patty
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patty!!!! Holy shit! That was quite a read! I hate hate hate that you are in so much pain!! I don't know why, but when you wrote that your mo said you are on more pain meds than all other patients...I kind of shuddered. Wth? Who cares for one. What is meant by that statement...if you are in that much pain then you need the freakin meds! My best friend is married to a guy who sells pain pumps. I would be happy to put you two in touch if you needed to ask questions. I have also heard people say the cbd oil helps. No experience here. Just wishing I could be there to make phone calls, set meetings, advocate for you to get the care you need and deserve!!
I can't really wrap my head around everything you have gone through. I can empathize with you though, on the part where you feel like crap and it's so easy to get discouraged and down and depressed and see no way out.
I can also understand your thought process about your dh and dss's. I have had similar thoughts along the way. I haven't had to make any decisions yet since things for me are not as bad. And I know you said no divorce for now. I guess maybe try and think if the tables were turned. What would you do if you were in dh's shoes? Your kids love you. No they do not deserve this at all!! I want to tell you about one of my best friends...
I met her through my cancer center. She was an intern social worker there. She gravitated towards me because we are both young. She eventually told me why she wanted to work in oncology. When she was 15 her mother was dx with brain cancer. Her father couldn't handle it and neither could her brother, so she was left to care for her mother. In every way she took care of her mother for the next year until she died. And truthfully, I don't know what her high school days were really like. I've seen pictures of her in her cheerleading outfit and her prom dress and graduation...I have no doubt it was hard. But she is the most amazing, loving, fun woman I know. It is not fair that she lost her mother so young. And it's certainly not fair that she was the one who stepped up and took on the awesome responsibility to care for her mother. But that experience has made her love deeper, smile, and embrace life for all the beauty it has. I know that God put her in my life to show me that no matter how awful things get with me and my cancer, my kids CAN come out on the other side of this ok. And if they can bless someone else's life, like she has done for me (in many many ways), maybe my death won't be in vain.
All I'm trying to say is...as mothers we try to make sure our kids and loved ones are taken care of at any expense...even our own. Suffering, living, dying, pain...it's all a part of life. Definitely not the life I hoped or planned for and I'm sure that goes for all of us. This is all new territory for me. My childhood was perfect. Happy, healthy, had everything we needed. No pain. Nothing really hard about life at all. I have zero experience with difficult life decisions. I have no idea what I am going to do when things get tough. Do I stay at home and let my kids see me suffer? Do I let the people I love give up their time and their life to take care of me? It's not fair. All I know is that if I think back to my childhood and if one of my parents were sick...you wouldn't have been able to pry me away from them! Same for my kids now. Same for my dh. I would give up any part or all of my life to help my loved ones in need. It's so damn hard to be on the receiving end
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Hootie hoo
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Tweet-Tweet!
Peeking in on you 💜
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Thinking of you also.
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((Patty))
I am very concerned about your persistent pain. Praying for your complete healing.
>Z<
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Patty, I am sad you are in so much pain. It is so hard to live like that. Also, sounds like you have a lot of other considerations on your plate with your family situation. I am sure there re others on this site in the same boat with that.
I must say, looking the sheer length of this topic string (60 page now), you have many, many, many people here that care about you dearly.
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Thinking of you Patty
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Okay now Patti..... It's been awhile since you posted. Don't you hear us pounding on your windows, trying to get you to wake up and come out and talk to us? DH and I walked up to Starbucks yesterday, and it would have been so fun to see you walk through that door, and have coffee with us!
Just wanted to let you know, we are here, thinking of you, and hoping we hear from you soon.... Love you girl! xoxo
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Hiho Patty
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hoootyhoo Patty!
you!
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Thinking of you Patty. Hoping you are getting some better pain management and relief.
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Patty you are going through hell. You are very much loved. Just to add, a friend of mine died of Cancer, she did not want to tell her children she was getting worse, not to bother them etc..., teenagers, they knew but they did not know, anyway, things turned quickly and she passed on. The kids adored her, but they keep saying they wished they could have been with her more often, and spent that time with her and talked.
It's hard for you to see the kids in pain, of course, any mother could understand that. But they love you, we've all seen mothers that mistreat their kids, but the kids still wanna be with them, so can you imagine your kids. Listen, they will miss you either way, so... And so will your hubby, if he will be helping you anyway, he should be there for you. Those are the vows taken.
Maybe a priest or chaplain or pastor, someone you could fee comfortable to speak with and guide you. This is a big burden for you carry on your own.
Pain - Dilaudid has much to offer. Morphine on a pump. But also, why are you having pain? Maybe what you need is a good pain management team. It's still possible. Pain does fog the thinking process. You are so young, have been through so much. But there might be so much hope for you still. At least, make sure you've got the right help.
Big big hugs and kisses sweet one. Feel free to vent and we will see how we could help.
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That was beautiful Moma.....
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Yes Momallthetime - well said!
Patty you are loved! Missing you.
Cathy
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Patty, hootie hoo. Thinking of you often and sending love and gentle hugs.
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Patty.....
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(((hugs)))
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You are in my thoughts today, Patty. Hoping your pain is under better control.
Sending a big hug!0 -
OK..... I'll jump in. The silence is DEAFENING!!!! Patty, we are all praying for you daily. Hoping that you are experiencing some relief today. Hang in there, girl.
Louis
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I agree , you could hear a pin drop in here. Has no one heard from Patty? As u can tell Patty we are rooting for you & miss u something terrible.
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Yes, very silent. I texted Patty last week and no response.
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((Patty))
Sending you healing vibes, waves of support for whatever path you choose.
>Z<
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Wish we knew something about her.... Loverly, do you still text her?
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sending all the love in your direction, Patty!
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Patty....been thinking about you and I pop in and see in your last post so much pain and struggle. It's not okay for you to be suffering like this! I have no experience with this, but like others have mentioned maybe you need more input than what MO can give.
I am keeping you in my prayers tonight. Also your boys including dh. You are loved patty ((hugs))
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MamaJ, I have been texting her every few days yours and others' posts. I have not heard from her since January 13th
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I have been texting her every few days. I did let her know that Rosevalley was getting ready to go. I texted to Patty Rose's last post to her. I told her when Rose died.
I have not heard from Patty since January 7th.
Loverly and I are may be texting on opposite days, and Patty responds to whichever of us happened to text on a day she felt good enough to respond.
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