Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
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I am still learning--how to take joy in all the people I am, how to use all my selves in the service of what I believe, how to accept when I fail and rejoice when I succeed. Audre Lord
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Starting out cloudy today and could have a bit of a spot shower in the late afternoon but could miss us too. It will not get too hot and that is good.
Have to say after almost giving up totally on Dh's 4-car garage way too full to use for any cars, our SIL has taken it in hand, along with many other projects here. Just amazing what a day or two's work can do in an otherwise in-hospitable and actually un-safe place. You could not walk through this rather large place w/o stumbling on so much that was never handled properly. Dh just could not keep up with the influx of items ( some out of other paid storage ) and some kept there because it would not fit into our storage shed.
We can walk through the garage. He just took everything from the first side, put it in the middle, reestablished the worn down edges of the asphalt and built them back up -- cleaned all the shelving units and set them back standing straight and tall again, and is slowly filling them in an orderly fashion. Lots will go out to be hauled away by the city. They give us a time to dispose of un-wanted materials ( for free ) a couple times a yr. We just have to stack them outside the week they give us. What a great time to do the garage. Still not sure how many cars might fit later ( I know it won't be four ) but how refreshing to go to the garage and be able to go inside un-impeded and not have to FIND your path through all the junk and strewn materials. Dh was never like that before but his last few yrs. of a bad back and health issues has really taken a toll. Just a marvel to have someone who not only can do it, but is enjoying restoring our life to us.
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You are indeed lucky. We have never been able to park in our garage. Our current one would be a chore to get in and out of (it's in the basement). When we had a 2 car garage we bought a ping pong table. That was back when we had kids the right age.
55 and cloudy at 11am. Predicted high of 62. We'll have rain off and on next week and temps below 65. I put away my summer t-shirts and pulled out the winter ones. I'm switching nightgowns after tonight. Fleece gowns are comfortable and not too hot with night temps in the 50's.
We're still working on moving. Or rather, getting of enough to show the house. Our realtor mentioned Nov as being the latest we could do that. I'm thinking we should wait until spring. Our yard is spectacular in the spring and they should be finished with the big build next door. Surely by then we can jettison enough stuff. DH is going thru drawers in the file cabinet instead of making the house ready to show, but it needs doing so badly I want him to continue.
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I have a compact pre-dishwashing plate scraper--mostly a tabletop model: 14-yr-old orange patch tabby. He cleans his sister's dishes, too (sometimes before she's truly done eating).
Had some minor sprinkles yesterday (bringing an umbrella to the restaurant kept it from raining as predicted), and a brief downpour earlier this afternoon. Just enough to not need to water my plants or turn on the lawn sprinkler.
Judy, I'd recommend getting the US. It's fast and painless. (Dr. E., the breast radiologist at Evanston, is great). My breasts are fatty, with "heterogeneous fibroglandular densities," so the 3D mammo does see all.
Mary, I learned early on three striking things about DCIS. First, it's likelier than early IDC to be Grade 3; second, it's hormone-receptor-negative much more often than is IDC; and third, it's so commonly HER2+ (especially wheb Grade 3) that some labs don't even test for HER2 overexpression. So a diagnosis of DCIS doesn't always mean you're off the hook. My friend who at 72 had Grade 3, hormone-negative, grade 3 multifocal DCIS with "comedo necrosis" decided she wanted to be "one & done"--no radiation--and because she hadn't worn a bra in 30 years and had no intention of dating again, opted for a BMX. The other breast showed scattered ADH, and both sides were node-negative. So no radiation, no chemo, no endocrine therapy, and no reconstruction. 5 yrs later, she's still fine.
I'm noticing something weird about my eyesight--I'm right-eye-dominant, but when I'm reading while wearing my progressives I find myself squinting or closing my right eye because the left looks clearer. But with my Rx readers--same reading diopters, almost the same astigmatism correction--the right seems a bit clearer and I don't squint or close either eye. I also notice my current Rx has a binocular PD of 57.5, but my new one says 64! (I went to the mirror with a mm ruler--and it's indeed 64). Hope when my new glasses come in I won't have the same problem as a year ago--when everything was "off" because the "gradations" of the various areas in the lenses, as measured in-store, made everything "swim." I ended up having Warby Parker's optician in their Sloatsburg, NY lab examine selfies she made me take, and the glasses she made from those selfies were spot-on. What's even more annoying is when I bring up the "Manage My Prescriptions" page on the site, except for the "most recent" (listed as expiring on the same day next year), none of them list the year in which they were taken--just expiration. I can't tell which ones were the "off" or the "corrected" ones. And an old one (I think done in 2019 by my then-ophthalmologist before he retired) has both a "monocular PD" (one measurement each, from the center of the pupil to the center of the bridge of my nose, for the L & R) and an expiration date in 2029! (Everything else has 2022). My glasses arrive by UPS, so likely a week or so before they arrive here. (I always have them sent here in case they're fine and I can save myself the hassle of a trip to the store, much less paying for parking).
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IllinoisLady- the other day my sister and I drove through our old neighborhood. We noticed so many houses in less than great shape. One had great flowers but siding pieces were hanging off the house. Another had peeling paint. What happened? The population has aged and can not keep up with the general maintenance of the house. Add in the bad back, chance of vertigo and things don’t get done. Very sad. Be glad for your SIL getting things done, you’re one of the fortunate ones with caring family.
Sandy I hope your glasses are the correct ones. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned, I’ve taken to buying my contacts from Canada. I get a yearly exam w dilation locally but the script ran out. I’ll see them this month but was so grateful for the ability to get them from Canada.
We took down the screen house yesterday in beautiful sun. It gets easier the more times we do it, this is the 3rd time. Today rain rain and more rain. We drove over to MA to visit a museum we love, The Clark. A nice way to spend a rainy day. We ate an early dinner over there, and hit a farm on the way home for pumpkins.
We change our sheets every Sunday so today we put on the flannel set from cuddle duds. Yes, the nights are cold enough! So I can relate Wren44.
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I got my order of green tomatoes yesterday. Got busy on making green tomato relish. It is a big recipe, and I filled seven pints and two quarts. Yes, I like it enough to put it up in quarts. Would rather have put it all in pints, but was out of those jars. I forgot about it being Sunday. I paid for it in pain. My feet were in pain all night, and that after having put numbing cream on them. Fitbit registered only five hours sleep, so looks like I will be taking a nap later.
I am so eager to get my electric bike on Friday. Talked with a police officer about security issues. Will have to call the manager of the local grocery store later today and ask her some questions.
Sandy, thank you for your story about your friend.
I quit wearing my medicalert bracelet this week. I have a bruise on my right wrist from it. Seems like that defeats the purpose.
Around here people are flipping houses like crazy, and they sell within days. But I am still seeing some sad situations. What most irritates me is unkept foundation plantings, with lots of trash trees with strong root systems. Just a day's worth of work and they would look so much better, and protecting basement walls can be so important.
Yes. I have a handy compact pre-washer for my plates and dishes, too. Unfortunately, It gets choked up on hot peppers, so I need to watch out for that. I am getting to like cooking more, because i am doing the dishes as I cook, rather than having a whole pile afterwards.
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Oh my, there is so much going on. Cyber hugs to you all.
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This is the true joy in life, the being used up for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the community, and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no "brief candle" to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for a moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations. -George Bernard Shaw
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MC, that relish sounds so wonderful. At our old house, the one where we could have a big garden, I had a recipe for all the left-over green tomatoes for refrigerator relish. I had a couple gallon jars and at the time enough room in the fridge. It is made the same way likely as what you made, but does not have to be sterilized. Makes way less work. Then just take out the gallon container and fill a smaller jar to use at the table. I use to give a lot of it away and it was always appreciated.
I do know I am lucky my SIL wants to take our property in hand. I have given him pretty much free reign. I do hate that he may rid us of a number of our trees. That said, they could be thinned out as the ones too close to each other cause deformities in growth patterns and availability to light and sun for good straight growth. We will see. He does discuss all moves with us. Any tree projects will likely need to wait till next Spring/Summer since there are many pressing issues now. It is sad to see ( we sure know it first hand ) that many people can't keep up and it is hard to afford help if things have gone too far and it seems they often do around here. We were paying a handy man type ( fair pricing we felt ) but so much still had to be ignored for really pressing things -- like the leaky screen room roof.
This week may be thin on posts as I will be sleeping over at my cousin's at night and spending a fair amt. of time during the day there. They have a wedding in FLA. and so I take care of their little sweet doggie at home. They had bad experiences boarding ( the dog became horribly depressed ) and they have done so much for me that I gladly go and stay with Muffin so that he does not have to feel abandoned in what is to him a somewhat hostile environment.
Hope you all have a great Monday..
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maybe I am missing something here in what the purpose of this particular forum-is-but what is with all the weather reports,neighborhood reports, kitchen news in these recent pages-and minimal about us older ladies actually dealing with our diagnosis of BC---seems the writings are largely about anything but dealing with breast cancer--I have been on other topics for sometime -am 4 years out-and grateful every day and only flagged this topic very recently-- as was 68 at dx-- what is the trend of this one--? thanks and no offense to anyone--K
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In my humble observations, conversing about day-to-day activities and frustrations keeps the connection going, so that when I have frustrations, griefs, and new BC concerns, I know immediately where to go because I have friends here. Otherwise, I in the crisis of the moment, I might forget what resources are available.
Also BC is not the whole focus of our lives. Obsessing about a medical condition, especially cancer, is unhealthy. This goes for us all, even those who live with stage 4; we are not one dimensional, nor either two dimensions.
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kaylie, I am mostly a lurker here and have been for several years and it's because our topics and sharing make me feel less alone and that I am part of a community which I really need with covid. I'm 12 years out from diagnosis, I'm not scared of cancer although that could come down the road tomorrow, and am in a new stage of my life (I'm 75) and this thread is very comforting. We also share about cancer as it comes up for people. It also helps me when people talk about medical appointments (which they don't want to go to) coming up as it reminds me that I too have to take care of myself. I love hearing about everyday life, from women who have been through cancer and are getting back into their lives. If I were diagnosed again, it is here that I would come to first.
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Kaylie, my answer is "Friendship". I am often more of a lurker than a poster but I am a regular reader and chime in when I feel I have something to offer.
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Kaylie, if you scroll back a few pages you will find lots of posts about scans, tests, appointments, treatments and meds--and how they affect us seniors. Look at the topic title: "Can we have a forum for 'older' people with bc (in forum Older Than 60 Years Old with Breast Cancer)." And look at Northstar's introductory heading--nowhere in it is there a specification that we not discuss matters that don't specifically refer to being bc patients >60.
If you disapprove of any general talk among us senior bc sisters, feel free to start your own content-restricted Topic. Anyone can. (Or you can skip reading posts that are insufficiently specifically restricted to your specifications),
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I also lurk here for the most part. However, I like to read from those who will post about their circumstances day-to-day, particularly those who have Stage IV. I am not Stage IV myself, but it is so good for my own mental health to read those Stage IV ladies that still think about the things I think about - weather, holidays, travel and yes, BC worries. It keeps me optimistic!
Jane
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Like someone mentioned, it’s like sitting at a kitchen table talking to friends. Our concern for each other is real, including the weather. BC is how we met but life goes on and throws other stuff at us. We’re here for each other
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Kaylie, now there is a topic we may never have discussed before -- in this thread we aim to support you through your cancer, but through the rest of your life as well. Many of us ( I am one ) heard I/we had cancer ( 6 full months of chemo and 7 full weeks of rads ) and I immediately thought my life was over. None of us know what that DATE really is so every day that I'm alive is a day to celebrate and I do not wish to celebrate alone so I come here. We share much here that doesn't maybe have a lot to do directly with cancer, but when someone needs us we switch hats and get super serious. Otherwise just listening to what our sisters have on their plates ( yes, I have a coyote on mine ) helps up so appreciate those days when we realize maybe our dish is not so full after all or is more manageable than we might have realized.
I confess sometimes I practice being a little silly just for the fun of it. I may have had cancer once back in 2007 and 4 times recently, but it doesn't have me. These ladies keep me grounded and I think mainly sane. On Sept 13th. this yr. I was 76 yrs. old and I'm going to see a lot more yrs. I hope we have helped you understand why we are here. Wishing you well.
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Kaylie - I am another lurker. I read but don't often post here. This thread is more a gathering of friends. When I want to chat or question about cancer specific issues, there are lots of other threads on BCO that are relevant your stage - of cancer & of treatment, hormone treatments, radiation, chemo, HER2+, etc. Hope you find one that matches with your current needs.
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I am also a lurker...I LOVE the friendship I feel with these ladies. I started off on the Illinois Ladies page, which is pretty quiet. Jackie posts her quotes there every day, also.
I love that there is discussion of day-to-day happenings along with cancer-related topics. I feel like it's having coffee with friends or something! I worry if someone hasn't posted for a while, and I love seeing other's perspectives on everything!
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Also a lurker, sometimes poster here. This thread is welcoming - everyone cares about whatever is on your mind but also ready to "switch hats" as Illinois noted as needs and questions arise. Just like for real, over a cup of coffee.
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My friends are here. They have supported me through diagnosis, surgery, radiation, hormone therapy, follow up, mamo's and ultrasounds, plus everything else life throws at me.
Speaking of which, my mamo shows No Cancer. Yeah!
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Petite1- yea! Great news.
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petite1: That is great news. Celebrate.
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Life is full of painful events, and people who have lost their way and hurt others. Our pain is not lessened when we respond with hatred. In fact, the opposite occurs: When we hate people who hurt us, we come to resemble what we hate, or worse, and then we suffer all the more. What is evil is our response. We have choices, and love is the most powerful eliminator of all. -Bernie Siegel
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Congratulations to petite. What sweet words to hear and a truly wonderful reward for having a mammo. Let them all be the same from here on out..
So refreshing to hear from all the lurkers. As someone said, I too worry when someone doesn't come for awhile. For those who may enjoy hearing how it started -- I have put quotes in since I joined Illinois Ladies back in 2007. The thread was stated by a member from Bloomington. I had never been on a blog ( so electronically challenged ) and when diagnosed I had to figure it out fast. Because I was shy and felt so disabled electronically I often at the time used quotes to re-enforce my personal statements and thoughts, hopes and dreams at the time. The Illinois Ladies liked the quotes and ask me to continue -- put one in every day that would uplift and hopefully start everyone's day out on a positive note.
I am told that many of the Illinois Ladies still go daily to read the quotes I still leave there. No one posts much there now, but it remains sentient for he quotes. Much, much later I thought -- maybe others would find the same thing on other threads I visited daily. They don't always fit our situations, but I think over-all they give others something to consider and are usually far more positive than negative.
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In other news -- still seeing Wily E. show up at the feeding site. I have taken to waiting when I can for the cats to finish eating and then I sweep up the food. I am hoping that Wily will decide the hunting where the cats eat is not good and go back from whence he came, which I think if the far deep reaches of the park where there are much deeper woods. Saw the urologist yesterday. Sigh !! He is once again in disagreement with the lab Dr.'s report of no cancer present in specimen he sent to them. Difference is that he is willing this time to have a meeting with the Lab Dr. to discuss the findings. It his Dr. B's feeling that he can SEE what this tumor looks like during his scope. He indicates that it must flatten out or something later on.
That may be -- I'm not a Dr. but what I fail to understand is -- if one person calls it cancer and several LAB Dr.'s say they don't, it would seem to me that either something is wrong wish the tests in general that the LAB does and that needs addressing in some way. I do feel that after 40 yrs. of looking first hand so to speak though 'scope activity' , Dr. B should indeed be highly aware of what a cancer tumor looks like. I just don't understand why if he feels that certain, what happens once the specimen goes to a lab. It made sense to me in the beginning that maybe there was a reason why ( since the lab does not see the pictures that are taken of the tumor in the habitat where it is located ) but now I question this event that has taken place every time ( about the 4th. time now ) these tumors have turned up. Knock on wood -- they have all been papillary which means they are not in the muscle part of the bladder or beyond which would be much more dangerous. They also started out in small cluster and have been reduced to just one and this last one the smallest of them all in size. So it is getting better, but still not right.
Dr. B says that there is an antibody therapy that he would like me to have. Downside -- our hospital here cannot receive it due to covid issues. Upside is that I would be referred ( and he will gladly do it ) across the river to St. Louis, Mo and get it administered there at St. Louis University. He says that will end this cycle of having papillary tumors appear over and over. So, he will have a consultation with the LAB Dr. here ( a person he highly respects ) and they will hash out ( I presume ) why these samples/specimens turn un-cancerous during lab testing, yet he thinks they are definite cancers. I think the point is to in some way for both of them to reach some sort of meeting of the minds. I think as well Dr. B does not want me to ( which I have been ) question why the labs never FIND the specimen is cancer while he always does. I do think it important to clear that up first.
We then are still moving on which thankfully is all right since this is a papillary tumor and we can use some time to define down what the best answers will be and hopefully all will end up much more on the same page then not.
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Jackie: What a conundrum about your papillary tumor. I do hope the docs can come to some meeting of the minds so you do not have to have other than really necessary treatment albeit even if it is just a watch and wait. You can request the specimens be sent to another lab for a second opinion and I think I would push for this just to get an independent read. I did this with my BC bx and the results were a tad different but the treatment was still the same but I felt reassured.
A descending colon polyp was removed during my colonoscopy and it was described as "sessile" by the GI doc. However, when the path report was posted there was no evidence of it being sent to the lab for pathology. This is in the same family as the polyp that lives near my appendix (and requires that I have it taken out) so I am concerned about is it the same type as that one which has appeared twice? I have no answer and the MD says that it was resected (needs to be because these have a tendency to become malignant) but it wasn't found in the "polyp bag". Claims it was small but in actuality it was twice the size of the polyp found in 2020 that reoccurred in 2021. So I did ask him if this will require further surveillance with another colonoscopy in 2022. I do not want to become a member of the annual colonoscopy club! After 3 in 15 months, I think I have reached my limit. I don't have an answer yet from him but hope to have one by the end of the week.
The restoration company showed up today and ripped up the flooring in the family room area of the basement. They had to relocate the furniture to the office area of the basement. I had a heated discussion with the supervisor about removing the underlayment from the old flooring and he told me it was not on the plan. I argued the flooring had been subjected to flooding in August 2020 from the hurricane and it was spongy in many areas. He insisted he was only going to remove what was necessary. Well, he ate his words when the removed the flooring because it was airtight so the underflooring was black, wet and smelled of mold. This is after dehumidifiers and blowers were installed last August for a week and that was to mitigate any water/moisture residue. Well, it did not work and the concrete floor is black and nasty smelling. Seems it has been this way since last August and it never dried. The underflooring was breaking apart as they removed it and dripped water. So my push for them to disinfect the floor as well as drying it will happen this afternoon. The team will be back with dehumidifiers and blowers plus an antimicrobial floor cleaner. The basement flooring will be done in 3 phases starting next week which means they will need to relocate furniture as they finish flooring an area and move furniture from the other areas as needed. So the radio room and storage closet are phase 2 and the office area is stage 3. Once that is done the painters need to paint the basement walls and carpenters will reinstall the baseboards. No idea when this will be finished but I told him they need to be out of here long before Christmas since 11/1/2021 is the 2 year anniversary of the original damage. They do good work but it is not well organized with long waits between actual work. I am tired of living in a disorganized house that has doubled as a storage unit for the past 2 years and I made it clear that my patience is wearing thin. We are decompressing as we clean out an area and that is the only plus because DH needed a reality check on what a packrat he is with too many "what if we need it items". They delivered 85 boxes of the new flooring and it is so heavy they could only carry one box at a time so quite a workout and having to traverse the front steps to enter the house and then the basement steps was taxing. It's a porcelain click and lock made by Daltile and was not my first choice but what I wanted was on back order until possibly the end of November and no guarantee it would be available then due to production shutdowns. So this is more expensive but they are having to absorb the cost not me. Even one of the workers commented that he thought it was nice looking flooring.
This place is like a coffee klatch, minus the gossip, but a warm welcoming place to not only talk about BC and treatments but also our everyday challenges and pleasantries. It's comforting to knwo that others will listen and respond as they see fit. It's one of the few places I post.
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I'm almost 100% sure DH has Alzheimer's, or perhaps another form of dementia. I would give almost anything to have a site where I could go for advice from other spouses and ask if others have experienced what I'm experiencing. I don't feel it's fair to say too much to DD and DS, although they are aware of how he's doing. We're supposed to be getting our house ready to show and he's going through boxes of stuff. That really needs to happen, so I'm not going to push having the house ready to show until he's whittled it down. Yesterday he asked if I thought it was ok to throw away 50 yo letters even if they were from relatives. The only letters I'm saving are the ones he wrote and those may go too.
And if that's not enough I have a mammo scheduled for 10/21. With my luck I would get any bad news on my birthday a few days later. Just saying stress eating is a thing.
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Wren44- my sisters husband has a dementia or Alzheimer's but his GP isntdoing anything about it. My sister has asked the Dr to send him for further tests, thinking to get him on something to slow it down. Her husband refuses to allow her to go with him to the drs and he has refused his drs suggestion to see a neurologist. I don't know of a site (like this one) but there is an 800# which is manned 24/7 for caregivers to call. You can just talk, they'll tell you if it's normal aging or if it sounds like more, plus they provide information. I'll ask her for the number and send you a message. You're not alone on that journey either. HUGS.
Betrayal- I've said it before, I know I would have snapped a long time ago. Two years snd the guy wants to argue with you about the floor. You are a saint!
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Wren, my friend Chevy talks to another person on BCO who is a nurse and deals with forms of dementia. Perhaps you could get ahold of Chevy and ask if she might ask this same person to spend some time talking with you. Chevy found a lot of relief since her husband has Alzheimer's. It is the only suggestion I could think might help.
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