I am SO upset - need a reality check....
I had my 2nd meeting with the MO I chose today.
The backstory is that when I was diagnosed the BCS was on vacation and I couldn't get in for 3 weeks, so I saw the PA who I loved. She told me at that meeting that I had to choose my team, and gave me a list of MOs, and Radiation Therapists. She told me that they would review my case the following Thurs, so I needed to at least pick by then.
Long story short, I picked a Radiation Therapist that I love, and went to an MO that 2 of my neighbors recommended. I was not that impressed with him. He didn't really talk all that much, although he was amenable to treatment options which I like, even a reduced dose of Tamoxifen if that was the only alternative to me taking treatment. I met with one more MO to compare at a different practice, who I liked better, but was not completely sold on.
So a PA at the first practice got me in to see another MO there who she said was very open to questions, very deliberate, very respectful of people's choices, etc.
I met with him once, and was really put off that he wouldn't let me tape the meeting (he told me he found it "offensive"), which I found odd because all the other MOs and my breast surgeon had let me. It was especially upsetting because this practice does not allow visitors so my husband was not with me.
So today was me 2nd meeting with him to go over my path report, my Oncotype results, and I THOUGHT to go over things like recurrence rates, and how that related to treatment in terms of both relative risk and absolute.
Well... he told me "he did not have time" to go over recurrence rates, and he'd look up that information and someone could send it to me, but he wasn't going to take the time during this meeting to go over it. When I asked about relative risk vs absolute risk, and wanted to clarify if I understood, he said "it's a simple mathematical equation" and went back to looking at his laptop.
He then TOLD me he would start me on an AI but I would have radiation first. NO discussion of why an AI vs Tamoxifen, or discussion about the side effects as it relates to my medical history. When I tried to talk to him about the contraindications I had read about on Mayo Clinic site many of which I have - kidney disease, high blood pressure, osteoporosis, he was VERY dismissive and basically said that's the combo I use and I'll put you on another drug to deal with the bone loss.
There was NO discussion, no back and forth, it was VERY uncomfortable. Then he told me that he "had to go, he had other patients" after 20 min, so I picked up my things and left. I was about in tears walking to the elevator.
I have been reading Dr. Susan Love's book. I took my cue from her as to what to expect and what to ask. She said to ask your MO about recurrence risk, and how much benefit YOU would get from taking the drugs, and that the benefit is directly related to your risk of recurrence.
Was I wrong to expect that an MO would go over this with me? I am so upset right now, I can't even think straight... I will not be able to see anyone else at this practice - they don't allow it. I can't even go back to the original guy that at least answered my questions. My only hope is to try to get in with the 2nd guy I saw at a different practice, but I don't know how he'd feel since I cancelled my follow-up with him, thinking this guy would be a better fit. I just can't stay with anyone who doesn't answer my questions and is put off by me asking any. Even my breast surgeon who is SUPER busy entertains questions and is very considerate and compassionate. Same with my radiation oncologist. When I met with the breast cancer surgeon the first time, she said she never would have picked the first MO I went to based on my personality and recommended someone entirely different. I wish I had waited and gone with her suggestion. Too late now... My husband was conferenced in and he thought this MO was very dismissive and a bit of a jerk.