Where did my motivation go?
I’m a pretty resilient person and have mostly taken my diagnosis in stride. Now that I’m just taking Herceptin every three weeks and the “tough stuff” like chemo, surgery and radiation are done, I’m feeling indifferent and unmotivated even when my rational and logical side tells me that the rewards/outcomes will be good for me (e.g. exercise). Has anyone else experienced this emotional slump? How did you motivate yourself to get back to a more normal attitude of being goal driven when previous goals don’t seem very important any more? I wonder whether treatment has changed my brain chemistry such that my Type A personality traits are no longer as dominant as they were before. How long is it going to take me to get out of this slump and start hitting home runs again?
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cyathea, I think there is something that happens when we finish active treatment (I know you're still getting the Heceptin). It's almost a letdown, kind of a "what now?" feeling. Your doctors kind of pat you on the bottom and send you on your way. It can be a weird feeling. You ask yourself if you're really OK. I think part of the issue right now is all the COVID and political chaos going on around us. Some days, I just want to crawl into a dark hole or sit on the couch and watch Hallmark movies.
Give yourself some time to recover. Come visit here if it lifts you up. If it doesn't, then stay away (she said with a smile and a hug).
Here's to getting to a better place.
More (((hugs))).
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cyathea - give yourself a break. You'll be on Herceptin for the rest of a year, and you'll be tired. Why not use this time to put your feet up, read some good books, play with some kiddos. NAP regularly. You need to recover from the heavy duty stuff and still remember you're still on drugs. This 'type a' didn't get back to my compulsive lists for a year.
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Thanks Sunshine99. Yes, thank goodness for Netflix! My concern is that I love that escape so much, I have a hard time turning it off to do housework or other self care things. I’m still working as well (from home) and while my focus is OK there, I’m not working at my same level as before.
This site is a life saver for me.
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You’ve been through a lot, physically and mentally. And still on drugs. It takes time, sometimes more than we’d like to recover. Doesn’t happen overnight. Give yourself a break, dust bunnies never hurt anybody. Do what you want, when you want. Learn to say NO. Don’t feel guilty for wanting a nap. Take care of you first, the rest will come
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Barring outright depression* I would suggest this sort of funk or malaise might be coming from questions of identity & purpose- questions which, when we're in the "super busy, high emotion, get things done" part of treatment, are easy to ignore. But now there's time.
Anyway, I'd rephrase the question: what is it that I can take time to think about while in this lower energy state? Maybe questions like: What do I want the rest of my life to look like? Why? How does that align with my values? What IS a home run now, while living with stage 4 cancer?
*& that is entirely possible, esp if you're mourning your old life
Hugs
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Thanks MinusTwo. Hmmm...a year. Good to know. OK, I’ll try to be patient with myself. But aren’t there some things that I could do to increase my motivation level?
I recently talked to a therapist about my lack of motivation. (I’m generally not one who likes to do this, but there have been a few times in my life when I found that a few sessions were enough to make a big difference in my resilience. The trick is to find a good one. I had to visit a few bad ones before I found a good fit.) One suggestion that I am trying is to emphasize and verbalize the benefits of what I’m doing both during and after exercise. The idea is that just knowing the benefits might not be enough to activate the areas of my brain that involve motivation and decision making.
This makes sense to me because when I had education classes in college we were taught that our brain learns better when we engage in three learning pathways: auditory, visual and kinesthetic (movement, engaging our muscles).
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Spookiesmom - Oh so right - dust bunnies never hurt anyone. I kept the sinks & toilets clean, but didn't worry about much else.
Cyathea - why not start by just walking? The best exercise there is. Or swimming is a close second.
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Spookie makes sure there’s always a few around 😂😂😂
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Many wise words above.
Yes, cyathea, I can relate to what you are saying. For example, exercise would help me feel better, but...nah. Fatigue can be both physical and mental. The body is tired, but so is the mind, spirit, and will. A few months ago I told the cancer center therapist that I was stuck on the couch a lot, and even though I could physically get up, I stayed on the couch. We talked about how I had been knocked down so much during the previous year, that there was an element of “Why get up again? Why bother trying?" In my mind and body. She suggested that instead of saying I could not get up and get moving, I should say I was choosing to get up or not get up. That one little tweak gave me some power back. So sometimes I would say, “ I am choosing to stay here because I am tired and need to rest" or “I choose to sit on the couch right now because I am really enjoying this book and I deserve to enjoy something." Other times I would say, “I now choose to get up and start a load of laundry" or “Do I choose to stay here? No, I choose to get up and see what I can do about making dinner.“ Also, the idea of getting back to normal might not be the most helpful. It's a cliché about the “new normal" but there is some truth. I call it The New Weird. Are home runs still the thing you want to pursue? And yes, it is possible for trauma to change brain chemistry.
Re-frame. Regarding Netflix, I count it a win that I have switched to watching intelligent, funny, or artistic shows on Netflix instead of surfing YouTube and seeing many not-uplifting things.
Look at all you have been through in one year, and you are working! That is an accomplishment. Be kind to yourself. I like to list my simple accomplishments, toot my own horn, pat myself on the back so that I focus on what I did get done instead of on what I did not get done each day.
Thank you for honestly sharing. It helps us all to not feel so alone, I think.
P.S. The stage iv exercise thread where you mind find some motivation:
https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/8/topics/851580?page=84
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I had Taxotere, Carboplatin and Herceptin. When I started on herceptin only, I thught this will be a breeze. I felt a lot of fatigue while I was on it so keep in mind that may be part of what's pulling you down. Also, you are working so you don't have a complete period of time where you can recover quickly. Lots of good advice here. Maybe its just time to float in the pool on a really nice raft and just see what comes up and when you really want to get out of the pool and dry off. And buy yourself a beautiful beach towel!
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Lots of great tips here. Spookiesmom I used to worry about "dust bunnies", but with two cats, there is no shortage of cat hair bunnies running around the corners of our rooms. We keep the "Swifter" company happy.
moth you have a very interesting comment. I'm not sad or mourning my "old" life, but I do think motivation is tied to beliefs and values that we hold. I especially like the thought of questioning what a home run would look like now considering my physical limitations compared to my pre-diagnosis body. I going to noodle on that for a while.
MinusTwo the walking/swimming idea is a good one, but probably more difficult at the moment than exercising at home. I'm really fortunate that we have exercise equipment in the house, which makes it super easy since I don't have to wear my wig, put on makeup, or wear a mask.
ShetlandPony I love the idea of "choosing". It puts the action/decision right in front and would give me a feeling of having some control over things. Listing accomplishments is another thing I think I should try. I've also read about creating a "Vision Board" and writing a "Learning Bucket List". Actually, I find a lot of what Vanessa Van Edwards writes on her Science of People website to be helpful.
Cowgirl13 it is helpful to know that you also feel tired on Herceptin. It is much easier than the TCHP or Abraxene, but it does give me fatigue. Your tag line is the best: Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the Devil says: 'Oh crap! She's up!
The kindness of all on this forum leads me to believe that we have a lot of these special women on the forum.
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I found a few more things that I think will be helpful to me and possibly others. This comes from BJ Fogg at TEDxFremont: Forget big change, start with a tiny habit Part of what is going on is that my motivation is being affected by my ability to do things. Before BC, things were easier to do, so my level of motivation could be lower and I would still get to the "Activation Threshold" on the curve shown below. So, although I'm perceiving my motivation to be lower than it was, it's probably right where it used to be (not super high for exercise). The good news in this is that, as I get healthier and things get easier to do, my motivation will likely increase as well or at least get to a point where it was prior to my diagnosis.
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Cyathea - interesting info. Thanks for posting
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Your post has interesting things to think about. I will look up those TED talks. I just watched a documentary called Heal, with open-mindedness and with skepticism. An interesting bit that stood out for me was one of the people saying that our body is either in fight or flight, or rest and restoration, and our mind is the switch. Could it make a difference how we frame things; for example, viewIng treatment as a trauma we must endure vs. choosing to use the treatment as a way to work with our body to heal? Thinking the latter way has helped me cope. Does it also help me physically?
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Thank you so much for your beautiful and long post which I devoured and enjoyed a lot. Best wishes, G.
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BJ Fogg also has a bestselling book out called Tiny Habits & his 5 day tiny habit course is avail free (I don't know for how long) on his site tinyhabits.com I own the book but haven't read it - it came out in Canada just before my dx & it's been gathering dust since. But I've done his tiny habit course before
Definitely recommend him0 -
moth, thanks for tip on the BJ Fogg course. I’m going to check that out.
I’m glad you enjoyed the long post Gudrun.
ShetlandPony, I see that the Heal documentary is available on Netflix and iTunes, so that is easy for me to access as well. Thanks
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I wouldn’t go so far as to say I recommend the documentary, but it does have some food for thought among other parts that don’t make any sense in my opinion.
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Reading about other people has helped me a lot. My brain radiation has been a struggle. Living day by day has shown new challenge and I appreciate all the help I've received but I have been feeling withering, has anyone else been feeling the emotional struggle? Will it keep feeling like for a while?
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Seilien, it is a struggle! After I finished my radiation for my spine lesion, I felt the struggle as well. I think part of this is the lingering effects of radiation, but it could also be that when we are fatigued, we are less resilient emotionally.
Maybe some of the other Stage4/MBC sisters can help us with how long it took them to get to the other side of the mountain that we are climbing
I’ll be taking those steps to recovery with you, one day at a time. (((Hugs)))
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I'm sad to hear about a lot of other people's stories and my drs told me that I need to keep waiting out my emotional recovery but the combination of wbrt and chemo are making me more upset. I'm having a lot of trouble thinking, eating, resting, sleeping. I had a new normal after surgery and now I'm expected to have another new normal after further treatment. I'm a little upset and scared. How long did it take for some of you to feel better? I can't cook, rest, function. I feel like a burden to my family.
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Seilien, I hear/feel your aggravation. I have that, too. I feel like I'm not measuring up and contributing enough, and we both know that isn't what we should feel . . . but we feel this anyway. I'm sure that your loved ones don't feel this about you. They just want you to take care of yourself and feel better. That's what everyone here on the forums wishes for you and others as well.
When I'm feeling this way, I listen to a song by Lauren Daigle called You Say. (It's religious, but you don't have to take it that way. Think of your friend singing this to you.) I hope that you have people in your life who are willing to affirm your worth and identity that is not tied to how you feel when you are recovering from the treatments that make us feel so awful. When you struggle, listen and believe what they say to you. And, as Lauren says, keep fighting those voices in your mind that tell you the lie that you are not contributing enough. You are taking care of you and that is the most important thing right now and for as long as you need to do that.
"I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I'm not enough
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up
Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low?
Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know,You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
And You say I am held when I am falling short
And when I don't belong, oh, You say I am Yours
And I believe (I), oh, I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
I believeThe only thing that matters now is everything You think of me
In You I find my worth, in You I find my identity..."0 -
cyathea...I just want you to know you are not alone. I have been feeling the very same way. It looks like there is a lot of wonderful advice/words of wisdom here, so I am going to read through them. Lots of hugs for you....
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I have been listening to soothing, calming acoustics a lot lately. I spend a lot of time letting my mind wander because it takes me longer to think. I've been struggling with other medical issues that I'm not sure are my own or are side effects. Emotionally I have settled a bit but I also got prescribed meds for anxiety, antidepressant and insomnia. Getting some good sleep made a huge difference! I still feel kind of down on myself but I'm getting used to it? I'm learning to rely on others more.
When I put a value to it, I felt a change 4 weeks after my brain surgery then 6 weeks after my brain radiation. Not quite normal but different.
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I am also struggling with my motivation. I am 6 days out recovering from a mastectomy my right side, the results of my reconstruction and lift are so much better than I anticipated. But when my pathology came back showing cancer in my lymph nodes this past Monday I was really left feeling low. The emotion roller coaster is hard to manage, Monday was hard to take the news. Tuesday and Wednesday I feel strong, and empowered to face what ever comes next. And today I am just down, blue, with little to do other that simply recover. My plastic surgeon wants me to rest for 4 weeks, and I need it. The six months of hormone therapy wore me out. I had a glorious 2 weeks off of hormone therapy prior to surgery. Food was good again, I was walking 4 miles a day, and I was thinking COVID just might be to a place in my town where we could go out for dinner. I feel like I am back at the starting point waiting to meet with my oncologist, I am scared of what is next and just want to stay right here in this chair and do nothing.
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Hi Kim, I’m sending gentle hugs your way with the hope that you will heal quickly from your surgery. Getting the news that you have more cancer than you expected is definitely a downer. I hope you can rest and give yourself some time to adjust to the new reality and thenget your game face on again for whatever treatment comes next.
My work motivation is definitely better now than it was after I just finished radiation, but I’m finding that it is easier for me to be motivated to do my work (which I love) while sacrificing my health (not exercising right now), which is not good. I’m a work in progress. (Sigh)
Why is it that I fear failure or disappointing clients more than I fear my own demise due to my unhealthy habits? That makes no rational sense to me.
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For the rest of you “Type A” personalities out there, if you are like me, taking a break is hard. So, I have to remind myself that it is good for me and will make me perform better in the long run. Here’s an article with some great ideas of how to pre-schedule those breaks so that they don’t get missed: 3 Breaks You Need to Take Every Day
This was a tip from Wendii’s “Three Random Things“ email that I get on Fridaysfrom Manager Tools. I highly recommend their Podcasts.
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Interesting article Cyathea. I've always been a type A. Learning how to dial down in retirement was & is a serious challenge.
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Soooo, it’s been a while. I thought it might be good to revisit this thread. It’s been almost 6 months since my last Herceptin infusion. My fatigue is getting better. I’ve lost 20 pounds. My blood pressure meds are now a reduced dose and I’m hoping to get off that medication next month. I’ve been exercising regularly. I’m usually careful about what I’m eating, but I’m not “dieting”. In short, things are getting back to “normal”.
That’s not to say that things are perfect or that I’m the poster child for self discipline. I’m not, and life still has its challenges. But it is reassuring that my earlier lack of motivation probably was greatly affected by my cancer treatments. My body needed more time to heal. Sometimes we just need more time than we think we should need for our mental sails to feel the wind and drive us onward.
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