a bit..I had previous rads in 2001 and when they stuck the expander in, OMG what a horrible mess.  I had skin breakdown, huge potholes in the skin in two spots, bruising, you name it.  I then proceeded to get necrosis on top of all this.  We did not think we could save the breast, let alone the expander, so my dear, whatever is going on, I can't think you are alone.

    The good news here: I had to begin chemo and could not wait for debridement, which was the preferred option, but as you know takes forever.  My wonderful PS took skin from my tummy and neatened up my c section scar while he was there; then he patched me in two areas.  I had to go thru chemo using hydrogen peroxide and bacitriacin three times daily on the incision sites.  Hang on, still getting to the good news.........

    It healed, it healed perfectly, smoothly, and now you can barely see where it was patched as all the discoloration and bruising and incision lines have healed.  It worked, I got my exchange, and now, two years or so later, I don't match hooterwise (will be having a prophy in winter) and I am waiting on a nip, but it can and does work out.  So don't despair quite yet.  You are just a work in progress, and it will heal itself.  If mine can heal, yours certainly can!!! I am 53, and not the most patient soul for sure.  But it healed.

    I too, am a super private person.  My family only, besides my husband and daughter, don't know too much.  My friends nothing.  But here, you can and should vent.  It's where we heal in our hearts. 

    You are among angels on these boards.  I have had such love and such good comfort here.  I will put you into my prayers right now.  Hang in there.  Believe me, when I remember the awful lump of stuff that was my breast, I can hardly recall it now...I look like a lopsided lady, but the boob itself is lovely.  Sure, she's winking at me, with her lack of nipple, but that's because she knows she will open her eyes on a new world in due time.  :).  ...besides, they do make plastic stick on nips.  I have pasties too.  A girls' got to have some fun.  All will be fine, dear heart.

    BTW:       Deborah.....are you gorgeous or what???!!!

    love to all my ladies:

    annie

  • Annabella58
    Annabella58 Member Posts: 916
    edited August 2009

    p.s.: Jean, that wait is surely one of Dantes Seven Circles of hell....but it will be B9!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I have to go for one of those little fun things, myself.

    Deborah, never mind if my PM went thru wishing you luck....I'll be excited to hear about fat grafting when you do it tho.  I'll be getting some too I think.  Hope they take my arimibelly also. (can't help it, but I feel like fat bastard in the Austin Powers movies, shouting "mah belleh!" when I try to cram this thing into my too tight jeans/

    Laura, you look adorable sweetie!

    xoxo

  • Jan1
    Jan1 Member Posts: 281
    edited August 2009

    ((Geena))  Karen pretty much sums it all up!  The reality is that there are good days and bad days and not every surgery gets 100% approval rating from the ladies at first, and not all BC is resolved in the standard 2 or 4 surgeries.  I have read that some of the women here have had repeat exchanges because they did not like the outcome of the surgery.   I am glad that your sense of humor is intact, the sugar overload theory is a nice one, but it is OK just to be "pissy" once in awhile.  I hope your PS listens to you and gives you the reassuance that you need.  Remember there are a lot of "before" and "after" pictures, but not so many of the middle of the process.  That is the icky part, drains, bruising, dye, infection in some cases.  Hang in there!  You are a strong woman and know that there are at least 50 women here that will line up behind you to give your PS a kick in the hiney if he doesn't listen to you!!!   Jan

  • KEW
    KEW Member Posts: 450
    edited August 2009

    Hi All, thanks for the kind words, but what I wrote to Geena was about the last thing I did right so far today.  I was out doing my weekly grocery shopping, 3 stores, and while at Costco, I overheard two women pitching some drink containing Hoodia, and they said it is "good for cancer patients, many breast cancer patients worry about their weight, and now they are taking Hoodia."

    I lost my _______identified myself as a women who had been treated for bc  and that there is no evidence to support  hoodia is safe for bc women during or after treatment, and according to Sloan-Kettering there is no data to say if it is really safe for anyone, let alone if it really does cause weight loss.  I know about this because another woman I know was told she could lose her chemo weight by taking hoodia. Like we don't have enough to worry about--people are marketing untested herbs to bc patients to lose weight.  I don't know why I lost it these women, and then the store manager, I feel bad.  I was thinking about Geena, all of you, while I was shopping and how much we have endured, have yet to endure, what we've lost, gained, and how--at least for me the world feels less safe, but how we have all come through this each and every day, even the days when we don't want to face the journey--and then I heard their pitch--well at least I didn't cuss.

    Deborah, et al. I still have a revision coming up, but that is not the only reason I stick around, and it has been challenging since going back to work, but I stick around because you are all truly remarkable women, and I remember how fearful I was to make my first post here, you welcomed me.  I want to welcome the women behind me as I was welcomed.  I don't have Deborah's genius for reconstructions, but I hope to give something, because I get so much from all of you.

    Well, have a great Sunday.  Love and hugs Misty and Linda.  Deborah, I'm on pins and needles to hear about your consultation.  I have an appt with my PS on Wed morning, I wish it were after your appt.

    Love yoursevles,

    Karen

  • makingway
    makingway Member Posts: 465
    edited August 2009

    Where does one start? The collar bone to bottome of breast? Middle of ribcage to top of arm pit? Does anyone have pics of how to measure? I can't use my TE as a guide because, not only is it TOO big but it is also sideways. I don't believe my PS has experience with reconstruction. I need to give him some ideas before surgery. I don't want an implant that's sticking out my side. I am small framed-petite, 109 lbs 5'3" LargeA-Small B. I use to be a regular B before I lost weight, but I was happy with my smaller boobs-less sag :) I wish I could be awake for surgery! This sucks, it's hard enough trying to find clothes that fit right. This is a onetime shot and I can't even 'be there' for the fitting!!! My surgery is tommorrow-Monday.

  • wabiwoman
    wabiwoman Member Posts: 151
    edited August 2009

    To all,

    I FEEL THE CARING.  This can only impact my healing, on all levels, for the better.

    Karen - Gotta love that primal lioness inside.  You're a goddess for standing up on our behalf. 

    Deborah - YES - "me" is the person I remember seeing on the picture forum.  That helps so much.  She has endured such misery and has emerged victorious.  Very inspiring and very helpful.

    Dawn - I think we're all part of the "inner circle" - although some of these women who have been here for months, years, mentoring others and keeping this alive - THEY are the heart of us.  :)

    Estepp - Babydoll - your 'V for victory' pic is imprinted on my brain.

    Jan - I'll be sure to give my PS a heads-up.  She's a tiny little thing - we'd probably only need a few of us....  (She is actually a lovely person, passionate about her work, highly recommended - I'm just impatient and distrustful.  I'm workin on it.)

    Annie - Thank you for your story.  It helps a lot.  That period of time with your chemo and open incision sounds more than challenging!  I need these reality checks and to remember that when I'm falling down the rabbit hole of fear - I'm not alone and others have come out of darker places successfully.

    Makingway - It would be nice to have another version of ourselves awake and able advocate on our own behalf in the OR, no?  Wishing you success, in all ways, tomorrow.

    Peace and thanks,

    Geena

  • DENRulzBC
    DENRulzBC Member Posts: 99
    edited August 2009

    MISTY & LINDA - Good thoughts coming your way for your surgeries this week.  I'll be thinking of you both.  HUGS, Dawn

    GEENA - I'll continue to think of you and hope you are moving in the right direction.

    Thanks to the rest of you for your efforts to help all of us.

    HUGS, Dawn

  • makingway
    makingway Member Posts: 465
    edited August 2009

    Okay now I'm really scared...I just went on the Allergan website to see the size TE my PS put in me that is sideways. It's 133V-15. Next to the biggest one they have!!!!! He clearly doesn't know what the f he's doing! I measured my width and I think it's 10.5-11.0. No wonder I'm in pain. Good God, what if he tries putting in a 15 implant...

  • KEW
    KEW Member Posts: 450
    edited August 2009

    Umm...I think Deborah will have more to say than I can about the technical side of it, but if you are this uncomfortable, and you have surgery first thing in the morning, when the PS comes in to draw on you, advocate for yourself and if need be, cancel the surgery if you two are not understanding each other.  Or call him tonight through his service and tell him how concerned you are with what has taken place. I'm sure that would have all kinds of work, emotional ramifications, but if you don't think he knows what he is doing, don't let him do it.  I'm hoping Deborah will see this tonight, maybe the numbers aren't as off as it seems to you.  I have to say it felt like my TEs were sideways, I couldn't put my right arm down without having to adjust it around the expander, but that isn't how my implants turned out.  They are not under my arms. Also, the last couple of weeks of expansion do hurt, some women are in pain through the whole experience, it is not a jolly time, but once the implants get in for most they are happy.

    I don't see where you mention how many cc's you are filled to.  I had the 133mv 15 which is a 600 cc expander, but I had them filled to 750.  Also, have you given your band width, the measurement of your rib cage under your breasts?  I am not the person for this, but if Deborah hasn't asked already I'm sure she will ask you some of these questions.  Some doctors over expand to gain a more natural droop.

    Deborah, are you there?  Sandy?

    Karen

  • whippetmom
    whippetmom Member Posts: 6,028
    edited August 2009

    makingway:  Karen posted this: "Also, have you given your band width, the measurement of your rib cage under your breasts."  This is an important measurement....

    This reminds me of the woman who PM'd me the night before surgery, asking if she could call me and she called me the following morning from the hospital bed - just before the exchange surgery....it was really too late to make any changes....

    So you have Allergan TE's but they are all 133v's - there must be another two letters - such as Karen mentioned [she had the MV] and they are: SV, SX, MV, MX, FV, FX....we know they seem to be 15 centimeters in width which does seem wide for your height/weight.  So your ribcage measurement is important. 

    If you have any qualms or reservations, you CAN cancel and reschedule.  There is no major rush for this surgery and you want to get it right.  The problem we have is that your surgeon has already ordered the implants he will be using tomorrow and tomorrow morning it may be too late to make changes.  So if we know your ribcage measurement, what style of TE's you have and how many cc's you have in them now, we can calculate the dimensions and come up with a close approximation of what you would want in an implant - and what style might work. 

    ADDENDUM:  On Page 99 of this thread there are some measurement tables for you to look at.  One is the sternal notch to nipple distance, which is primarily helpful when determining if you are a candidate for a higher profile implant. 

    Karen:  How ironic is this - I just got back from Costco and walked by that Hoodia table.....My DH insisted we get some cute Adidas pink and white sneakers for me.  He is urging me to get back to the gym any way he can!!!

  • whippetmom
    whippetmom Member Posts: 6,028
    edited August 2009

    Annie  {{{{{you are too sweet}}}}}  I will take all of the well-wishes about Thursday I can get - I'm getting answers for me [well, and for Laura Wink] but they will hopefully help out many of you down the road!!!

  • makingway
    makingway Member Posts: 465
    edited August 2009

    I don't want to cancel surgery, this TE is so painful.I feel it pushing into my armpit and on the inside of my body I can feel it pushing on my back. I believe it's sideways because it's too big. The TE is 133SV-15. My PS originally told me he didn't have any fill in the TE when placed after the mastectomy. After one of my fill he told me that he had put 180cc's in at the time of the mastectomy. I guess he forgot...I have had 3 fills, ie., 30cc,40cc, and 50cc for a total volume of 300cc's. I just took my ribcage measurement. It is 28.5"-29". I thought that was a consideration when looking for bras, not implants? I do want droop. I don't want balloons on the front, or bolt-ons as we call them in the 'Land of Plastic' in Newport Beach, CA. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place as far as choices go-I don't have any. The insurance I have is for poor people, so, they don't give you the best doctors and they don't let you choose who you get. I'm almost hoping I don't wake up after surgery. I'm so sick of this whole mess!

  • pmellon
    pmellon Member Posts: 19
    edited August 2009

    Makingway - just want you to know my thoughts are with you and I'm hoping for a good outcome for you tomorrow on whatever you decide to do.

    Deborah - Good luck this week.  For all the help you give everyone else, I sure hope you can get some answers.

     wabiwoman - my thoughts are with you.  This is such an awful process and running into problems is so stressful and overwhelming. 

    Kew - I love your Costco story. Don't feel bad for one second.  I'm glad that you shared it with all of us.  We were all there with you in spirit.  I think we all need to let off some steam, because really no one understands the worry and torment that comes with all of this... and it does build up. 

  • KEW
    KEW Member Posts: 450
    edited August 2009

    Deborah--I hope they weren't hawking it as something good for "breast cancer patients."  I didn't see pink and white Adidas, I would love pink gym shoes! I need a DH who wants to buy me pink shoes!

    Makingway--Yes, you want to wake up, you haven't gone through all of this to give up now.  I don't know how to tell you how awful the TE experience is (for many women) compared to when you get your implants in place.  Yes, sometimes there are complications, but most women feel better immediately with the TE out and implant in.  It is like two different worlds. It is also very common to have anxiety the day before any surgery, but especially this one.  See what Deborah comes up with, do you know what kind/size implants your PS is planning on using?

    Karen

  • whippetmom
    whippetmom Member Posts: 6,028
    edited August 2009

    The reason the ribcage measurement is important, is that if you have a narrow ribcage, an implant which is too wide will overwhelm your chest wall.  Conversely, if you have a wider ribcage, and if you have TE's which are too narrow, they can look disproprotionate for your chest wall - like tennis balls perched on your chest.  Cannot think of any other way to describe it. 

    So you have a short height, variable projection TE - 450 cc's, underfilled to 300 cc's..  It is 15.0 cm wide - pretty wide for your chest wall.  I imagine with that width he is planning to use a moderate style implant.  To get droop, you will likely need implants the same volume as or smaller than your expanders and that is pretty small - if you have 300 cc's.  Currently, your TE's have overall dimensions GREATER than a 300 cc implant.  I fear you will be unhappy with implants greater than 14.0 cm.....something in the 13.0 cm range is better for you. This will mean he needs to do some pocket revisions to narrow the pockets for you. You also will want at least a moderate plus style implant. 

    I know you do not want bolt-ons - I happen to love my Orange County BO's [LOL] but you do not want pancakes either...do you?  Anything less than a moderate plus - and that would be a moderate - would be very, very flat.  However, that said, there is another style of Allergan implant, which IS a moderate, which we really never have seen used here - for which you might be a very good candidate. It is the Style 40.  It is a narrower base width implant like the Style 20, but it has less projection.  So it would probably be just the right width for you in the lower range of sizes, but not have that balloon appearance you want to avoid.  Just zero in on the width issue tomorrow with your PS. 

    You will be in our thoughts and prayers...Let us know what takes place tomorrow...

    Deborah

  • whippetmom
    whippetmom Member Posts: 6,028
    edited August 2009

    Yes, I wish that along with helping out with implants, I could also help you single women find wonderful husbands.  I have all of you single women in my memory though when I pray and I pray that you get the desires of your heart in this regard.

  • KEW
    KEW Member Posts: 450
    edited August 2009

    Deborah Smile

    Karen

  • Estepp
    Estepp Member Posts: 2,966
    edited August 2009

    I have been off with dh and him mini tour again this weekend ( drummer).. as I had a blast AND wore a tube top style top with NO BRA...LOL.. I was feeling a little sexy at my ripe old age of 41..wahoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    I read through three pages of posts ladies... I love ya! I pray for you ALL!

    We are the TA TA Sisterhood here. I hope more of you are coming to Vegas in Sept. It will be a three day party of love and friendship that we hope to do yearly... maybe NYC or CA or heck.. maybe my house in 2010...:).....

    Misty and Linda my sweety's.... GOOD LUCK THIS WEEK!...:)

    Deborah... I look so forward to your appt... Hoping it will be full of education. I am like you.. really do not wanna go through lipo... for ripples.. I sure hope he tells you a bigger/higher implant is the ticket..:)

    I will take another pic this week for you rads girls. I will try to take one pic. every two weeks so we can watch the changes to the radiated breast.

    I feel the way Deborah feels about you BEAUTIFUL single gals... I hope your heart is full of love.. whatever love you choose... soon....

    Take care of yourselves... I still miss JAX! I wrote her PM's and no answer... I hope she is just busy with her kiddos this summer.,, I am a little worried though. She is also to go to Vegas and she had not signed on for over a month....:(... if anyone knows about her.. please let us know...

    SANDY.... How are you lady? You gotta check in once a week.. OK... you are a HUGE part of the Ta Ta's too...:)

    Blessings to all...

    ANNIE.... you have my heart old friend.... Kiss

    Laura

  • oncRN
    oncRN Member Posts: 27
    edited August 2009

    Misty and Linda, good luck and prayers for you  this week....Jean prayers for a good biopsy report too...

    Geena, I send you huge cyberhugs.....this unrequested journey, under the best of circumstances, is to hell and back. You are navigating your personal obstacle course successfully, because you are moving forward.  I think Karen and Jan (and Laura and Denise and Deb and Annie and everyone else that has responded to you here) have given you good advice. Every emotion you encounter is okay, and I hope you will always know that you have love and support here.  God bless you.....you WILL emerge as the strong and beautiful warrior that you are on the other side!

  • Mykidsmom
    Mykidsmom Member Posts: 448
    edited August 2009

    Oh you ladies are all so wonderful. And your pictures!?! I have decided that only kind, loving and beautiful women are dealing w/ bc. That must be why you are all so great!

    Makingway - I am going to add you to the list of exchanges. My thoughts and prayers are with you today!

    Deborah - Opps, sorry about putting you down for surgery when it is a consult. But best wishes for the consult!

    Angel10 - We will add you for the 17th.

    Hugs everyone!

  • wabiwoman
    wabiwoman Member Posts: 151
    edited January 2010

    Laura = Rock Goddess.

    Pmellon and OncRN - Thank you for your words - I feel so "held".

    Makingway - Keep us filled in.  Hope it goes well today!

    And yes, as a single woman I second Deborah's and Laura's words - love is in and all around us - I've felt this with you all this weekend.  I hope to give out the same at my job, this week.  Last week I posted on the Singles forum and on the Reconstruction forum about the idea of dating WHILE under reconstruction (heck, I'm doing everything else while under reconstruction, why not continue on my husband search?).  Anyone single on this thread - please join in.

    Peace and Hugs,

    Geena

  • vision4utoo
    vision4utoo Member Posts: 17
    edited August 2009

    Hi all - my exchange is Aug 20th - nervous of course - daymares about what could go wrong - and the nip 3 -4 months after as well - just ready to be done (for now) with all the doc's ~ I am hoping not to be dissappointed as I opted out of the DEIP due to length of surgery.  I do not know size, implant brand - only that we went with Silicone.  Maybe I should ask more questions...Be well and go grab some happiness today!

  • Baxter
    Baxter Member Posts: 91
    edited August 2009

    Hey Gals,

    Last night while I was lying in bed, the words to a couple of songs I wrote came to mind. For me, these lyrics put my feelings to words. One speaks about trusting God when nothing makes sense "Faith Is My Choice." And the other speaks about how scared we feel when God feels far away, yet He is working all the time, "Music In The Rest. I wrote them a while ago, but they seem appropriate to this journey we are all on. I will send them in two seperate posts.

             

                                        Faith Is My Choice

                                 Changes come, questions rise

                                 We'd like to know the how's and whys

                                 Death brings pain, love is lost

                                 It all seems much too great a cost

                                 When all the signs would contradict

                                 Your care and loving ways

                                 I make my choice to trust your plan

                                 And lift my voice in praise

                                 Faith is my choice- I will believe

                                 It's all the things I hope for

                                 And all that I can't see

                                 When doubt begins to whisper

                                With a beckoning voice,

                                 Faith is my choice

                                 Friends move on like the tide

                                 A lifetime vow is tossed aside

                                 A road that narrows with each step

                                 Am I moving back and not ahead?

                                 But you're the Friend who's never moved

                                 And you've kept every vow

                                 Your love has always proven true

                                 I will not doubt you now

                                 I could focus on the questions

                                 And rely on what I feel

                                 But in this fragile world around me

                                 Your love is all that's real

  • Baxter
    Baxter Member Posts: 91
    edited August 2009

     Hi Ladies.

    "Music In The Rest" was written when God felt far away, I could only see with my human eyes and couldn't see the Big picture of God working behind the scenes.

    Maybe I should have put this on a different forum. But since I have gone through so much in the exchange process with all its ups and downs, I thought I would pass it alone to you.

                                             Music In The Rest

                                       Our lives are scores of music

                                        Each with our song to play

                                        The arrangements all are different

                                        But the Author is the same

                                        And with the raise of the baton

                                        The notes begin their flight

                                        And each mark of the music

                                        Creates the song of every life

                                                                           

                                        And there is music in the rest

                                        Though quiet seems like retreat

                                        The music still moves forward

                                        As the Master counts each beat

                                        The waiting may seem endless

                                        But He knows the music best

                                        To hear the tune we too must find

                                        The music in the rest

                                        We may wait in anxious silence

                                        And fear the music's gone

                                        But God knows the times of waiting

                                        Will create a greater song

                                        Each phrase will speak His glory

                                        And the sounds that fill the air

                                        Would not bring forth the beauty

                                        Had each rest not been there

                                                               

                                        Lord help me to remember

                                        When the music seems to cease

                                        What You compose within my life

                                        Is part of your Masterpiece

  • Angel10
    Angel10 Member Posts: 347
    edited August 2009

    These are beautiful songs and prose, Baxter. Is this part of your occupation? Thanks for sharing!

    God Bless!

    Angel

  • whippetmom
    whippetmom Member Posts: 6,028
    edited August 2009

    I wish you all could hear Baxter's voice - singing these lyrics!  She sings like an Angel - Angel!

  • Baxter
    Baxter Member Posts: 91
    edited August 2009

    Angel,

    My husband and I have been in part-time music ministry all of our married life. As we have always felt, you can have the most beautiful music, but the words HAVE to say something and have meaning.

    I smiled when I saw your name. A good friend of mine is a nurse at the hospital where I had several of my surgeries. Her name is Angel. And that is just what she is to me.

    I was scared to death the day of my mastectomy, she prayed with me and was in recovery with me. My first exchange failed in December, I guess I had been crying and asking for my DH ( I don't remember much)  Usually no family is allowed into recovery, Angel was able to get my DH into recovery to comfort me. As I have joked with her, God knew the depth of my fear, and so he sent me an Angel!

    Whippetmom,

    With all the great artists you have in California, that is generous indeed. Thanks so much for your kind words. As with many of the ladies here, you have been such an encouragement and strength to me. God has definitely placed you on this website for His special purpose.

    Candi

  • kerkle
    kerkle Member Posts: 37
    edited August 2009

    Gosh...so many numbers and so much information! I am so confused and I can't wait to speak to my PS. I have TE in, don't know the number of cc's it can hold but I'm at 230cc's. I was planning on staying a full A or small B. I thought I was full enough but now this sounds way too tiny. My PS said that during the exchange he has a bit of play and can make me 15% bigger. He did measure me in his office and I hope he measured me on the table in the OR, I trust him, but I feel like I may not even be the large A I want! I am also from Montreal. Is there a certain implant that they use here? I worry being on medicare we don't have the option of choosing what we want. 

    MY560SEL: I see you are at the JGH. I am at the RVH/MGH. I heard the procedures at the JG and my hospital are different. I have TE with Alloderm. How about you? How was your recovery? 

  • bobcat
    bobcat Member Posts: 526
    edited August 2009

    vision4utoo - I didn't know enough to ask about implant options either other than silicone or saline.  My PS was such a rockstar and said these are your choices and this is what I do.  I chose silicone and they are perfect!!  I have Mentor High Profile 500CC and they are a nice full C.  I am 5'4'' and 140 lbs and they balance perfectly with my 52yr old body.  I am active and do lots of spinning and lifting with no problems and clothes fit and look better now than before.  I still have to massage 30 minutes a day(for the rest of my life:o) but I do that while driving, bathing, watching tv....it gets done and now after my exchange in November they are starting to feel like me.  The nips were an ordeal just because you have to keep them moist and from flattening but it's all doable and they are great tips on here for getting good results - pm me if you need any advice when the time comes.  Being BC free is what it's all about.  Good luck and think good thoughts.  hugs, Bobbi