Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
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So great to see a section for senior breast cancer survivors. My story is one of no masectomy because the primary tumor was never found... My MO discovered my breast cancer primary through a genetic test of my biopsied tissue from my stomach, peritoneum, and colon. My primary at that time was thought to be gastric cancer. When I found out about the breast cancer diagnosis, I was ecstatic. That was almost three years ago October 1st. I am very grateful for this honeymoon period. I have traveled to my home country, England with my daughter and her husband. My friendships are deeper and richer because of my diagnosis. I have recently been diagnosed with major depression after some major losses in my life. I was already taking Zoloft, but needed a supplement which I started last week. Since May of this year I have been taking Xeloda, 500mg, 3xday, 2 weeks on, 1 week off. Tumor markers have gone down, but new ct-scan showed a primary colonic malignancy that measures 2 inches. My last CT-scan did not show any evidence of a new primary. I have a colonoscopy next week and won't see my MO until the following week. I am 63 years old and tired of the quality of life treatment gives me. I am contemplating stopping further treatment. I will wait to see what the colonoscopy results will be. I bought a book called "The Divine Art of Dying" authored by a woman who decided to stop treatment after ten years with ovarian cancer. She, too was tired of the chemo SE's. I was led to this book. It offers much guidance, hope and peace for end of life issues in a practical, spiritual manner. My issue is the guilt I feel giving up to the cancer especially telling my loved ones. I would appreciate your thoughts, experiences and guidance.
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Judi, No one can tell you what to do, but there are do msny good treatments that are available to you. I know side effects are tough. I have only experienced them from chemo but think that life is too wonderful to give up. I have 2 children and 5 grandchildren and hope to see them grow up. Are you able to exercise?
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Judi, I agree with Sunshine that no one can tell you what to do. Only you know the suffering you have been through, and it sounds like it has been tough to deal with. I hope that it is not your depression that is driving you toward the decision you are making. It seems that you have not been on the supplement with Zoloft for very long. I think you should give the new treatment regimen more time to see if it is effective. If it is not, there are other antidepressants available. Many people with stage iv bc suffer from depression, and it sometimes takes a while to find a medication that works. There is a thread about antidepressants that might be helpful.Are you seeing a counsellor who can help with your decision? I pray that your colonoscopy gives you better news than you expect. Have you discussed the possibility of stopping treatment with your MO? Has she or he given you any indication that treatment could be changed or SEs managed by some means, medication or otherwise? I want you to be informed of all the possibilities before you make the decision.
I will be praying for you. Please keep us informed of what is going on.
Lynne
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Thanks to all you wonderful ladies for the many happy birthday wishes and those wonderful looking cakes! I had a wonderful day. We took a road trip to a casino and had lots of fun and wonderful food. Life is good!!!!!!! Hugs to all of you.
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Judi, I have no advice but hope that you can arrive at the best decision for you. Hugs.
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Judi, I'm glad I came back in to read. You do sound like you have been through a great deal and my heart goes out to you. You have been given much ( I hope ) to think about here from these ladies. I can't add much, but to be a willing listener. I have lived the last 17 or 18 yrs. as a spiritual person -- meaning for me that I accept pretty much all religions and do not feel much need to go to any Church.
It also means for me that I believe everything happens for a reason --- and that ALL of those items and issues help us to make sound decisions. I also believe that there are some VERY good medications and that when one finds the right combination it can help you down your path in life.
Being spiritual as well, I also feel that what is sometimes right for one person may be very wrong for another one so these ladies are so right. No matter what may be wrong in our life or our body, each of us personally are the only ones who have had to feel what it is like to be the "one" having experiences that prey on us. In all honesty, what little experience I've had with 'depressing issues have been relatively short-lived ( not true diagnosed depression ) and I can't imagine what it must be like not to really get out of the fog of it.
Like Lynn, I hope the news from the colonoscopy report turns out better than you may be thinking it will right now. I hope it may give you a reason to really think about everything and maybe with a viewpoint possibly of medication adjustments that could offer you the hope of feeling 'better'. There are Stage IV people who manage well for a really long time. Ultimately, you will do what you feel is right for you. I will send up lots of prayers and much hope that you can find strong and comforting answers for yourself and I want you to know that we will be here willing to listen, and so willing to care. I think of one of my very, very all time favorite quotes --- " I didn't say it would be easy, I said it would be worth it ". It often helps me to remember this when I'm having a hard time.
Jackie
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What a beautiful post, Jackie. I am going to remember your quote
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Life is not a level, smooth path, but rather a series of hills and
valleys. There are times spent on the
mountain top, when everything seems clear and perfect. Then there are those times when we feel like
we’re wandering around in a dark cavern, feeling our way along and trusting God
for every step of faith. Runners get a
“second wind” after forcing themselves to go on when they feel they can’t. We feel the joy of God’s Spirit lift us up
and carry us on when we choose to continue in faith, no matter how we feel or
what’s going on around us. Take a moment
and set your heart to be persistent in faith—faith in God to lead you, pick you
up when you have fallen, give you strength to go on, and ultimately bring you
to victory. -unattributed0 -
Read just this morning ( oh what a shock ) that Wayne Dyer ( hadn't heard a thing on the news as yet ) has passed away. Very sudden. He, among many, has been high up on my list of spiritual reading. Were it not for he, and many of the people re respected, I might not have found answers that helped me to formulate many of my own feelings and intuitions.
I am so grateful for this man and the many who are not afraid to 'share' what they have discovered about our soul and its purposes. I think in the beginning this can be often a lonely business where you can face a lot of raised eyebrows. So thankful for all those people who have gone right ahead sharing (their) truths, and hopefully making is a bit easier for anyone who may have similar leanings to connect some of their own dots.
I have a lot more dots in the wings, but because of W. Dyer and so many others I can live a fairly comfortable life about so many of my beliefs and not feel much about those with raised eyebrows. We all feel like we are in charge ( how else could you really live your life ) but sometimes we are not so good at explaining what we may SEE from time to time. It is wonderful when you find people like this who can help you by putting your feelings into words. I'm still not at all with explaining ( why I failed Guru-101 ) but it is truly ok.
Hope you all have a good day. I'll be back later.
Blessings,
Jackie
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Judi, I noticed that there is also a thread for people with mets in the colon. You might be able to get some information from the other people who share your situation. Both the colon mets thread and the antidepressant thread are in the forum for Stage IV only. I am still thinking about you and hoping you can come to peace with whatever decision you make. There is also a thread to discuss issues with death and dying, also in the Stage IV forum. There is a lot of valuable advice there from people who have ended treatment as well as those who have not yet reached that point.
Lynne
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Some good information, Lynne. Thinking of you, Judi, as you deal with depression and with a depressing situation. It was very brave of you to express your feelings on this thread.
DH and I went to the gym this morning and skipped eating breakfast out. I made myself a delicious smoothie for my breakfast. I've been feeling some depression myself lately. Probably too much alone time with not enough to keep me busy. DH has been involved with his carpentry project for the resort owner.
On the plus side, it has been a nice morning with sunshine and a breeze. The forecast calls for high temperatures in the 80's but so far it's comfortable in the camper with the windows and door open.
Wishing everyone a good day.
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Dear Judi,
You are very much in my thoughts for peace in making decisions about your future care. May you find a medication that truly helps with the depression. It sounds like the past three years have been a real blessing to be able to travel and deepen your ties with family and friends. Your attitude is inspiring.
Rita, a belated happy birthday.
Paula
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Jackie, Is your quote " I didn't say it would be easy, I said it would be worth it ". from I Never Promised you a Rose Garden? It's so true. DD's theory is that before you're born, you sign up for the lessons you need to learn. Sometimes it's like school, where the class sounds a lot easier than it really is.
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Wren, I think you have it there.....and it resonated so TOTALLY with me that we do sign on for what we need to learn. This was in fact the subject of more than one epiphany for me. I went several times through the "what in the world am I here for because I am so lost and confused". That is often termed as being in a desert period --- like a nomad not sure of where they are going --- and if you are fortunate ( and thank goodness I was ) you come out of it with answers.
Eventually, I did come to see that all the things that were happening to me occurred in such a way as to help me arrive to certain places, at certain times, with many conditions --- some of which I'd have never thought possible. So, I gave up the ideas that sometimes come easy ( especially when you hear words during your young life ) of chance, luck, happenstance and anything like that. I instead learned to look on events as what was needed to get me from one place to the other --- because many of your lessons need a certain backdrop. When I look back --- I can see parts of an amazing journey. I regret a few things, but know now it had to happen a certain way, so those regrets are not strong and have never interfered with my life.
I look upon what I'm doing here as growing my soul --- learning what I need so when I transition to the other side/eternity I am prepared for whatever role I will fill. It is something like a school. Some of my spiritual studies seem to indicate --- before you come ( when you are in a perfection area ) things seem easy and you agree to things that are a whole lot harder here because we are saddled with gravity, and full of all different kinds and levels of emotions -- and everyone around us are too. Part of what we have to do is just keep trying to find our way through all of that.
Very difficult at times to keep yourself on an even keel. Your DD, Wren, sounds like she has a whole lot of this matching up to a lot of what I have studied and it must have resonated deeply with her too. Sounds right now like our major difference ( belief-wise ) may be in age. I will be 70 in September --- but I have had strong inklings most of my life --- just needed time and circumstance and spiritual study to piece it all together.
Jackie
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Welcome Linda and Judi,
We are delighted to have your join us. This is a wonderful group of supportive women. We are different ages, from almost 60 to well into the 70's, and live all over the world. Some live in urban areas and others are out in the country or in one case, out in the desert. Some have husbands, children, and grandchildren but others are alone. We cover the whole range of situations but have one in common, breast cancer. We represent every stage from 0 to stage 4 and have lots of different kinds of treatments. There is a lot of experience here and some very intelligent women with good ideas who can offer help or just a shoulder to cry on. Some have been through more than you think a human being ought to be able to cope with. The strength shown is amazing.
We don't always discuss the disease that brought us here. Sometimes it's just a virtual chat across the back fence about recipes, pets, gardens, or hobbies. Other times it's details of a treatment or sharing pain from a relative who has made a poor choice. Some days we are full of happy thoughts. Other days our hearts are heavy. All subjects are welcome here.
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Jackie, You have so much wisdom. I love what you hsve to share with all of us! Thank you.
I would appreciate prayers as I have 3 scans on Wednesday and I have been trying to keep my stress and anxious feelings at bay. Have to drink 2 bottles of barium. I have never done this before and hope I don't throw up!
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I have had many scans in the past and just recently found out by refrigerating the barium, it is much easier to sip your way through the prep. Here's to a good result!
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Thank you, Lynne for your kind words and info about the colon mets thread on this site. Yes, I do have a wonderful therapist who I see at Huntsman Cancer Hospital here in Salt Lake City. She is an angel and very good at guiding me to the answers I seek. I see her on Thursday. My depression may be coloring my thoughts at this time, I know. It is very comforting for me to know that you actually respond in the time of need. I am so grateful.
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Many thanks to all of you who responded to me. It is very comforting to know I am not alone sitting in my kitchen typing away. You are kind, courageous women who have the fortitude to not only deal with your own issues but help others as well.
Blessed be,
Judi
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Judi, I'm so glad you have found a home with us. You are never alone --- even when you think you are or actually when you want to be. We all have a certain number of angels who pretty much hang around us and also an angel/spirit guide. The last sort of takes care of the heavy-duty things. I do feel one of the unique aspects ( I'd really have liked to have gotten it w/o having to go through a cancer dx. though ) of having this dx. is a feeling that you want and maybe even need to share -- to, so to speak, pay back for the loving women that were so available for us when first diagnosed. So, I never tire of opening up my portal ( I go through on the side of my Internet Explorer home page) where on the left side a whole list of favorites of different things is stored. That makes it quick and easy to come here and visit with people who I think of as the greatest friends ever. They always seem to understand like no others could --- and I guess I don't ever want to lose that.
My Sunshine -- thank you. That is a very nice thing to say. I don't often feel too wise. Believe it or not, I'm one of the shyest people ever. Maybe it is partly the anonymity of being on a blog, but it has a lot to do with the fact I think that we are here mainly to share, to help if we can, to console if we have nothing we feel can help, and to encourage in any other way that we might.
The world seems at times awfully full of people who are not real nice. Seems so often whatever you may be for, they are against. What ever you like, they hate --- always too many that seem a bit upset, unable to find reasons to smile or be happy. We are here on this old Earth for a lot of things -- to my way of thinking --- some of that is being able to show kindness, and care and a willing hand and loving heart. We are here to when at all possible as well, to find joy and peace in life --- and right here on the Older Forum for the most part we started leaning that way some time ago and just have never stopped.
Lots and lots of prayers and strong positive energies coming your way on Wednesday.
Blessings,
Jackie
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Sandra, you and Ann wrote such nice welcomes -- made me want to join all over.
Jackie
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Mysunshine, On Wed we will be in your pocket (with you in spirit). Hope everything goes well and you receive good news.
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I just read back quickly and it was so nice to see that Mike had a surprise party! I am happy for these special times where things just seem right for the moment. Wishing Sandra & Mike many more good days and sweet memories.
Ritajean, I am glad to hear you had a fun birthday! Happy Birthday and have a wonderful year ahead. I won't send any more cake....I just picked up some of the crumbs.
To the new ladies here, welcome....
lindab, I join in hoping for the best possible outcome. Your black cat is unusually stunning. Do you know its breed/background?I can't believe I missed a week....it has been a whirlwind end of August. I'm back to work, and it was challenging. I had a meeting today with 2 chairs and 2 colleagues about my "former" work space. They are moving on with their plans. The meeting was to "clear the air" of past concerns, and to discuss the future plan for "my space" now that I have an office. (I still need a work space but I have to adapt to new changes). I told the Chair that I do NOT wish to "air" past concerns; I want to move forward. Apparently my colleagues painted a less than favorable picture of me due to my reluctance to go along with their changes. My Chair said "it's hearsay and does not need to be revisited".
A dear friend helped me define exactly what I need (minimum) to do my job. She helped me to present it very simply and without argument or emotion. She and I agreed that men handle things better when they are simply spelled out, quantifiable, and presented in such a way as to let them feel they are in control. This is a tactic to communicate my needs, and I don't necessarily agree. But I prepped for the meeting and presented my needs simply and I let go of wanting to control their future plans in "my space". As it turned out, I was listened to for the first time today. I handed out a half sheet of paper with a simple table of my minimum needs, detailed and to the point. It looks like they will let me have my room to myself for 3 hours a day and they can have it the rest of the time. I am happy with that. And I will not be responsible for any of the equipment, valuable collections, etc. in "my room". I will lock what I need in cabinets. I relinquish liability for anything that happens in there when they allow students to come in to do work or play. It feels very good for me to only focus on MY needs and not to take on the entire problem. My friend was right, and a weight is lifted for now.I took kitty to the vet and she has sinusitis. He said it may be chronic or an infection and gave antibiotics. She has her energy back and is eating well. But she is still congested and that is not geting better. I had let her outside to walk around the house for a few minutes over a few days. She started sneezing and may have developed allergy to something outside. I was told by the vet tech to not let her outside. I am waiting on her recovery....but I am not so worried.
DH had his 69th birthday Friday. DS and his girlfriend came from Chicago and we had a fun day of par 3 golf and dinner by the bay. We made it to the beach Sunday before they left.
I had my first class today and it went well. Tomorrow I start my long 12 hour days again. I had to bump my good friend (mentioned above) as my class was canceled and I took hers. I hate that part. I only have 9 students tomorrow night - a challenging small class size.
I just want to thank Jackie and the ladies here who check in regularly. When I am not here for a week or more, and I come back, I am grateful that this thread is so welcoming to all.
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Good Morning everyone. I have been trying to keep up with everything. We were away on the AMerican Queen Paddlewheeler on the Mississippi. This is our 4th trip, went from St. Louis north and back. We do enjoy it and it fits our physical needs for travel anymore.Dh cant walk much with his back problems and me with my digestive issues. Sit and watch the river go by and tour on their riverboat buses.
Happy birthday RitaJean and welcome newcomers!
I have a colonoscopy next Wed. and am worried this time. Gastro saw some colon thickening, not due to inflammation on a CT in March, when I had colitis. All lab work has been neg, but plus some other symptoms, I'm worried.Mets are always looking over our shoulders, as you all know!
Trying to catch up today on wash and groceries, and have a perm this afternoon. Happy September to you all!
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A smile is the light in your window that tells others that there is a caring, sharing person inside. ~ Denis Waitley
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Good morning. I'm a bit surprised ( we can learn so much here ) Joan at how things fell into place for you at work. I'm not sure I would have looked at the situation so calmly and with the huge amt. of clarity as your friend. Lucky you and she collaborated. In thinking about it --- I do see how it would work. Even my Dh seldom wants all the nuances and details that the female gender usually feel need some attention. Always tends to irritate me because I often feel he is NOT seeing what I see when he wants to skip those things. It does sound like you have been able for the most part, to fulfill your needs while making sure strong boundaries are out and well defined for space responsibility freeing you from constant underlying concerns.
So glad to hear that the kitty ( ? Gracie ) has been diagnosed and will likely do just fine. Despite the multiple pet household here, we don't have too much go on, but if we do I'm really restless and un-settled until it all gets straightened out. They are our little 'furry' kids and it is hard to see their QOL be disrupted by some illness/infection or whatever.
termite, your Paddlewheeler trip sounded enjoyable. I think I would really enjoy something like it --- not so sure I'd do well on a big cruise ship going to foreign ports. We will all be thinking about you on Wednesday and sending out good energies for a very b-9 procedure.
Happy B-Day to your Dh Joan.
I second the motion ( so to speak ) that termite made --- Happy September to all. We are on the very close side of Fall beginning now. Not so eager for that --- but thank goodness it happens every yr.
See you all later.
Blessings
Jackie
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Jackie, that was me! But that's OK:) Jean
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Judi, I'm also having a colonoscopy, next Wed, and am apprehensive about the results. Have you been having gastric symptoms? I have had IBSd for years, worse in the last year or so. Had Colitis in March, with some thickening seen on CT. Gastro didn't push for a colonoscopy til now. Occult blood and c-diff labs were negative.Hope we both survive the preps and come out negative! Jean
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Joan, good to hear that your work space situation is being worked out.
September is just another hot summer month in the deep south. Even the first half of Oct. can be too hot for comfort. Our fall starts about the middle of Oct. and extends through Nov. and sometimes half of Dec. Our winter is mainly Jan. and Feb.
We're having MN summer weather with sunshine and some humidity. Still, it's fairly comfortable for most of the day. Hasn't gotten hot and humid enough for a/c so far.
DH and I played golf this morning at the nearby small golf course. Now he's down at the resort barn working on the cabinet project. He has enjoyed having the project more than I have enjoyed him having it. The good part is financial. His work is paying our summer rent. After Labor Day the resort owner will be moving to TX to be with his wife and children. I'm hoping we can get some use out of our boat before it has to be winterized.
Good luck to those undergoing procedures. We'll be waiting for some good results.
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I'm peddling on a bike at the gym while trying to type so this won't be a long post. I wanted to say that my beliefs align with Jackie's on so many levels. My only exception is my belief that we are assigned the things we need to work on in this life as I can't imagine choosing to lose a child. I think I may have flunked that part of my test since I still can't imagine the lesson I was to learn or how, in any way, it improved my life or made me a better person. I'll probably need another stay on earth to get that one.
Hope everyone is enjoying this last week of summer. After the extreme heat we've had this year, I'm looking forward to the cool crisp days of Indian Summer and football games. OSU begins their season this wknd so looking forward to tailgating and cheering them on to, hopefully, a victory.
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