Lumpectomy Lounge....let's talk!
Comments
-
Michelle, my hat's off to you. I would be beside myself if my 20yo went off to Switzerland to college! Of course, when my oldest was 20, w were still trying to get him out of high school (not even kidding.) Thankfully, he finally got his act together about 2 years ago (at age 28!)and just graduated from welding school last month. Yay! My DD is 23 and she graduated from culinary school last year. My youngest, Christian, is 21. He's severely mentally handicapped and autistic, like a 1yo. He lives with a younger, stronger couple about 45 min from us. We cared for him at home until he was 17, but as he got bigger it got harder. DH is fully disabled with heart & lung disease, and he can no longer care for him at all. He struggles to walk with him; sometimes even feeding Christian wears DH out. So, more and more of the work was on my shoulders and my health suffered. So, now he lives elsewhere with a very nice couple who love him like one of their own. We see him as often as we can and he is always glad to see us.
0 -
Sandy, I'm with you. I was very glad for menopause. I also sailed through with no problems. I hope your droopy lid bounces back. I'd rather see but it would be nice to see and have a good profile! Glad the gala went well and the glasses worked out perfectly!
I need to get a Prevnar vaccination. My Pneumovax is only 2 years old (and I have had 2 of them started at about 60). I got my flu shot at Walgreen's and for the first time in years I had absolutely no pain at the injection site. One year I was sore for 2 weeks (thanks to a CVS pharmacist who didn't know what he was doing). Most years my arm is a bit sore and I got them from the health dept during their big flu shot day. Very happy with my new Walgreen's. Maybe I'll get my Prevnar there too.
HUGS!
0 -
Poodles - both of my sisters (twins) take care of special needs clients/patients. I understand how hard it is to constantly monitor them. One sister works as a program assistant at a small, well run facility for developmentally challenged persons. I think it is wonderful that the other couple has the energy and positive attitude to take care of him. You have your hands full with yourself and your husband. A change of scenery can be good for him as well. Although disabled, he probably would get upset if he knew your husband was struggling with his health, let alone your health was compromised. Switzerland is a good place for my son right now. He is super smart, with a chip on his shoulder. He is going to learn and I think he has over this summer, someone will always be smarter, bigger, and more dangerous than you. He has longer curly blonde sun streaked hair and looks like Matthew McConaughey. He talks with his dad, sister, cousins and not me. Not me, because I will take him down a notch or two and am not afraid to ask the hard questions. He got drunk in February (I did not know that he drank alcohol) and passed out in the bathroom. I proceeded to drag his ass to the ER, where they ran a bunch of tests, monitored his heart (with leads on his legs), and did all sorts of tests. When I found out he had been drinking, I ripped the leads off of his legs and took a bunch of hair with them. That was the first of any type of trip like that to the hospital, and I let my husband sleep. I am the heavy when it comes to underage drinking, inappropriate behavior, etc. My husband tends to be more passive aggressive, or just mention something one time. I tend to be in my kid's face, because I know what it is like living in a large city and depending on yourself. So, I am glad he is in another country, while I try to heal myself from abnormal cells (still can't say the word bc.) When he returns, he will have 3 semesters left to receive his bachelors degree. Then I will promptly send him off to either NYU, Berkley, etc. where he can get his masters and a taste of how hard life can be.
0 -
Michelle, chippy shoulders make for a tough time. I'm glad I didn't have to cope with that particular thing. I'm a bit more laid back than you are but we each find the style of parenting that works for us and on the kids. BTW, I'd have gladly let either son go off to Europe or wherever they wanted to study - I'd have been happy they had the opportunity.
HUGS!
0 -
My steri strips came off my node incision.. and it's looking pretty good... and i haven't had cycles for so many years... definitely do not miss that and sorry you have to go through that as well
0 -
Poodles, I love the stories about Christian. I am sorry he wears your DH out.
0 -
i have to tell you, Christian is completely adorable. He doesn't have a hateful bone in his body. He's our 6'3", 136-lb butterfly. When he's happy he smiles, claps his shoulders, and hugs homself. It's really endearing.
0 -
B"H
mustlovepoodles
you are the most amazing mother.... i am soooo moved by your story and your unmeasurable love for your sonhow genuinely inspiring!0 -
Oh goodness. I heard from my mother. Her car is messing up--needs a timing chain and water pump. $1400. Her car is 10 years old with over 120,000 miles; she already put over $600 into this summer for something else. It's only worth about $3300. I don't know what she's going to do. She has no extra room in her budget for even the smallest car note. I'm so afraid she'll panic and either pony up the $1400 (which I think would be a HUGE mistake) or buy the first car she sees.
One of the big issues for her is deciding on whether she wants a car that can tow her camper. She hasn't camped in 2 years, but camping has been very important to her. Giving it up will be final, yet one more loss for her. A van or SUV which has the horsepower to tow will cost her an additional $5000, minimum. If she buys a less expensive car, she probably won't be able to tow with it.
In addition, Mother is terribly depressed. She has very little money to do anything after her rent and utilities are paid. She has talked about moving back into her house. But she also recognizes that it would be a bad idea, especially given all the health issues she has had in the last 6 weeks. Her current apt is 1 mile from my sister and 1 mile from he hospital. Her old house is 45 miles away and there is no one there who could respond rapidly in a crisis. At this point I'm wondering if we just need to move her out of the senior community and into a regular apartment to save her some money. The only concerning thing (well, not the only one) is that she has a dog which would need to be walked several times a day. She lives in south Alabama and it is so very hot there. The pavement is extremely hot, too hot for her dog's feet. Not to mention how hard it would be on her to walk the dog with her rollater.
Tomorrow I'm going to send her some gift cards to Walmart and some restaurants, so she can at least buy food for herself and her pets, and go out for a bowl of minestrone soup at Olive Garden. I feel like I need to go down there, but I simply can't. I have 5 home visits this week that cannot be changed. Mother lives 400+ miles away, so I can't just make it a day trip.
0 -
so sorry she is going through all this mlp.
0 -
Poodles, yuck. Those senior homes are expensive. Perhaps an apartment would be a good idea. I know what you mean about it being hard on doggie's feet when it's hot. I don't walk mine then either. But I have a backyard. $1400 in a car that old seems not terribly wise. Is Mom's house up for sale yet? If it sells will that give her some money to buy an SUV (is she still good to drive?) then she doesn't have to give up her camper. Is that feasible? I think it would be very unsafe for her to move back to her house. 45 miles from the hospital and your sister doesn't sound good at all, especially with the health issues she's been having. Good luck coping with it all. You must feel like you need to be six places at once. I'm sorry. Damn!
HUGS!
0 -
Sorry to hear about your mom going through this... and trying to do what's best for a relative is hard.. I live in senior apartments and figured what they pay for and what i pay, it evens out, but i also have a brother living here and he's not doing well either, transfusions for leukemia and chf... he may have a year, but don't think so.. and another in a nursing home, but have a sister helping him so the load is lighter, but the feelings of wanting to be there and help don't go away, i have an old suv that cost $3000 and runs pretty good, it has a trailer hitch but don't use it... no live pets, just a big stuffed dog that scares everyone... but there are people who will walk dogs for those who have trouble walking theirs, that might help with her dog Hugs too
0 -
When she moved into this place (and it's a nice place, not fancy, but definitely suits her) I tried to steer her toward a 1BR. She did think it over, but ultimately decided to go with a 2BR, which is almost $400 more. Her reasoning was that she wanted to have a 2nd BR in case any of us kids wanted to come see her. Well, two of us live on opposite coasts, I live 400+ miles away, another lives about 200 miles away, and one lives 1 mile away. Those of us who live far away don't get down there very often (well, I go down about once a month) and the one who lives there doesn't need to stay overnight with Mother. So, basically Mother is paying $400/mo, $4800/year, for the privilege of having that second bedroom. Not to mention that she has not sold the house and is still going over there 2-3 times a week to pick and pluck and move stuff around. There is still soooo much stuff in the house, and NONE of it is valuable. None of it. It's just old games, souvenirs, crafts, silk flowers, old Christmas decorations, about a billion military books, old VCR tapes, and oodles of boxes of pictures. And she has to touch Every.Single.Thing. Nothing can go out of there without her looking at it and approving where it goes. And if she isn't sure about it, the item goes into a random pile somewhere until she can decide. At the rate she's going, I predict it will be another 2 years. She has piles and piles and piles and piles of stuff in there.
She needs to get a real estate agent in there to give her some guidance. The house is in decent condition, just needs a thorough cleaning out. But she has not called one and seems to be paralyzed over the whole thing. Once again, she won't allow any of us to help her with the process.
0 -
Poodles - where is your mom's house in Alabama? May have someone interested. Also, how old is your mom.
IHGJANN49, what are you doing in a retirement center? You are too young!!
0 -
My mom is 82. Her house is in Mobile.
0 -
My friends just bought a condo for their son attending college in Birmingham and seem to have an interest in Alabama in general. As far as another vehicle for your mom, since she is 82, how likely is that she will ever go camping? A smaller used suv that can tow might be a good fit for her. It will give her some security and peace of mind knowing she can tow her camper. My MIL is moving into a "retirement community" and it is really expensive. My mom, 87, lives with my sister and my dad, who died at 89 in 2006, stayed with my sister while he was having a decline in health. We never saw those big bills, because my sisters have nursing training and do/did it all. If she could go down to a one bedroom with a pullout sofa and save $400 per month, she could make a car payment if necessary. With a pullout sofa, you or your family could stay over if necessary.
0 -
Also, if her house was clean out and furnished, she could rent it out on Airbnb. People from the north like going down into that area. It is a 40 minute drive from Gulf Shoes, yet has an inlet bay. She could be bringing in the benjamins. $$$
0 -
Poodles, I just shake my head at your mother. I know you want to beat some sense into her: get rid of the stuff and sell the house. Don't you suspect the problem is that you mother feels that if she gets rid of her stuff and sells her house that she is just announcing she is waiting to die? Kind of symbols of independence. I agree that it doesn't make sense for Mom to have a 2 bedroom unit at an extra $400/month. I take it you aren't likely to stay with her.
Judy, that's hard with 2 brothers not doing well. Glad your sister is able to help.
Michelle, that would be neat if your friends bought Poodle's mother's house!
HUGS!
0 -
((((Poodles))))
0 -
When my mom moved from an apt. in Brooklyn’s Midwood section back in 1994, she bought a furnished 2/2 in Kings Point, a retirement community in southern Delray Beach, FL, a block n. of Boca Raton. (It was the model for “Del Boca Vista” of Seinfeld fame). She paid $47,500, and took a mortgage--she’d never owned property before and we & my sis & BIL chipped in for the down payment.She insisted on a 2/2 so my sister & I and our DHs wouldn’t need to take hotel rooms (and she never forgave me for not getting rid of our cats in order to let my highly-allergic sister stay with us once every couple of years--even though we always sprung for her hotel room). For the next ten years, the value appreciated to nearly $100K. In 2005, the complex was devastated by Hurricane Wilma--her building was the only one in the complex untouched by the storm, yet she was still socked for a massive repair assessment. When she died in 2006, you couldn’t give those units away--all along Military Tr. we saw signs on the medians advertising 2/2s in Kings Point & Century Village for as little as $15K. We really didn’t want the place--without my mom to visit, we had no reason to go down there and would like to retire to a nicer home anywhere without a winter but SE FL. We had no problem paying the mortgage, but the maintenance & assessments were killing us (more than the mortgage & taxes on our 10-rm house up here). We found a cash-buyer in 2008 for $25K, but the bank insisted on appraising it at $36K and refused to approve the short sale. And then came the housing crash. We discovered that though Mom's estate took title to the place, neither my name as executor nor my sister’s as co-heir appeared as owners of record....so we just walked away without a hit to either of our credit ratings. The bank kept pleading with us to buy it back for their assessed valuation. It ended up being sold at foreclosure for.....$2000. Stupid bank could have gotten over ten times that much in cold cash had they approved the short sale. And now that the complex has been renovated, the property values went back up to what my mom paid. (I still would rather drink Drano than live down there, no offense to Floridians here).
Poodles, I think the suggestion of a used small SUV (great prices available on 2010 Rav4s, CR-Vs and Foresters) that can tow is a great one. Living in a continuing-care senior community that isn’t subsidized by a city or county housing authority carries a premium for the ability to transition from independent to assisted to skilled-nursing living (which of course carry their own surcharges) without leaving the complex. Is there a more economical regular apt. close enough to a hospital?
0 -
I do stay with her when I go down there, but we usually sleep in the same bed. If Mother didn't have the space, any and all of us could afford to rent a hotel for a few days. We are never all down there at the same time.
I know that selling the house is a very big deal. It's the embodiment of letting go. It's her last connection with her husband, dead now 14 years. She has never really moved on. It's the same reason she can't let go of the camper, even though he never even saw it. They used to camp all over the US and they had a lot of good times. She loves to take her camper out, but it has become much harder for her to manage it by herself now. All the friends who used to go camping with her (in their campers) are as old as she is and one by one they are selling their campers and getting off the road. So that's one more loss, to pile onto all the other losses this year.
Michelle, I had asked Mother if she thought about renting her place, to give her a little steady income. Her subdivision is directly across from the University of South Alabama, one of the biggest schools in Alabama. But she had neighbors who rented out their place to students a few years ago. Those kids did over $15,000 worth of damages to the house while they were there. There is no way she would even consider renting her house out now.
At the moment, my 31yo niece is living in the house to keep it occupied. Sounds like an ideal situation, right? Niece could be paying rent. Wrong! Mother is micromanaging her like you wouldn't believe. Laura can't do anything right, according to Mother. She nit-picks everything, especially her housekeeping, which is really a laugh because my mother is a bona-fide hoarder. I'm not exaggerating one bit, either. Laura is looking at apartments, and I think its the right decision. She would never get a moments peace and Mother would never let her forget that it's HER house.
0 -
Sandy, I know what you mean about Florida. DHs family is from Pensacola. HIs sister lives in a little town just north of Destin beach. Every time I go down there I am reminded of why we don't live there anymore--the heat and humidity is abominable. We lived in Miami for a year, when my DH got transferred down there. I hated every minute of it. When they gave us the order to move I literally started throwing things in the car. I called the movers immediately and we were out of there in 4 days. My boss was so upset, but I didn't care. I was getting out of that hell hole. We left Miami at 92 degrees and arrived in Atlanta at 59 degrees. I had to go out the first night and buy my 5yo some long sleeve PJs because it was cold! We have never regretted the decision and we've been here for 25 years.
0 -
Poodles, doing airbnb is not like renting to students. Sometimes writers look for places that are quiet and near woodlands or water for unblocking writer's block. I would not rent to students and we are in the real estate business. My MIL just sold and closed on her place in Boca Raton Country Club and is now here full time and moving into a Concordia retirement village.
Girls, I have to come up with other options besides Tamoxifen because I already take Zoloft that uses the same cell receptor. I am in my early 50's, still cycling, and need options. I would like to stay on my zoloft and take something with low SE that would not cause me great depression or anxiety. Any ideas are welcome.
0 -
As I read everyone's challenges with parents/family, I am reminded why this lounge is so valuable. Where else could you find people who totally understand YOU plus have likely experienced the agony of re-locating a parent etc? Thank heavens for this site that I never wanted to be on but has made me glad I found it. What wonderful people and suggestions! I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions though. My dad died suddenly so there was no care for him. My mother did need help but she hired it and died at home. DH's mother had to be moved to assisted living when she started putting flammable food containers in the oven, storing doughnuts in the dishwasher. Not drinking fluids (which we never did get her to do nor my DH). We were horrified when we saw the things she had done that we didn't realize though we all visited her apartment regularly.
HUGS!
0 -
Michelle, your only other choice (as far as I know) would be aromatase inhibitors and that would require you to be put in menopause medically. And they can have SEs. I haven't had any trouble and many don't. I don't know about interactions between Zoloft and AIs so can't speak to it. It sucks when the meds you need and work conflict
Oh, DS and DIL rented an apartment via airBNB in Montreal and loved it. I wouldn't rent to students either.
HUGS!
0 -
I have been studying the Star Report comparing Tamoxifen to Evista and it looks promising. Evista does not use the same cell receptors.
0 -
Michelle, maybe you can get in on a study of Evista.
HUGS!
0 -
I believe it... I'm 67 but age isn't everything and they have a lot of activities here, my family is all scattered and we didn't have children, so family is brothers, sisters and nephew and neices... i'm pretty much alone here so this is good.. a regular apt. would cost about as much and if i'm sick, there is help here i wouldn't have otherwise..
0 -
It sounds like you found the perfect place, Judy. And that's what we all hope for.
HUGS!
0 -
Evista was originally developed as an anti-osteoporosis drug. But it carries many of the same side effects as Tamoxifen, though there are fewer drug interactions and contraindications (it’s a SERM, so might have its pathway compromised by certain SSRI/SNRI/SDRI antidepressants). . However, AIs have a stronger track record in postmenopausal women than do SERMs. (And that holds also true for women in whom menopause has been chemically or surgically-induced). The fact is that there are no effective SE-free treatments for hormone+ bc. (Perhaps the need for that should be publicized during Pinktober--which needs to be about “save the patients,” not “...the Girls").
0
