Lumpectomy Lounge....let's talk!
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Hi all,
Feeling like a loser because I just couldn't handle taking my LAST online course towards my MPA anymore, and finally told professor & counselor I will need to do a medical withdrawal and try again after chemo/rad is done. No one cares of course, BUT me. My DH & BFF thought it was smart to do because on the days I wound up in the hospital (due to hyponatremia), I was just stressing about trying to get my class work done (along with keep working full time). This was my last regular class to complete tho & then I was doing my capstone in the Spring. But my chemo goes thru Feb & then i start rad, so figure I'm not going to be in any physical or mental shape to do well with school. I thought I would feel relieved by this decision, but instead feel super anxious & embarrassed that cancer got in the way of my goals. #cancersucksass
Also feeling anxious about chemo #3 tomorrow & hoping for no sodium issues again.
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I have had mastectomy. It's not an easy choice and reconstruction is a big deal but I decided to remove the good breast to cut my risks of a contralateral BC due to my genetic mutation. I am happy that I had snb but wish they could have skipped alnd. My snb was nearly as big as my primary breast tumor. It was a well done video. Glad you got something out of it.
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I had my Sim today and got my tattoos... I changed my insurance from medicare advantage to a medicare supplement so I'm also moving my rads back to Nov. 2 to start... It's getting there..
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dear IHG
What is a sim and tattoos
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KDTheatre, I certainly understand why you feel that way. HOWEVER, you are being realistic. And if you don't concentrate on your health (like getting thru chemo and rads), well then you're not going to be doing classes anyway since you won't be in any shape to do them. Give yourself a break. You are doing an extremely hard program. You've had really crappy, debilitating SEs from the chemo. Have you had trouble getting out of bed? Fixing dinner? Well! No one thinks you are a loser or a quitter. You are being smart. Rads will likely be much easier for you. Definitely hoping for an uneventful infusion tomorrow.
Judy, they are tattooing you this far in advance? I'm kind of surprised. You should be quite happy with your Medigap plan. The prescription plan - none of them are wonderful anymore
Glad all is well!HUGS!
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Positive2Strong, Sim = simulation. They do this so they can plot the best way to administer your radiation. Many centers use tattoos to line things up for the machine. They are TEENY and just pinch. But I got to brag to #1 Son that I now have tattoos just like him
HUGS!
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thanks there is always something the tattoos go away I hop
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I don't think the tattoos go away but I can't even find mine, that's how small they are (not that my vision is great :-)) Think freckles. Small freckles. You likely won't even notice them...
Octogirl
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Lorri, good luck tomorrow, in your pocket. Keep us posted.
Michelle, I've been on tamoxifen since July 16 & haven't had any se. & I just read a study showing that taking the hormone blocker lowers the chance in the opposite breast and it's more effective the longer you take it. Here's the article:
http://www.breastcancer.org/research-news/hormonal...
KDTheater, so sorry you had to put your goals on hold. It does really suck! It's hard, but as Peggy said, you have to take care of yourself. I was a high energy chronic multi-tasker before BC. I'm still not back to 100%. I've had to cut back and tell people no, I can't do all the things I did before, which very much goes against my nature.
Positive, the tattoos are tiny, like a small freckle.
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Peggy, I was supposed to have rads start on the 21st, but pushed it to Nov. 2 so I would have the new insurance, and The tattoos are just pinhead size... over and done... they are permanent but you'll never notice them
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kdtheatre - I am so sorry you are feeling bad. You are not a loser. Sometimes, when I feel like a loser, what I am really feeling is grief. Also disappointment. Those are normal human emotions. Lousy ones, but probably necessary when faced with trauma and loss. & you aren't alone. You have cheerleaders! Lumpy Lounge Cheerleaders! Sending hugs.
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Kd, please don't think of yourself as a loser just because you can't do school while you fight to save yourself. There's a season for everything. This is not the season for studying. This is a time when you need to be especially protective of yourself, encouraging yourself, resting and eating well, and keep putting one foot in front of the other until you get to the other side. Keep your chin up, girl. This won't last forever.
Incidentally, my daughter had to drop out of college twice due to illness. The first time she was deeply depressed and anxious--a semester at home focusing on her own healing got her back on her horse. Then she got very sick 2 semesters later, had to drop out and she felt just like you do--like a loser. She was so depressed and thought she would never reach her goals. All her friends were happily sailing through college and she could hardly even get out of bed. But after another semester of rest, refocusing, plus mom and dad helping to get her on her feet again, she was able to go back and this time she finished her degree.
Take your time. School will always be there...
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Kdtheatre, A Master's in Public Admin is a huge undertaking. You will finish soon enough. For me, it took me seven years to decide if I wanted to go to law school or get an MBA/CPA. I remember walking along the el-train in Chicago thinking, which is it going to be? When I finally made my decision, I was able to push forward. But first, I had to have my tonsils out and my sinus situation addressed. Surgery set me back a bit, and I was the Director of Marketing and Due Diligence for an investment portfolio in Chicago. Once you put this bc to rest, you will enjoy finishing your degree while you are well.
As I was sitting in the lobby of the hospital where I do my radiation tx, I started to think how very thankful I am to have found this very diverse group of women. Unless someone has been faced with a bc diagnosis and gone through all of the undertakings to be well, they just don't get it and understand the daily grind.
Today, I cringed, because I thought there was a guy in the women's changing area. A trucker's hat and plaid shirt were for sure a guys. As I was standing in my changing room half naked, I said "sir, this is a women's changing area." The guy was not a guy, but a woman, bearing the scars of a complete mastectomy, no hair and I almost died, right there in my shoes. I apologized repeatedly and she was wonderful about it. We got to chatting and she is from a farming area and took SSRI's for 20 years. She had the Her2 positive in one breast, and IDC in the other. The year before she was fine, like me. Both of us doing annual mammograms. I started stalking the CDC pages and other pages that organize bc by state, and survival by state. I don't know what it is in Illinois, but we have a lot of early detection, but are not in the high group as far as survival. I looked nationally at Washington State and some other states that have more than their fair share of bc. I am trying to make sense of everything, find a common denominator, etc. But so far, I have only found tidbits and studies that were tainted by outside influences.
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Not every cancer center’s rad onc dept. does tattoos. Mine did Sharpie “X” marks, covered with clear plastic that stayed on through three weeks of daily showers, then the plastic disks were taken off (didn’t even hurt) and the Sharpie came off with just the Amodex I use to remove fountain pen ink stains from my fingers.
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chi sandy
I am going to ask for the sharpie pen thanks
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Positive, you should do fine. "In your pocket" for your upcoming appointments, sessions & treatments.
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chi Sandy, you and Grannie and owl got me thru my surgery. I also had 2 friends I told that texted that morning and my son of course.
Thanks so much
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Positive don't get hung up on the tattoos. They are minute! Itty bitty dots . Mine are below my bra line and do not show for anything I wear. Good luck.
HUGS
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kdtheatre, I can't begin to imagine how you've got this far with your studies and working full time, and all the problems you've had with chemo. It is a huge achievement, but you really don't need that pressure at this time, if you can pick it up again later. Hope all goes well with the next treatment, I have my fingers crossed the hypernatremia is licked this time.
ChiSandy, I was told the best chance of symmetry was by delaying surgery till after rads were done, because no one knows whether you will have shrinkage or other changes due to rads. I have heard of women having a lumpectomy and reductions to both breasts for symmetry where they left the one which would be having rads a little larger to allow for it. But then it's a guessing game.
Michelle, I really feel for you with the changing room incident! That must have been one terrible moment, glad it turned out ok.
Tbalding, it's good to hear you haven't had any side effects from Tamoxifen. I've just started it, didn't have any problems with menopausal symptoms so I hope Tamoxifen will be the same. And I guess if you don't have too much estrogen around to start with maybe it doesn't make much of a difference.
Is anyone else post menopause taking Tamoxifen, or do you mostly get AIs?
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Dizzybee, I could have gone for a bilateral reduction to achieve symmetry, but I am a world-class wuss when it comes to surgery (as many here know, I even cancelled my trigger-thumb surgery when I was in pre-op because the symptoms had abated dramatically). I am 11 mos. post-rads, and I suspect “Louise” is as small as she’s gonna get—that seroma isn’t going anywhere, which is fine by me so long as it doesn’t get infected. So she is perkier and rounder than her floppy sister “Thelma,” which nonetheless fills out her 38 I cup better than does Louise. (Before bc, Louise was the smaller one—but as floppy as Thelma). But my cleavage is centered, and you can’t discern a difference when I’m clothed (nor even stripped down to my undies, provided I’ve slipped a Genie pad into Louise’s cup). I’m pretty sure that symmetry in a bilateral reduction can be considerably affected by the positions of the lumpectomy incisions in each breast, should the tumors have occurred in different locations.
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ChiSandy, I completely understand being a surgery wuss, when I was thinking of having mx with immediate reconstruction we talked about the stomach flap operation, not sure if that is TRAM or DIEP? Anyway, I heard the words "eight hours of microsurgery" and crossed it off the list pretty quickly. It also couldn't be done locally, and needed a week in hospital. The trouble is, it's hard to know what else to choose. I have a friend who is really happy with mesh and implants, but there seems to be a high complication rate. I nearly opted for lat flap and implant, but luckily I saw a different surgeon who was horrified and convinced me to try oncoplastic surgery first, with mx in reserve if it turned out to be invasive or he couldn't get clear margins.
And I don't know what the reconstruction options are if you get recurrence in the same breast and you've already had rads, I think that rules flaps out.
Anyway, I'm just doing my damnedest to make sure there isn't a recurrence, and if it happens I guess I'll do whatever I have to then. We are so lucky to have the options we have, compared to the women who came before us, or don't have any health provision in their country.
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Actually, IIRC, it’s just the opposite—reconstructing a previously-radiated breast is usually done only with flaps, because the tissue remaining isn’t strong and supple enough to support TEs and implants, so the only option is one’s own tissues from elsewhere in the body (abdomen, back, etc.).
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I m not sure there's much you could call strong and supple about either of mine, and that's before radiation! Time and gravity have put an end to any hopes in that direction...
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Positive2strong - I had tattoos on the right side in 2007 and sharpie pen dots with stickers on the left this year on the left. They asked me if I had any problems with adhesives before using the stickers. I said no, having no previous troubles. However I have tiny skin tags now in some of the locations where the stickers were. Skin tags are harmless, but annoying. Mine are itching. (I will ask one of the doctors to cut them off; I've had a primary care provider cut skin tags off my neck before.) Given the choice, I'd rather have the tattoo.
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I can't tolerate adhesives and just the 4 days of stickers after my Sim made my skin break down. I can only see one of 3 tats from rads and it looks like a freckle. Actually you can try implants after radiation if your PS is willing. That's the route I am going. I think it's about 30-40% chance of capsular contracture. My PS will clean up the tissue around the TE and use alloderm to cut down on the risk.
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B"H
okay, this might sound really weird but...... today as i walked out of the hospital where i get my RADS treatment, i saw a woman who for a split second I was sure was Michelle_in…
okay I don't live anywhere near where you live (though i did grow up in Chicago but i do not live in the US anymore) so I immedietly realised it could not be you, but i had to smile, thinking that even though I am mostly a stalker here, all of you have become even more real to me than most of the people I know, because we share what we share and care for eachother with understanding and dignity. so it made me smile, me seeing someone who reminded me of Michelle and obviously I had her and all of you on my mind, because otherwise I think it pretty improbable that I would have made that momentary mistake.
and not when I read KDtheatre's post, when i have read just a bit of ALL you are going through, i just want to cry,,,, you are going thru so much, the last thing you should feel is disappointed in yourself. words cannot describe the courage you have used to go thru all the many things this BC DX has brought your way, you are absolutely brave and kind and beautiful and you should truly "delete" all bad thought! Because you are brave and kind and beautiful and surely cherished by the people who know you, saving your life is the number one and really single priority now. Now is the time to respect your body and listen to it and take care of it according to its needs, save your strength to protect it....
you are a WINNER and a person cannot really be a winner and its opposite at the same time!!!
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thereisnode, what time was your appointment? You just never know? I could have a doppleganger. Was she blonde? Had her hair tossed up in a Tori Burch clip? Was she wearing a blue and white artsy, flouncy top? Did she valet park her car and then walk to it after treatment? If so, we must have the same treatment center. Mine is located in a hospital. Where is yours?
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B"H
Michelle..... its in Israel......
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thereisnode,
Happy Yom Kipper one day late!! A male friend of mine, originally from Chicago now in the cornfields, has a sister in Israel! Part of my family is Jewish, another part is Muslim, and I am a Catholic. We get along beautifully and enjoy a good discussion. The common denominator is food. My sister has been married to a Pakistani gentleman for 33 years. She is a wonderful Pakistani cook. My Jewish sister in law on my husband's side loves Bariani made by my sister. I love common denominators.
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B"H
wasn't sure how you would respond.... i am standing now, applauding you.... really its a great thing... the common denominator - knowing how to live, love and accept eachother! i love it!
you have one big amazing heart! and a great attitude!
wish it had been you this morning - we could have sat over a cup of coffee (or whatever) and you would have surely entertained me.... and we could have even cried a bit together
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