Lumpectomy Lounge....let's talk!
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Do any of you feel so alone? I feel like I'm in a movie, where all the other characters are in play mode and I'm in pause.0
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Peggy, I'll ask my mom where she found the scrave, that came along with the hats she sent me
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Thanks, BikerBabe! It's really pretty. HUGS!!!
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Shaz, Oh yes! I do feel alone on this journey. My household consists of my DH and two grown sons. None of them have girlie boobs. None of them ever needed to have feminine charm, and none of them are currently bald like I am.
My dear sister and brother (who each lost their spouse) try to put on a happy face and call this "my bump in the road". But I know them both too well and they are unnecessarily worried and are associating me with their experiences caring for their loved ones. They both keep in touch, but I keep telling them to save the worrying until I really need it.
My best friend of 60 years could not contact me for a month after I told her of my dx. She could not stop crying.
Yep, it is lonely.
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P.S. Shaz, if your feeling like your in a movie, be Scarlett O'Hara from Gone With The Wind and raise that fist to the sky with that determination to succeed.
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Shaz,
I can relate.
I have been married for 31 years, 25 of which have been abusive. I realized my husband was alcoholic this past summer when my daughter was home for the summer from college and she pointed it out to me. (right under my nose) That began a journey for improving my mental and physical health. I began seeing an accupunturist/natural doc and a therapist who both helped me tremendously. It also led me to seeing a regular doc for first time in 2 years, getting blood work and the mammo in November.
Anyway, throughout the fall I began speaking out and back to my husband. Establishing boundaries for the behavior I would accept. He replied with his usual extreme anger and rage, at times I feared he would get physical.
When I learned about my breast cancer diagnosis the day after Christmas, he gave me a sideways hug and asked, "You're ok?" then left to go play golf.
I decided right then that I couldn't stay with him and heal from cancer at the same time. I got a year's lease on a little apartment a half mile from my job and hired movers. I delayed my surgery six weeks to give me time to move out and get settled.
So I am now recuperating from surgery alone in a 2 bedroom 1 bath apartment and he is alone in our big 4 bedroom 3 bath home. Our friends are starting to find out about me leaving and they seem to feel sorry for him since I officially left the home. But I never told them all the gory details about what he did to me for the past 25 years.
So this is a long way to say, yes at times I feel alone as well.
I just had my lumpy Thursday so I'm still home recuperating. My mom is here but I'm about ready for her to leave (love her but she's a little too overbearing and this place is SMALL). I have NEVER lived alone and am looking at this next year of healing as time to focus on me.
And yes it all seems surreal at times....understand completely like you're in pause. BUT the pause gives you a chance to stop and focus just on yourself. And if you're like most women, probably for the first time ever.
So take care and focus on yourself. It's not only okay but necessary for healing.
Alli
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SweetHope and Shaz, my DH really wasn't able to offer me the support I needed. He'd look at me like I was dying and that was not helpful. Luckily I was so busy caring for him that I had little time to feel sorry for myself. I thank heaven I found this group because here I found so much support. I also had friends who were there for me. Hopefully you both will find support that helps you make this shitty journey.
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Peggy! I think that is the first time I heard you cuss! Shitty journey indeed!
My understanding friends are here.
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Alli, good for you for taking charge of your life and making the decision to care for you! That is extremely difficult. My decision to put DH in a nursing home because I just couldn't care for him at home any longer is nothing compared to separating from a spouse, but I totally understand how it changes your life. You should be patting yourself on your back for doing it. You will recover much faster and be happier without all the stress. HUGS to you for doing what is right for you!!!
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SweetHope, I do cuss regularly but I try to not do it here since I don't want to offend anyone. But I thought it appropriate in this case. HUGS!!
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thats what makes this place so wonderful, come here and you don't feel alone anymore
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I've been reading thru the db of those with my treatment plan, sigh...so much to worry about. Only 4 rounds, I can do it, I'm trying to be brave, but im scared
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Okay ladies,
I'm three days post-op from a lumpectomy and SNB. I took a shower yesterday but left the steri-strips on as directed.
BUT now my incisions are itching me like crazy. They look fine, no oozing or anything. Skin is just a little pink under but otherwise okay.
My mom had always said that when scars itch that means it's healing...hm??
Any suggestions or just live with it?
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mine itched for a while, but nothing to bad, didn't seem to last long
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BikerBabe, of course you're scared. Who wouldn't be. But I think you'll find it's quite doable. My DIL went through 5 or 6 rounds of colon cancer chemo. She marked chemo days as KILL CANCER DAYS - she has the most positive attitude of anyone I know. She looked forward to chemo days for that reason. Like most of us, she did what needed to be done to get the cancer gone. Think positive and remember why you are having chemo. It is not to punish you but to rid your body of BC!! Be sure to keep us abreast of your new journey as you progress!
Alli, itching is part of healing. Of course it drives you to distraction. Take some benadryl if it gets intolerable. My steri-strips on my Lx stayed on for a month. The SNB ones came off much sooner. I just let them fall off.
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Bikerbabe, I found Chemo to be more of a mental challenge than a physical threat. After watching years of afternoon movie dramas showing chemo patients always on the couch unable to lift their heads, I now know the reality of it and it is so doable. I'm in the middle to tx and drove an hour and a half each way yesterday to have lunch with my sister. On the January Chemo thread you will find one playing tennis, one ballroom dancing, a mom of two taking them to the park, and more. Yes we have our couch days, usually days 3 to 5 after infusions, but side effects aren't what they use to be. It is flu-ie for some, Big D or Big C for most. But your MO will arm you with nausea meds (which have worked great for me so far). And you will quickly learn to use all the suggestions made on BCO and you will bounce back. The end result is that you know you have worked with the experts to derive the best possible outcome. Then you can get totally back to your life.
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Shaz, no matter what your living situation or how helpful (or not) your family and friends are, I think it's still isolating to be ill or injured in a way that takes you out of your normal life and routine for a period of time. And yes, even though my experience with bc so far has been easier than most, it's still surreal at times. I'm surprised at how much of my own time is spent thinking about it, and even though I'm feeling well and some of my friends and most family know what's going on with me, it's not something I want to talk about with most people most of the time. Especially as I'm approaching my month of rads, I think people who haven't experienced it won't really get it. I don't even want them to know how much of my thoughts are consumed by this life-changing event.But I also know it will pass, and even though I'm sure we'll never completely "get over it," it will assume a much more manageable place in the person we become. That person, I would hope, will be stronger than before, and know that she's faced down something big and beaten it. I hope very soon, if you can't now, you'll be able to spend some healing time with your horse. It's helped me tremendously, though now, and probably this whole upcoming week, we're gripped by such cold temperatures that any time with my horse will be limited, at best. But spring will come.
Like others, I'm so grateful to have found this group, because it's one place where we can speak freely of fears and frustrations, and everyone here will understand.
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allicat, itching is normal and temporary. My strip (just one wide one) stayed on for 2 weeks and probably would have stayed on longer, but I "encouraged" it to come off the night before my follow-up visit with BS and RO. The way to do that, my doctor husband told me, is to gently massage a little bacitracin or similar ointment into the steri-strips, which loosens them up without causing any trauma to the skin underneath. Mine were already starting to come up at the edges by that point. My instructions were also to leave them on until they fell off naturally, but after about 14 days the incision should be pretty well healed if you're not having any wound issues.
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BikerBabe, of course you are scared - who wouldn't be? I really appreciate that you had the nerve to express that here. [edited by Mods]
I hope you find it's not as awful as anticipated but I hope you'll always feel safe expressing whatever the experience turns out to be for you. And yes, anytime you're faced with infusing poison into your body it IS scary.
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Hopeful, I don't think there has ever been a person anywhere who thought that Chemo was "just another item on life's bucket list". And it is a big deal!
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I agree, Sweet Hope, but I think that sometimes, in the effort to encourage others, women DO downplay how tough it is and subtly discourage others from expressing and accepting their fear of it.
I, personally, would do almost anything to avoid having to go through chemo. If I HAVE to, I will, but I won't do it unless I really need to.
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Hopeful, if you read the Chemo threads you'll know we discuss everything from poop to heart complications. No one is discouraged from expressing their fears or disappointments or anything else on their mind.
But when I read a post such as Bikerbabe's, I feel they are reaching out for comfort, encouragement and support. If I can share my experience with them, I feel I am paying it forward for all those that helped me become strong, optimistic and able to face each infusion.
You call it "poison", I call it Chemo. But I'm sure you will agree with me that it has saved millions. It is not the horrid experience it use to be, and word needs to be spread so that those in need of such treatment will not refuse it on the basis of outdated information and crippling fear.
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Hopeful82014
Totally agree with--
"in the effort to encourage others, women DO downplay how tough it is and subtly discourage others from expressing and accepting their fear of it."
BC and the SE of treatments in each journey are unique and individual to all of us, discouraging others from expressing/voicing SE that may not impact everyone because it might scare someone is sad and unfortunate. Given a choice, many of us would prefer to know and be prepared vs. not know and be blindsided after the fact. In some cases you can offset the severity of SE with knowledge and precautions. A great deal of that information is found in these discussion boards and not at the medical facility or with the doctors treating us. Comfort may not always be available within a family, friends or co-workers as they sometimes have great difficulty dealing with/accepting a BC diag. A day without pain and suffering (mentally and physically for BC) when you don't have to, is priceless. Kindness, understanding, consideration and the art of listening are true gifts we can honor each other with. . .
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Hi Shaz -
I can certainly understand the experience of feeling alone, or as if they are in pause, to use your words. SInce I have finished my radiation treatments, I do feel this more of the time. When I was going to the treatment center daily, it was easier to feel more connected to people, who have an greater understanding of what I am feeling and experiencing. That is why I still come here. Keep coming here! It helps.
MarieBernice6234
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sweet hope - whatever.
In my mind, just telling someone that they are strong and can do it is NOT comforting or encouraging. It does not speak to that person's expression of concern but rather brushes it aside. I've heard it myself a few times since last September and it feels to me like a cop out.
I'm sure Bikerbabe and all the rest of us have done enough reading to know that chemo is not as bad as it used to be. That doesn't diminish the utter dismay at what lies ahead.
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Hopeful, That comment was very hurtful.
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Sweet Hope, I did not mean it to be hurtful so apologize if you found it so. I will add that yours to me was both hurtful and felt rather condescending, something I would not have expected from you, so perhaps the nuances were lost in the keyboard.
I feel that there is a LOT of whitewashing of the whole experience of breast cancer and my tolerance for it is pretty low right now. I sometimes wonder how much better treatments might be if women were more vocal about the realities of treatment.
I'm in a pretty cranky space just now (despite a lovely Valentine's Day) so apologize for stepping on toes.
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Hopeful, I also feel that your comments have been rather negative. Most of us want facts and personal experiences. We know it is a hard path we are travelling and that no medical treatment is perfect for any condition. But we HOPE it will be. Right now, the options we have for treatment are limited but there are many promising avenues that are being trialed. Please don't discourage the women who are going down the chemo road. They did not ask to have breast cancer and are making the best choice available to them to kill it off. As I recall, you have not had surgery nor chemo yet for your BC. Hopefully, your course of femara will do wonders for eliminating your BC. Most of us do not have that option. Do not denigrate us because we are taking a different path than you are. We are here at BCO to support each other, not scare the shit out of us. We are already scared.
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OK - I get the message. Toe the party line or be invited to leave.
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Hopeful, I think we just want kindness and thoughtfulness here. And I know you can be both of those, you just seem to have gotten derailed recently. How can we help you? HUGS.
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