Starting Chemo September 2015; join us!
Comments
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southern, you are worn down and sick. You are allowed to have a meltdown. It's normal to wonder why and come up with no answer. It's normal to feel like you are being punished. Jesus promised us we will have troubles in this world. But take heart, I have overcome the world.
Hang in there, sweetie!!!0 -
I also had a breakdown after round 4, crying for days, went to my oncologist in tears, he assured me this is perfectly normal, many people go through it during chemo, gave me some Lexapro & a hug, he gave me and I gave myself permission to use the chill pills not so conservatively.
Hugs to you, it is a hard thing to go through.
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Cajun - lucky! i have what feels like a mild case of shin splints, thank you taxol. But I just started L-Glutamine and I am hoping that will help.
Nice diet list. What do you rinse your produce in?
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southerncharm: big hugs! It sucks!
Kim: the thing is oncotyping is for early stage with no lymph node involvement so it doesn't completely apply to you. That said I often questioned my choice, particularly when feeling terrible and realizing how truly toxic this crap is!
Cajun: they don't tend to like to put you on hormone treatment while you're getting another treatment as then they can't tell which is causing any side effects.
I had my rads simulation today and start next Wednesday. The machine feels weird and the positioning is a bit uncomfortable but I feel empowered after chemo
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Southern Hang in there lovely. My fourth round was horrible too and Ive done lots of crying. This is hard shit to deal with. We will get through this treatment and we will feel better. Im angry too I just want to live my life but for now we are stuck....we will move on.
Kimmer chemo scared me and I didnt want to do it but I want to live so for my first battle with this disease I want to throw everything at it. If I have a reoccurence I dont think I would do it again. I would hate to not have done it and have it met in a couple of years and thought maybe I should have tried....its a very ppersonal choice we get choices theyre just all crappy, for now. Boxing gloves on girl you've got some fighting to do.
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Hi chemo bud, sorry to hear about the shin splints! dd is hard on the body, but you will be done a month earlier. Pick your poison, right? I rinse in tap water. When my counts are low, I only eat thick skinned fruit, peel, then wash hands, then eat. My MO suggested that I eat only canned fruits and veggies when my ANC was almost nil... No thank you, I'll roll the dice.
Our nanny took the kids for 36 hours. I have spent whole day in bed for first time since starting chemo. I figured my body needed a break.
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I take lexapro too. Plus lamictal, valium at night, and adderall in the morning (most days). Plus melatonin. Pretty sure I'd be a basket case without it all.
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Cajun - thanks! Awesome that you have a day to your self to recover. I couldn't imagine with 3 little ones. Yes DD and get it over with, less apts and quicker to move onto rads.
I saw your list and started drooling, i miss berries. I'm not a fan of canned fruit, we have enough toxins running into our bodies no need for more from the tin in cans.
I feel like a wacko pills or not
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ElTigre I had the shin splints DD taxol # 1 but not 2.
Southern sending healing hugs to you.
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Grey - I get not only a terrible taste when they flush my port, but also pretty intense nausea. I actually gagged the first time. The nurses at the infusion center said it is a reaction to the preservative in the pre-filled saline flush syringes. Relatively few people react to it, but they had definitely seen it before. Their solution is to fill several syringes from a bag of sterile saline when I arrive (no preservative needed because it's sterile, so problem solved). I still get a tiny bit of a strange sensation and taste, but this is normal when moving that much fluid that quickly through a major vein.
Southern - I have those moments even when I'm not feeling really sick; it really hits home what we're dealing with. During the worst post-chemo days, I sometimes worry that I will never feel well again, which is truly terrifying even if it's not entirely rational. I guess we just keep telling ourselves that there is an other side to get to if we hang on.
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hang in there southern!
Thanks jabe, something to think about.
Kim
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Day 4 post #2 Taxol and I'm still confined to bed. I can barely walk due to the joint pain. Still no neuropathy so there are small favours here. Called my MO office for refill on painkillers. Told her that I'll see how tomorrow and the next day are. If it's the same, then I have to reduce the taxol dosage for the next round.
Southern..I broke down today (no one home) and sobbed and wailed uncontrollably. The dogs were here to comfort me. I'm so sick of this shit.
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Lindy - we are on same schedule. My aches are manageable on Aleve and an occasional Tylenol. The numb fingers and tongue is getting to me. Odd that our SEs are so different. Maybe because I'm older? Old body? Hoping for relief for you soon.
Southern- I totally relate to your update. Have been there. For me it was AC #3 that threw me over the top. The next one wasn't as bad - hoping that's the case for you. Sending you warm hugs.
I want to mention again that there is no shame in talking to your doc about an antidepressant. Celexa or lexipro can make all the difference. People dealing with long term illness will undoubtedly experience emotional SEs. It he Celexa has really helped me. I also take Ativan at night to help me sleep. Works like a charm.
I'm going to consider reducing my dose if this numbness doesn't improve. Thanks for your suggestions.
I also get a terrible taste/smell during port flush that can make me nauseous. I have a essential oil in my chemo bag that I rub on my hand (wintergreen). I put my hand up to my nose and smell it during the flush. Helps a lot.
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Shelly..I'm 54, not that young..lol..I don't have the numbness so I'm grateful for that but it is weird how all of us have different side effects.
It's like having the flu non-stop. I've said it before, I'll say it again. Pain makes me cranky. Once I stop feeling sorry for myself, I get bitchy
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good call on the essential oils! A friend gave me quease ease, which you can get at walgreens and I love it. That saline taste and smell will forever make me want to vomit.
Feeling a little down tonight too. I needed the rest but no kids here, getting dark so early, husband still at work. I have nothing to distract me from my cancer. Think I need to reach out to somebody to stop my naval gazing.
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Round 4 has been the hardest. I've been laying here in bed for days. Ugh I wish it would just stop and move on!
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Lindy, SC and all of you beautiful women....I am so sorry you are going through this. Hugs. It sucks for all of us. But it does get better (easy for me to say, two weeks PFC, but really, it does. You are will get through this).... sending hugs and love...
Octogirl
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Annie, I had a tough last round of AC too. I just didn't bounce back like the others. If one more person tells me how it's cumulative. No...really?!?
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Shopgal-fingers crossed no shin splints with dose #2
Shelly -I have ginger mints. I hate the smell and taste of the port flush. Good idea with essential oils
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So many of you are also posting about meltdowns after round 4, like mine last week (and still, off and on).
Had to skip therapy last week because my therapist came down with a cold and fever. We were supposed to meet today, but she contacted me suggesting a Skype session --- her cold turned into pneumonia last Friday but she was feeling so much better now on antibiotics, so I said yes. Being able to talk through all the I-can't-take-this-anymore and all the renewed fears (why oh why can't I stop reading too much scary stuff about BC) helped at least some. She also said that paradoxically it's nearest the END of chemo that many feel the worst, so I guess what we're going through is "normal"? (which doesn't make sense to me --- I expected to be close to cheering with the end in sight). One bit of homework she had assigned last spring I finally put together over the last three days, and yes it felt good --- a collage of things that are important to me, to remind me what I want to focus on. For me: my dog, Nature, trying to keep a more positive attitude, and keeping busy (crafts, photography, exercise). One bright spot: my older son is coming by train tonight for a short visit
My "aarekartta" psych homework:
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(((((((hugs to everybody who's having a hard time right now))))))))
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i am always hungry but luckily after my fec my taste buds are still in tack
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For me I think it's the fear of ending chemo and waiting for something to happen that makes me nervous. I don't like chemo but like the fact I'm doing something to fight cancer. The future of scans and waiting for results scares me but it is one step closer to getting a sense of normalcy back. I try and focus on happy stories of BC survivors but it's hard sometimes to shake the gloomy feeling of this disease.
I try and find different motivational quotes to reign me in from the gloom:
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I wish I were shiny bald already. I look like a mad porcupine! Lots of bald areas but so many dark and whites poking 1/4 inch straight up on top. I went to my friend's mom's house for dinner last night. I wore a cap. They wanted to see so I showed them. They tried not to look shocked lol. How can you not be. I'm shocked. We look so different with our hair. I know I look much better with it even though I don't have a weird shaped head, it's even all around. I'm fine with the head but the eyebrows and lashes eventually all being gone bothers me. You just look sick even if you feel fine.
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El Tigre- Are you following the stage III 5 years and 10 years out threads? There's a couple ladies at 13 years. I told them they should start the 15 when they get there. Great inspiration having these ladies who are long done with chemo come back for us.
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Artista - no I'll have to check that out, thanks. I need some inspiration this week with the holidays coming up. I really hope our lashes and eye brows stick with us. My leg hair better fall out before those
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Southern, I'm right there with you too! This 4th round has been awful! Previous rounds I pushed myself to keep doing things, this round I don't have the energy or interest in pushing myself. I'm so tired of feeling nauseous, of the big D, of exhaustion, of feeling like there's nothing I can eat because it all tastes horrible. Plus, I'm scared. I'm really scared of the surgery and recovery that's coming up next. I literally want to run away to some island in the caribbean and hide.
I've been laying in bed all day today and yesterday. I'm supposed to be working from home, but I just can't manage it this time. I still have 2 more rounds of this to go and I have no idea how I'm going to do this two more times.
I know that I will. But, I don't know how I'm going to manage this two more times.
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You guys have managed whatever has been thrown at you so far. Don't look so far ahead. Enjoy whatever better days you have and go day to day. I have a total of 7 more rounds. If I look beyond round #3 next week, I'll get antsy. So I don't. I focus on this week that I'm feeling good and enjoying it- getting ahead on stuff like shopping and picking up my mess from the 4 days of shits last week. I heard Taxotere is harsh so I'm not thinking about it yet. I have 2 more AC's to go, and only next Tues is on the radar, well actually not. I choose to not think about cancer/chemo despite my hair looking and feeling like a porcupine as a huge reminder. I'm also porking out on all my favs as a reward. While in chemo, you can eat whatever. The crack down is AFTER chemo. I had 2 different chemo teach classes tell me that. So at least there is some reward.
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edwsmom - what surgery are you having? please don't assume it will be totally awful! I had bilateral with 14 nodes removed and have had ZERO complications. no lymphedema, no issues with the tissue expander or implant, nothing. i know everyone is different, but don't assume the worst and ask for the good pain meds! i refused to be in pain, i asked for the fentanyl patch.
for me, i can't start back again on sugar. i'm afraid i won't be able to stop. i'm a sugar junkie and it was REALLY hard for me to give it up and i don't want to do it again now that i'm 4+ months sugar free. i also don't want to feed whatever cells i'm trying to kill. but that's just my personal take on it, everyone of course should do as they please.
however, i will continue to grumble about missing it, lol!i have a long time left to go... it's a test of endurance, as i will continue through chemo during christmas, new year's and will not have my counts up by the twins' third b-day and v-day.
does anyone still have at least some of their eyebrows or eyelashes? i have about 50%, would soooooooo like to keep it. and my legs are still crazy hairy, WHY is that?
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