Where did my motivation go?
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Cyathea - thanks for posting. I'm so glad that things are looking up for you.
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cyathea - congratulations! I'm sure the persistent exercise & resulting weight loss helped improve your mental health. I'm experiencing little SE from meds and exercising a little more. But can't quite get over the doldrum hurdle. Lots of this is still the raging pandemic. Not much offered here anymore and I'm afraid to expose myself to much anyway. Really miss personal interactions, music venues, etc. Can't even concentrate on the book for book club, but we postponed that to Feb anyway as it's too cold to meet outside and none of us wanted to gather that many inside. Trying to sort thru & dispose of "stuff", but that is DH's least favorite thing to do or even discuss and much of it is his. Guess I'll have a beer and binge on Yellowstone some more.
But you & others keep encouraging us, we need it!
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glad to see this post and your update, cyathea. I've been feeling much the same way since my stage 4 diagnosis, and particularly in the last few weeks, upon discovery of a new lesion (and resulting new meds).
I think I'm actually in some sort of state of shock, just kind of living and taking things in. I'm hoping this will pass, but it's very hard to focus or take initiative these days.
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nopink2019, I have done my share of Netflix and then some. I can also relate to the need to sort and get rid of things. So far, that is still on my to- do list. (My DH is better at this than I am.) I’m impressed that you have been doing some exercising with your treatments. Way to go! My SEs were not nearly as bad as I thought they would be, but I think the meds can still have a negative effect on our mood and motivation.
star2017, the Stage IV “early days” are a shock, and the new lesion and meds are as well. I think we all wobble a bit when that news hits us and then we find our footing again
I’ll be thinking of you both and hoping that time will do its healing. ((Hugs))
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I can completely relate; I have no motivation and can't seem to force myself to do anything. I've had chemical depression since I was around 28 (I'm 62) but the side effects of the AI's are making sleep even more difficult. I feel just flat and dulled. I'm working with a new psychiatrist that is thru the breast cancer institute hoping he'll be able to change some of the antidepressants to better work. I hope that your mental health improves as time goes by and your body adjusts. Reach out for help if it doesn't because others may think its a "just let yourself enjoy the inactivity" but it doesn't feel good. You're not alone.
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GradyStubs2022, you have my RESPECT. To have managed depression from a chemical imbalance for that long is surely a tale of great endurance and resilience. Our bodies and brains are wonderfully complex, and there is so much we don’t yet understand about how chemicals in our brains affect our emotions, mood, and motivation. These chemicals are not something that can be controlled solely with psychological tactics (though a good psychologist can sometimes help). I’m so glad you are getting help from a specialized psychiatrist. I hope there is a better medication for you
I also struggle with getting good sleep due to hot flashes caused by Tamoxifen. Ugh! Have you tried a different AI? My mother started on one and had severe sleep issues. Her doctor switched her to another AI, and this has been better even though her sleep still isn’t ideal.
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I was practically a 24/7 sales superstar when I was diagnosed. I worked through treatments and when I was done with rads I was able to stop and really look at what was going on. I re evaluated my life, not wanting to spend all my time working, but I also miss the financial part of it. My husband decided to retire early, when he really didn't deserve to ( no 401K savings and did I mention it's early?). So I'm still trying to do things on my own where I can have more of a life / family balance, but the money isn't there. So I'm sending out resumes to corporations to possibly jump back in. Hopefully a different company than the slave driver company I was in will be better. I'm finding myself constantly trying to find that balance, so I have higher blood pressure (never had that even through diagnosis) and sometimes anxiety. Money with work stress,, or drastically less money and more flexibility? My work week before always included weekends, now not so much.
I sometimes think I overreacted quitting the golden goose thinking I would die earlier because the stress would do me in even though i could handle it before cancer. Anyone else make a drastic change in their life because of diagnosis and then regretted it?
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Hi HomeMom, I didn’t make any drastic changes with my diagnosis, but I can relate to your struggle. My husband had to retire earlier than he wanted due to health issues. While we don’t have financial problems because we both have planned for retirement, I feel pressure to keep working at a high level to keep my health insurance and pay our bills.
The money versus QOL and time is different for everyone. Do what makes you happy.
For me, I’ve decided not to try to change jobs for more money even though the job market for my skills is hot right now. I’m giving up money for sure, but my stress level is much lower where I am now. I don’t work as many hours as I did before. Since I work from home most days, I have flexibility to work some on the weekends in order to reduce stress during the week. I love my work, so I don’t consider this burdensome. If I had children, things would be different, but I do try to reign in my work so as not to neglect my marriage. As I get older, having a partner to share life’s burdens becomes more precious.
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