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Funeral on Saturday and asked to wear pink....

bottkota
bottkota Member Posts: 22

My husbands aunt died on Sunday from IBC. Learned on Facebook today that in honor of her and breast cancer awareness month if we have anything pink to wear it. How do I do this??? I hate pink and all it stands for this month but LOVED, LOVED, LOVED this woman. She fought so hard these last 4 years and I will miss her deeply. How do I honor/remember her without having to do the pink thing?



Cathi

Comments

  • kayrnic
    kayrnic Member Posts: 111
    edited October 2012

    I think your presence is enough to say how much you loved and honored her. Just tell people you didn't have anything pink to wear. It's probably not the right time and place to go into a tirade about why you hate pink, I definitely get that. But that doesn't mean you have to participate in something you fundamentally disagree with. Your aunt should be the focus of the day not what everyone is wearing.

  • mw900
    mw900 Member Posts: 9
    edited October 2012

    If you want to wear something "cancer related," you may want to look at the apparel from StandUp2Cancer if you have time to order something. None of it is pink but it does have a message.

    http://store.standup2cancer.org/shop.cfm/pk/category/ac/list/cid/400201

  • Terry71
    Terry71 Member Posts: 108
    edited October 2012

    bottkota: do you maybe have a pink ribbon you can wear in your hair? pink nail polish? a BC pink pin? even somthing small Im sure would suffice.... And Im sure she knew and knows just how much you love her. and will miss her.... Just remember its only for a few hours.... and your not doing it for you, your doing it for her. :-) Hope this helps 

  • 1Athena1
    1Athena1 Member Posts: 672
    edited October 2012

    Wear pink. It's about her and nothing else.

    But I do understand how you feel!

  • EnglishMajor
    EnglishMajor Member Posts: 122
    edited October 2012

    http://www.eraseibc.com/ibc.html

    Probably not time, but maybe you can get an IBC pin....

    Also...Terry Arnold of this IBC Group is pretty acitve on FB. Maybe contact her and see if she has a pin or button.

    http://www.theibcnetwork.org/category/press/

  • stagefree
    stagefree Member Posts: 360
    edited October 2012

    How about just pink shoes under the long classic black skirt, not showing unless walking / sitting down, also honoring her..

  • soleil505
    soleil505 Member Posts: 105
    edited October 2012

    Pink shoes is a really cool idea.  I'd say a stunning pink accessory would be perfect; even a necklace or a bow.  It is a time to be in union with the family.  Its for the family and her.

  • Surly
    Surly Member Posts: 73
    edited October 2012

    I think if you decide not to wear anything pink, that's fine. Your being there is what's important. I would bet many will not don something pink, and no one is going to go around with a clipboard checking. If it were me, I would not like feeling pressured to wear a symbol of something I opposed, and I wouldn't ask others to do so either. Showing up is what's important.

  • EnglishMajor
    EnglishMajor Member Posts: 122
    edited October 2012

    Also, as a pratical matter it is after Labor Day--you won't be able to wear your white shoes with your pink ensemble! Just kidding, excuse my lighter note...

    On the serious side, as others have counseled, I would do what feels right to you and be tactful where necesessary, for example if someone is handing out pink ribbons to gracefully accept it and wear it, if there is no discreet way to avoid it.

    I'm sorry for your loss--take care.

  • divinemrsm
    divinemrsm Member Posts: 5,892
    edited October 2012

    bottkota, did the aunt die from breast cancer complications?   Seems....odd for a family to make such a request for a funeral.  People are grieving, it's not necessary create a theme.  I have to say, tho, that at the school where I work, they had a 'wear pink' day this month, and I just went along with it.  Like soleil says, being in union with the fam.

  • LuAnnH
    LuAnnH Member Posts: 348
    edited October 2012

    If you don't like pink and have pink then don't do it.  If you want to try and honor the request get a piece of pink ribbon and make a ribbon with a straight pin to put on your blouse. 

  • K-Lo
    K-Lo Member Posts: 826
    edited October 2012

    Dear Bott,

    Whenever I'm stuck in a situation that is holding pink awareness as the highest source of inspiration, I try to work some of these ideas (below) into conversation.   I figure if one person learns something we make progress.   So if you wear a little pink thing, it may open the chance to spread the wisdom....

    Edited to be clear that Im not talking about carrying posters here!   Foot in Mouth

    Via EnglishMajor

    13 Facts Everyone Should Know about Metastatic Breast Cancer (Source: www.mbcn.org)

    1. No one dies from breast cancer that remains in the breast. Metastasis occurs when cancerous cells travel to a vital organ and that is what threatens life.

    2. Metastasis refers to the spread of cancer to different parts of the body, typically the bones, liver, lungs and brain.

    3. An estimated 155,000 Americans are currently living with metastatic breast cancer. Metastatic breast cancer accounts for approximately 40,000 deaths annually in the U.S.

    4. Treatment for metastatic breast cancer is lifelong and focuses on control of the disease and quality of life.

    5. About 6% to 10% of people are Stage IV from their initial diagnosis.

    6. Early detection does not guarantee a cure. Metastatic breast cancer can occur 5, 10 or 15 years after a person's original diagnosis and successful treatment checkups and annual mammograms.

    7. 20% to 30% of people initially diagnosed with early stage disease will develop metastatic breast cancer.

    8. Young people, as well as men, can be diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer.

    9. Like early stage breast cancer, there are different types of metastatic breast cancer.

    10. Treatment choices are guided by breast cancer type, location and extent of metastasis in the body, previous treatments and other factors.

    11. Metastatic breast cancer is not an automatic death sentence. Although most people will ultimately die of their disease, some will live long and productive lives.

    12. There are no definitive prognostic statistics for metastatic breast cancer. Every patient and their disease is unique.

    13. To learn more about National Metastatic Breast Cancer Awareness Day on October 13 and to access resources specifically for people living with metastatic breast cancer and their caregivers, visit www.mbcn.org.

  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 4,638
    edited October 2012

    Honor her by honoring her wishes. Although I understand how you feel, this is about what she wanted.

    Caryn

  • K-Lo
    K-Lo Member Posts: 826
    edited October 2012

    Re above, upon entering ANOTHER salon in search of hair improvement, I was pitched the fabulous opportunity to give to breast cancer by purchasing a bottle of pink had lotion.    I saId, actually I have stage four BC so I feel that I give alot.   "OH, well if you buy this....."

    I said, "You want me to buy something?"

    "well you can tell people////"

    So i gave her a little elevator speech about awareness vs what we need to stop deaths..."  all in all it worked out as she accepted the idea of research at our local NCI being the important factor.   i MEAN, iM STILL NOT WELL VERSED BUT IT IS PROBABLY A SHOCK FOR ANYONE TO TALK TO THE REAL DEAL, LATE STAGE AND ALL.

  • CoolBreeze
    CoolBreeze Member Posts: 250
    edited October 2012

    I hate what pink stands for with a passion.  But, I actually like the color on me, it looks good with my silver hair.  I never wear it in October but I will the rest of the year.  

    A funeral isn't the place to make a stand on pink so I would wear some pink accessories to honor her wishes.  You don't have to go all out with pink, just a touch is okay.  I also wouldn't go buy anything pink but if you can work it into something you have, or you have a pink shirt, I don't see harm.  It is also fine to wear black and put on a touch of pink, with a scarf or hair accessory or nail polish or something.

    I see all sorts of requests at funerals - wear Hawaiian clothes, wear purple, etc.  It's common.  Just think of it as her favorite color and not a political statement.  

    If anybody comes up to you to discusss it, and they start the conversation, you can tell them kindly how you feel about it but that you are honoring your husband's aunt.

    I bet nobody mentions it though.

    I also bet they have pink ribbons at the door but that is where I would draw my line.  I'm not wearing a pink ribbon.  It would go in my purse.

  • K-Lo
    K-Lo Member Posts: 826
    edited October 2012

    i agree its not a political forum.   But Id bet money that people will discuss the issues, the questions, ....why?  IMO  It can open the door for progress....   baby steps.   Its not about being angry about pink-commercialization,  These are people who are looking for a reed, a twig to hold onto in the midst of  a mysterious loss.

  • bhd1
    bhd1 Member Posts: 173
    edited October 2012

    Looks like everyone thinks Iu should wear pink. I prefer the idea of wearing a pin it scarf from stand up to cancer

  • bottkota
    bottkota Member Posts: 22
    edited October 2012

    Thanks.....as I don't have anything pink, nor does my husband or son...we decided that we would do a pink ribbon on our shirts. My youngest daughter LOVES pink and will be decked out in pink, my two oldest don't like pink for other reasons, so they will have the ribbon as well.



    I didn't want to go buy pink but really wanted to honor her in some way, so a pink ribbon is the best i can do. It is about her and only her on Saturday. I will keep my thoughts and opinions to myself unless the door is opened for a discussion.



    And yes, she died because of the IBC. her last scan earlier this month showed tumors all over her body, plus she was going once a week or so to have her lungs drained. She entered hospice last Friday and died on Sunday. So fast...but such a fighter all the way!!



    Thanks again for the advice.



    Cathi

  • soleil505
    soleil505 Member Posts: 105
    edited October 2012

    Cathi,

    I actually think that your entire family wearing a pink ribbon is a great statement for her family.  Its better than wearing pink clothes, actually.

    I'm sorry for your loss.  This must be a sad, emotional time for you.  Take care.  Hugs to you right now.

  • Angelfalls
    Angelfalls Member Posts: 83
    edited October 2012

    I agree that the pink ribbon is a good idea. The fact that you're at the funeral of a loved one who died of BC is enough of a statement about the whole pink myth and everyone there will already know that.



    Wishing comfort and strength to you and your family as you come to terms with your loss. May your loved one rest in peace.