Starting Chemo in Nov. 2011...anyone else?
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Nel- scream away! I understand what you mean about being a "model cancer patient"..I feel like I have no business complaining, but really this crap sucks bad. I battled all weekend trying to figure out if what I was feeling was side effects and would go away in a few days, but really it doesnt matter..feeling bad all the time sucks and it makes it hard to believe that I will ever feel human again..dig deep for that energy..you can do this!
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Nel- I am right there with you-- both on the emotional issues (I ahad them before the BC diagnosis) and tired of being the model cancer patient. I am so tired of feeling like crap and putting on my smiley face & demenor so those around do not have to share in my misery. What I really want to say is that cancer sucks! We are here by chance but we made the choice to fight this demon ioth everything wev'e got.
Have a great evenng!
Rose
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Hi everyone,
I picked up the antidepressant today and am suppose to take it at bedtime, so will start on that tonight. My depression isn't getting any better, maybe worse. I can't do anything without crying. If something strikes me as funny, I cry instead of laugh. The noises are little worse again today, and it just makes me mad that I had to develope all this and not finish my chemo treatments. But I also know it's the right decision because I would just continue to get worse. Scared either way. Hopefully I got enough.
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Yesterday I had to go back to the surgeon's office because I thought I was having some symptoms of lymphedema. He wasn't concerned about it, since it didn't affect my arm, just the area under my arm. He said that it would probably be swollen like that for months, even years, but that unless it bothered my in my everyday living, no need for physical therapy.
The problem, though, is that as I was leaving the building, I passed out in the parking lot. This is the 3rd time (2 x's after the second treatment) that this has happened. Since it was in the parking lot of the doctor's office building, the nurses (whom I had just seen) came out and stayed with me until my husband could bring the car around and collect me. They also called my onc's office and told them about it. They said that my lab numbers didn't look like I should have passed out. The onc said that she thinks it has to do with the tapering off of the steroids (I take 8 mg 2 x's a day before, 4 mg 1 x the day of + whatever they give me in the IV, then 8 mg 2 x's a day the day after, and 4 mg the next day). I don't know if that means that she may give me more or less next time, but I will definitely be glad if they can control this. They also want me to come into the office to get checked out by the nurse practitioner tomorrow.
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bahamamom, I'm sorry you passed out. Did you get hurt? I wish they didn't need to use steroids for our tx's. I think they're just as hard or maybe harder on us then the chemo.
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bahamamom- Yikes!!!!!! It must have been pretty scary for you to realize that you passed out yet again. I am glad to hear that the MO NP will see you tomorrow------ We are going through enough without our MO casually dismissing our concerns. Gentle hugs coming your way.
Rose
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Bahamamom- wow! this sounds scary..keep us posted as to what they say when they see you tomorrow..be well.
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GrandmaV- hang on..hopefully once you get the antidepressant in your system and the chemo crap out things will get better..I understand how frustrating it is to feel so bad.
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I hope being off the steroids will help me. I also felt like just giving up and the crying was making me feel like I was going crazy!
I had my first Taxol treatment todayl I slept a lot since they give benadryl in the bag. I am tired but I can get some sleep this evening and tomorrow. I was told the joint pain may start on Friday and last until Sunday. I can take my pain meds for that. Not allergic reaction.
I hope the meds help you GrandmaV. You started off on a good note and I hope you get back to that state of mind. Please take your time and don't try to rush it. This is my second diagnosis in 3 years. The first time, I had radiation. i have never experienced chemo before and I haven't liked this. I am hoping the 4 Taxol treatments have less SEs than the A/C.
Most days, I don't feel brave, strong or even pretty. I don't want to go out in public because I have gained so much weight and I feel bad about myself. I am told it will come off when treatment is over and I start moving again.
I know we'll get through it but it is the getting through it that bothers me!
Hang in there my Friends!
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Hang tight Beth- glad that the taxol went well..I had the same experience as you as far as the slepping goes..I slept through the whole treatment and much of the rest of the day..benadryl is nice. I found that my knees started to ache the next day and got more annoying for 2 more days following but then stopped..so it lasted maybe 4 days. Its been a week and I have no joint pain now.
You can see from my other posts that the emotional side effects of this treatment were much harder for me. I am finally starting to feel more stable, but I understand how you feel as far as brave, strong and pretty..I just feel beat up, and bald. Everyone says it.."you are so strong" or "you look so great" but I know its only because I dont look like a "cancer patient", I know we will get though also, but why does it have to take so long??
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bahamamama, hope you are OK. Passing out is scary. Hope they figure out what is the cause.
Grandma, hope the antidepressants work, I am sure your MD told you, but it takes a bit , a week or more before you will see nay relief. The fact that I gave in, accepted the help and take them is no small feat for me. But can't imagine not having them now. I amlooking forward tothe day when BC is behind me and the other bumps in my life are settled down and I can do without, but for now, it works.
Bethu, yes it is the "getting thru" this that *****. I am tired of being told I am strong or amazing, REALLY, what are our options. I googled Cancer s***s last week and there are a ton of items, t-shirts,magnets, bumper sticker etc that you can buy. I just haven't had the time to go back and figure out what I want. And I will wear it proudly. I am a cancer patient and no matter how I look, I do have cancer and it is an experience I could have done without.
I am clearly in my "angry " phase of all this
Gentle day
Nel
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Beth, I am there with you regarding the weight and how I feel about that. I run into people I know that do not know I have cancer..they take a double look.. then realize I am bald under my hat.. Then it's the oh you poor thing look.
GrandmaV, once those pills get into your system, you will start to feel better. I know I am not crying like I was, and have a better outlook.
Bahamamom, OMG passing out.. I am glad you were not hurt as you went down. Very scary indeed.
Nel, I totally agree with being in the angry phase. I am tired of everyone saying, you are a strong women, you will get through this. I am tired of being the model cancer patient, hanging tough for everyone else! I want hugs, and people to know I am folding inside..I wonder how everyone would feel if I just melted in the middle of the room. But truly I can't be that way.. sitting on the floor like a babbling idiot crying my eyes out because I am terrified! I feel as though I should never exhibit how I truly feel inside around anyone.. like it's not allowed. Yes, cancer sucks!!!!! Ok sorry for the vent..
Tuesday is my last chemo...next is surgery..
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Beth, I am there with you regarding the weight and how I feel about that. I run into people I know that do not know I have cancer..they take a double look.. then realize I am bald under my hat.. Then it's the oh you poor thing look.
GrandmaV, once those pills get into your system, you will start to feel better. I know I am not crying like I was, and have a better outlook.
Bahamamom, OMG passing out.. I am glad you were not hurt as you went down. Very scary indeed.
Nel, I totally agree with being in the angry phase. I am tired of everyone saying, you are a strong women, you will get through this. I am tired of being the model cancer patient, hanging tough for everyone else! I want hugs, and people to know I am folding inside..I wonder how everyone would feel if I just melted in the middle of the room. But truly I can't be that way.. sitting on the floor like a babbling idiot crying my eyes out because I am terrified! I feel as though I should never exhibit how I truly feel inside around anyone.. like it's not allowed. Yes, cancer sucks!!!!! Ok sorry for the vent..
Tuesday is my last chemo...next is surgery..
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Thanks to everyone for your kind words about my passing out. I did go back to see the nurse practitioner's office today. They took my blood pressure when I got there (92/62) and again a few minutes later while I was standing (80/60). She said clearly, it is dropping and doesn't see why I should even be on the blood pressure pills in the first place. I did try to tell her that until these chemo treatments, it had been very well controlled, neither high nor low. She also pointed out that I had lost 5 pounds since Friday and said I must have been dehydrated as well. I do drink about 50+ ounces of fluid per day, but much of that has been being tea. It is the only thing that isn't making me gag to try to get down. She said to drink just plain water, to use one of those crystal light kind of things if I want to, but not so much tea. So here I am typing away and drinking my 16 ounce cup with just plain water in it. I am planning to go back to work tomorrow. Except for the weakness, I am feeling pretty good. I would hate to pass out at work. That would be a show middle schoolers would not quickly forget!
So many of you are struggling with the emotional side of all this. I hope that you can get some relief soon. This has not been a big problem for me, so I don't have much I can say about that. I am just so glad that we can express ourselves to each other on this board, and I thank God every day for each of you who are here as we try to navigate this illness for ourselves and each other. I hope everyone has a better day tomorrow than we did yesterday.
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My sister in law got me a Cancer S@#*)S mug at Christmas. Someone mentioned today that we could make pink bracelets and I said is I saw anything pink again for a while, I might vomit and it wouldn't be from treatment. I did the pink for a while but this second round is not so much. I give a lot of it to those first diagnosed.
But on the flipside, I was thinking about last August when I was facing bilater mastectomies and after surgery in September how I couldn't lay in my bed or shower until the drain tubes were removed. I did a timeline from August until now and I think, "You've come a long way baby!" So it may take a while but we are doing it and we are strong and tough but we do have our down moments and those are okay.
Take care of yourselves. I too have to drink lots of water today. My face is so flushed it looks like I have a bad sunburn!
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My sister in law got me a Cancer S#@*S mug at Christmas. Someone mentioned today that we could make pink bracelets and I said is I saw anything pink again for a while, I might vomit and it wouldn't be from treatment. I did the pink for a while but this second round is not so much. I give a lot of it to those first diagnosed.
But on the flipside, I was thinking about last August when I was facing bilater mastectomies and after surgery in September how I couldn't lay in my bed or shower until the drain tubes were removed. I did a timeline from August until now and I think, "You've come a long way baby!" So it may take a while but we are doing it and we are strong and tough but we do have our down moments and those are okay.
Take care of yourselves. I too have to drink lots of water today. My face is so flushed it looks like I have a bad sunburn!
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During the day Tuesday (12 days from 3rd T/C) developed massive hives -- extremely uncomfortable. Went to see onco on Wed to be told it was allergic reaction to taxotere -- also that heartrate was way elevated although i didn't feel it. Was given steriod pack -- not my favorite but the rash has to go -- and told we'd be good with 4th and final treatment next Thursday.
Was sent to PCP today for EKG and exam. Turns out irregular heartbeat (atrial flutter) is \ side effect of taxotere. He's not so sure more is a good idea, gave me heart drug, and will consult with onco. Ugh -- hate to come this far and not finish.
GrandmaV -- i understand what you're going through. Didn't come this far not to finish but I can't see messing with my heart.
Quaatsi -- you need to know you motivated me this week! I was slogging through no doubt due to allergic reaction and you posted on the importance of physical movement! Had been pretty consistent until last week about that and your post got be me out there Tuesday! Thanks!
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CHH - I am sorry that you now have other doctors to see as well as the cancer ones. It is very aggravating that either the chemo drugs or the drugs we take to get the chemo drugs down all have their own consequences, that sometimes seem as dangerous as the cancer itself is. The unknown is the scariest part. We have to wonder whether we would be better off to risk the side effects of the drugs or take our chances with the cancer. I try not to dwell on the things that seem distant, like that the radiation can damage the heart and lungs or that the use of chemo drugs can cause another kind of cancer down the road. But when it is an immediate side effect, like your hives/irregular heartbeat, then it can't be ignored. It does get our attention. Hopefully, a good decision that you are at peace with will be made for the last treatment.
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Well Ladies Tuesday is my last chemo.. then it's off to surgery the end of Feb.. I am tired and now anemic..trying to lose weight and "try" to keep up with some exercise. MRI report was not so good.. they did a biopsy of a an area a while back that was benign.. MRI report showed that area shrunk with the chemo!! So the findings were it is obviously cancer. The tumors have shrunk from chemo which is fantastic.. but learning that there is more than 1 tumor took me for a loop.
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Lory48- congrats on your last chemo. Yippee!!! I can sympathize with you on the discovery of another tumor taking you for a loop. They found my 2nd tumor during my BMX--- it did not show up on any of the imaging tests--- mammogram, breast mri, ct scan. I am so grateful that I opted for a MX, because I would have still had cancer in my breast. You are fortunate that they found it before your surgery, so they can deal with it. We rely on all the annual mammagrams and other imaging tests as being infallable, but they are not. My tumors were slow growing so they had to be in the ducts for at least five years before they broke out into the breast tissue. And yes, I was diligent about annual mammograms, diagnostic mammograms & monthly self exams. As someone once said, it's our turn to be in the front car of the rollercoaster! {{{HUGS}}}
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Hi All,
Lory48 - UGH I get the hearing that there is more than 1 tumor. How much is expected of us, someitmes it seems like one thing after another. Hold on and know that we all have you in our thoughts. I 'm scheduled for surgery as well in Feb. There is a February thread.
Had # 11 taxol/herceptin today. One more week to go. Then two treatments with just herceptin before my Feb surgery When I started the 12 week herceptin/taxol I thought for sure it would never end. And here I am Wahoo,wahoo!!!
Genlte evening and a SE free weekend.
Nel
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Bahamamom3:
In your post you said that chemo drugs can sometimes cause another cancer down the road. Is this a general comment or specific to one of the chemos used for breast cancer. I am just curious as I want to look ahead with my eyes wide open. I don't want any unexpected surprises. Any light you can shed for me word be appreciated.
Thank you,
Susan
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Sueshane,
Although I cannot speak on what Bahamamom was referring to directly, I can add what I learned from my oncologist. Certain chemotherapy drugs can cause leukemia years down the road. In my case, my oncologist warned me that Adriamycin has an increased risk of leukemia. That being said it is a small percentage of people that will develop leukemia, but it's still a risk. I look at it like that's a battle I'll have to face if that day ever comes. Today I'm busy battling breast cancer.
Kimberly0 -
Kim 137:
Thanks for the information. I appreciate your response.
Susan
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CHH- Are you getting the Neulasta shot? Your posting about an allergic reaction to one of the chemo drugs has brought me out of the shadows. I have been reading the boards since August, but have not joined in conversations. They have been so helpful going through this process of trying, as much as anyone can, to insure no recurrence and survival.
My experiences with T/C had been ok to average until an allergic reacation to Neulasta after the second treatment. My allergic reaction came on full force 2 weeks after the 2nd infusion. At the time I was taking three different drugs, two for the first time, so guessing which one was difficult. We blamed it on the anti-nausea med because it made the most sense. After the 3rd infusion followed by the Neulasta shot, the head to toes hives became intense the evening of the shot. Then they mellowed out and became worse a week later. I was put on steroids and Benadryl simultaneously and was still miserable. Still on one medication (unrelated to chemo) and notorious for causing rashes, I consulted with the onc pharmacist. She thought it was a reaction to the Neulasta shot, not the other med, because of the timing of the hives and the ebb and flow of intensity.
Now one week past my 4th round, I skipped the Neulasta shot and the hives are going away slowly. I was given the option of foregoing this round because there was concern that I might also be allergic to Taxotere. I couldn't take the risk of not completing full tx.
I was waiting to post until I was certain my reaction was to the Neulasta. We are so easily scared because of others' experiences. Getting this shot has allowed me to work and avoid SEs related to low WBC. I've now restricted my activities because my WBC will be slow to recover. I preferred it when I could proceed in life as is I wasn't getting chemo.
CHH, if you are getting the Neulasta shot, ask if it might be the culprit. You might even consult with the onc pharmacist as I did.
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Susan- Kimberly did a great job of explaining about the possibility of the cancer drugs themselves causing some future form of cancer. I do think it was leukemia because it seemed like it was some kind of blood cancer, and I didn't see a connection to any particular types of cancer treatment drugs. I just remember when I was first diagnosed (and in a sate of what? ...who me? my family has no history...most of my 7 brothers and sisters smoked for years, some drank quite a bit, I never did either..are you sure, me?), I read a lot online about chemotherapy in general and remember reading that somewhere. Nothing specific that I know of. And I agree, too, that it was a small risk, and compared to the 100% chance that we know for sure we have breast cancer, then for now that is what we need to be treating and then we can worry about the maybes that could develop later on.
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Beth. If I may ask did you get single or double mastectomy? I am considering double, not sure if I can handle same time, anybody have any info, I'm in dec. Chemo group
Thanks
Cindy0 -
bahamamom3:
Thank you for your reply. My husband always says "a coward dies a thousand deaths, a brave man dies just one"- meaning don't freat over the what ifs in life. I think your advice is good- not worrying about the maybe of life. Thank you,
Susan
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FLislander:
I had a double MX- I am 42 years old- The idea of maybe being dx with a new CA in the second breast later in life factored into my decision. Why go through this again in life- If I live a full life, I may have 40 plus more years- Having one or both at the same time? One would be the same aggravation as two in my opinion. So why not reduce your chances of a second dx in the second breast? The expanders have been the worst part of the process- I am told the exchange (final implant) will feel much better. Hopefully they are right.
Goodluck in whatever decision you make,
Susan
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Thank you Susan for responding
yes I'm in for both also don't want to do this again. I just have to wait I guess to find out if I'm going to need radiation. Wish I could fast forward the next year!0
