Lumpectomy Lounge....let's talk!
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Bounce- me too!! Thank you- your words really connected with all of us I'm sure. I've never been an overly emotional person but since BC came into my life (and out!!!!!) I cry at the drop of a pin. Hormones I'm sure!!
Healing thoughts to all.
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Thanks Bounce - just what I needed. My MO office called this afternoon to blithely tell me that they are no longer doing infusions on Fridays and she needed to switch me to Thursday. It's a small thing, right? Even though I already moved heaven and earth to change my syllabi for classes all around and arrange for people to cover or be on call for certain dates. Yet, I started crying on the phone with the poor onc nurse, and I could not stop crying for about an hour. Kept telling myself I can't control everything, but this little inconvenience just sent me over the edge.
Got myself under control with help from DH and thought I would look on BCO for a little inspiration -- and the first thing I read was your post, bounce! Thanks so much!!0 -
Hi Bounce. It's like you read my mind and heart. You said everything in one great post. I get things on my mind out here and there but you summed up everything we all go thru. Thank you
Teamkim I understand. When my surgery was moved after all the mental prep plus all the arrangements I made, hotel, pet sitter. I lost it emotionally. It was only moved 1 day. But that 1 day and rearrangement of plans, since I've had no control from the beginning. It crushed me. I look now and it was only a day but then it was the only thing I was controlling. Tomorrow is a new day.
Today was 4/25 rads. It was supposed to be 28 but ro cut it back to 25. She said if I need more at the end I will have them. I don't know how they decide these things.0 -
Hello Ladies, I'm 10days post LX. I'm healing nicely with minimal pain. However, emotionally I'm a train wreck. I don't know why I feel so bad. I'm short tempered with family, I'm crying constantly. I feel like the reality of breast cancer has just set in. Since the discovery of the lump 2 months ago, I think I believed this really wasn't a big deal. Well it sure feels like a big deal now!
I haven't received my path report yet, and won't until Oct 9th. My BS office called today to tell me that pre op scans show something 'suspicious' on my liver, and I need a cat scan. Trying not to let my imagination get ahead of me...but it is. I live in Canada and I know that it takes longer to get result reports. I'm just trying to keep it together until I have all the information, but not having an easy time doing that.
Sorry for the venting, just felt that all of you seem so confident and if I communicate with you, maybe some of it will rub off on me.lol. Any advice to keep me from driving away the people trying to help me is appreciated.
Thanks for listening...Lee:(0 -
Can anyone please describe their experience of "zingers?" I'm two weeks out from bilateral lumpectomies and felt like I'd started to feel better - last Friday I even woke up and realized I didn't have any pain in my left breast or left SNB, but last night I could not even tolerate the blanket being on top of my breasts (darn that back sleeping!) and all day today I've had sharp pains in the side of my right breast like someone is digging in there with a knife. I usually take the percocet at night so I can sleep fully and my body can heal while sleeping, so I haven't taken any pain meds today. Just wondering if this is normal, aka, the new normal?? Thanks
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Summergal, I have been experiencing these pains. Randomly throughout the day, it is like a stinging shooting pain. I've been told it is the nerves healing. It is very uncomfortable and usually stops me in my tracks. Mine only last a few seconds, then they are gone. I haven't used any pain meds for 4 days, other then Tylenol or Advil. When I feel them, I wish I had a Percocet, but they are gone so quickly it seems pointless. If they were to become more frequent or bothersome, I'd be back on the Percocet in a flash. Staying ahead of pain is very important in this journey.
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Hi Lee1963, I still feel like bc is sinking in. Yes it was a reality after surgery and I was in alot more pain then I expected. Waiting for test results was horrible. Like I was going to loose my mind. Now I'm in rads and I look at this gigantic machine that when it moves into the 2nd position its sooo close to my face I'm scared s**t when I'm laying there lol I was also short tempered with my mom and kids who did nothing but try to help me. I couldn't do the cleaning or laundry, etc and in my head everyone was doing it wrong. Lol But that is passing as I'm more healed from surgery and able to do more things myself. I hope they can schedule the tests for your liver soon so your stress will be a little less.
Summergirl, Lee1963 is right it's a sharp shooing pain completely out of no where. I checked with my bs when it was happening and she reassured me it was nerves reconnecting and healing. But damm it hurt! Now I get one here and there and not so intense.0 -
Thanks Fephena, nice to know I'm not the only one being made crazy by the waiting. Tomorrow I'll try to explain to my loved ones that I'm not going crazy, and I'll try to be more patient with everything they are doing wrong (not the way I do it) lol.
I'm busting out my gratitude journal...it's gotta help with the way I feel. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. Lee:)0 -
Thanks Fephna and Lee1963. You describe exactly what I'm experiencing, especially Lee when you said the pains "stop you in your tracks." That's how mine are, too. I also feel emotionally exactly as you both described. You know, when I was first diagnosed in June, everyone said, "You're so strong! You will beat this! You will get through this!" and at first that was encouraging, but I was in such a fog of grief and shock that I couldn't really take that in. After a while, when I'd hear, "You're so strong!" I'd think, by God, in the future when someone I know tells me they have breast cancer, I will tell them, "you know, it's okay to feel weak." I'm wondering if all the "strength" it took us to get to this point (diagnosis, through treatment decisions, to surgery) has reached its peak and now we're all feeling the strain and stress of having to stay so solid for so long. I continue to be amazed at the resilience of the human spirit and body, especially when I read on this board what everyone is going through. But, dammit, I think this is only the beginning of the emotional stuff. I was driving along today and I heard this great song on the radio, and I suddenly thought, "I wonder if/when I'll be able to dance again" and I started to cry. The pain in my breast today makes me feel like this is the way it will always be, even though I know/hope it's temporary. The other thing everyone used to say to me after my diagnosis was "I'm so sorry." But in the confusion and urgency of biopsies, mammograms, MRIs, second opinions, reading up on treatment options and anticipating surgery, I never truly "felt sorry" for myself, and I don't mean in a whiny, childish way. I mean a mature sense of really letting myself feel sad about getting cancer (I still find it very shocking to say to myself, "I have cancer.") and I also think that's why it is starting to come out now. So, Lee, I guess what I can say is to honor where you are in this process. Some of us may seem confident, but I'm pretty sure everyone of us is scared out of our minds at some point! The people who love you and care for you will be there even if you push them away temporarily. One thing someone just told me recently was "use every single resource offered to you in this journey." So, for instance, if there is a BC support group in your area, join it. If your treatment center offers social service assessments for BC survivors, request one. We will only go through this this one time (hopefully!) and you deserve to have every need met while you're working to ensure your survival. ((HUGS)) and be easy with yourself. It's okay to cry and it's okay to be angry. You have every right.
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Hi Lumpies!
Summergal - shout it out...run to your BC center and take advantage of all services! Support group helps so much! Safe shoulders...and encouragement...took the fear edge away. Mine offers great services...exercise, meditation, and massage...:)
Fephna - breathe, blow some bubbles and be kind to yourself! This isn't a sprint...a marathon...with hurdles...crying is allowed...happy dancing...sad stomping...the full range of emotions...sometimes all within minutes. Rads is hard...a daily grind of jumping up on that table...try and find your zone...my rad team took pics so I could share with family...so they would understand just how overwhelming it all can be. Sending calm confident thoughts!
Lee - we are in your pocket {{{squeeze}}} scans&path! Hang in there.
Bounce - luv your posts...:)
TeamKim&Canuck...shout outs
PT 4 LE relief...tomorrow pins&needles ah some tai chi...single whip, parting clouds, playing lute, workin shutters! Lol!
(((Hugs))) and full pockets!
Cindy0 -
Aweee Bounce like summergirl I am sitting here with tears in my eyes. You really know how to write down just what yourself, I and others are feeling. My emotions have been on overdrive dealing with all this "boss" thing and with my sister having BC surgery today and my big brother being in the ICU, that I really needed your words and your hug. Thank you so much for taking the time to give of yourself this way
U are special.Thank you so much
Tammy
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Aweee Bounce like summergirl I am sitting here with tears in my eyes. You really know how to write down just what yourself, I and others are feeling. My emotions have been on overdrive dealing with all this "boss" thing and with my sister having BC surgery today and my big brother being in the ICU, that I really needed your words and your hug. Thank you so much for taking the time to give of yourself this way
U are special.Thank you so much
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L2girl - just checking in to see how you're doing? Haven't seen your name on here for a few days. Hope all is well, my SBBC twin!
ndgrrl - hope your sister came through surgery well today, and that your brother is starting to recover. You guys have been hit with the triple whammy. It's got to get better from here, right? Hope so!
RMlulu - as always, you make me smile. I hope the folks in Horseshoe Bay know what a gem they have in you!!
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Hi it is great to be able to come on here to vent- cry- stomp- scream and hopefully take time to dance when things do go right.
Yes my family has been hit hard right now and it hit me badlty today. I wanted to be with both my siblings and being they are both hours away it was not possible so it makes me totally sad. Sister is doing great! She is a trooper and I just hope her next steps are easy ones. My brother has a tough road to travel and I am praying for the best for him.
My neice who has breast cancer will soon start her radiation and my cousin who was dx in January had a clear scan so that was good news.
Zingers are not any fun. I had surgery on Aug 19th but had the balloon inserted on Sept 6 to 13th for internal rads so my healing had to start over.
This past week I have had zingers. wow they do stop you in your tracks!! Like a pin being stuck into my boob or a bee sting. Poor Dolly Boob(my nic for her) has been through a whole lot- she is now turning a nice shade of brown from the internal rads coming out.
I now have to get over feeling guilty about having this month off work and trying to keep myself busy but not over doing it. yes I feel guilty over the loss of income as well as I worry about if I will have a job when I return. I feel guilty sitting here relaxing when I know hubby is out trying to do overtime to make up for the lost income.
My dx and surgery and then internal radiation went so fast sometimes I feel like I need to stop and catch my breath over all this - I was told no chemo and have to learn to trust that the doctor knows what he is talking about- So trust is something else we are forced to have to learn. Hard to trust a doctor you have hardly met. I had a person tell me " U didn't have chemo" so your cancer was not a bad cancer, and you should get over this fast. UMMM I guess I am a wimp as I am not getting "over " this fast and any too soon. Plus isnt any cancer bad cancer? people... hmmmm...
Tomorrow I go to the lympodemia clinic for an hour appt - my armpit area is still numb and swollen- I am not sure what they are gonna do to me, which always makes me a bit anxious. My sister thanked me for telling her what was going to happen ever step of the way and it took away her fear. I am glad I take away her fear, but sometimes I wish I knew someone who went before myself, but that is why i am sooo happy to have this site to go too- Everyone here has been so great!!
Thank you all for the great advice and listening ear and wonderful shoulders and hugs..
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Ndgrrl - today was my 1st appt for trunk PT for LE!
Decided time to lose the 3rd girl...so history given and then slipped into a gown and eased back on the lounge to move the park cars and open up the roadway!
Soft hands stroking toward center of body front/back...no pain...fingers softly floating over underarm and beast...amazed...my SND swelling eased ...could see a difference...2X a week...so ready for the relief!
Here's to your appointment tomorrow ...LE relief! No zingers!
(((Hugs)))
Cindy0 -
RMlulu- Glad to hear that the treatment went well for you and that you could relax and let it work. I am gonna have to learn to relax and just let them do their job. Being naked for all these people seems I am shedding my top wherever I go!! Has been really difficult for me. Like my sister says pretty soon we will be so used to it that everytime we go into a clinic we will just shed our clothes at the door!!
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RMlulu - what is LE? Thanks.
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Ndgrrl, it makes me crazy when I hear a statement like "oh, her cancer wasn't the bad kind, she didn't need chemo", seriously...people haven't a clue!! I've had people ask me if I will be having chemo, I tell them I have no idea and I'm waiting for pathology results. They stare blankly and say "well hopefully it's not the bad kind". Unbelievable, I wasn't aware that a cancer diagnosis came in good and bad variety. I know it is their ignorance that motivates these comments, but really! As I've heard so often from these boards "you can't fix stupid".
Your sister has such a gift in you, being able to guide her through this is priceless. I pray all you are dealing with doesn't drag you down. It sounds like so very much to deal with, all the while trying to take care of yourself. Best of luck at the lymph clinic. Let us know how it goes. Lee:)0 -
Through all of this I have realized, and been humbled, by what I didn't know that I didn't know about breast cancer. Five years ago my friend was Stage 4, mastectomy, Tamoxifen, going to Sloane-Kettering every week for experimental drug protocol, and I knew, but I didn't have the slightest clue as to what was really going on with her. I think this disease is one that, unless you're living with it, most people have no reason to know anything about it. It's easy to say, "Oh, yeah, breast cancer, pink ribbons and all that," and maybe in the past 20 years or so, there has been so much awareness around BC that the general population thinks it's a "disease of the past" or a minimal disease. I've learned that people just don't know what to say. And so they make mistakes and say the wrong thing. And I'll admit that before I was living with breast cancer I might have made the same mistakes. I just didn't know. I think if someone said to me what they've been saying to you i.e., "not the 'bad' kind of cancer" I'd invite them to take a walk in my shoes. But they'd probably stay willfully ignorant, until, God forbid, it was their turn.
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Just popped in to hopefully give a bit of insight. Had my lumpectomy Aug 9th. My zingers & chording, pulling in the upper arm subsided around weeks 4-5. Week six I could finally lay on my bad side,felt so good. It does get better with time & most importantly exercise. i am now trying strength exercises, as I do get a pulling sensation around my lymph incision when doing strenous activity ie; lifting a watering can full of water or rolling out pie crust, mashing potatoes. I need to do more of the strength exercises. But I will get it back.
I have been considering doing Mud Hero with one of my daughters. She did it last year before my diagnosis. She is already registered for next year. I am so proud of her. I'm not sure if I will be up to it after Chemo & rads. Have to see.
I have round 2 of 4 chemo tomorrow. If any one has questions, please ask. I am always a basket case day before, today is no exception, off for lab work in an hour. Shaking like a leaf & ready to run for the hills or hide under the bed. Ativan is helping, somewhat. Good luck ladies!
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Summergal - LE lymph edema the dirty little secret of BC...
I had 7 nodes removed and rads...I have trunk swelling ...learning how to massage and redirect. Most if us think of the swollen arms and compression sleeves and gauntlets, but alas my LE has settled into my trunk...
Think it's only fitting that the lymph nodes are the garbage collectors ha!
3rd girl on her way out! More Lebed movements...blow some bubbles0 -
Lee1963- I had suspicious CT on liver and turned ot to be a heangioma which isn't cancerous. Many people have them and never know unless they have a CT. Hope that's all yours turns out to be. Praying for good news for you and lots of hugs, M
RMlulu-Sorry you are dealing with LE. Here's how stupid I am- I never knew that LE can occur at any time not just after surgery. That it is something we BC warriors need to be vigilent about for a long time. I am learning more from my brave sisters then anything Drs. tell me. (or forget to mention)
Had my first RAD today yeah!!! Only 29 more to go. For anyone about to start - the machine looks a bit scary but the treatment is not and it is over fairly quickly.
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Sorry mispelled hemangioma!! Hope that is right.
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Ugh, thought I'd developed lymphedema in my breast, it had become hard and swollen. Went in this morning for surgery for port placement. Surgeon saw my boob, conferred with other surgeon, and it changed to opening the girl back up to clean out infection. Last week I was pronounced infection-free, but no dice. At least I was already in the surgery unit, otherwise I would have ended up there anyways,
No chemo tomorrow, no port today, no ability to plan my life.
I go back to BS tomorrow, for them to teach me how to pack my wound. If I can't do it (right breast, 11 o'clock, hard to reach) they'll get me home health help. I feel like an old invalid. Three months ago I was strong, vital, and only in my very active 50's. Sorry for feeling sorry for myself, but drat.0 -
PatAlameda, so sorry to hear about your experience. It is so difficult when we have always been active and in control of our lives, to suddenly feel so helpless at times. I think you are entitled to feel a little sorry for your self...you've had a disappointing day. Hope they improve for you, and you take back your control over your life
Thanks Canuk, don't know what a hemangioma is, but I'm about to find out...hope this is what's up with me. My cat scan is next thurs, the 10th. I get my path results from my surgery on the 9th. If they are good!...I'll certainly have less concern about the liver.
Hugs All, Lee0 -
Hi everyone,
So sorry PatAlameda that you are having such a bad time. Soft hugs to you.
RMLulu glad LE treatments are working for you
yea!!70 Charger good luck on the chemo and Canack good luck on the rads.I am in awe of people who have such an upbeat attitude when faced with such a challenge
U rock!!Summergirl I am humbled by all this too. Words I didn't know what they meant are now common knowlege, its just such a fast learning experience!!
TODAY= My sister is doing great- YEA! She got out of the hospital 6 hours after getting up to her room, and went to a hotel where she said it was quieter to rest- she really has not had to take many pain meds. I am shocked. I guess I am a wuss as I Loved them for the first couple days. She is doing great though and now waiting for her next step.
My brother had another surgery and they think he is infection free YEA YEA!! They are thinking of moving him out of ICU to a regular room and he is hoping for a window! He wont be out to walk his baby girl down the aisle this weekend, which really broke his heart- but they are working on hooking it up so he can see it in his room by Skype or something. Glad his kids are good at IT!!!
Me.. Had my lyphodemia apptointment today- she did a whole bunch of measuring on my arm and wrist ect and the top part of my arm is alot larger than the other side. She said it was up to me, we could put a compression sleeve on now which would have to be on 23 hours a day for two weeks or I could wait a week and we could remeasure to see if the swelling has went down on its own. I chose to wait the week. I know I feel a whole lot better than I did after I over did it at work 8 days ago so hopeing it continues to go down.
So cross your fingers, toes and cross your heart bra for me as I hope it just goes away.
She did say at a later date if I still needed it - she would teach me how to do self massage to drain away the fluid. My range of motion is good as I have made myself use my arm- so she wasn't concerned about that,
I am going CRAZY though as my BRACA test results are in but I can not get an appointment until October 14th to get them!!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.. I called the place twice today and left messages saying please just give me the results of if they are positive or negative-
If they are postive my onc said he wanted to see me right away to schedule to have my overieries out and we would discuss double masetomy at that time . I also know it takes several weeks to get in to see him so this waiting 2 weeks to get my test results is just NUTS!!!! BUT of course no one returned my calls.. and now that is is past 5:30.......... I just know I am having some major anxiety and want to cry... I guess my sister didnt help saying if they dont give you the results over the phone.. isnt that a bad thing? I do know they had told me when I was tested that I would have to come back. I guess so people don't think its one way or another..
I think I have hit the wall and want to cry, and to top it off hubby got mad that some of these appointments can't be combined(its a 4 hours round trip to the clinic), which I can't do anything about and told him in a few too many words!!! grrrrrr Ok- time to go get some cheese to go with my whine!!!
Have a good one
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PatAlameda - You need a big hug - here it is. What a bummer but at least the infection is being taken care of.One of these days we will all be doing a happy dance!! Good luck tomorrow. We are in your pocket!
Lee1963 - a hemangioma is a cluster of blood vessels. Not dangerous.
ndgrrl - we all are brave warriors - there are just some days when our big girl panties just don't fit!!! Glad your sister and brother are both doing better. Keeping everything crossed that yor test results will be good and swelling from LE will be absorbed on its own. We all have our days of whine and cheese but I really prefer CHOCOLATE!!! You are in my thoughts. Hugs,
Marilyn
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70Charger - Wow! You completely read my mind! I was just out walking the dog and I was thinking, I wish someone who is a few months out from surgery could reassure me that this pain in my breasts will end and the burning sensation under my arms will go away...and there you are! I vow that I will come back to this board next year, God willing, to offer reassuring words to those going through what I (and so many others) are going through right now.
Canuck46 - You are so right about learning more about BC and treatment, side effects, etc. on these boards than from any doctor. It is so frustrating that the doctors only tell you the bare minimum. I left the hospital almost two weeks ago with no discharge instructions, no physical therapy instructions re: mobility, and now when I feel a sharp pain or the burning or the pain in my ribs, I don't even bother to call my surgeon's office (although I should); instead, I come here to the boards and ask for help.
ndgrrl - I totally feel your frustration about not being called back by the doctors' offices!! I am trying so hard to trust that they do know what they're doing and they wouldn't let me flounder out here without any care, but gee whiz, I've been waiting three days now for someone from the MO's office to call me back and give me an appt in October! When I called on Friday, they said they had no appts in the last two weeks of Oct and nothing at all in November. S/w the nurse navigator and she said, "That's unacceptable!! You're a new patient, you have to be seen soon!" so I called the MO's office again today (after being told Friday that someone would call me back yesterday) and they said, "yes, she'll get back to you." !!!! About the BRCA test, when I had mine they also told me they would not give the results over the phone. Fortunately my test was negative, but it was almost like "The Big Reveal" when the three-person panel I had to meet with presented the results! I wish I'd asked them why the big drama...but I figured maybe they have to give people bad news most of the time, and for them, it's gratifying to be with a patient when they get good news. Also, I think they wanted to see me in person because they do have to caution you that a negative result isn't a totally negative result...etc. I really hope your test comes back negative (which in this case is a good thing!) so that you can proceed with your planned treatment and not have to have additional surgery.
Hang in there, everybody. It will be okay. XO
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Things went ok today. WBC are a little high, not sure what is up with that. Apparently they were high last time as well. No antibiotics this time seen as how they gave me such grief this last time. I am now on to my half way mark of Chemo.
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I think I just hit the wall. I am so sick of thinking about cancer, learning about cancer, worrying about cancer. I just want one cancer-free day. I just want one day from back in May, before all of this happened.
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